Into Gold: The Power of a Widow Who Walks With God

Get Me Out of Widowhood

Let's be honest. None of us wanted to be here.

It's common to have internal resistance to the idea of becoming gold in the refining fire of widowhood... because it feels like torture at times, and often what we want most is to just get out of the suffering.

But before I go any further, I need to name this now:

Your pain is valid. Your suffering is terrible. Not only do I grieve with you, but what is more—the Lord Himself does. I am not about to tell you how to make this "worth" going through.

But, since we're here in the flames, and because the Lord is with us in them... I believe we can lean into what He says can take place here - the purification of our hearts into a treasure that brings Him glory.

And I want that. I think you do, too. We want purpose from pain, beauty from ashes, and joy from mourning.

So let's first acknowledge how brave, and hard, that decision is.

Because widowhood can be so difficult that we merely want it to end... or at least to get through the "process" (whatever this "process" God is taking us through) faster! Pain makes us want to withdraw (a natural human response).

But we are made for more than getting through this life as comfortably and painlessly as possible. That is not our goal. Our goal is to bring God glory through our lives—our joys as well as through our struggles.

Although part of us pushes suffering away, the Spirit draws us into communion with Christ there, where He can do His work in us. In staying near God and cooperating with the Spirit, this pain of widowhood can become the place He transforms us.

Into Gold: Embracing Refinement

Embracing the refining process with God in suffering can be more powerful and life-altering than becoming a widow was—for our joy and His glory! Take it from a beautiful soul who was widowed twice, and still proclaimed:

“Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering.... The love of God did not protect His own Son.... He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.”

-Elisabeth Elliot

And the good news is that our journey with Him isn't a math equation where more suffering equals "better" or "greater" to God.

But it does mean that loving Him more than our comfort, and desiring His transformation of us more than our circumstances, leads to a purposeful life of faith. We find deeper HOPE and joy that cannot be taken from us, because they are not based on circumstances, which will change and in people/things which we will lose.

Becoming like gold - or a pure diamond through refinement - isn't just a possibility. We have promises that this is the Lord's way in widowhood: He WILL purify us from the lesser things, and lead us more deeply into:

• fellowship with Him

• becoming our true selves as image-bearers

• sharing this comfort and connection with other sufferers

...and these are the greatest outcomes we could ever have. Because that is what we are here in this life to do.

So what does that actually look like day to day? How do we orient our hearts to cooperate with God’s refining work instead of running from it?

How to Walk This Refining Road (3 Offerings)

1) See Widowhood Rightly — with Spiritual Eyes

• Trials are normal and expected in life (even this awful one).

  “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” — 1 Peter 4:12

• Replace the stories you tell yourself (that you feel strongly/are more comfortable holding), but are not truth, such as:

  -“We were supposed to grow old together.”

  -“He should not have died.”

  -“This sadness is just how life is now.”

  These beliefs keep us victims in life instead of those who are conquerors even through death (Romans 8:37–39).

• Widowhood can be a Kingdom calling (and even an opportunity).

  Don't misunderstand me- pain isn't pleasant, and God doesn't enjoy our suffering. I am also not saying that this only makes us stronger, nor am I invalidating the cost, the losses or struggles. But if we are going to be here and go through this (which, well, we are already), let's let the Almighty do His limitless, redemptive and resurrecting work in and through us!

Seeing widowhood rightly reframes your posture: from avoidance and/or resistance to surrender and acceptance. That's where the transformation happens.

2) Expect Widowhood to Change You for the Better

Does this sound crazy?! I bet it did when it came out of Job's mouth. After losing his family, possessions, and health, he declared: “When he has tested me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10).

• James 1:2–4 invites us to consider that we can even have joy in trials, because through them, with the power of God, we can be refined in holiness. And being made like Him and being brought nearer are worth more than all the ease and comforts of life without them.

Expecting His merciful and glorious work in you helps you stop fighting the refining and start yielding to it. Because you can choose the path of growth and transformation in suffering.

3) Do Not Seek Shortcuts — Press In to Him

If you are only focused on trying to get out of the refining process of widowhood, you will not become purified gold. What's more, you can also get stuck deeper in pain.

It's easy (and actually, common) to find comfort in sin as we try to cope with widowhood pain. It might be addictions, sinful relationships and behaviors, trying to dissociate/disconnect from reality completely, or rebelling against God instead of moving toward Him.

But sister, don't shortcut yourself or your growth, power and transformation by rejecting the gold you can become here. You aren't doing it alone. Here is another encouragement from our twice-widowed sister in the faith:

“The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” -Elisabeth Elliot

The choice to say "yes" to Jesus in the refining fire is a brave, daily choice of surrender... One we can return to when we've failed over and over, because of His bountiful love and grace.

Gold From the Fire

Let me share one last secret with you: No matter what, you will not be a widow forever (whether you have another earthly relationship or not).

"Widow" is not your identity. It is a (fiery) season, which is bringing you into the fullness of who you are becoming in Christ.

If grief is a heat that threatens to melt everything down, remember: the refiner’s goal is not to destroy you but to remove impurities and hindrances which must go, so the gold may shine pure. This is not a promise that pain will be easy; it is the promise that purpose and glory are magnified when you keep with Jesus in faith.

You’re not called to minimize the cost. You’re called to be with the One who makes all things new—who walks with you through loss and resurrects the true you in the Holy Spirit.

Press in, sister. Let the Lord do His work. The road is hard, but the treasure on the other side—the deeper fellowship with Him, a more faith-filled you, and the capacity to give comfort to others—is offered to you.

With you,

Rachel

🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post,

or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top)

to be in-the-know when a new post drops!