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Have you ever been in a church where the Bible was taught "rightly," but the arrows of its distorted form continued to be sunk into your heart? Arrows that tell you: You are too messy, too broken, too extreme. You are a problem, and don't belong with us. You are disqualified and ineffective. You can't say "No" or have boundaries- you don't even know what they are. You are out of place as a woman, are unsubmissive, and are too loud. Despite having experiences receiving these messages ongoing, it took a long time to sink in that being accused, shamed, and made to be the one in the "wrong," in my attempts to understand or have a voice... wasn't something I could fix. I had loved my church—served in it, trusted leaders, gave my time, my money, and my heart. But somewhere along the way, the gospel I’d heard preached became unrecognizable in the way I was treated. Shame replaced grace. Silence was rewarded more than truth. And my voice? It became a liability. All under the banner of the Bible. So I left. I needed to . Maybe you did, too. Not because you gave up on God. But because the place that claimed to represent Him didn’t look anything like Him, and you weren't safe in its grip. But I want to gently challenge the belief that every church is the same. Because the truth is: Safe, healing churches DO exist, my friend. For me, leaving that church was led by the Spirit and confirmed with wise counsel. And He directed me in my search, through the desert of widowhood and the COVID pandemic, to a safer, healthier church. Your pain is real. But your pain is not the whole story. There is more for you. There is HOPE for you. And there are churches where healing is not only possible—it’s actively pursued. The Cost When the Church Doesn’t Look Like Christ Spiritual abuse and manipulation leave deep wounds... lies about who you are, fundamentally, as God's child and the nature of your relationship with Him. It is a deep betrayal, where the very character of God is distorted through the people that are meant to reflect Him. Maybe you were silenced, gaslit, or shamed for asking questions or following your convictions. Perhaps you were seen as rebellious when you set boundaries, or labeled "difficult" for noticing and naming spiritual manipulation or gender-based oppression. When those who hold power in the church misuse it, the fallout is devastating. Especially when it’s swept under the rug, spiritualized with half-truths, or when your character is called into question to protect theirs. And here’s the thing: It’s not just you. This kind of harm happens far too often. And when leaders fail to acknowledge it, the Body of Christ suffers, and God grieves. The gospel is not displayed- inside the Church, or to the world. The longing for a place of real safety and actual freedom in Christ is not rebellion, it’s discernment. And while it's a normal survival instinct to pull away from deep pain (and stepping away may be necessary for healing), staying in isolation need not be the end of your story. There are churches that are safe and reflect the heart of Jesus. Let’s talk about what they look like—and how to begin healing. What Safe, Healthy Churches Look Like You don’t need a perfect church. (Spoiler: there are none.) But you do need a healthy one. Here’s a few characteristics of them: 1. They Are Honest and Repentant They don’t excuse spiritual abuse, manipulation or mistreatment—from anyone . They name failures, repent on behalf of them, and mourn harm done. Safe churches don’t protect systems, roles or authority—they protect God's people. Especially the most vulnerable. 2. They Empower All Believers to Hear God for Themselves These churches honor the power of the Holy Spirit in every child of God. They believe He speaks, convicts, comforts, and leads—not just pastors, but all people equally. They want you to listen to Him, not just rely on their voice. In fact, they teach (and trust themselves) God's freedom and ability to lead His own people. That is the default (not tight, fear-based management). 3. They Treat Women as Co-Heirs and Co-Laborers They welcome women to speak, lead, teach, pray, and prophesy. Not just in "women’s ministry" (nor requiring men sitting in to "oversee" women's ministry leadership meetings!🚩), but in Kingdom ministry . You’ll see it in how (or whether) they listen to, learn from, and support women. They create space for their full spiritual giftings to bless the church. Here's what I've learned: Whatever the views on women's roles taught as "Biblically correct" from the pulpit, the women will come to know the true position experientially. Especially if your word comes up in contrast with a man's or in marital struggles. If the resulting response does not match up with the words and life of Jesus, it's off. 4. They Don’t Equate Control with Holiness Perfection is not their brand. Instead of focusing on hierarchy, authority, and rules—they focus on love, grace and freedom in Christ (the things that actually change hearts). Leadership walks in humility, not control. Look around: Who makes up the church? Are the messy, broken, and misfits among you? Or is everyone near perfectly "put together" according to internal expectations? What are the "qualifications" to participate in offering your giftings- who is "in" and who is "out"? Are they open to change or growth, or is "this just the way we do things" (end of discussion)? Is authority and obedience in marriage, family and the church held in a white-knuckle grip? This is not to say there is no order and there are no standards whatsoever. But behavioral compliance and made up expectations shouldn't be the goal or the focus of a truly gospel-centered church. 5. They Are Transparent and Accountable Healthy churches don’t hide behind authority structures or spiritual jargon. They also don't avoid hard conversations with the actual people involved, or try to cover up wrongs. They create systems of shared leadership, financial transparency, and external accountability. You’ll know the difference because it will feel safe enough to ask questions. Are you, sister, allowed to question a pastor, and how do they respond? Have you brought a concern, only to be the one wrong/apologizing at the end? Also consider, if someone names harm within or from the church, what is the response/how is it handled? If you’re wondering how to even begin trusting again, know this: healing isn’t a straight line. But every step matters. And it’s okay if this next step is small. How to Start Your Journey Toward Healing 1. Give Yourself Permission for Healing to be a Process For some, entering a church results in a physical trauma response, due to their past wounding. It is very real, and very devastating. You can start with therapy, journaling, or online support. God does not spiritually minimize your trauma. He is patient, kind, and present. 2. Process the Pain With People Who “Get It” You are not alone. Consider a support group or reading testimonies of others who’ve walked through spiritual abuse. There is something deeply healing about being believed and receiving empathy... especially when your wounding involves the opposite. 3. Research Churches That Reflect These Values Look online. Read belief statements. Watch messages. Check for leadership transparency and doctrinal balance. Ask hard questions. Churches that are truly healthy will welcome them. 4. Visit Slowly—and Let the Holy Spirit Lead You don’t have to jump in headfirst. Attend quietly. Listen. Watch. Pay attention to the tone, the power dynamics, and whether people seem free and alive—or burdened and controlled. God does not use loyalties and shame to bring people into a local body, or to pressure them to stay. 5. Don't Quit- Let God Surprise You With Redemption The same God who met you in the wilderness can meet you in community. The very place that wounded you -the Church in general- may also become the place where He brings your greatest healing. That's gospel redemption. Recovery and Redemption Are Real There was a powerful healing and reframing that happened in my heart and life when I found safety, support, and empowerment for women inside the body of Christ in a way I had never known before. God gently led me to a group of believers who weren’t perfect, but were safe. People who mourned my pain. Leaders who didn’t see my voice as a problem, or need to control me. A church that looked and felt like Jesus in some of the deepest ways. A church that valued me and my broken family, and believed we had something to offer right where we were. It changed everything. You’re not crazy for wanting that. You’re not wrong for needing time. And you’re not alone in the process. There is a place for you in the Body of Christ. Not just to attend—but to be known, healed, and strengthened in your walk with Christ. Yes, safe and healing churches DO exist. They are worth finding. And yes, you are a needed part. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

"A Woman Should Be Silent..." I remember trying very carefully to be “measured” whenever mentioning anything that had happened to me (if I mentioned it at all). After all, others knew them, too. I was supposed to speak "honorably"... even of what violated my safety. I tried to be careful. Calm. Restrained. I wanted nothing to come out in anger—even though I was wounded, devastated, and spiritually disoriented. I wanted people to know I was credible. Trustworthy. Why? Because I had already been accused of being the opposite, even as I navigated addiction, betrayal and abuse from others. I had been told my emotions were "too extreme," my motives were repeatedly assumed to be wrong, and my character was questioned by these men in leadership to others in the church. Worse, I had been told to submit, that my boundaries were "sin"... and I felt completely trapped and hopeless. Yet even after the worst of the worst happened, and I found myself a suicide widow, I still had deeply internalized the idea that the “right” way to respond to being mistreated—especially as a Christian woman—was quietly and without disruption. So instead of truth, repentance and safety (things that should characterize the church), I didn't expose the depths of what was happening to anyone, but suffered in silence. Meanwhile, there were meetings and talk where they defended themselves- and discredited me. Even years after, as I began to speak honestly and publicly, I was told it was "gossip," "divisive," and "ungracious." The lies of how to handle what happened to me "rightly" as a Christian woman stole my voice (and part of my healing) for years. And if you’ve been wounded, minimized, or manipulated—especially in a spiritual context—I want to tell you this: There is nothing holy about silence in the face of abuse. There is nothing righteous about pretending it didn’t happen. This message isn’t easy to write (believe me, there have been repercussions). But it is wrong, and it is common, that women are often left carrying this burden and pressure. I know how many have experienced deep harm—and then were expected to handle it in a way that protects the abuser’s reputation, keeps the system intact, and doesn’t rock the boat. But silencing survivors is not seeking unity. Truth shares experience honestly, and seeks true change . And, it's hard to heal what you're not allowed to name. It's More Predictable Than You Think As I've connected with growing numbers of women who have experienced abuse (in various forms) in faith spaces, I've found many commonalities and themes: You’ve been conditioned to believe you are/your reaction is the problem—not the original abuse/violation itself You second-guess your own experience, and you ignore your own intuition You have little to no confidence in the Spirit of God to speak to and lead you clearly: in having boundaries, or saying "No" as a woman... especially if your male authorities are saying something different Your desire is to honor