Search Results

Have you been on the receiving end of hurtful comments or unsolicited advice as a widow? Or have you ever been asked questions that were hurtful, angering, or that left you flustered or confused in how to respond? I vividly remember one question I received. My husband had just died by suicide, and I happen to see this come through social media: "Hey Rachel, sorry about Andre but I was curious, would you tell me more about how he killed himself?" Full stop. So many visceral feelings happened at once. I felt shocked, horrified, and angry... and I couldn't detect any true empathy. This person would not be walking alongside me to support me more deeply with that information. It felt like shameless curiosity for the horrific details. Too many widows have to navigate how to respond to insensitive questions and commentary, often when they are already foggy and struggling. They can hurt right where you are often vulnerable and unprepared. You might be tempted to get upset, react, and end up regretting it later (the Spirit is faithful to tap on our hearts). My biggest regret is actually the wasted time and energy mulling it over and being aggravated- because I've found another way to respond that keeps my peace. The truth is those questions and remarks (or dreading them) doesn't have to control you... Even in places of raw widowhood pain. Because that would be giving your power away to someone else. The Lord has given us a Spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). You can respond with peace and confidence. It's challenging, but possible. Let’s talk about how. Your Mindset Protects Your Heart, & Your Peace No matter what someone says — even if it’s completely out of line — you get to decide how to respond. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to spiral or stay stuck in pain. Believe it or not- you don’t have to get offended. You don't have to react. Instead, you can stay grounded. Calm. Peaceful. Spirit-filled. You can answer (or not answer) with confidence, because your worth, healing, and journey need not be controlled by outside forces (whether ignorant or with intention to harm). Now, let me clarify: This doesn’t mean it shouldn't hurt. It doesn't mean you are to be a doormat or to be silent. The Lord encourages boundaries, and there are ways to use your voice to protect yourself, educate ignorance, and shed light on truth... But these things done from a Holy Spirit filled place will be most life-giving and effective. Not allowing insensitive comments and questions to control you means you hold the power to manage yourself- so you are not a victim of life happening to you. It's rooted in changing beliefs about yourself and the empowerment of the Spirit through you. The shift happens when we move from reactivity to intentional ownership of your story. Doing so with the Spirit leads to confident responses, even in widowhood messiness. Three Practical Steps to Respond with Confidence 1. Decide Some Possible Replies, Now One really helpful tip is to consider some of these answers and boundaries beforehand : What are you okay sharing about your story, and what is private to you? What are some possible responses: No answer at all? "I don't feel comfortable sharing about that." "You may be trying to help, but this isn't helpful for me right now." "When people say that, here's what I'd like them to know...." "The Lord is guiding me through these decisions for myself." Can you decide now that when you encounter a hard question or comment, you will start with a deep breath as you consider what go-to reply to draw from rather than reacting? While there is no "right" way to respond to some of the input of others in our widowhood, we do know that we can respond in a wrong, flesh-filled way (especially in our pain!). When you have already decided what you do and don't want to share, and even have some possible responses, it can prevent you from losing your own peace and reacting in anger. Clarity ahead of time helps you stay anchored when words catch you off guard. As I like to say, "Predictable is preventable." 2. Don’t Get Stuck In Judging Motives & People Insensitive words may come from anyone: a well-meaning loved one or acquaintance, someone driven by uncomfortable curiosity, or even someone else who is grieving a loss. Sometimes, other grievers are reaching for connection or are trying to help. People may fumble with words, but genuinely care. Sometimes they are ignorant or oblivious. And sometimes, yes, it might even be meant to hurt you. While the reason behind it may or may not be clear to you, I encourage you not to get lost in evaluating or assuming motives. Remember, you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to. But also — you don’t have to armor up in suspicion or get defensive about your grief (hint: it only causes you more distress). When you stay open (with boundaries), you create space for compassion and connection without losing yourself. This leads into the most powerful action step... 3. Stay Grounded and Unoffendable — Because You Have the Choice This is a coaching principle and mindset shift that changed my life and brought freedom. Because: You get to own your thoughts, your reactions, and your power — no matter what anyone else says or does You have power and choice over whether these interactions ruffle or rock you, or whether you let them roll off You are not a victim of their words. You are not a prisoner of their questions. You don't have to experience the feelings of offense just because someone says something out of line. Again, I want to clarify that this isn’t about denying that it hurts or may even have been wrong. It’s about holding Holy Spirit strength in the moment — choosing true thoughts and beliefs that allow you to respond from a place of empowerment, instead of being pushed out of the Spirit by other people. Coupled with forgiveness, and that is where you become unshakable. Rooted. Centered. Free. And here’s what’s beautiful: this doesn’t mean you’re perfect or unaffected. It just means you’re living from your true self — Christ and Holy Spirit-filled, connected to God the Father, and no longer tossed around by the words or actions of others. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Hurt I could be offended, but it has taken time to learn I could also be unoffendable. Somewhere along the way, I stopped letting the questions and commentary put me into defense or counterattack as a widow. I stopped giving my peace away. And as I leaned into the Lord's mercy for my failures, I could allow His forgiveness to pass through me and over their insensitivity. You have that same power. It doesn’t mean that the pain disappears in this life — but it does mean that brokenness no longer needs to take over your control center (as a powerful, Christian widow that you are!). Your grief may still be raw, and your flesh may be weak. But the Spirit is strong. You can be healing and mighty. Vulnerable and grounded. With you, Rachel Pssst! I know the implications of living unoffendable and empowered by the Holy Spirit has profound implications in all areas of life, and it is also an ongoing work. If you want to connect to grow in this area, I welcome you into our Christian widow community, The HOPE Stronghold, or to engage even deeper in this heart work, through 1:1 Coaching with me. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

From the Same Soil... When you lose your husband, there is no escaping the giant hole that is left in their absence. It is something we continue to navigate year after year. At the same time, the holidays roll in, mercilessly expecting "cheer" from you (along with some of the people around you). At times we feel the incongruence (or the inability) to be joyful in the valley of grief we may be in. It is, in fact, important to be honest in widowhood about our struggles and pain (with safe grief companions) in order to remain authentic and to have the chance at a real journey forward. Also, research has shown the power of gratitude in the brain to rewire paths for thankfulness. Gratitude has been shown to connect Relational Circuits in our brain to God and other people. And, we don't want to circle the drain of grief and get stuck in the dark places, because there IS a path forward into goodness. The truth is, there must be room for both our grief and gratitude. What if the goal was not to avoid any sadness and "just be thankful"? What if we also didn't have to be swallowed in the pain of our loss? What if gratitude and grief were equally important pieces of the landscape growing in the soil of us ... of our hearts? And both could be watered by our honest tears? We can navigate Thanksgiving's grief and gratitude with authenticity, and HOPE! The Grief My first Thanksgiving as a widow was full of grief. I do remember the grace of sharing time with people that I loved... However, I also needed to mourn. As a very deep feeler, the weight of my late husband's death by suicide hit me incredibly hard. On Thanksgiving day, I went to the place where he died, though it was cold and lonely, and I grieved for him there. I wept for the man, the love, the life that I had lost. Knees in the snow, shivering with cold, I spoke with God, raw and honest, about it all. And in my devastation, He met me. Before I left, I was able to draw a heart in the snow where I knelt. This year, I will walk through my 7th Thanksgiving without him. What I have learned is that grief cannot be completely controlled, but we can grieve, heal and rebuild with HOPE... and in this process, be equipped to handle other experiences of grief ahead of us. When we are able to feel all of the feelings (anger, sadness, pain, shame, etc.) in safe places (with the Lord and a few others), we can actually begin to metabolize the pain that our bodies, minds, and souls are carrying. This opens more space to see and receive the blessings we do have around us, with gratitude. It cannot happen, however, by simply attempting to bypass our grief in the name of "choosing joy." The platitudes (in the name of faith or in general) can never change the heart or remove the grief. The Danger of Limitless Grief A word of caution I have for other deep feelers and authentic grievers of tragedy... Grief still needs limits. The place my husband passed by suicide became a place of despair as I spent a lot of time and focus there. While it is important to walk the path of bereavement honestly, we do need to take steps when hopelessness begins to consume us. Pain, suffering and death do not have the victory nor the final word, and the Bible says we are completely different from the world, in that we can truly "grieve with HOPE" (1 Thess. 