Three Gifts Widowhood Gave Me | Christian Widow Hope

Welcome sister. I’m glad you made the brave choice to even open this Blog (or perhaps you made it this far from curiosity, disbelief or even rage…) I’m glad you are here.

The idea that widowhood could be, or give, gifts to us as widows is rather unbelievable. It certainly is a paradox; it seems like a contradiction but actually reveals a hidden truth. It’s kind of upside down, just like a lot of things in the Kingdom of God.

For the record, I’m not writing to minimize the loss, the pain or the suffering. We’re not going to get masochistic or glorify brokenness, because God doesn’t do so.

However, I know your soul longs for the things that are eternal and glorious, as mine does. And there is a hope that anchors the soul in discovering the grace, transformation, and resurrection power of the Lord—right where it would seem there is a hopeless ending.

May we open our hearts wider and outstretch our hands to receive, by faith, what our God for whom nothing is impossible has for us here as widows. May be also come honestly and as we are, and be ok to say to Him, “Lord, I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24).

Seven years out from becoming a suicide widow, here are three gifts that the Lord gave me through widowhood…

1) Fully Living These Numbered Days

Years before my first husband’s passing, I had a bit of an existential crisis on a date night, when out of nowhere, I was hit with a deep sense of how one of us would die before the other.

Sitting in the parking lot at our condo, Andre did his best to grasp the deep reality I randomly tapped into as I tried to explain it with urgency.

“One of us is probably going to pass away before the other, Anj!” I said with some desperation.

“Oh, yeah, honny. That is really sad…” he replied.

“No, really! I know we know, but I really feel that. It’s so sad!” I cried as I felt the weight of it.

I don’t know why the curtain was peeled back a bit that night, but I remembered the thoughts being at the forefront of my mind as we lay down to sleep. I distinctly remember putting my head on his chest, and hearing his steady heartbeat… Its consistency gave no indication it would ever stop.

Fast forward more than a decade, through the horror and tragedy of losing him and into my second marriage.

We widows know the reality of the temporal reality of earthly marriage, and if we’re honest, they cross our minds as we step into love after loss. If we lost once, we can lose again…

The existential moment once again hit randomly, but hard. Not long after we were married, I lay down and put my head on my second husband, Mike’s chest. As the steady beat filled my ears and my mind, it all came crashing in… with force into my heart and soul.

This is temporary. One of us is going to pass before the other. I am going to lose this again.

It was a deciding moment in my life at that moment and going forward, and the Lord was faithfully present with me.

I knew I could let the fear and panic at the door in to choke out this moment’s goodness… and many moments of goodness to follow.

The fear of losing him, and losing it all, again. But what was most striking to my soul was the other option that the Lord whispered to my soul. Knowing that it was temporary, I could more deeply sink into this moment and richly soak in the goodness that I had here. I have lived without, and I now get to live with…. Gratitude and overwhelm at this present moment’s blessing.

That is what I chose in that moment as I closed my eyes and my soul shifted from the white-knuckled grip of what I could lose, to a posture of surrendered hands that tenderly held this temporary gift.

You see, widowhood taught me to number my days, that I may gain a heart of wisdom (Psalm 90:12).

The fact that this current reality is only a season helps guard against hopelessness (for the current struggles and pains will, one way or another, pass). The temporary reality of this earthly life can also help me be more present in life’s moments, and soak in their richness, for they, too, will pass from this form to another.

2) Strongest at Our Weakest

It was in widowhood that I was at my lowest, most vulnerable, and my weakest. Others failed me in profound ways and even more prominent, I failed in my biggest ways in my hopeless survival.

There wasn’t a lot to be proud of when I felt most broken, messy, abandoned, rejected, sinful and even suicidal.

Enter in the power of a shameless and limitless God.

“…I pleaded with the Lord to take [this suffering] away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness…’ That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight… in hardships… in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” -2 Corinthians 12:8-10

Widowhood was when I felt most powerless:

• stripped of the right to practice my faith the same way my previous church

• feeling like a bad/failing single mom

• taken advantage of and unprotected

• facing all the losses in finances and our future plans together

• questioning my own abilities, worth and capability in nearly every way

Yet through this season of being stripped down and at my weakest, this is where the Lord built me back up in Him and His strength! Refined into gold in the fire.

As a widow:

• I was still a needed part of the church

“On the contrary, the parts of the [church] body that seem to be weaker are indispensable.” -1 Corinthians 12:22

• The Lord supported me as a widowed mom as well as my children

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.” -James 1:5

• The Lord was my shield and defender

“A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.” -Psalm 68:5

• I did not lose God’s plans for me, which were still good

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. -Jeremiah 29:11

“I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.” -Psalm 27:13

• I was purified through the struggle and rooted in what is deeper

“I will refine them like silver and test them like gold. They will call on my name and I will answer them; I will say, ‘They are my people,’ and they will say, ‘The Lord is our God.’” - Zechariah 13:9

You don’t have to feel or understand it right now for it to be true. You are empowered through the Holy Spirit, given your voice and worth. It will shine through the darkness.

3) The Deepest Anchored HOPE for a Christian Widow

The irony of what the Devil tried to take from me through the death of my beloved was that Jesus came to give me, and secure, what death could never steal.

Enduring the desert conditions of widowhood meant my roots went down deeper into what is eternal, what lasts, and what can never be taken from me.

“Blessed is she who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in Him. She will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit.” -Jeremiah 17:7-8

He provides the living water we can sink our roots into. The Hope that anchors our soul is in Him alone. We can trust in Him for our security, as we grieve the earthly frailty and loss of our husband.

"Do not put your trust in princes, in mortal men, who cannot save. When their spirit departs, they return to the ground; on that very day, their plans come to nothing. Blessed is she whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the Lord his God." -Psalm 146:3-5

Here’s the good news: it is not just surviving, suffering and enduring now in widowhood and going forward. The most mind-blowing part is that God says suffering, trouble, and hardship do not take our hope away, they actually lead us to HOPE!

“…I will make the Valley of Achor (meaning trouble or suffering) a door of hope.” -Hosea 2:15

"… we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.” -Romans 5:3-4

The sufferings and hardships can lead straight to eternal hope for widows.

Widow by Faith

Only a God of the impossible can bring that kind of beauty from ashes, and life from our broken heart.

His thoughts and ways are so beyond ours; they are so much higher than ours (Isaiah 55:8-9).

And that’s really good news, because it means there is so much more for us here and ahead than we can see with earthly eyes right now. But through the Spirit, we can walk by faith rather than sight (2 Corinthians 5:7).

We can widow by faith, too. And, we can do that together.

If you want to continue this journey of widowing by faith with your widow sisters who love the Lord, join us in The HOPE Stronghold

It is a precious and valuable community that will transform your experience of being a widow.

As always, here with you,

Rachel

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