God... and that desire is hijacked to keep you in a place God never called you to be, and enduring what He never called you to endure You go quiet; you try to “respond well” You try to forgive before you’ve even named honestly what happened to you What happened is hidden rather than confessed openly. You feel pressure to protect the image of the church, the leader, the mission— while no one has/is protecting you They may have meetings "for the sake of unity" / their own relationships, where they become the wounded one and the victim has the problems (DARVO acronym) There is rarely public investigation or communication to the whole church, and the victim does not has a voice in these spaces, either As a victim begins to speak out (commonly years after the abuse occurred) she finds increasing judgment, indifference and even contempt I hear the question, "How could this happen?" when major wrongs in the Church have been publicly revealed. Let’s be brutally honest about the answer: In these systems, the abuser/violator is often surrounded by people with more power, more influence, and more loyalty than the victim. They may be well-known (by those who have intimately known them a long time) and are well-loved. The fact that many will refuse to believe this person would do such a thing keeps them from being open to hearing the truth about the things that happened . And many are reluctant to press in, seek answers, or take a stand for anything. They just carry on in the community. This is how it happens, and continues to happen. The emotional toll is devastating. But worse, it’s often done in the name of God. In spiritual abuse systems, as a woman, this is especially intense—because faith communities often confuse their silence with "spiritual maturity." I will say it again: That is not the heart of God. That is spiritual abuse. And it has to stop. Sister, You Were Made to Be Bold- Not Voiceless Here’s what you need to know today, if you’ve been abused, minimized, or gaslit: God is not asking you to quietly carry the burden of abuse. He’s calling you into light, truth, and healing. You are made in the image of God. That means you carry His strength, His dignity, and His voice. You are not the one responsible for protecting the reputation of the people who abused you, were complicit in abuse, or violated your trust. God is your defender—and He is not silent about injustice. Spiritual abuse, manipulation and silencing are sins. Talking about it isn't . If you’ve felt confused about what’s happening to you or how you’re “supposed” to respond, this is your permission to stop trying to do it the “right” way- when defined as being abused or manipulated in silence. The right way is truth. The right way is light. The right way is naming the harm so it doesn’t continue for others. And if the people around you can’t or won’t see that? That’s not your fault. Nor is it your burden. Please note: I have still not named churches or names. I am not attacking; I do not have hate or unforgiveness. That is not what I am advocating for. But, sister, God fights for you and supports the end of abuse and manipulation! Don't Confuse the Position of God May we not forget: Jesus confronted corrupt religious leaders. He exposed the injustice that harmed people in God’s name. He defended the dignity of women. He valued the truth-tellers, not the title-holders. He did not stay silent in the name of "peace." He made holy disruption. And He does not ask you to stay in darkness just to maintain someone else’s comfort. So if you’re wondering, “What do I do with all of this?”—here’s where you start. Your Next 4 Steps Toward Healing and Empowerment 1. Identify What’s Actually Happening If you're unsure if what you’ve experienced is abuse, this may help: If someone repeatedly manipulates / uses Scripture to control you, denies your reality, dismisses your pain, invades your physical or emotional boundaries, or uses their role/power to intimidate you—that is abuse. Spiritual abuse uses God or Scripture to control, harm and shame Emotional abuse includes manipulation, gaslighting, silent treatment, or constant criticism Verbal abuse includes yelling, name-calling, or threats Physical abuse includes any physical harm or intimidation Psychological abuse leaves you unsure of what’s real or afraid to speak God does not call you to live in that. Anything that tries to convince you otherwise is not from Him—it’s a lie of the enemy. 2. Speak UP You are not being “unbiblical” by telling the truth. God gives you your voice. He invites you to speak. The Holy Spirit dwells in you; You are empowered. You are called to be an ambassador—not an appeaser. Here's something crucial I've learned, the more stories I hear: Speaking up isn’t just about you. It’s about exposing darkness and protecting others. You do not have to remain silent to be faithful or biblically feminine. [Interested in more on this? Read my other blogs related to spiritual abuse and the role of women in the church.] 3. Find Support + A Way Out Is there anyone in your life who feels safe? Someone who listens, believes you, and doesn't try to dismiss or downplay what happened? Safe people don't pull away, they protect you. They don’t try to control the narrative (especially when they don't know it). They don’t label you "unforgiving," "ungracious," or refuse to talk with you. They listen with compassion and love—and help you find a way out. If you don’t have that person yet, don’t give up. Keep reaching. You were never meant to do this alone. And if no one around you is safe—I will say this boldly: Get out anyway . You can. There is hope on the other side. Safe, amazing churches DO exist, and they are so redemptive and healing! 4. Know God’s Heart for You as a Woman This is the most powerful, and most empowering, thing of all. God’s heart for you is not submission to abuse. God’s heart for you is not silence, shame, or fear. His heart is safety. Truth. Empowerment. Healing. Restoration. You can hear Him as clearly as men can. You are not “too emotional.” You are not wrong for wanting to be free. The truth sets you free. He goes before you in battle and stands behind you in strength. You don’t have to be afraid anymore. This is true because God loves and protects you as His daughter. Can you imagine the violation happening to your daughter? Can you connect with that heart? That is the heart of your Father, for YOU. Freedom I remember the shift—the day I just told more of the truth. It was scary. There were people who didn’t want to hear it. People who pulled away. But there were also those who leaned in. Those who believed me . There were all the women who had been carrying their own untold stories, who finally felt seen. It made me realize: When you break your silence, you’re not just healing yourself. You’re lighting the way for others. And isn’t that what Jesus did? With you, Rachel ❤️‍🩹 If this post spoke to your heart and you're looking for more hope and healing, reach out to me for a Coaching consult, or to get on the waitlist for our upcoming Hope Stronghold Membership Community! You don't have to do this alone. Connect@hopespeaker.com 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Salt In A Wound: Hurtful Words After Loss I remember the words of a friend on my doorstep, mere days after my husband died by suicide. “You need to be strong, Rachel," she said with a firm nod. I stood there in silence, shocked, and quickly felt the sting; she could not grasp what I was going through. It was meant as encouragement, but it felt like pressure—like I was expected to carry my grief without breaking—and I was already shattered in a million pieces as I stood there. In my years of being a Christian suicide widow, and in connecting with hundreds of other grievers who have had salty words spoken into their bleeding hearts, I know these comments come in many forms: "YOU SHOULD..." [do this/that, stop this/that or feeling xyz] "AT LEAST..." [you're young, he's in a better place/not suffering, etc.] "I KNOW..." [how you feel, or inserts how their pain compares/is worse] Or numerous other commentary, like: "Are you still so sad? You need joy, today." "Everything happens for a reason." "God is in control." Each phrase hits differently, but all of them can leave us feeling unseen, misunderstood, alone, or even guilty for the way we're grieving. If you’ve ever felt the sting of hurtful words after loss, walked away from a conversation with a lump in your throat, replayed the words over and over, wondered how someone could be so dismissive —you’re not alone. But what if I told you that their words have nothing to do with you, or the situation they are speaking into? Not that they don't still hurt, but they can hurt less , and you can guard your peace. This is not going to be your typical grievers blog to plant a flag on the mound of "Can you believe the dumb comments, they suck, no one gets it." Let's heal these wounds, prepare to be unoffendable, and be transformed. The Real Problem: Absorbing Their Statements What if, instead of taking their words personally, we saw them for what they really are: ➡️A reflection of their worldview, not a judgment of us/ours (even if they intend judgement).⬅️ Before you roll your eyes and click away, hear me out : I am not invalidating your pain or the impact words can have. But as a Life Coach, the work I do is empowerment based in love and belief... In this example, to grieve and heal in a way that you aren't tossed about by the commentary of other people. You have decision-making (control) over the impact you let their words have, how painful it is, whether you stew in it... or whether you are at peace. Unoffendable. Do you know that is possible? That is a position of healing, of peace, and of power (yes, you have a grounded voice there). This is the transformative work. When you recognize that their words are about them —their struggles, their fears, their avoidance, their attempt to make themselves feel more comfortable in grief—you can detach. You don’t have to carry the weight of their words. Instead, we recognize their response as a mirror of their own struggles, not a judgment of your healing. Some people rush to fix your grief because they feel helpless and uncomfortable with deep sorrow. Others offer clichés because they haven’t processed their own losses and don’t know what real support looks like. Some downplay pain because they fear what it would mean to truly sit with it—in you or most accurately, in themselves. Some want you to be happy again, and don't know how to help other than trying to push you in that direction. Most people (even those of us who have been through tragedy ourselves) don't have the perfect words or perfect timing (and let's face it, the needs of someone in loss may depend on that day's grief!) Changing our beliefs gives us a perspective of grace and compassion for them  (yes, the salt in the wound people!). That place of love, healing, and wisdom is the only place safe from the pain of offense. We are free from absorbing the offense- we don't have to take it on because we don't believe it means anything about us or our loss. How do we do this, practically speaking? Let That 💩 Go: Beliefs, Boundaries & How to Respond to Hurtful Comments Are you ready for Step 1 in how to handle the insensitive, dumb, and hurtful comments people say to those grieving loss? You already know it, now: 1) Change your beliefs- decide that their words are about them , not you Because it's true. Because it sets you free from pain and bitterness and resentment. Because you have the power to see the way people bump into your pain from a higher perspective. Allow me to repeat what I said above, and let is soak deep: When you recognize that their words are about them—their struggles, their fears, their avoidance, their attempt to make themselves feel more comfortable in grief—you can detach. You don’t have to carry the weight of their words. Instead, we recognize their response as a mirror of their own struggles, not a judgment of your healing. It's not about you, friend, so don't take it on. Let that 💩 go. 2) Boundaries are a gift (not a punishment) Boundaries are essential in grief—not as walls to keep people out, but as safeguards to protect our peace. A boundary is not about controlling others; it’s about deciding where we are going to live, and what we allow into our space. It's keeping ourselves in a place where we can honor God. Boundaries start with acknowledging your feelings internally. By being honest about the sting you feel, being misunderstood or the minimization of your painful experience, you have the awareness you need to make a change- a boundary for yourself and your healing. In this way, you can shape your healing journey rather than being controlled by the responses of other people. In grief, boundaries related to people's commentary may look like: Not sharing the deeper parts of grief with those who bring more pain by their responses Choosing a few empathetic companions who help you heal and grow Lessening contact with those who intentionally bring you harm Limiting negative, judgmental, and shaming feedback you receive about your grief journey Lastly, 3) Responding to hurtful or insensitive comments When you receive one, start with a deep breath and remember # 1 above. ☝️ Ask God for discernment and guidance. Now you're ready. 