4:13). Here are a few Thanksgiving survival tips for grievers: You are not obligated to attend activities that aren't helpful, but don't isolate completely. Make a plan (for instance, RSVP "maybe") and keep it flexible for your needs. Spend the Holiday(s) with those who are safe, empathetic, and whom you truly feel supported by (don't fear asking them for connection time). Include life-giving and self-care activities in your schedule (some of mine were salt water floats, making music, time in nature and with friends). Have/make a list of the people you can reach out to if it's getting too dark (asking them ahead of time may help you both be more prepared in a time of need) Find a local grief, widow, or suicide support group with others who "get it" (Christian widows are my people!). The Gratitude Did you know the Lord led me to begin sending a family Thanksgiving card each year after my husband died? Though it wouldn't have been my idea of good timing, it ended up being a grace to me . Above is the back of our first one. Why is gratitude a critical part of our life and experience, even in grief? Focusing on what we are thankful for has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and positively impact our physical and mental health in a variety of other ways... and there's no doubt we need that in our experience of suffering. It is also a way that we heal, find purpose, and keep from becoming myopic in our pain. Because grief isn't all that is left for us in the story the Lord is writing. Gratitude can be a list of reasons to keep living, healing, or moving forward to the next step. After my husband died, my children and I began a practice of thankfulness, where on the way to school, the five of us would each take a turn listing three new things we were thankful for. I did my best to keep it fun, and the fact is though some days it felt empty, on most it would set a lighter tone, and even bring smiles and laughter. Even if gratitude feels like an internal battle, let me encourage you that it is worth fighting for! My Hope for You, Sister This Thanksgiving, may you be able to experience any grief and gratitude in an honest and healthy way. They are both part of the experiential journey. May you release those who do not understand, honor your own limits, and find ways to express both your pain and your joy. They are both there. May they be tenderly held. With you, Rachel P.S. If you are looking for safe, honest healing spaces in grief, that still have forward movement, you are in the right place, sister! Here are two powerful, proven steps to grieve, heal, and rebuild in HOPE: The HOPE Stronghold : A private, online Christian widow community to connect, pray and grow together. 1:1 Christian Widow Coaching : Individualized support rooted in faith and evidence-based practices to guide you through to the changes or transformation you are wanting. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Weight of Guilt in Suicide Grief Grief is heavy enough on its own, but when guilt creeps in and latches on after suicide loss, it can feel suffocating. You want to heal. You want to breathe again. But questions, fears and pain whisper: What if I could have done something different- would they still be here? "Why couldn't I save them?" "If I move forward, does that mean I’m leaving them behind?" In losing your husband, you may struggle with simple joys—smiling, laughing, even considering or desiring a new relationship—because it feels like betrayal. Guilt might convince you that moving forward means dishonoring their memory- that if you dare to find happiness again, it must mean you didn't/don't love them enough. But those are lies that will keep you trapped in darkness, pain and loneliness . And you may have other thoughts keeping you stuck where you won't want to be after losing him by suicide. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), and he is the accuser. He desires to keep you from the healing and peace you were meant to have in your life going forward. God defines love for us (and He does not say guilt is proof of love). God promises goodness in the land of the living (Ps. 27:13) and even here He has plans to give you hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). So, how do you break free from these shame-based lies and our own cyclical struggles, and truly live again? Two Freeing Truths After Suicide Loss 1) You Are Only Responsible for/Can Only Choose for Your Own Life One of the hardest truths to lean into after suicide is that you are not responsible for what happened. You did not cause it (regardless of what they themselves may have said), because the decision wasn't yours. Hear it again, sister: This wasn't your decision. Their life, their pain, and the number of their days were never in your hands (release the weight to God, it isn't your burden because you could not control it). Control - outside of deciding our own internal attitudes and choices - is an illusion. None of us can predict the future or have control over anything, aside from ourselves. Another reality is although it's normal to want answers, they often would not truly soothe our loss, and no extra amount of time with them would still have been enough (we would always want more). Their loss would still be this grief we're navigating. Most importantly, you did not die when they died . Although a part of you may have in the many losses you have experienced, it is not the same as your life and your story being over. While we hate that they have died, we have to take the grave clothes off and keep living for and with Jesus. Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" And he came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." -John 11:43-44 Take off your grave clothes, sister. You are released... God has given you more for you here, and that does not mean you are forgetting them. It means honoring both their memory and the life still ahead of you. We take them with us, and in Christ, life with them again is only ahead, not behind. They are, in fact, cheering you on. 2) Forgiveness Frees You The only true healing to guilt is full, freeing, forgiveness- that wipes every offense away. That includes any of their failures, yours, or the failures of others. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened. It isn’t about pretending there was no harm or pain. It’s about releasing yourself from the prison of anger, shame and unforgiveness (the enemy's work that only cripples you ). That might mean: Forgiving yourself for things you wish you had done differently Forgiving your late husband, if their actions caused you pain Forgiving others you feel may have been at fault/contributed Forgiving others who didn’t show up for you in your grief Continuing this process of receiving and giving forgiveness But what if you don’t feel like forgiving, or doubt you can? While I believe forgiveness is not a feeling (but rather a choice to release what is "owed" to you), I also recognize it is not the simple "one and done" that the faith community sometimes pushes. I believe it can be a repeated decision (toward yourself and others) to stop replaying the past and step back into freedom. I also believe true forgiveness comes through only the Holy Spirit's power. It may take time with the Lord, but I hope you are willing to continue to engage with His freeing, unoffendable love. In Christ, you can both receive it for yourself and give it to others. And when guilt creeps back in and tries to latch on, you can rebuke it and revisit this forgiveness again. It's an ongoing journey, just like our grieving (and living!) are. Because carrying unforgiveness won’t change the past—but it will shape your future . And you deserve a future that isn’t weighed down by chains you were never meant to carry. 3 Powerful Ways to Live Again as a Suicide Widow I believe that we continue to navigate grief as it comes up, but we want to do it well , and to grieve with HOPE , as the Bible says (1 Thess. 4:13). You don’t stop loving them by living again. You don’t forget them by stepping into joy. In fact, embracing life can be one of the greatest ways to honor their memory. Love wants you to keep living a beautiful life. Here’s how you can start stepping into that freedom: 1) Rebuke Guilt with Truth Every time guilt creeps in, challenge and answer it with truth. When your mind says, "I shouldn’t be happy," remind yourself: "I call joylessness unfamiliar to me! The Lord calls me to keep living fully." When guilt whispers, "I could have done more," tell yourself: "I rebuke guilt! I did the best I could at the time, and grace covers me." When you feel like moving forward is a betrayal, say: "Love never ends. My healing means honoring [ your late husband's name ]." The enemy uses guilt like a playground of lies, but truth sets you free. You can use the above suggestions, modify them, or ask the Lord what He wants to give you, show you or tell you. Then write these truths down, speak them aloud, and revisit them. 2) Release the Weight of Regret If you’re carrying "what ifs" or shame over the past, take time to acknowledge them. Then, release them. Some ways to do this through rituals (which can help our brain process and find freedom): Write a letter to your loved one, saying all the things you never got to say, and then release it—burn it, bury it, or tuck it away as a symbol of letting go. Pray through each regret, asking God to take what you cannot carry and replace it with His peace. Physically release it—hold a rock, associate your "if only" to it, and throw it into water, as a reminder that you don’t have to hold onto it anymore. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time act—it’s a practice. But every time you choose to release guilt, you are closer to freedom. 3) Last- Take 1 Brave Step Toward HOPE Guilt wants to keep you trapped in the past. But grace invites you into the present. There is mercy to choose afresh, right now. This is where the rebuilding work begins. Consider what brings life to you? Give yourself permission to add some joy into your day. Maybe it’s listening to music again, or creating and sharing another gift or hobby you have. Maybe it’s traveling to your favorite healing place. Maybe it’s dreaming about the future and how you can shape it. ✨For those who are ready and committed to living a drastically different widowhood now, and life ahead, you can take intentional steps to invest in the deeper healing and rebuilding of a life you genuinely do want again, free from guilt, weight and shame! I want to invite you to learn more about what is changing the lives of other Christian widows: -The HOPE Stronghold private virtual Christian Widow Community -1:1 Coaching Support (which includes access to the community, too!) Here is what one widow recently shared about it: "I do grief counseling as well but I wanted to share with you: My time with you has helped me a lot more. And I have a great counselor! I am getting more support and help from my time with you. I appreciate what you offer and how you lead with the Word." -Carrie S. Sister, one step at a time, you are rebuilding a beautiful life. And one day, you’ll wake up and realize You are living again. And it’s more than just okay. It's so good . ❤️‍🔥 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