😅 Here are some simple but firm responses: “I know you mean well, but that actually makes this harder for me.” "Sometimes positivity is actually hurtful. Connecting with my pain is much more helpful." "I feel how I feel. This is grief." "I get to decide that." (When it comes to your own feelings, grieving, and decisions) Educate when appropriate/desired- "Grief doesn’t have a timeline," "Healing doesn't mean forgetting, " "In the suicide community we prefer 'died by suicide' instead of 'committed suicide' or 'killed himself' " No reply at all- if they aren't open to receiving or changing, it might not be worth your effort and it's definitely not worth losing your peace. Healing with Boundaries and Grace Ultimately, your grief journey belongs to you and God—not to the expectations of others. The next time someone makes an insensitive or hurtful comment about your grief, remember: It’s not a reflection of your healing—it’s a reflection of their understanding of loss, and/or their limitations. It's not about you; only your response is. By choosing grace over offense, setting healthy boundaries, and using the power of your own voice, you reclaim your peace, healing, and hope. With you, Rachel P.S. Are you ready to get unstuck from your pain and grief, with individualized 1:1 support? If you are interested in doing the deeper work of healing your heart, and being empowered to confidently rebuild a life you love, reach out to me for a Coaching consult. ❤️ Connect@hopespeaker.com 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

I am in gratitude to Dr. Betsy Guerra for her wisdom and insights included into this week's blog.❤️‍🔥 The Search for Happiness... We all have hunger in our souls... for joy , peace , and hope . And, when we are suffering, for relief of pain . In every season of life, we search for the experiential answers: “When will I find happiness that lasts?” “When will I have peace and rest?” “When will my life just be... good (or good again)?” We work, we wait, we strive—believing that when we finally achieve that goal, find/fix that relationship, or escape this season of suffering, we’ll have what we’re longing for. While we may have seasons where we can take hold of these things, they don't last forever. Perhaps we are hit with tragedy. Our person dies. Suicide becomes a real struggle. We are spiritually (or otherwise) abused. Our dreams shatter. Life doesn’t unfold how we thought it would. And then, hope begins to feel impossible, peace seems out of reach, and joy feels like a cruel joke. The struggles continue, and we need relief... again. Because the problem is, we are all on the search to find fulfillment from circumstances outside of us... and that is why it is an endless search. When we believe that happiness, security, etc. can only come from something or someone outside of us, we will live in constant lack. We have created our own ball and chain of dependence on a source that will always fail us or that we will end up losing. And here's an important side note for my fellow grievers and sufferers: this is no minimization or shaming of pain! Of course your wounds and losses are devastating- and should be! There is heartache in the human experience. But… What if we could have hope, joy, peace and relief in the life we're living—right now? It is still what our (broken) hearts long for, isn't it? Drawing From the Source: Abundance If we are dependent on HAVING [fill in the blank] before we can BE [peaceful, joyful, filled with hope, in less pain], then we are setting ourselves up for endless lack. The irony is that it’s the other way around: We must BE before we will ever truly HAVE. And the astounding truth? You already are! Because in Christ, we have full oneness with God Himself, and access to His abundance in the Holy Spirit. The hope, joy, and peace you’re searching for are not found in solving any of the circumstantial problems (of which there are many). We don’t need more achievements, possessions, or even people to be whole. They’re found in connection—your connection to God, the true source of all you need. Our only true problem? We’ve lost our way home. Disconnection from the source appears in our life as all of the other "problems" we are trying to solve. What we need is to return to the One who makes us whole. Our only true solution is simply to come home- to return to Him, our abundance. From this place of being—of reconnecting with God— we can actually enjoy life’s blessings without being dependent on them for meaning and happiness . It is also a place from where we can find a real way forward into deeper healing and growth from our grief and loss. So how do we do that? How do we shift from chasing peace to living in it? Let’s talk about some practical steps. Living (and Healing) from Abundance 1. Come Back Home to God Your truest home is oneness with God. And the good news? You are never far from Him. So "coming back" simply involves the turning of our heart (not a list of things to do). In Christ, you are already in perfect standing with God. There is no striving, no groveling, no proving yourself worthy of His love. He is always waiting with open arms. Take a moment to pause. Is anything in the way of going even deeper and nearer? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything you need to release—pain, unforgiveness, false beliefs, or wounds that need healing from Him. And please know: there is no shame here (shame is not from God). This is not about “clawing your way back” to God. It’s about surrender—laying your burdens down and resting in His presence. You are warmly welcomed into this starting place of healing. 2. Believe That You Already Have Everything You Need Your beliefs are the beginning to everything in your lived experience. Still, believing you have all you need is so hard, especially when life is the most challenging. Pain and suffering make us feel like we are victims—like we need the circumstances to change before we can be okay. Plus, we get defensive about our pain, as though someone is trying to minimize it. Your pain and your needs are valid . But here’s the challenge: Resist the urge to believe things have to “look a certain way” before you can be at peace (I’ll be honest—this is something I have to remind myself of, ongoing). This doesn't mean your desires are wrong, or that God is against your dreams. But when you live as though your peace depends on them, you’ll always feel empty. What if you could experience peace and joy right now, regardless of circumstances? That’s the freedom found in Christ. Let go of the ball and chain. Every human, in various challenges on this planet, is able to have abundant life in the Lord as they navigate the struggles of life. 3. Rebuke the Lies Keeping You Stuck This has been one of the biggest battles in my personal journey—learning to stand in my authority in Christ and reject the lies that try to pull me back into despair. As an Enneagram 4 (translation: deep feeler, very familiar with grief), I know what it’s like to sit in pain. And while self-awareness and authenticity are good, creating an identity out of pain is dangerous. For years, I let my suffering define me. It fed my despair, intensified my struggles, and nearly drowned me in hopelessness. But then I learned something life-changing: agreeing with the thoughts that weren't actually true was partnering with the enemy... and I can walk through my grief with Him, or I can repeatedly take God's hand, instead. When old, familiar lies creep in—thoughts of hopelessness, self-pity, or despair—rebuke them. Don’t coddle, entertain, or empathize with them. Don’t let them take root. And if you need permission to get aggressive here, let me say this: The enemy is the one place you can use all your bad words. Seriously. Tell him to get out. 4. Start Living Like the Person You Already Are - Abundant You already have hope, peace, and joy in Christ. You have Holy Spirit power for endurance and perseverance in suffering. You have authority to rebuke the enemy and power to rebuild a beautiful life. Can you fathom that reality? Let your life reflect it; rather than waiting to have the right circumstances before you become the person God created you to be. Let your identity—not your circumstances—determine your choices, words, and outlook. In my darkest season of widowhood, the Lord gave me the theme that has carried me for years: Acceptance-With-Joy. At first my response was, "Really?! Are you kidding me? Right HERE?!" But it became a part of my new life and new identity, despite all I've been through. Start speaking life over yourself, friend. Start making decisions from a place of abundance, not lack. Start stepping into the fullness of who God says you are. When you do this, you’ll realize something incredible: The joy, peace, and hope you were searching for were inside you all along... Come back home, to Oneness with God that is always available to you. Final Thoughts: Your Hope Starts Here You don’t have to wait for life to get “better” before you can live fully. You don’t have to chase joy, peace, or hope. You already have them in Christ. Now, it’s time to step into that reality—right here, right now. It IS possible, and I have walked through it- from suicide attempts to an abundant (not perfect) life. If this resonates with you and you’re looking for deeper support, and transformation, I’d love to walk alongside you! Become a Founding Member of The HOPE Stronghold Membership, and get connected to community and a path to success. You can get on the list by subscribing to the blog (instructions below), and I will update you when The HOPE Stronghold Membership opens! Stay tuned—hope is closer than you think. I also have openings for 1:1 Coaching to help you navigate healing and rebuilding your life, if you are ready to get out of the suffocating grasp of grief, despair and loneliness. Reach out here: Connect@hopespeaker.com With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Weight of Grief and the Silence of God I remember pulling my car over on an empty road during a solo drive, gripping the steering wheel so tight that my knuckles were white. My young husband had died by suicide just weeks before, and I could no longer see the road through the torrential tears that were pouring. The world around me was blurred, distant—like I was moving through a life that no longer felt like mine. Somehow, woven into my shock and numbness were waves of excruciating pain. My prayers at that moment were primal screams... which felt like they hit the ceiling and came back down, unanswered. "God, where were you?! Where are you?! How could you let him die?! How am I supposed to keep living?!" Maybe you’ve asked similar questions in your own grief and loss. Maybe you’ve screamed them into the void, hoping for something—anything—that would bring a sense of comfort. But you felt that all that came was silence. Losing someone you love shakes the very foundation of your world. It can cause us to view life differently and ask deeper questions. It can also plunge us into darkness. How do you hold on to faith and hope when the One you trusted feels absent? When Hope Feels Distant and Trust Feels Unsafe In grief, you lose more than just your person. Amongst many other losses that follow that first domino, a felt connection to God can be something that also falls down... and away. You might find yourself wondering: Why did God allow this suffering? If He loves me/my person, why didn’t He stop it? Can I trust Him again when He let me experience this much pain? Faith, once so sure, now feels fragile—too tender to touch. Hope seems like something meant for other people, but no longer for you. And if you’ve lost your person to suicide, the questions only multiply. The pain can feel unbearable, and the "whys" and "what ifs," unrelenting. Maybe you've been told to "just trust God," but faith after loss has nothing to do with pat answers or pretending to be okay. It's about finding a deeper connection to God and a foundation of hope.... right under you in the middle of your devastation. That is something entirely new- which you may find now in a way you never could while the structure of your life was still standing. Holding On to the Love That Doesn’t Disappear in Grief Although loneliness is so strong, God is not absent in your grief. But pain has a way of making Him feel incredibly distant. Throughout scripture, we see people wrestling with this same ache: David cried out, "How long, O Lord? Will you forget me forever?" -Psalm 13:1 Job, in his suffering, asked, "Why do you hide your face and consider me your enemy?" -Job 13:24 Jesus, taking on the sin of the world in His final moments, cried, "My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?" -Matthew 27:46 As much as we avoid the subject, lament (a passionate expression of grief, sorrow and confusion), is all over the Bible. Honest lament can open us to true connection with our Heavenly Father. It can lead back to trust, and be the first step in daring to hope again. Repeatedly, God's response to lament is validation, compassion, comfort and reassurance. Faith after loss doesn’t mean "being ok" or having all (or really, any of) the answers. It means trusting that love—God’s love—hasn’t disappeared, even in your deepest pain. It means allowing yourself to grieve with a God who grieves with you . Taking the First Steps Toward Hope If you're struggling to believe, if hope feels impossible, know this: faith is expressed in our willingness to turn to God, again, in our brokenness. That's it. Just turn your tear-stained face His way. There's nothing you need to be and nothing you need to bring. Here are a few practical steps as you start rebuilding on a foundation of hope: 1. Acknowledge Your Raw Feelings to God You don’t have to filter your emotions before bringing them to Him. Tell Him exactly where you are. The anger, the doubt, the exhaustion—He can handle it. In fact, He is the only One who can take all of it. Pray raw, unfiltered prayers. Write them in a journal. Cry them out in a space that feels comfortable. There aren't any "bad" or "wrong" feelings, thoughts, or words when you are bringing them to the safest place- the presence of the God of grace . He knows it all, anyway. When we come to Him with all our hurt, anger, and pain, we find God is near, even in the moments you feel furthest from Him. 2. Know the State of Your Brain Affects Your Experience Here is some helpful science- the absence of feeling or hearing anything from God in your pain is not evidence of His silence or abandonment. It can actually be that your brain is in a state that is closed off to receiving any input. Dr. Karl Lehman coined specific brain circuits "Relational Circuits (RCs), which serve our longing and need for relationship. When these circuits are "on," we are able to experience the presence and relational connection of God and other people. When they are "off," we are often unable to relate and connect. "The activation of trauma-based feelings of being alone and in pain can turn off our RCs. The sudden blackout explains why we are sometimes unable to perceive Immanuel [God with us]." (Wilder, Kang, et al. (2020). Joyful Journey. p. 28.) PS -I also highly recommend this book in learning interactive gratitude and "thought rhyming" to turn RCs back on! 3. Look for Hope- Every Way You Can Hope doesn’t always come in grand revelations—it often comes in the small things and quiet moments: A song that reminds you that you’re not alone. The "faithful few" who can empathetically be with you in your grief. A verse or promise given to you that you can hold tight to. A memory of your loved one that brings warmth instead of just pain. I remember that for many months following my husband's death, my trips to the local Sam's Club wholesale store were an embodiment of this principle. I entered feeling like the walking dead (truly; I struggled intensely with suicidal thoughts myself). The first thing I would do is plod into the aisle with all of the large, high-definition televisions. Then, I would stand there. For at least 10-15 minutes, or more (most of my time there, in fact), I would stand and look at the natural wonders of this planet, displayed in bright colors. It was one small thing that stirred any feeling in my grief-stricken body and my numb soul. It gave the tiniest spark that there was still beauty here. It gave me a bit of hope. And I made it a point to do it every time, because I knew I desperately needed it. Small moments and tokens are reminders: God is still present. You are still loved. Hope is still solid under your shaky feet. Today's reality isn't your forever reality. A Final Word: The Faithfulness of God The first (and pretty much only) words to me from a trusted, wise person after my husband died, when we came face to face at the back of a church sanctuary were this: "Rachel, you are going to know the faithfulness of God." I am grateful to say that through it all... this has been so true that it has become the theme that I share of the worst 6 years of my life. Through it all, He has been so faithful. If your faith feels shaky, if God feels distant, if you’re not sure how to trust Him again—you’re not alone. Faith isn’t the absence of the bloody struggles. It’s choosing to turn back toward Him to receive what we need (goodness knows, in our pain, we will be turning to something!). God hasn’t abandoned you. He’s holding you fast, even in this. And step by step, through grief and suffering, a deeper hope can be found- the foundation underneath the "rock bottom" where we may find ourselves at this time. You are going to know the faithfulness of God. Keep turning to Him, my friend. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Questions We All Ask If you've been a widow for a while, you've likely asked them, heard them... or worried about them. "When is it okay for a widow to start dating again? Is there a specific timeline for dating after widowhood? Is there a "right" time and a "wrong" time? What if I still deeply love my late husband—does dating again betray him? And what about the guilt that sometimes creeps in? Am I supposed to meet certain criteria, or reach a level of "healing" before stepping into another relationship? Who decides that? Who judges when it's too soon or too late? What about what everyone else is saying—that I'm moving on too fast, or wondering why I'm still alone...? What do I do with all of this? How do I figure it out?" These questions are deeply personal, and every widow will wrestle with them differently. Having navigated widowhood, dating, and remarriage (and these questions) myself, I do have some helpful considerations, and an overarching truth that can bring peace to all the unknowns. Let's dive in. Finding the Right Answer? Or, Finding the Right Answer For You ? While there are some helpful considerations and wise principles that can guide you in your decision (and we'll get to them below), the most important answer I could ever give is this: Seek the Lord and His direction, and grow your confidence that you can hear His response. Then, follow where He leads you confidently. If your heart is genuinely desiring God's guidance, humbling itself before Him, and desiring His way above your own, you don’t need to live in fear. You can trust that He will lead you. The Bible assures us that if we are His sheep, we know His voice (John 10:27). As His daughters, we can trust in His guidance and goodness. That doesn’t mean rushing ahead with our own plans and just asking God to bless them. But it does mean that a heart that longs for His way doesn't live in fear. And it also has nothing to do with the opinions of others. You could get feedback (including opposing feedback) if you tried to rely on surveying others. We can release the burden of people-pleasing and performance-based living, and trust in the One who knows us fully. No, sister. Your life has never been about the opinions, ways, and thoughts of man, but of God's higher ways and thoughts... and He has good plans for you! Now let's get to those specific questions we asked as we try to navigate all this! Practical Considerations Before You Start Dating in Widowhood Do you truly desire another relationship? Are you considering dating because it is your heart's genuine desire, or because you feel like you "should" or it's "time"? Pressure (from the outside or internally) won't lead to a real love, care, or attachment to another person. On the other side of the pendulum, neither will an attempt to silence and medicate loneliness (I know it's so freaking lonely!). There is nothing wrong with longing for a companion, but acting to numb pain won't be an act of love, for either of you. If your heart feels ready and open to the journey (and work!) of another relationship - both being loved and loving someone else again - rejoice that the Lord knows and honors this desire. There is no shame in it! Are you ready for dating as a widow (emotionally and as a whole)? Here is a good little "test." Ask yourself: Can I picture holding another man's hand, kissing someone else, or being intimate with another person? Do you feel both openness and peace about this? If you say no to any of those, or if those ideas bring discomfort, guilt, or resistance, it may be a sign that you need more time for healing. If you still feel too connected to your late husband in that way, where thinking of someone else feels "icky," or for any other reason you don't have openness and peace... trust your gut. You likely aren't ready to pursue that kind of relationship yet, and forging ahead won't yield good fruit. You can work on bringing healing and grace to those areas so you are open and able to love fully. Is there a "right" or "wrong" time to start dating after losing a spouse? The timing of dating and remarriage after widowhood are not moral decisions. Moral (right and wrong, sin or not sin) choices exist in life, but sometimes we get stuck making decisions that are free will choices into "moral" ones, and cause ourselves more angst. Who and when you remarry are typically not in the moral category, barring someone/thing that is sinful being a centerpiece of the decision. Don’t create a burden of morality where God has given you grace . This area should be one filled with His abundance, not overshadowed with lack and fear. What about the opinions of others on dating in widowhood? No matter what you do, people will have (and often share their) opinions. Some will think you’re moving on too fast; others will wonder why you haven’t started dating yet. And the truth? This