If you have had health struggles in widowhood, believe me, I get it. If you have not yet, it's vital for you to understand the risks ahead and take actions to support your holistic healing. I never expected to have six surgeries in the years following my husband’s death by suicide. But there I was—recovering from a two-in-one operation, performed by two different surgeons. I also became so low in early widowhood that I was diagnosed with "complicated grief," and ended up attempting suicide myself. Grief didn’t just break my heart; my body also took hits. And... he wasn't around to help. I knew widowhood would be emotionally devastating, but I had no idea how deeply it would impact my physical and mental health. I didn’t expect the chronic illnesses that crept in after his passing. I didn’t anticipate how my immune system would weaken or how complicated grief would weave its way into my daily life. An increase in health concerns is statistically common in widowhood. That is why I share and advocate for the health of widows. May you glean from this blog and prioritize your own health as a widow. 🤲❤️‍🩹 Widowhood & Our Body Losing a spouse isn’t just an emotional loss—it’s a physiological one. Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful life events a person can endure (according to the Life Change Index Scale), and studies show that widows are at significantly higher risk for both physical and mental health struggles. Research has linked widowhood to a weakened immune system, making widows more susceptible to illnesses and infections. Depression and anxiety are common, and some widows develop cognitive decline at a faster rate than their married counterparts. A study showed that widows have an increased risk of heart disease, with some experiencing what’s known as “broken heart syndrome”—a stress-induced condition that mimics a heart attack. The risk of early death increases for widows, particularly within the first few months and years after loss. This is from physical heath related issues, as well as the suicide risk, which is elevated in the first year of widowhood. Grief is exhausting, not just emotionally but physically. Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and chronic pain are all common. For many widows, existing health conditions flare up, while new ones emerge. It’s as if our bodies carry the weight of our grief in ways we never anticipated. But understanding these risks isn’t about fear—it’s about empowerment. We can make changes that make a difference no matter what stage of widowhood we are in. Awareness: Power to Protect Your Health When we recognize that grief affects both our bodies and minds, we can take steps to counteract its impact, and be proactive in our healing. Awareness gives us the ability to make informed choices, advocate for ourselves, and seek (or even insist on) the support we need. Many widows dismiss their fatigue, body aches, or brain fog as “just grief.” But knowing that these symptoms are real, measurable effects of loss helps us take them seriously. If we realize grief is suppressing our immune system, we can prioritize nutrition, rest, and gentle movement. If we know the risks of social isolation, we can intentionally build connections, even when we don’t feel like it. If we understand that prolonged stress affects heart health, we can implement stress-management techniques before issues arise. Grief may be inevitable, but the added suffering doesn’t have to be. The more we acknowledge the mind-body connection in widowhood, the better we can safeguard our long-term well-being. The key to it all is the resolve to actually take action, and make changes (because knowledge does nothing without action). Proactive Health Measures Here are some practical, tangible steps to help protect your physical and mental health after loss: Prioritize Medical Care – It’s easy to neglect doctor’s visits when you’re barely making it through the day, but regular check-ups can catch issues before they escalate. Get regular check-ups and communicate openly with your doctor about changes in your health since your loss. Support Your Immune System – Prioritize sleep, stay hydrated, and nourish your body with nutrient-dense foods. Eating well and staying hydrated may sound simple, but when grief depletes your energy, these small habits can support your body’s resilience in the long-term. Move Your Body, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It – Exercise releases endorphins, reduces stress, helps you fight depression and improves heart health. Even gentle movement, like a short walk, can help counteract the physical effects of grief. Manage Stress – Grief is already an enormous burden, but finding small ways to reduce additional stress—whether through journaling, prayer, deep breathing, or moving your body—can make a difference and help you regulate. Stay Connected – Loneliness is both an emotional and physical risk factor. Finding safe support—whether through friends, a grief group, or counseling or coaching—helps mitigate some of the negative effects of isolation (and also supports you on the journey). Listen to Your Body – Don’t dismiss symptoms as “just grief.” And don't put yourself last in the list of people and responsibilities you care for. If something feels off, get it checked out. Take Action - If we want something to change, we have to be willing to make a change. It comes from believing your health and healing through widowhood are worth every resource (time, money, effort, etc.). Hope Speaker offers the following for Christian widows: - Christian Widow Community (Private, Virtual, Intentional Healing Space) - One-to-one Widow Coaching Support (High Touch, Real Time, Personalized Results) Not Alone on the Journey On my widowhood journey, I have learned that grief can impact my body—but it doesn’t have to control it anymore. I know how to better listen, care for, and honor not just my emotions, but my my whole, physical and spiritual self. And, my friend, you deserve that same care. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and your body is the one place you have to live as it carries you through all of this. I know how hard it is to prioritize yourself in grief. But if widowhood has taught me anything, it’s that I need to be here—for myself, for my loved ones, and for the life still ahead of me. This week, I encourage you to take action from this blog to support your health. Schedule that check-up you’ve been putting off. Commit to a healthy practice that was listed. Join our supportive community in the journey. Widowhood may shake your foundation, but you still have power—power to nurture, to heal, and to keep moving forward. One small step at a time... and you don't have to do it alone. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Questions Widows Ask... If you've been a widow for a while, you've likely asked, heard or worried about these questions: "How do I know I'm ready to start dating again?" "Is there something I can do to prepare?" "How do I manage my kids in this?" "What if I still deeply love my late husband—am I betraying him?" "What about the guilt I sometimes feel?" "What about what everyone else is saying—that I'm moving on too fast, or wondering why I'm still alone...?" It's a lot to navigate, and it's also deeply personal. Having navigated widowhood, dating, and remarriage (and lots of questions) myself and with the widow clients I serve, I do have some helpful considerations, and an overarching truth that can bring peace to the unknowns. Let's dive in. Is There A "Right" Answer? While there are Biblical standards and wise principles (and we'll get to them below), the most important answer I could ever give is this: Seek the Lord and His direction, and grow your relationship with Him- that you can hear His response. You can then follow where He is leading with confidence. If your heart genuinely desires God's guidance, is humble before Him, and desires His way above your own, you don’t need to live in fear. You can trust that He will lead you, sister! The Bible assures us that if we are His sheep, we know His voice (John 10:27). As His daughters, we can trust in His guidance and goodness. That doesn’t mean rushing ahead with our own plans and just asking God to bless them. But it does mean that a heart that longs for His way doesn't live in lack or shame. Wise counsel is also Biblically encouraged, but this is not the same as following opinions of others out of people pleasing or your own lack of certainty. Many widows receive opposing feedback, depending on who they ask (this is an area people have strong opinions, but often little to no experience behind it for our situation). From a Holy Spirit led widow coach with some personal and professional experience, here are some helpful considerations that can guide you as you navigate the dating world as a widow. Practical Considerations Before You Start Dating Do you truly desire another relationship? Are you considering dating because it is your heart's genuine desire, or because you feel like you "should" or it's "time"? Pressure (from the outside or internally) won't lead to a real love, care, or attachment to another person. On the other side of the pendulum, neither will an attempt to medicate loneliness or just get practical help by having a man around. There is nothing wrong with longing for a companion, but numbing our pain or "solving problems" through a relationship won't be an act of love, for either of you. If your heart feels ready and open to the journey (and work!) of another relationship - both being loved and loving someone else again - rejoice that the Lord knows and honors this desire. There is no shame in it! Are you ready for dating as a widow (emotionally and as a whole)? Here is a good little "test." Ask yourself: Can I picture holding another man's hand, kissing someone else, or being intimate with another person? Do you feel both openness and peace about this? If you say no to any of those, or if those ideas bring discomfort, guilt, or resistance, it may be a sign that you need more time for healing. If you still feel too connected to your late husband in that way, if intimate thoughts of someone else feel "icky," or if you don't have openness and peace... trust your intuition. You likely aren't ready to pursue that kind of relationship yet, and forging ahead won't yield good fruit. You can work on bringing healing and grace to those areas so you are open and able to love fully and peacefully. Is there a "right" or "wrong" time to start dating after losing a spouse? The timing of dating and remarriage after widowhood are not moral decisions. Moral (right and wrong, sin or not sin) choices exist in areas of dating and remarriage, such as keeping the marriage bed pure, for instance. Other times, we try to make decisions that are actually free will choices into "moral" ones, and cause ourselves more angst. Who and when you remarry are typically not in the moral category (barring someone/thing that is sinful being a centerpiece of the decision). Don’t create a burden of morality where God has given you grace . This area should be one filled with His abundance and expectation, not overshadowed with lack or fear. What about the opinions of others on dating in widowhood? No matter what you do, people will have (and often share their) opinions. Some will think you’re moving on too fast; others will wonder why you haven’t started dating yet. And the truth? This isn't their decision. Also, their opinions will change depending on their own experiences, perspectives and priorities. No one can be the Holy Spirit for you. That said, there are things you can do to prepare and walk through it well, with wise counsel from those you trust in this vulnerable time. Those who have walked with the Lord through widowhood dating and remarriage (and navigating their children, as well as blending families) can offer invaluable insight. Most importantly, lean into the Lord's voice! Am I betraying my late husband by dating again? Biblically speaking, marriage ends when a spouse passes away. That doesn’t mean love ends— love is eternal! But you are no longer bound to an earthly covenant of marriage. You are free to marry again if you choose to, and you are free to remain single. There is no betrayal in moving forward into a new relationship. But if you can feel that your heart is not ready, that is important to listen to. Processing the trauma of losing a spouse can take time for our physical brains to "catch-up" to the reality of what has happened. Take the time you need. And I encourage every widow to do so prayerfully. LAST, but not least: Do I need to reach a certain level of healing before dating after widowhood? I love this one, because I wrestled with it so hard. Some of us can struggle with the idea that we need to be fully healed, "whole," or have all our trauma neatly wrapped... and then we'll be ready for a new relationship. I did years of weekly therapy, consumed books and podcasts, and attended support groups and conferences. I thought if I could "fix" myself enough, then I'd not just be ready - I'd finally be worthy . And there's where I caught myself (yet again) tying performance to worth. Yes, we should be aware of our struggles and do the hard heart work of healing (for God's glory, for our own well-being, and for a person we may love). But none of it changes our worth, or fixes the lies in our own minds that we are "too broken," or "no one would want me now/want all this/want me with my kids," etc. Coaching can offer significant help in this work. But again, your value to be worthy or lovable doesn't change, and you will feel so much peace living in the Lord's freedom from "standards and rules" to be a "good enough" Ruth to get a Boaz. Sister, you have never been "too broken" or "unworthy" to be loved again— not from day one of widowhood . So yes, always move toward healing, wisdom, and taking responsibility for your journey- to better love another person. And there is supportive wisdom and help to guide you in the journey ( I can help if you are interested ). But all must be rooted in grace, sister. Trusting God in Your Dating Journey If you take anything from this, let it be this: The real answer to every question is looking to the Lord for His merciful guidance- knowing both that He is able to give it, and you as His daughter are able to receive it! He is more than able to lead and guide you through every question, every doubt, every step forward (and yes, every mistake)! If you are walking in relationship with Him, He will make your path clear. You don’t have to live in fear—you can trust that He is leading you into good things. So lean into Him. Deepen your love for God. Grow your confidence in hearing His voice. And know that, whatever your journey looks like, He is walking it with you. With you, Rachel PS- If you want to go deeper in an experiential relationship with the Lord in your widowhood, and would like Biblically-based, Holy Spirit led guidance in how to deepen these (and navigate areas like dating, remarriage, and blending a family), see how I can guide you HERE . 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When Grief Feels Like Quick Sand Grief can be a beast. My husband's death by suicide was clearly devastating and life-altering, as is the tragedy every widow faces. I learned grief can be an unpredictable storm with crushing waves, and I was just trying to survive it. I couldn't tell you the moment I became stuck in it... because it had just been so hard for so long. The first months had turned into nearly two years after my husband’s death, and I was still waking up with the weight and pain pressing on my chest. The darkness and deep loneliness still surrounded me. The world had moved on, but I hadn’t. I functioned, I was trying to navigate, but I wasn’t truly living . Loss can turn into that. It whispers, "It will never be good again." It convinces you that healing is betrayal to your person. It makes the future feel like an unbearable burden rather than a place with any hope. If you’re reading this, maybe you know that feeling in your own way. Maybe you’re unsure of how to take the first step toward rebuilding a life that looks nothing like the one you wanted. You’re not alone. Most importantly, you are not without hope for things to change . The Path Moving Forward The truth is, moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind, or that you have to lose yourself. It means carrying their love with you as you take small, courageous steps into your future. In fact, life with them again is not behind you, it is only ahead of you, and they are cheering you on. Also, if you try to tell me that hope is available for others but not for you, or that there is not a life ahead of you that you could possibly love, I'll call it out as it is- a lie. I haven't bought those stories from other widows, either. I have worked with many, and I've seen those willing to lay that narrative down and rebuild a life they genuinely want again, and I've seen widows continue to hold those thoughts as beliefs- and stay stuck in that very reality they've created. It is possible to live in a forward direction, into peace and abundant life, with HOPE! But how? How do you begin again? The key is to take intentional, small steps that create momentum toward healing. It’s about shifting your perspective from being stuck in grief to learning how to coexist with it, while making space for life to continue. Healing is not about erasing the past but about integrating love, loss, and life into a future you can embrace. Let’s talk about three practical ways you can start this process. 3 Practical Steps to Move Forward When Grief Has You Stuck Full disclosure: As a Christian Widow Coach, I tend to want to get at the deeper, heart level, transformative work. ❤️‍🔥 While these 3 steps are brief, get out something to write on (or use your phone) and be willing to sit a few minutes with the Action Step practices. 1) Acknowledge Where You Are—Without Shame It’s easy to feel guilty about struggling. You might think, "I should be further along by now," or "Other widows seem to be coping better than me." But grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” (or same) timeline for healing. Instead of shaming yourself for feeling stuck or low, acknowledge it with grace (because this is how Jesus holds you). It's also important to recognize and name the growth you've already had! Celebrating your wins is so needed in this marathon of grief. Action Step: Take a few moments to journal about where you are in your grief journey (pausing to articulate through writing has been shown in research to be powerful! I strongly encourage you to write it down ). Be honest with yourself. What’s holding you back? Are there any emotions that feel too heavy to face? Sometimes, simply naming your struggles takes away some of their power as they sit in the light. What thoughts/beliefs are you holding that might be keeping you stuck in what you hate? Some of them may be blatantly opposed to the promises in God's word, but others may be more nuanced. Ask Him if you aren't sure- pause to listen. Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding love and beauty in your life ahead? (Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart). Lastly, write down places you have bravely pursued healing, growing, and continuing to live. You are not the same person you were- and that does not just mean you are broken! It means you have learned, grown, and are being beautifully refined in this fire. 2) Make One Small but Monumental Shift This one can be mistaken as insensitivity to those who are already hurting... but I hope my story helps you know I "get" widowhood pain. Please receive it from one who has been so deep in my loss that I nearly did not survive it. One major shift to forward direction that I had to take, and that I have seen with many other widows who experience deep growth after their loss is this: A willingness to BELIEVE a good life is still ahead of you, to WANT it, and be willing to KEEP TURNING toward/ FIGHTING for it. This is can be hard. In the beginning as a widow, no one wants the rubble of a life they've been handed. They are devastated. They only want their old life, with their person. But if we stay there, that is where we can find, years later, that we haven't moved, or grown, or rebuilt. We have no joy or hope, and we're trapped in the quicksand of grief, depression, or even suicidal ideation. It might sound like this: "I don't want this life. I don't want to live anymore." "I will never love anyone again." "No one will want me." "I'll always be alone." "I'll just get through the rest of my days until they're over." "My future has been stolen from me." "I died when he died." "Hope is possible for others, but not for me." It's normal to struggle, but we can change a mindset that is repeating and believing lies. Finally, can you tap into the gritty part of you that wants to fight for HOPE and abundant life? The part that says, "I won’t stay here forever"? We battle our own resistance to the reality that there can be healing, goodness, and rebuilding of a beautiful life. Action Step: Again, write these down (even briefly!). Do you say or believe some of the above bullet statements/something similar? Write down the recurring thought(s) that tell your future in hopeless terms. Are you able to recognize these as lies, or are you willing, now, to accept that they are? If you feel resistance, where is that coming from? What are you trying to protect yourself from (hope, more disappointment, something else)? Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding and embracing goodness, love and beauty in your life now? Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart. Dig deep and try to connect with the warrior the Lord declares you to be (the widow, Ruth was called a woman of valor in scripture!). Write a declaration of your commitment to the good and abundant life the Lord still has for you. I took mine from Psalm 118:17 "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." Now , you are in a better place for the last step: to begin to dream again for your future... 3) Dream, and Plan Your Future It may seem silly in the darkness you may be feeling, but if you could sit down and start dreaming up your future, what would that include? Are there still certain hopes that you have (even if they are tucked deep or feel lost)? What good things, that you would enjoy, should be included in that picture? Your story isn't over yet, and you can imagine, and create, a beautiful future. While these things don't come about instantaneously, they begin as hopes, thoughts, and ideas... and can blossom into reality by taking consistent steps! Action Step: Last time- write a few specific ideas down! Get specific into what a future you would genuinely enjoy looks like. Does it include a move? Travel? Relationships of different kinds? A new purpose or career? What else? (Be in a creative space and let all the ideas flow without going into "Edit" mode as you go, which can limit the possibilities) Do your children (if you still have them in your care) have any ideas or dreams? Do you have a safe friend or group that you could share these writings with? Is there anyone who has a skillset (financial planner, realtor, trip advisor, coach, etc.) who could support your exploration of these new realms? Reach out into this new territory- you might be pleasantly surprised at the adventure that awaits you on this new journey. Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean "Moving On" It bears repeating: Life with your person again is not behind you, it is only ahead of you , and they are cheering you on. There can be so much more goodness, right here in your remaining life- in the land of the living- because the Lord offers it to you. It's a process with Him; one you can be confident of (Psalm 27:13). You are not stuck forever. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are not alone in this journey. Don't believe the lies or self-sabotage... keeping yourself stuck in pain. Sister, you are still alive. And as long as you are alive, HOPE is still within reach. With you, Rachel PS- Ready to rebuild a life you love again? Let’s walk this road together — one step, one prayer, and one victory at a time. Learn more about personalized 1:1 Christian Widow Coaching 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post is published!

I remember standing in the middle of my new home, staring at blank walls that felt as empty as I did. The house was new, fresh, and untouched by memories of my late husband’s presence... Though I hated it, part of me knew that was what was needed. I had stayed in the home we had created together for years after he died by suicide, holding onto the precious, good memories of another lifetime. But eventually, I knew that there were other memories there keeping me stuck - keeping me from continued healing. There came a point where, for me, a change in homes, location, and scenery was part of my process to rebuild something beautiful in this new life I had been forced into. But beyond the new, blank white walls, there was work to be done. Part of my healing was creating a space that was healing for my family. In my darkest season—when the weight of grief and hopelessness made every breath feel impossible—I needed something, anything, to remind me that light still existed. That’s when I started putting up tangible reminders of truth. A verse that I could see every time I climbed into my empty, lonely bed. A note on the bathroom mirror that whispered, “You are still here.” A piece of art in the dining room created by hand; a quote from a book which reminded me I still had access to Holy Joy. These small changes didn’t erase my pain, but they did something powerful: they kept me fighting. If you’re grieving or struggling with hopelessness, your environment can either deepen the darkness or become a place of refuge. But what if your home could be more than just four walls? What if it could actually help you heal? Why Your Space Matters More Than You Realize When you’re drowning in grief or depression, your surroundings can feel like a mirror of your internal struggle—cluttered, chaotic, lifeless. Research has shown that the spaces we inhabit deeply impact our mental health. A 2016 study published in The Journal of Environmental Psychology found that clutter increases stress and anxiety, while organized, visually calming environments promote relaxation and emotional regulation. For those grieving, every object holds meaning. The unwashed coffee cup on the counter might remind you of the last morning you shared. The silence of an untouched chair may echo the absence you feel in your heart. Some things are special reminders of them that we want to keep, which is wonderful. But if we do not recognize the things that bring us sorrow rather than comfort (and exercise our power to make changes), it’s no wonder that being in our home can sometimes feel suffocating. But here’s the good news: You don’t have to stay stuck in that heaviness. You can take small, intentional steps to make your home a place that breathes life back into you. Turning Your Home into a Healing Space Your home can be a place that fosters hope, not just houses memories. Creating a healing environment isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about making space for the future. After my husband’s suicide, there came a time when I needed to move homes. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it gave me the opportunity to intentionally create a space filled with light and truth. I didn’t realize it then, but what I was doing aligned with what psychologists call environmental healing—curating surroundings that uplift rather than weigh you down. It may not be moving homes, but simply reframing old spaces to make them healing in forward movement rather than circling the drain on hopelessness. So, how do you do that? How do you transform your home into a place that helps you heal instead of pulling you deeper into pain? 3 Practical Ways to Make Your Home a Place of Healing 1) Declutter with Purpose Clearing out physical clutter can actually help clear emotional clutter. This doesn’t mean throwing away everything that reminds you of your loved one—but it does mean choosing what to keep with intention. Keep what brings comfort, not just what triggers sadness. Remember, your loved one doesn't live on through the "stuff," they live on through you . I knew my husband did not want me to be paralyzed in grief and pain, but to keep living - and that was motivation for me to keep moving forward. Action Step: Take one small area (a drawer, a shelf, a corner of a room) and remove items that don’t serve your healing. Replace them with something that sparks peace—a candle, a framed quote, or a simple plant. If it's something that does bring light and joy, then display it. 2) Surround Yourself with Hopeful Reminders When darkness creeps in, visual reminders of truth can anchor you in light. Scripture, uplifting quotes, or artwork can gently shift your focus from despair to hope. This is why I started placing messages of hope around my house—because I needed truth in front of me, constantly. Action Step: Choose one spot in your home to add a tangible reminder of hope. Whether it’s a framed verse, a print that speaks life, or even a sticky note with a simple, encouraging word—make it visible! Preferably in a place where you will see it when you need it (bathroom mirror, on your morning coffee mug, wall art in a particular location, etc.). 3) Create a Light-Filled Space Natural light has been proven to improve mood and mental clarity. Studies show that exposure to sunlight increases serotonin, which helps combat depression. Letting in light—both physically and spiritually—can be a step toward healing. Action Step: Each morning, open the curtains in your home. Let the light in. If natural light is limited, add soft, warm lighting that creates a comforting atmosphere (I did this with a special lighted tree in my bedroom that I really enjoyed). Bonus Tip : Live plants and flowers also can bring some life and goodness into your space! A Shop Built on Hope The idea behind our family's HOPE Shop was born from this very need in my own suicide widowhood—to have daily, tangible reminders of truth in front of me when the hopeless thoughts and feelings were so constant. It is part of the redemptive beauty from the ashes of our story of the loss of my husband by suicide. My daughters and I hand-design every product with the purpose of helping others hold onto hope in their darkest seasons. Whether you need a reminder for yourself or want to encourage someone else, these small tokens of hope can make all the difference. Plus they support the work we do in Hope Speaker. “Amazing designs!!! You never know who might need it and they’ll see these shirts or items and feel like God is speaking to them to keep going. They’ll see it as a sign to keep fighting, and that’s amazing.” -Kristiane G. 👉 Visit The HOPE Shop Final Encouragement Friend, I know the weight of grief. I know what it’s like to feel trapped in hopelessness. But I also know this: You are still here. And as long as you are here, hope is still within reach. Let’s fill our spaces with reminders of truth, and keep walking it out, one step at a time. 