isn't their decision! Also, their opinions will change depending on their own experiences, perspectives and priorities (to put it graciously). At the end of the day, only God knows your heart, and only His ways and thoughts are the higher ones. Everyone else has no idea what you are walking through, and no one (even other widows who "get it," spiritual leaders, etc.) can be the Holy Spirit for you. They may give counsel (which can be good), but they are not a judge. So please, do yourself a favor and lean in to the Lord's voice. Am I betraying my late husband by dating again? Biblically speaking, marriage ends when a spouse passes away. Now that doesn’t mean love ends— love is eternal! But you are no longer bound to an earthly covenant of marriage. You are free to marry again if you choose to, and you are free to remain single if that is what brings you peace. There is no betrayal in moving forward into a new relationship if that is what God is leading you to do. But as we discussed previously, your heart may not be there yet, and that is ok, too. There are many things, in processing the trauma of losing a spouse, that even take our physical brains time to "catch-up" to the reality of what has happened. Take the time you need. LAST, but not least (actually it's my favorite one to talk about): Do I need to reach a certain level of "healing" before dating after widowhood? I love this one, because I wrestled with it so hard. Some of us can struggle with the idea that we need to be fully healed, "whole," or have all our trauma neatly wrapped... and then we'll be ready for a new relationship. I did years of weekly therapy, consumed books and podcasts, and attended support groups and conferences. I thought if I could "fix" myself enough, then I'd not just be ready - I'd finally be worthy . And there's where I caught myself (yet again) tying performance to worth. Yes, we should be aware of our struggles and do the hard heart work of healing. But I felt so much peace when the Lord freed me from any "standards and rules" I tried to come up with. He showed me I was never "too broken" or "unworthy" to be loved again— not from day one of widowhood . "So let's not make it about that," He told me. Living in the freedom of grace always produces better fruit than tilling the soil of performance. The Lord also gently reminded me of this truth (this time, from the outside looking in) when a friend who was widowed a second time remarried very quickly (as she had after her first spouse passed). By His mercy, the first time I had a tendency toward the thought, "She sure gets out of widowhood fast, I wonder if she's worked through her stuff..." He told me (through the surprising ways He can!) that she was a person who actually was built for relationship in a specific and rare way... This was a need of hers in a different way than I understood it, and it was A-OK. Blessings on her, all the way through! So yes, always move toward healing, wisdom, and taking responsibility for your journey- to better love another person. But make no mistake; there are no "healing" levels, criteria, or requirements in dating... any more than there was the first time you married. Grace, sister. To Summarize the Heart of It All: Trusting God to Lead Your Dating Journey If you take anything from this, let it be this: The real answer to every question is looking to the Lord for His merciful guidance- trusting both that He is able to give it, and you as His daughter are able to receive it! He is more than able to lead and guide you through every question, every doubt, every step forward (and yes, every mistake)! If you are walking in relationship with Him, He will make your path clear. You don’t have to live in fear—you can trust that He is leading you into good things. So lean into Him. Deepen your love for God. Grow your confidence in hearing His voice. And know that, whatever your journey looks like, He is walking it with you. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

I never expected to have six surgeries in these 6 years following my husband’s death. But here I am—recovering from a two-in-one operation, performed by two different surgeons. This is the third time I’ve had to undergo multiple procedures at once since losing him. Grief didn’t just break my heart; it also broke my body. And he wasn't around to help. I knew widowhood would be emotionally devastating, but I had no idea how deeply it would impact my physical and mental health. I didn’t expect the chronic illnesses that crept in after his passing. I didn’t anticipate how my immune system would weaken or how complicated grief would weave its way into my daily life. And I am not alone; that is why I advocate. Widowhood’s Hidden Health Risks Losing a spouse isn’t just an emotional loss—it’s a physiological one. Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful life events a person can endure (according to the Life Change Index Scale), and studies show that widows are at significantly higher risk for both physical and mental health struggles. Research has linked widowhood to a weakened immune system, making widows more susceptible to illnesses and infections. Depression and anxiety are common, and some widows develop cognitive decline at a faster rate than their married counterparts. A study showed that widows have an increased risk of heart disease, with some experiencing what’s known as “broken heart syndrome”—a stress-induced condition that mimics a heart attack. The risk of early death increases for widows, particularly within the first few months and years after loss. Grief is exhausting, not just emotionally but physically. Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and chronic pain are all common. For many widows, existing health conditions flare up, while new ones emerge. It’s as if our bodies carry the weight of our grief in ways we never anticipated. But understanding these risks isn’t about fear—it’s about empowerment. Awareness and the Power to Protect Your Health When we recognize that grief affects both our bodies and minds, we can take steps to counteract its impact. Awareness gives us the ability to make informed choices, advocate for ourselves, and seek (or even insist on) the support we need. Many widows dismiss their fatigue, body aches, or brain fog as “just grief.” But knowing that these symptoms are real, measurable effects of loss helps us take them seriously. If we realize grief is suppressing our immune system, we can prioritize nutrition, rest, and gentle movement. If we know the risks of social isolation, we can intentionally build connections, even when we don’t feel like it. If we understand that prolonged stress affects heart health, we can implement stress-management techniques before issues arise. Grief may be inevitable, but the added suffering doesn’t have to be. The more we acknowledge the mind-body connection in widowhood, the better we can safeguard our long-term well-being. Proactive Health Measures Here are some practical, tangible steps to help protect your physical and mental health after loss: Prioritize Medical Care – It’s easy to neglect doctor’s visits when you’re barely making it through the day, but regular check-ups can catch issues before they escalate. Get regular check-ups and communicate openly with your doctor about changes in your health since your loss. Support Your Immune System – Prioritize sleep, stay hydrated, and nourish your body with nutrient-dense foods. Eating well and staying hydrated may sound simple, but when grief depletes your energy, these small habits can support your body’s resilience in the long-term. Move Your Body, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It – Exercise releases endorphins, reduces stress, helps you fight depression and improves heart health. Even gentle movement, like a short walk, can help counteract the physical effects of grief. Manage Stress – Grief is already an enormous burden, but finding small ways to reduce additional stress—whether through journaling, prayer, deep breathing, or gentle movement—can make a difference and help you regulate. Stay Connected – Loneliness is both an emotional and physical risk factor. Finding safe support—whether through friends, a grief group, or counseling—helps mitigate some of the negative effects of isolation. Listen to Your Body – Don’t dismiss symptoms as “just grief.” And don't put yourself last in the list of people and responsibilities you care for. If something feels off, get it checked out. You are worth whatever it takes to be stable and healthy. Not Alone on the Journey As I sit here, recovering from another 2-in-1 surgery, I’m reminded that grief has changed my body—but it doesn’t have to control it. I continue in learning to listen, to care, and to honor the fact that healing isn’t just about his loss and my emotions; it’s about my whole, physical self. And, my friend, you deserve that same care. I know how hard it is to prioritize yourself in grief. But if widowhood has taught me anything, it’s that I need to be here—for myself, for my loved ones, and for the life still ahead of me. This week, I encourage you to do one thing to support your health. Schedule that check-up you’ve been putting off. Reach out to a friend. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that your body is carrying you through this. Take one, or several, of the steps listed above to action. Widowhood may shake your foundation, but you still have power—power to nurture, to heal, and to keep moving forward. One small step at a time. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Weight of Loneliness Loneliness after loss is more than just an empty house or quiet nights—it’s the aching feeling that you are now living in a world void of your person, that no one truly sees you, or that you're drifting alone in a world that keeps moving on without you. The silence can be deafening, making you wonder, "Is this just how life will be now?" Death is an enemy, and navigating after this kind of loss feels lonely because, well, they are gone . And we hate that they aren't coming back. There are also the critical elements of lost companionship, intimacy, and being known. Where you once had someone who knew your mind from a look across the room, there is now emptiness. There are no texts, no one to talk about your heart to... and the person you need comfort from the most is the one you're grieving. This is likely why, in recent responses from 100 widows, "loneliness" came out on top as one of the leading challenges/frustrations. But what if our experience of loneliness did not have to translate into "I Am Alone" for the rest of our life? I want to give you hope: this season of solitude can become a doorway into rediscovering yourself and embracing a future that still holds beauty and purpose. Lonely vs. Alone: Understanding the Difference Feeling lonely after loss can make you believe you are trapped in aloneness, but understanding the difference between being utterly alone and our strong feelings of loneliness can equip you to build a meaningful, hope-filled life with confidence, purpose, and connection. Loneliness in widowhood is very real and very raw. Our experience of losing our companion, of being misunderstood in our grief by others, and of having to endure it by ourselves day in and day out - in a way no one else comprehends - is very valid. This unwelcomed solitude of being "lonely" is a circumstantial and emotional burden that we navigate in our seasons of grief, as we (hopefully) transition forward to rebuilding beautiful lives that we are grateful to be living. In contrast, the deep belief (and identity shift) of "I Am Alone" is different from the loneliness we feel. It can become trauma that goes far beyond circumstantial changes of how you may now live/eat/sleep alone. It also extends past the chaotic and heavy emotions of feeling lonely. "I Am Alone" is a dark lie that sinks like an arrow into the heart, and can be very difficult to remove the longer we nurse its poisonous message. Recognizing this difference is crucial . Many of us have been surrounded by people and have still felt lonely. Conversely, there are moments when we’re physically alone but at peace, being deeply connected to ourselves and to the Lord. The shift begins with how we see and what we believe about ourselves - our own identity. And this reality opens a door of hope for widows to move from "I Am Alone" to the more bearable and formable, "I feel so lonely right now." We may begin to grasp that how it is right now is not our forever reality. Your identity was never solely in being the wife of your person. While deeply meaningful, it was never the sum of who you are. The truth is, your value and purpose were never dependent on another person being in your life, or on receiving it from them, specifically. You are still alive, still a treasure... and you have so much capacity for love (not just romantically, but it could be that), connection, healing and purpose! And though it may not feel like it right now, you have the strength and the power to rebuild a richly meaningful future. So, how do you move from feeling trapped in aloneness to living with confidence and hope? 3 Key Steps To Freedom 1) Sink Your Roots Deeper Into Your True Identity Grief has a way of shaking who we are and everything we thought we knew. When your world is shattered by loss, you may feel like a part of you died with your loved one. But as we mentioned, your identity has never been defined by another human being. That means that you, your life and your hope, have not died or been lost. The most freeing (although incredibly difficult) realization you can embrace is that no one—apart from Jesus—is coming to “save” you. And that’s not a bad thing; it’s actually liberating. As we move forward into healing, we find a hope that is foundational... even under all the rubble. Because that's what we need to survive, rebuild, heal and grow. We need to know that we haven't lost ourselves. That we can have a life with joy and purpose, and to be confident and capable to shape that future as we go forward. "I Am Alone" is a lie. You have never been alone in this journey. God has been with you in every tear, every question, every moment of doubt. And no matter who passes on before us, we are not lost. Hope is not lost. When you begin to find yourself as wholly in and with Christ (on an experiential level), rather than permanently alone without your person, the fear of loneliness lessens its grip. You are not forgotten. You are not abandoned. You are empowered to move forward, not because you have to “get over” your grief, but because you were created for more than just survival. We receive it with a "Yes" and "Amen!" 2) Invest in Personal Growth & Wellness Rebuilding your life isn’t about replacing what was lost (we all know that isn't possible)—It’s about nurturing who you are becoming. Growth doesn’t mean you’re leaving your loved one behind; it means you are honoring the life you still have. (PS- love would want you to do this!) Here are a few tactical ways to invest in yourself: Take a class or develop a skill you’ve always been curious about (music, art, etc.) Establish gentle exercise routines to boost your mood and energy (powerful when you feel low) Prioritize self-care that makes you feel valued and cared for (do you know how therapeutic massage is when you've lost regular human touch!?) Set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being (if they make grief harder, distance can be helpful) Spend time in healing places (it could mean travel, or making your home a healing space ) Every small step you take is a declaration that your life is still worth living fully. You are worth every resource (time, money, effort) to keep living; recovering and growing. 3) Cultivate Connection with Purpose Loneliness often convinces us that no one understands (and let's be real, there aren't often those around us who do). But believing the lie that we are all alone (and the resulting isolation) only deepens our pain. Connection, however, can be a lifeline—especially when it’s rooted in shared experience and purpose. Here are some ways to cultivate meaningful relationships: Join a grief support group or a widow’s ministry where others truly understand Volunteer to support others who are also grieving—sometimes, purpose is found in serving Schedule regular check-ins with trusted friends who uplift and encourage you Hold on to the faithful few who are empathetic and consistently walking with you 💥​PS & Shameless Plug: Our Hope Speaker Membership Community launch is coming!🫂 If you are looking for a community that "gets it," you can become a Founding Member in building it ! It is a place I help Christian women impacted by spiritual abuse, widowhood or suicide go from hopeless, helpless and lonely to supported, healing and taking confident steps toward a brighter future! 💞Get on my email list to be in-the-know about this Membership launch by subscribing to the Blog (see the bottom of this post).💞 You Are Not Trapped In "I Am Alone"—You Are Free Friend, let me gently remind you: The loneliness you feel right now is not a life sentence. It is a season (albeit a sucky one!), and seasons change. The pain of loss will always be a part of your story, but it does not have to define your identity and your future . You have the power to build a life that feels full and meaningful—not because you forget who you lost, but because you remember who you are. You are loved. You are seen. And you are never, ever alone. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Weight of Guilt in Grief Grief is heavy enough on its own, but when guilt creeps in and latches on, it can feel suffocating. You want to heal. You want to breathe again. But questions whisper: "If I move forward, does that mean I’m leaving them behind?" Maybe you replay the past, wondering if you could have done something differently. If your loss was due to suicide, you might wrestle with even more "what ifs": "What if I had called?" "What if I had seen the signs?" "What if my last interaction with them had been different?" Or if you lost a spouse, you may struggle with simple joys—smiling, laughing, even considering or desiring a new relationship—because it feels like betrayal. This guilt convinces you that moving forward means dishonoring their memory. That if you dare to find happiness again, it must mean you don't love them enough. But that is a lie . One the enemy tries to get you to believe... which keeps you stuck in darkness, pain and loneliness. Guilt is not proof of love . And no amount of guilt can change what happened—but it can keep you from the healing and peace you were meant to have in your life going forward. So, how do you break free from and learn to live again? 2 Truths That Set You Free 1) You are Only Responsible for/can Only Choose for Your Own Life One of the hardest truths to accept after loss—especially in suicide grief—is that you are not responsible for what happened. You did not cause it (regardless of what they themselves may have said), and the decision wasn't yours. Their life, their pain, and the number of their days were never in your hands. If your loss wasn’t by suicide, you may still carry guilt—about what you said or didn’t say, what you did or didn’t do. Or, you may just plant your flag in "Why did this happen to them/to me?" with no intention to ever move beyond it. But the truth is, none of us can predict the future or have control over much of anything, really. We can't control circumstances. Control - outside of deciding our own internal attitudes and choices - is an illusion. Another reality is although we want answers, they would not truly soothe our loss, and no extra amount of time with them would still have been enough. Their loss would still be this grief we're navigating. Most importantly, you did not die when they died . Although a part of you may have, it is not the same as your life and your story being over. While we hate that they have died, we have to take the grave clothes off and keep living the time we have left. "Jesus called in a loud voice, 'Lazarus, come out!' And he came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, ' Take off the grave clothes and let him go .' " -John 11:43-44 Take off your grave clothes, my friend. You have been let go for a bit longer... God has given you more life to live, and that doesn’t mean forgetting them. It means honoring both their memory and the life still ahead of you. 2) Forgiveness Frees You The only true healing to guilt is full, freeing, forgiveness that wipes every offense away. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened. It isn’t about pretending there was no pain. It’s about releasing yourself from the prison of shame. That might mean: Forgiving yourself for things you wish you had done differently. Forgiving the person you lost, if their actions caused you pain. Forgiving others you feel may have been at fault. Forgiving others who didn’t show up for you in your grief. Continuing this process of receiving and giving forgiveness. But what if you don’t feel like forgiving, or like you can? We want to be able to authentically and honestly work through these things. While I believe forgiveness is not a feeling (but rather a choice to release what is "owed" to you), I also recognize it is not the simple "one and done" that the faith community likes to pressure people into. I believe it is a repeated decision (toward yourself and others) to stop replaying the past and step back into freedom. It may take some time with the Lord, but I hope you are willing to continue to engage with His freeing, unoffendable love. And when guilt creeps back in and tries to latch on, you can rebuke it and revisit this forgiveness again. It's an ongoing journey, just like our grieving (and living!) are. Because carrying unforgiveness won’t change the past—but it will shape your future . And you deserve a future that isn’t weighed down by chains you were never meant to carry. “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” — Matthew 11:28-30 How to Start Living Again (Without Guilt) Guilt tells you that healing is betrayal. That living the life you have left with joy means you didn’t love them enough. That taking steps forward means you’re leaving them behind. But grief and love can coexist; in fact, they have to. When someone once asked if I was "done grieving yet" I replied, "Nope, because he's still dead." As long as he's gone I will be missing him and coping with his loss. I believe that we continue to navigate grief the rest of our lives, but we want to do it well . You don’t stop loving them by living again. You don’t forget them by stepping into joy. In fact, embracing life can be one of the greatest ways to honor their memory. Love wants you to keep living a beautiful life. Here’s how you can start stepping into that freedom: 1) Challenge the Guilt with Truth Every time guilt creeps in, rebuke it and answer it with truth. When your mind says, "I shouldn’t be happy," remind yourself: "I call joylessness unfamiliar to me! My loved one would want me to live." When guilt whispers, "I could have done more," tell yourself: "I rebuke guilt! I did the best I could with what I knew at the time, and grace covers me." When you feel like moving forward is a betrayal, say: "Shut up, Liar! Healing doesn’t mean forgetting—it means honoring." The enemy uses guilt like a playground of lies, but truth sets you free. Write these truths down, speak them aloud, and let them sink in. 2) Release the Weight of Regret If you’re carrying "what ifs" or shame over the past, take time to acknowledge them. Then, release them. Some ways to do this through rituals (which can help our brain process and find freedom): Write a letter to your loved one, saying all the things you never got to say, and then release it—burn it, bury it, or tuck it away as a symbol of letting go. Pray through each regret, asking God to take what you cannot carry and replace it with His peace. Physically release it—hold a rock, associate your "if only" to it, and throw it into water, as a reminder that you don’t have to hold onto it anymore. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time act—it’s a practice. But every time you choose to release guilt, you are closer to freedom. 3) Take One Brave Step Toward Hope This is where the rebuilding work begins. What brings life to your soul? Maybe it’s listening to music again, or creating and sharing it. Maybe it’s traveling to your favorite healing place. Maybe it’s dreaming about the future and how you can shape it. Give yourself permission (and find support!) to step into it. You can start small, if needed: Take a walk and breathe deeply. Look for beauty wherever you go. Call a friend and say yes to coffee. Or connect with another who can relate to your loss. Turn on music and let yourself feel something besides pain (move to it if you can!) One small step at a time, you are rebuilding a beautiful life. And one day, you’ll wake up and realize… 🌻 You are living again. And it’s more than just okay. It's so good . 🌻 Your Life Isn’t Over Yet Healing is not forgetting. Moving forward is not leaving them behind. You are not betraying your loved one by choosing to live— you are honoring their life by fully living yours. Guilt wants to keep you trapped in the past. But grace invites you into the present . There is mercy to choose afresh, right now. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When Grief Feels Like Quick Sand Grief can be a beast. The tragedy of my husband's death by suicide was clearly devastating, life-altering, and excruciating. In a way... tragedy is supposed to be, for a time . I learned that grief can be an unpredictable storm with crushing waves, and I was just trying to navigate it. However, I couldn't quite tell when it had simply taken over everything, and I was trapped in it. It had been months—to years—since my husband’s death, and I was still waking up with the same weight pressing on my chest. The world had moved on, but I hadn’t. I functioned, I was trying to survive, but I wasn’t truly living. Loss can turn into that. It whispers, "You’ll never feel normal again... it will never be good again." It convinces you that healing is betrayal. It makes the future feel like an unbearable burden rather than a place with any hope. If you’re reading this, maybe you know that feeling, too. Maybe you’re paralyzed, unsure of how to take the first step toward rebuilding a life that looks nothing like the one you had planned. You’re not alone (I, in fact, still navigate this storm at times). Most importantly, you are not without hope. The Path to Moving Forward The truth is, moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind, or that you have to lose yourself. It means carrying their love with you as you take small, courageous steps into your future. And... it is possible to live in a forward direction, with hope. But how? How do you begin again when the weight of loss makes every step feel impossible? The key is to take intentional, small steps that create momentum toward healing. It’s about shifting your perspective from being stuck in grief to learning how to coexist with it, while making space for life to continue. Healing is not about erasing the past but about integrating love, loss, and life into a future you can embrace. Let’s talk about three practical ways you can start this process. 3 Practical Steps to Move Forward When Grief Has You Stuck 1) Acknowledge Where You Are—Without Shame It’s easy to feel guilty about struggling. You might think, "I should be further along by now," or "Everyone else seems to be coping better than me." But grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” timeline for healing. Instead of shaming yourself for feeling stuck or low, acknowledge it with grace. Say it out loud or write it down: "I feel paralyzed by grief right now, but I won’t stay here forever." It's also important to recognize and name the growth you've already had! Celebrating your wins is so needed, too. Action Step: Take a few moments to journal about where you are in your grief journey. Be honest with yourself. What’s holding you back? What emotions feel too heavy to face? Sometimes, simply naming your struggles takes away some of their power. Then, write down places you have bravely pursued healing, growing, and continuing to live. You are not the same person you were- and that does not just mean you are broken! It means you have learned and are being beautifully refined in this fire. 2) Make One Small but Monumental Shift I approach this one with a bit of fear and trembling, because it can be so easily mistaken as insensitivity to those who are already hurting... However, I have found it to be key. If you are fresh to your loss, this may be very hard to hear (in fact, it may not be time, yet!). But if you can receive it, please hear from one who has been so deep in my loss that I nearly did not survive it. One major shift that I had to take, and that I have seen in my relationships with many other widows and grievers who become resilient and experience deep growth after their loss is this: A willingness to WANT a good life still ahead of you, and be willing to KEEP TURNING toward it. This is so hard. Again, in the beginning, no one wants the rubble of a life they've been handed. They are devastated. They only want their old life, with their person. And believe me, I get it. But if we stay there, that is where we can find, years later, that we haven't moved, or grown, or rebuilt. We have no joy or hope, and we're trapped in the quicksand of grief, depression, and perhaps like I was, suicidal ideation. It might sound like this: "I don't want this life. I don't want to live anymore." "I will never love anyone again." "No one will want me." "I'll always be alone." "I'll just get through the rest of my days until they're over." "My future has been stolen from me." To be clear: these words aren't 100% indicative of being stuck, but I am trying to give a picture of a mindset. It is normal to wrestle and struggle, to hate the push to "move on," and to be hurt by platitudes and lack of empathy. That's not what I'm addressing. What I am talking about is a willingness to shift - from where we resist and don't want the reality that there can be healing, goodness, and rebuilding of a beautiful life - to a place where we can start to dream again. Action Step: If you struggle with being trapped in grief and hopelessness, consider if you have ever said or believe some of the above bullet statements, or others you have that are similar. How do you feel about the truth that you did not fully die when they did? If you feel resistance, where is that coming from? Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding and embracing goodness, love and beauty in your life now? Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart. 3) Dream, and Plan Your Future It may seem silly in the darkness you may be feeling, but if you could sit down and start dreaming up your future, what would that include? Are there still certain hopes that you have? What good things, that you would enjoy, should be included in that picture? Your story isn't over yet, and you can imagine a beautiful future. Get specific into what that would look like. Does it include a move? Travel? Relationships? A new purpose or career? While these things don't typically come about instantaneously, they start with ideas and hopes, and can blossom into reality by taking small steps. Action Step: Can you write a few of these specific ideas down? Do your children have any ideas? Do you have a safe friend or group that you could share these writings with? Is there anyone who has a skillset (financial planner, realtor, trip advisor, business coach, etc.) who could support your exploration of these new realms? Reach out into this new territory- you might be pleasantly surprised at the adventure that awaits. Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean Moving On Here’s the most important thing I want you to know: Moving forward doesn’t have to mean more loss (who you were, your loved one, your old life). It means learning how to carry these things with you, in love, with you as you step into your future. You are not stuck forever. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are not alone in this journey. Don't believe the lies or self-sabotage... keeping yourself stuck in pain. Friend, you are still alive. And as long as you are alive, hope is still within reach. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

I remember standing in the middle of my new home, staring at blank walls that felt as empty as I did. The house was new, fresh, and untouched by memories of my late husband’s presence... Though I hated it, part of me knew that was what was needed. I had stayed in the home we had created together for years after he died by suicide, holding onto the precious, good memories of another lifetime. But eventually, I knew that there were other memories there keeping me stuck - keeping me from continued healing. There came a point where, for me, a change in homes, location, and scenery was part of my process to rebuild something beautiful in this new life I had been forced into. But beyond the new, blank white walls, there was work to be done. Part of my healing was creating a space that was healing for my family. In my darkest season—when the weight of grief and hopelessness made every breath feel impossible—I needed something, anything, to remind me that light still existed. That’s when I started putting up tangible reminders of truth. A verse that I could see every time I climbed into my empty, lonely bed. A note on the bathroom mirror that whispered, “You are still here.” A piece of art in the dining room created by hand; a quote from a book which reminded me I still had access to Holy Joy. These small changes didn’t erase my pain, but they did something powerful: they kept me fighting. If you’re grieving or struggling with hopelessness, your environment can either deepen the darkness or become a place of refuge. But what if your home could be more than just four walls? What if it could actually help you heal? Why Your Space Matters More Than You Realize When you’re drowning in grief or depression, your surroundings can feel like a mirror of your internal struggle—cluttered, chaotic, lifeless. Research has shown that the spaces we inhabit deeply impact our mental health. A 2016 study published in The Journal of Environmental Psychology found that clutter increases stress and anxiety, while organized, visually calming environments promote relaxation and emotional regulation. For those grieving, every object holds meaning. The unwashed coffee cup on the counter might remind you of the last morning you shared. The silence of an untouched chair may echo the absence you feel in your heart. If we do not recognize the things that bring us sorrow rather than comfort (and exercise our power to make changes), it’s no wonder that being in our home can sometimes feel suffocating. But here’s the good news: You don’t have to stay stuck in that heaviness. You can take small, intentional steps to make your home a place that breathes life back into you. Turning Your Home into a Healing Space Your home can be a place that fosters hope, not just houses memories. Creating a healing environment isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about making space for the future. After my husband’s suicide, there came a time when I needed to move homes. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it gave me the opportunity to intentionally create a space filled with light and truth. I didn’t realize it then, but what I was doing aligned with what psychologists call environmental healing—curating surroundings that uplift rather than weigh you down. So, how do you do that? How do you transform your home into a place that helps you heal instead of pulling you deeper into pain? 3 Practical Ways to Make Your Home a Place of Healing 1) Declutter with Purpose Clearing out physical clutter can actually help clear emotional clutter. This doesn’t mean throwing away everything that reminds you of your loved one—but it does mean choosing what to keep with intention. Keep what brings comfort, not just what triggers sadness. Remember, your loved one doesn't live on through the "stuff," they live on through you . I knew my husband did not want me to be paralyzed in grief and pain, but to keep living - and that was motivation for me to keep moving forward. Action Step: Take one small area (a drawer, a shelf, a corner of a room) and remove items that don’t serve your healing. Replace them with something that sparks peace—a candle, a framed quote, or a simple plant. If it's something that does bring light and joy, then display it. 2) Surround Yourself with Hopeful Reminders When darkness creeps in, visual reminders of truth can anchor you in light. Scripture, uplifting quotes, or artwork can gently shift your focus from despair to hope. This is why I started placing messages of hope around my house—because I needed truth in front of me, constantly. Action Step: Choose one spot in your home to add a tangible reminder of hope. Whether it’s a framed verse, a print that speaks life, or even a sticky note with a simple, encouraging word—make it visible! Preferably in a place where you will see it when you need it (bathroom mirror, on your morning coffee mug, wall art in a particular location, etc.). 3) Create a Light-Filled Space Natural light has been proven to improve mood and mental clarity. Studies show that exposure to sunlight increases serotonin, which helps combat depression. Letting in light—both physically and spiritually—can be a step toward healing. Action Step: Each morning, open the curtains in your home. Let the light in. If natural light is limited, add soft, warm lighting that creates a comforting atmosphere (I did this with a special lighted tree in my bedroom that I really enjoyed). Bonus Tip : Live plants and flowers also can bring some life and goodness into your space! A Shop Built on Hope The idea behind our family's HOPE Shop was born from this very need—to have daily, tangible reminders of truth in front of me when the hopeless thoughts and feelings were so constant. My daughters and I hand-design every product with the purpose of helping others hold onto hope in their darkest seasons. Whether you need a reminder for yourself or want to encourage someone else, these small tokens of hope can make all the difference. “Amazing designs!!! You never know who might need it and they’ll see these shirts or items and feel like God is speaking to them to keep going. They’ll see it as a sign to keep fighting, and that’s amazing.” -Kristiane G. 👉 Visit The HOPE Shop Final Encouragement Friend, I know the weight of grief. I know what it’s like to feel trapped in hopelessness. But I also know this: You are still here. And as long as you are here, hope is still within reach. Let’s fill our spaces with reminders of truth, and keep walking it out, one step at a time. 💛 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

My fellow widows, single moms and/or divorced friends know the weight. The burden. The loneliness. The fears. The questions. Who am I without them? How do I do this all by myself? How am I going to provide? How can I meet my kids' needs? Can I fill in what is missing from their father... am I even supposed to? What is my purpose now? Is it even possible to do this well, with all the barriers? Do I even fit here now? Do I have anything to offer anymore? So many fears, doubts, and insecurities about the place we find ourselves. Meanwhile, the Biblical roles of men and women, fathers and mothers are preached from stage and fill marriage and parenting classes. If you are widowed, divorced, or are a single mom, you have probably ached under the teachings... that likely never even mention women like you. You may experience pity, or avoidance, or something else, but it's hard for them to know what to do with the messiness... Especially when the mess is primarily what they see. Where are the answers? Where is the community? The support? The empowerment ? How are we supposed to navigate life by ourselves? If our leaders and community do not see us as equal, capable, and qualified... How are we supposed to view ourselves that way? What do we do when people are more focused on their solutions/directives than hearing from us? The Problem: Disempowered and Disadvantaged Widows, single moms, and many divorced women are more likely than their married counterparts to struggle with poverty, marginalization, and discrimination. It can be financial/career opportunities, social relationships, struggles with their own faith and identity... or many other issues. Within churches there can be even more confusion for us to find our place... adding to the burden. It can be difficult to find support in some faith communities related to divorce, even in circumstances involving abuse. Worse, these women's experience can be silenced and they may even be excommunicated from the church if they draw boundaries that leadership didn't agree with. Sometimes this results in a tragic wake of wounding and even deconstruction of faith. My friends who have found themselves divorced have often named a shift in how they are viewed and treated in their churches, which can lead to their leaving to find a more supportive place. My experience as a new widow was also being treated as one who needed close "management" from male leaders. Trying to advocate for myself and make my own decisions was viewed as unsubmissive/uncooperative. I was told I could be relieved by friends on a weekday night to sit at a coffee shop with my Bible, but not to participate in worship practice in the same time frame (that "privilege" and "overflow ministry" ended for me at the death of my husband). Later, under counsel to "run, not walk" away from this church, my ability to "make that kind of decision at this time" was even questioned. In widowhood, when I was already wondering, "How do I do this life without my husband? How can I...?" The answer appeared very dismal. It seemed I wasn't capable of doing or knowing much for myself at all, and I had four children in my care. It was a hopeless place to live in - believing I was severely lacking what was Biblically mandated in my life and family now (since my husband was dead), and looking at what I was experiencing in the church at that time as my new "covering." Although women who are widowed, divorced, or are single parents most definitely have disadvantages, additional hardships come when they are seen and treated as those without authority or influence. The result is: Women feel and stay stuck in being voiceless/powerless Their children also experience resulting limitations The Church and world miss out on what they have to offer If we are taught that we are not sufficient, in and of ourselves as a woman, to have autonomy in our lives, to have capable leadership in our homes, and to have gifts and strengths to bring - how are we to walk those things out as we navigate life alone as a widow, single mom, or divorced woman? In essence, if we are not taught that every person is empowered by the Holy Spirit , equipped and strengthened to walk out what He calls us to in this life, we set women up to fail even more so in every area they become disadvantaged. The good news is that it does not have to be this way. God offers a beautiful reflection of the gospel, and His sufficiency, right here in the brokenness. Why Empowerment is an Answer God empowers widows, single moms, and divorced women - equipping them with authority and influence to lead their own lives and families. He remains the foundation for their identity and has plans to use them mightily in this world. Let me also be clear. I am not saying it is better for a woman to be without a man, or that there are not differing, biblical roles for genders. I am also not attacking male leadership, nor promoting "self"/independence above the community of the church. I am saying that we are often doing great damage with an extremely skewed view - where we have replaced the primary calling of men to love with the role to "lead," and the primary calling of women to love with the role to "submit." All sorts of dangerous and broken things happen. Empowerment is a gift of God to every believer, and it is critical to understand how this plays out for women in faith, particularly. [ See previous blog posts for more on these topics ] What happens when we empower these women, and point them to their authority in Christ? Their identity is rooted first in Christ, not in their relationship to another person(s) They have security that the Lord's presence with them has not changed They have confidence that the Lord will provide to and through them They can trust that the Lord will fill in the gaps of the absence of a man They feel seen, validated and equipped by a supportive community They do not lose their calling, gifts, or abilities They participate in the movement and purpose of the Kingdom, just as other disadvantaged women in the Bible were chosen to do They grow in hearing, knowing and trusting the voice of the Holy Spirit to lead them (this is the foundation for every believer and therefore, for the Church as well) How Do We Empower? Here are 3 Ways 1) Consider Your Lens What you believe is biblical, and your interpretation of the role and place of women, is the lens by which you will view the treatment of widows, single moms, and divorced women. After sitting under leadership that I believed was doctrinally sound for over a decade, I unfortunately experienced the place to which some of the views lead... the dark corners where spiritual abuse and manipulation hid in (and what's more, the victim blaming/backlash for speaking about what happened). If you are willing and open to digging a little deeper into the theology of the female role, I offer a few resources to listen to and read in this blog post. What we believe will absolutely have tangible outcomes in how we interact with these women. 2) Affirm her God-Given Calling and Abilities These women need safety and support - not just to struggle, but to grow . They need encouragement (verbally and tangibly) that the Lord is with them and is giving them the power they need to walk life out in faith. Here are a few practical ideas: Include her in communication and decision-making the way you do everyone else Value her input and her contributions Treat her with respect as the head of her home Encourage the good and the growth in her life Support her goals Treat her as equal (not less-than) Listen to her voice more than you focus on telling "what to do" Ask her what support is most helpful (and believe her) Honor her boundaries 3) Get Behind What God is Doing - Let Him Lead Last week I offered this definition for Christian empowerment: An active, faith-driven partnership with God that embraces the autonomy and responsibility He gives every human, to walk in His purposes and power The foundation is that God Himself empowers every one of His children with the Holy Spirit. We each can speak to Him, hear from Him, and receive authority to live in faith, full of the Spirit. It is the essence of every believer, of the church, and of the process of making disciples. This is how we build up, in love, people who lead lives that reflect Jesus. A Parting Blessing To my widow sisters, my single moms, and my divorced friends: no one disqualifies you where God has qualified you. You are not too broken. You are not left behind or unusable in His Kingdom. If you are struggling or have left the church completely, I encourage you to believe that there are safe places with people who will empower you. They do still exist. With you, friend, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!