💛 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When a woman loses her husband, she (and everyone else) thinks mostly about grief, sadness, and loneliness. Unfortunately, those things (while very present) aren't the only things she gets to focus on. There is a list of end of life decisions and to-dos, and widows are in a state of shock and fog trying to navigate it all. Then, comes the roles we must take over in their absence, and the practical help we need with house, car(s), and perhaps children. Finally, there are the deeply emotional items, like what to do with their belongings and who will companion us in the longer journey of grief. If you are a new(er) widow navigating any of these things, this is for you. High Volumes of Desperate Online Searches Can you believe approximately 2,800 new widows are made daily in the United States alone? When a woman enters "club widowhood," they almost always scramble to find the resources they need in a tragic time. In the midst of their pain, they go to the only places they know to try to find answers- Reddit/other forums, Facebook groups, and of course, Google. They start searching (these are all real, high volume searches): "what to do when your spouse dies" "what to do when your husband dies?" "what to do after death of a spouse" Or, just looking for the answer to their need, straight and simple: "what to do when a spouse dies checklist pdf" Whether you are in total numbing shock, a fog of grief, or the wailing throes of being bereft, you suddenly must manage a major list of to-dos.... without even knowing what should be on the list. It can be a nightmare. And it's why we either stumble along with even higher grief and stress, or we go desperately searching for the resources, grieving tips, financial advice, and other support in our widowhood. Unfortunately, I "Get it," Sister When my husband died at 30 yrs old, I was totally lost in so many ways. Married when we were both 19, we had basically grown up together. There were specific things we each took responsibility for, and regrettably, I didn't know much about many of the financial, maintenance and other tasks that I had just become solely responsible for. As I tried to figure it out, I missed cues that his identity was stolen, landing me 12+ hours over the next few months in the police station and filling out papers and online forms to protect myself and my children from the mounting charges in his name. I also did not realize there was an order to follow in going about switching financial things over, and I made the mistake of reporting his death to one of our main credit cards before I had taken certain steps... and the card was immediately shut down. I had no access to it or the history (even with my name on it as a surviving spouse). This meant auto pay on critical bills stopped, and I didn't even know what they were! All of our passwords were conveniently organized in a file that was safely password protected. And by safe, I mean real safe. It was so safe, even I didn't know what it was (or had forgotten). In any case, I never figured it out, and never gained access to the much needed information. I remember sobbing in my late husband's home office on the floor, surrounded with envelopes that I didn't even understand (except the parts where things were threatened to be shut off). This is the reason I didn't want other widows to struggle as I did. Let's set you up to navigate your journey differently. The Checklist for the New(er) Widows When I started Hope Speaker to help those impacted by widowhood, I knew one of the first resources I needed to create was a checklist for after your husband has died. When your husband passes away, you don't need more adding to your pain, distress, and grief. So from my own personal experience, research, and from the input of financial advisors, I created what I feel is the BEST FREE resource I could: The Newly Widowed Checklist It is a simple pdf download that is a streamlined guide through: Preventing/Dealing with Identity Theft Obtaining Needed Documents Considering the Order of Tasks to Prevent Problems Taking Over Management of Responsibilities As well as the important heart-level areas of: Sorting Through their Belongings Getting Basic/Essential Support from Others Being Gentle with Yourself in it All It is available for free, here: The Newly Widowed Checklist And whomever obtains it will also be added to the Hope Speaker newsletter for other free resources and inspiration in their journey toward HOPE. If you have lost your husband, I am so incredibly sorry to welcome you to these trenches, but I want you to know that you are not, and will never be, alone. If you know someone who has lost their spouse, please share the above link to support them in navigating these waters. It is the checklist they need, and will likely be searching for. Hope Speaker is here in the pain: "...so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." -2 Corinthians 1:4 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood can feel like being lost at sea after the ship of your old life went down. You went through a devastating loss, but you can still feel.... lost. Some widows may try to adapt to surviving out in the open sea, living in survival mode so long that it becomes "normal." And though you hate it, you can become trapped in patterns that keep you stuck... and you may not realize that you can change it. Other widows recognize they need to get to shore to truly rebuild something stable. But it is an intentional process that is still not easy to navigate... and it still involves crashing grief waves. Whether you are exhausted from surviving, or have been trying to get back to land, it may be time to look up and realize there are lifelines not just to live through pain—but also to move beyond it. Lost at Sea - Navigating Widowhood When your old life sank, and you found yourself on a life raft, you do what you can to survive. But we do have choices (believe it or not!). We can resign to life at sea, or we can get back to shore. Neither are easy, but one has the promise of a real future. 1) Life at Sea Survival mode is a God-given response designed to help you endure the unthinkable. It shields you in the short-term. But living there ongoing becomes a prison: You constantly brace for the next problem You expect, watch for, and speak pain over your life You stay isolated because healing feels too far out of reach & don't have safe people You repeat unhealthy ways of coping (which ironically keep you barely hanging on) Sister, survival mode may have saved you—but staying in it will prevent you from rebuilding. 2) Get to Shore Although you may find yourself in "maintenance mode"—doing what needs to be done, avoiding triggers, going numb just to get through the day—I want to tell you that you are capable of getting your feet back to solid ground, and rebuilding. The lonely, hard, unhappy reality you are living right now is not the life you are "doomed to" because your husband died. I want you to know it's possible, with guided steps and the right support, to rebuild a beautiful life that you can love again. I have lived it as a suicide widow. But if you don't believe me, hear the promise the Lord gives you: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." -Psalm 27:13 It is possible to head in a new direction- one full of HOPE! Survival Mode Isn’t Home - Stability & Rebuilding Are Survival mode is the mental, emotional, and spiritual life raft that keeps us afloat after loss. In the beginning, it serves a sacred purpose: it keeps us alive in the chaos. But survival mode is a raft you don't want to call home. Sister, if you are hating your new life on the raft, hear me: God calls widows to life—and life abundantly , and the invitation is always open: To grieve, yes—but also to heal . To remember—but also to rebuild . To feel the real sorrow of death—but also live in resurrection . What about the widows who want to get to shore, have been trying different ways or healing and getting support, and still can't seem to get their feet on land and create a life they actually want again? First, I am so proud of you for fighting, and I can relate. After weekly counseling for 5 years, books, podcasts, grief groups, conferences, and more, I still felt stuck. Through my fight to abundant hope and rebuilding a beautiful life, I found pillars that really bring deeper healing and transformation, and they now anchor the work I do with widows. Sister, lifelines—real, practical and truth-rooted tools—help pull you back to shore. Let's take hold. Two Lifelines to Move You Forward in HOPE While we could address many things, here are two ways to begin identifying and moving forward from the limitations keeping you stuck where you don't want to be: 1) Possibilities & the Pivotal Point of Deciding There is a point of decision that is a critical reframe for every suffering human that can change them (and their future) entirely. In widowhood, it is a tipping point from powerless to empowered, and from hopeless to hope. It restores you even when so much has been taken from you. It is this: I may not have control of what happened/happens to me, but I can choose what I do with it. You may have heard it like this: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it." Because while no one can control the ups and downs of life, how you choose to respond is everything . This mindset shift is on the path from barely surviving to actively rebuilding. It’s the bridge from pain to purpose. When you choose to take ownership of your thoughts—without dismissing your grief—you move from being stuck to being free. You get to say: “I can’t change my losses. But I can partner with God in resurrection life again and again.” We are transformed through the renewing of our mind with truth. 2) The Power of Reframing Here is another practice that highlights that thoughts are not your enemy—but they often need management and redirection. One of the most healing tools I’ve learned is reframing: looking at the same reality through a new perspective. Identify thoughts that are painful and distressing, or that impact you in a negative way, and then challenge/dispute them. This reinterpretation is incredibly powerful... if we are willing to let go of old thoughts and feelings that "seem" and "feel" so true in and of themselves. While it can be used in a variety of ways, here's just a few examples that I personally used. That lonely night? Instead of hating and dreading it, view it as a time to invite God into the silence. You can create healing, connecting rituals with the Lord in this time. That trigger-heavy location? Instead of avoiding it forever, you might consider reframing it as a space for sacred remembering and eventual release. I did this with a healing visit to the site of my late husband's death with my new husband, and I no longer dreaded driving in the area. Those thoughts of how life is bereft of goodness? Instead of repeating them, consider, "Who would I be without this thought? What would my life feel like?" Did you know you can choose new thoughts and beliefs, and therefore change the associated feelings/experiences? While these examples won't be fitting for everyone, know that reframing helps shift survival mode into resilience mode. It doesn’t erase your grief—it gives you authority over it (instead of victimization). A Hope-filled Resource for You If you are a widow who wants to move forward with purpose into more peace and joy, I offer you free access to Lifelines for Widows Workshop where I lay out lifelines from the ship's sinking to getting your feet back on land. It's an easy listen that will give you HOPE and tangible steps as well! Put it on and listen while you walk, drive, or sit and engage with the workshop as if you were live with me. 👉 Access Lifelines for Widows FREE in the HOPE Library You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s do it together—with Jesus at the center and real HOPE lighting the way forward. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Navigating life as a new widow can feel like trying to find your way in a foggy maze. You feel shocked, confused, and lost. I have been through this journey, and I have come from hopeless (and even suicidal), to deeper healing and creating a life that I genuinely love again. It is my joy to get to help other widows do the same. I'm going to dive into five powerful areas I've found crucial for widows to find deeper support and healing (PS- Don't miss the last three- they are my favorite). 1. Empathy Why is empathy - the ability to feel with others and connect with their emotions - so important to us widows? It's because authentically joining and companioning us in our pain (without judgement and an agenda), can be one of the most safe, healing, and helpful things anyone could do! As we suffer and struggle, we will feel less alone, more able to be honest, and will find more comfort with those who can truly connect with our grief and loss. Expecting it from those who are not able to support us in this way (or trying to change them) brings more heartache. Find the "faithful few," as I like to call them, to journey with you toward healing in widowhood. Often it's other safe widows who get it, or people who have suffered other ways- and have also been intentional with their own healing journeys. Finally, empathy is key because we also will need growth, accountability and even correction at times... and we will struggle to receive any of it from someone who hasn't been a safe person to grieve with. 2. Stability Finding tangible support when grieving the death of our husband is vital for widows. When your world crumbles, and you are trying to put the pieces back together, you can go into survival mode in a variety of areas: physically, financially, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. Survival mode has its purpose in the short-term, but actually harms us in the long-term... and the reality is that widowhood is a long-term experience. This is why it's critical to find and invest in that which stabilizes and helps you recover. Here are some tips to help you establish stability in widowhood: Find Safe People At a very vulnerable time, you need to make sure your help comes from those whom you can trust. Listen to wisdom and your intuition when making decisions in who to delegate tasks to/receive help from, and who enters your inner world. This is also a caution to watch for scammers and those who would take advantage of your vulnerability . There are many who try to establish romantic or other types of connection/trust to use widows. If you don't have safe people, you may find them through a local church, grief support groups, or maybe in your family. If you are in need of a safe community, I offer our Christian Widow Community or individual support with me as options. Ask for Assistance With Practical Tasks Don't be afraid to tell people what you need (especially in the beginning, when people are around and offering). You can even ask them to help you find other well-equipped people to delegate specific tasks to. This is such a critical area of overwhelm for widows, who are often trying to figure out both what responsibilities their husband had that they need to take over and how to do them all. On top of the grief they are already experiencing, they may be managing a house, car(s), and children and more. Additionally, they are vulnerable to being victims of their late husband's identity theft (which is, terribly, common). These struggles are why the first resource I created was for those who are newer widows- to have a checklist to walk them through the necessary steps when their spouse has died... because they don't need any more weight to carry in their grief. Find it here: Newly Widowed Checklist 🌻 Support Your Mental, Physical, & Spiritual Health The last part of stability that is critical to name is our own health. Our very brains, bodies and souls have taken a major hit with trauma and the losses of death. However our own needs are often the first things to "go" when we are trying to support grieving children, navigate widowhood finances, or trying to "plug all the holes." If there is a time to believe that our hearts and healing are worth every resource needed - time, money, effort, etc. - it is NOW . Because not investing in yourself as you navigate widowhood will come at an even higher cost. It is hard not to let fear and pain be driving decisions right now, but the question to ask is, "What is my life and future rebuilding worth?" I think the answer is everything . We want to walk with widowhood journey well, in a way that glorifies God and finds purpose beyond pain. That's why self-care and personal healing and development are not luxuries in this season- they are necessities. I am not talking about addictions or other unhealthy or destructive ways of coping. I am talking about caring for ourselves holistically in the wake of destruction. There are various resources for mental, physical and spiritual health support. They can include therapy, groups, diet/exercise/sleep habits, and connecting deeper with Jesus. Again, I can offer my Christian Widow Community and Coaching as options where all these areas are prioritized! 3. Empowerment The empowerment of widows is absolutely vital! Why? Because if you do not find our voice, power and confidence to direct your own life, you will never be able to rebuild them in an authentic way with joy, peace and purpose. Widowhood is a vulnerable time for a woman, yet a time where what is required of you includes leadership and decision-making, for your own life and perhaps your whole family. It is a time where we need to have a voice, direction, and confidence in our ability to navigate the world. Yet so much feels uncertain, scary, and few women have experienced true empowerment in their life experience, including biblical empowerment that is given them by God. This is why I am so passionate for my widow sisters to know the identity the Lord gives them beyond just "widow," how He walks faithfully alongside, and how we can deepen our walk to hear back from Him (rather than one-way prayer). These are crucial in my widow community and the coaching I do with clients. God hears you, sees you, is happy to be with you in this and can do something about where you are. He is strong where you are weak (Corinthians 12:10), and equips you to be capable of what He is walking you into, in this new season and role. And as for other people? Those who are truly safe and who are for you will support and empower you to persevere, heal and grow on this journey. Where they cannot, rest assured that you can still move forward with Christ who fills you with His power. 💗 4. Grace When your world has blown up, when you are in excruciating pain, and when you are walking through a valley you have never been through before, you're going to mess up... a lot . Probably much more than you already did when your life was "normal" and "stable." You may feel the farthest you ever have from "having it all together." But here's the gospel truth, sister: where our sins are many, His mercy is more. We cannot out-fail His grace. Praise God! Where we experience the most terrible of human pain and suffering, there is an entirely different level of refinement, and it is a gift. I would never know His lovingkindness the way I do after I lost pride in my performance. I am not excusing sin, but all the mess, failure and weakness is where He delights to meet and strengthen us. He does amazing things in the impossible, and that is exactly what we need. So in your widowhood and your grieving... welcome to grace ! It is right here in abundance , and this is an opportunity to learn to give it to yourself as you are coping with your losses. It is through grace that we are made new and transformed. 🤲 5. Hope Last (but not least!) I am a firm believer that we cannot live well, or even live long, without HOPE. Hope is the confident expectation in the waiting, and in the hurting, that the goodness of God will come to us, here in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). It is an anchor for our soul because we can trust Him. That takes time, healing, and it is a battle. Post-traumatic growth, emotional resilience, and the increase of our faith do not simply happen on their own. I believe we are transformed as we suffer, and grieve with HOPE . We need hope desperately, and to keep believing the truth that it will not always be the way it is right now . We often need reminders and encouragement; it is typically not something you obtain once and never struggle with again. We also need to be open to all the possibilities that are still ahead of us in this life we have left to live. If we are closed off to them, we "circle the drain" of grief without HOPE for change or future... and we get sucked into a downward spiral. Many grief "support" groups look like this, with defensiveness and anger added in, along with resistance to the ideas of peace, joy, and HOPE. This is why having a grief space anchored in our redemptive and life-giving relationship with Jesus is so necessary. When He speaks truth to our souls and meets us, it is the most powerful support of all. And again, you need safe and empathetic grief companions who are both validating of pain but also desiring forward movement into recreating a life they genuinely love again. These valuable sources of HOPE are pillars in shaping our Widow Community and Coaching . Please connect with us if you are in need of this kind of support! May these five Healing Essentials be a guide as you find a way forward in widowhood that brings you HOPE! Save this post to return to, or share it with those who need it. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Tragedy that Changes Everything : Death For me, it all started the day Andre died. Now, that may seem laughably obvious, but it still feels absurd in a way when I write it. It's still unbelievable to me, even six years later. It is for a lot of us, because it can seem like our very tangible, living, breathing husband, was just here. Then, he... wasn't. It's not just a shock, it's a daily reality- a fact that you can't grasp (but have to, over and over). In fact, brain research shows that the more time overlap and life integration you have with someone, the longer it can take for new neural pathways ("knowing their absence") to be laid. This means widows are grappling with trying to accept a new reality, and new life, on a cellular level... for a long time. We need grace, and the right support. It is awful, horrific, and tragic... not just to us, but to our Lord who loves, grieves with, and comforts us. But here's another vital truth of widowhood: There is so much HOPE ahead! Without invalidating your loss, I assure you that the new life you have ahead can still be beautiful, the body and brain can recover, the broken heart can heal by God's grace, and there are so many possibilities ahead. If you struggle to believe me, may this Word anchor you deeper: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living . Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 17:13-14 We may be widows, but there is more to our identity than just that, and the Lord can lead us into it... Identity in Widowhood: Who Am I? Becoming a widow isn't just a marital status check box change. It involves an "identity crisis," of sorts; a transition process that is both legitimate and very painful. When we marry, Genesis 2:24 says we are "united... and [we] become one flesh." It also says that when one spouse dies, the other is released from the earthly, lawful marriage (1 Corinthians 7:39). While this doesn't dismiss or diminish the bond of love, it does give clarity as to why this is so hard! We were once "one flesh," united physically, emotionally, even spiritually... and have now come back to being just one as a widow. It is an abrupt change, and we cannot take a break or find relief from it. It's a new, unwanted, identity. And it involves so much more than just the loss of our person. Here is a great visual of the other losses of widowhood created by the Modern Widows Club: While there is one "loss of identity" bubble, I would argue that all of these losses include parts of our identity. Add in the loneliness of lacking support from the primary person we would receive it from, and you have painted a picture of widowhood. Grief poet, Sara Rian, says it powerfully: "Where do we go to grieve when it's our safe place who died?" We are not only trying to figure out who we are now, but to whom we intimately run to with these things. As Christians we have a miraculous answer for both of those questions: Christ, and Christ in me . He can go into every intimate and broken place with us as widows. Here are some truths and promises that can anchor us in our "identity crisis" and time of transition in widowhood: 1) The Lord Can Become Husband in Deeper Ways For You “For your Maker is your husband.” -Isaiah 54:5 "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." -Psalm 68:5 2) God Loves Widows, Calling for their Protection & Provision Deut. 10:18, James 1:27, 1 Timothy 5:3-16 3) The Lord gives you an Identity Beyond "Widow" Who you are in Christ spans the whole Bible. Here are a few identity-filled truths. Ruth, a widow, was called "a woman of khayil" (Ruth 3:11) This word doesn't just mean "noble character" or "virtuous," as it's often translated. It means a warrior. Valor. The same word is used in Judges 6:12 to tell Gideon he was a "mighty man of valor ( khayil )." You are not "just a widow." You are a seen, known, heard, loved, warrior bride of God, with a future ahead of you! Find Your Companions in the Trenches Have you ever seen the acronym, "IYKYK"? It stands for "If You Know, You Know." Well, others who have been widowed, just... know . Even though we are all different, and don't agree on everything in the grief journey, we get: The anniversaries The daily struggles (many of them) The inconsiderate things people say The losses (remember the diagram above?) And the truth is, just as the Lord says we can't do this life alone (not well, anyway!), we also can't widow well alone, either. Although it can feel hard to find those who are safe and healing people for us in widowhood, they do exist! Those who are able to connect with and work to bring healing to their own pain and losses can meet others in theirs. They aren't afraid of the mess. And here's the thing: if you find other widow sisters who love Jesus, and who want to fight for HOPE, healing, and finding purpose through their pain, their friendship can help you on the same trajectory! This is why I created a community of such women . Rooted in faith, intentional about investing in their healing, and want to walk this widowhood thing for the glory of God. They believe deeper healing is possible, and that they can create a life that is beautiful again. Beauty from ashes. Restoring the years the locust has eaten. Open to the possibilities of the good things that are now springing up... the goodness of the Lord right here in the land of the living. If this describes you, or the kind of woman you want to be, I would like to extend a personal invitation to you to be part of our Christian Widow Community- The HOPE Stronghold. We are moving forward into peace, joy, and HOPE, together. You don't need to do this alone anymore. Will you join us? 👉 www.HopeStronghold.com 👈 With you on the journey, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

To my beautiful, shattered, widow sister, Welcome to the family. I know you hate the very sentiment. You want to wake up from this nightmare, are looking for a way out, and have only joined us screaming and wailing (most likely, literally). It's ok. That's how we all came. I know that all you want is to have him back. We aren't offended that you didn't want to join this club. We will still stand with you, arms opened wide... because when you are ready, you will likely start asking, "How can I meet other widows? How can I connect with someone who gets it ?" Because the loneliness can be suffocating. The cold, empty bed at night. The silence when you call their name out loud. The empty seat at the table. I'm so sorry. We all hate it. But this place of forced stillness? It also can be a place where you may hear the Lord clearer than you ever have. Where you experience Him holding you in comfort in ways you have never known before. Where your gifts and light are going to shine bright; where we shine brighter together. I promise you, He faithfully has you here. Welcome to growth. The kind no one chooses. The kind where you will become a completely different person; one you never knew before... a person you are going to be so proud of and thankful for. He is proud of you, too. Widowhood is its own kind of place. It's a place where religious duty dies and reverence is born. It's where you pray in primal cries and find your truest of friends. It's a place of wrestling, where you refuse to quit unless God blesses you... And you will be strengthened, and begin to transform. Welcome to resilience & grace. You are going to face the monster of grief every day and, somehow , get through the day. You will quit a hundred million times and say "I can't do this," and yet, you keep winning... because you are alive the next day, still doing it. You will also stumble and fall, again and again... and right there is where you will find failure is replaced with grace. Mercy. His deepest acceptance of you when you have nothing to offer. You see, winning is living. Breathing is worship. Victory and love are simply received. Where you are weakest - that's exactly where He is strong. That's how you know you're going to make it. Welcome to rebuilding. When you look around, you see rubble, loss... a graveyard. That's because your person is still missing. But even at ground zero, something beautiful can be rebuilt, because there is a HOPE that is deeper still, as your foundation. I know the future is frightening, but trust me when I say that there is more for you. More laughter, more love, more joy... more life . Though you lost a part of you when he died, you did not die. You will not die from this. Your story isn't over yet. And you are not alone. There are still so many possibilities ahead... so much goodness. They begin where you are open to them. Allow the breaking to open your heart wider, still, to receive. Welcome to intimacy. Not the kind you had before (sorry!). However, you have the opportunity to be truly known... because all your colors are going to be seen. And your Husband, the Lord, delights in all of you right here. It's ok. You are way past capacity. You are beyond "keeping it together." You are too limited to put on masks and please other people (who have no idea). You are going to fail. Widowhood can feel like falling apart. It's a gift, actually! You're going to learn mercy, grace, and love from it's truest sources- God and safe people (and widowhood is full of great company). Don't worry about how other people feel about or respond to your grief. Just find and hold on to the ones who will companion you well in the journey. Welcome to HOPE. If you can hear it from me in any capacity, please tuck this truth nugget deep, through all of the pain and anger and disbelief into your heart, where it will be waiting for you: You are going to be ok, because you are, and will be, more than just a "widow." Your identity is deeper than this. I know nothing is ok right now, sister. I know you are not ok right now. I know you cannot fathom being ok in a life where he is not living. But with Jesus, you are going to make it. And it will be good again. Not the same good... but still good again, because we can say: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living ." -Psalm 27:13 You can find identity, healing, purpose, and with Holy Spirit power- keep living a beautiful life. As a new widow, I am here to welcome you. Yes, into grief, and into pain, but also into family, growth, resilience and grace, rebuilding, intimacy, and HOPE. With you, Rachel P.S. Sister, I know you’re waking up to mornings that feel impossible, trying to survive days that you want to escape, and falling asleep to nights that echo with loneliness. You don't have to get stuck there forever. I've created a space for widows who love Jesus to grieve, heal and rebuild their lives together- The HOPE Stronghold. Here find the consistent community, support, tools, and Christ-centered guidance to break free from feeling stuck and begin rebuilding a future with HOPE. 👉 If you want holistic support for body, mind and Spirit, join us as we launch, as a Founding Member. It's the lowest our membership will ever be, and your voice will help shape the space we create together! Join HERE! 👭❤️‍🔥 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!