Why What You’ve Tried in Widowhood Isn’t Working (& What Will)

Rachel Powell
Sep 10
5 min read

Widow walking in grief with God’s guidance – healing, hope, and support in Christian widowhood

Trying All the Things… & Still Feeling Stuck

If you’re like most widows, you probably really want healing for your broken heart and life... and have tried a lot of different things to navigate grief:

Searching the internet and YouTube for help
Attending grief groups (different ones or the same one... maybe multiple times)
Attending a retreat, conference, or special event for widows
Listening to podcasts and/or reading grief or self-help books
Counseling/therapy

And guess what? Those are all wonderful, helpful things!

The problem - based on what many widows have shared with me, and from my own experience - is that in their daily life they still feel alone, in pain, overwhelmed, and unsure how to take steps forward, toward creating a different life. They may not even know that it's possible.

The truth is: deep healing and transformation in widowhood require more than self-help, single events or surface-level support.

Because it isn’t a quick “process” we get through once; it’s a life-altering loss. And the passage of time alone doesn't necessarily make anything better. What you do in and with the passing of time can heal your grief if you are intentional with successful support.

Through my own journey and guiding others, I have discovered foundational steps that bring deep healing with forward movement in widowhood grief.

Christian widow support through safe grief companions, faith, and trauma-informed healing

Transformative Support for Widows

Before we jump in, allow me to briefly explain how this has become my life's work and expertise.

I became a suicide widow in 2019, and was so hopeless and in such pain that I attempted twice myself. I tried all the things mentioned above to get help, and then more! If there was such a thing as winning a medal for therapy, I think I would win with weekly counseling for 4.5 yrs straight, on top of all the other things!

I'm joking, but I truly believed and was prompted by the Lord that there was still goodness ahead, and I was determined to really live again, instead of resigning to merely existing.

As a lover of Jesus, RN of 14 years turned speaker, author and widow coach, I have studied and integrated my Christian faith, science of the brain and nervous system in trauma and regulation, as well as coaching modalities (managing thoughts, feelings and actions) in tangible ways that brought me from despair to an abundant life again.

I believe in healing connections with safe people, evidence based tools for the brain and body, all wrapped in the Holy Spirit's relational guidance and empowerment.

Here are some things I have found are powerful in deep grief healing and progress:

Connection with safe, healthy grief companions: We need relational connections that are healing instead of wounding in the rawness of our grief experience. Empathy is needed for vulnerable connection, and validation is needed for comfort. However, healthy companions also resist the spiral into negativity and hopelessness, and are able to bring truth- because they have been a safe place to be known and loved in our pain.

Direction & guidance through grief: So often, widows feel lost, overwhelmed, and desperate for what is actually helpful and healing... even in groups with other widows. A community of widows is wonderful, but without feedback, support and clarity from someone who has been there (not just letters behind a name, but who has walked it through)... we have no real steps to bridge the gap from where we are to where we want to go.

Most importantly, many widows haven't cultivated the confidence that a two-way connection with the Lord and His voice brings as they make decisions for their life and future under Him. (Did you know you can learn ways of connecting with God more intimately, shown even in brain research?)

Evidence-based healing practices: Speaking of research, grief impacts our bodies and nervous system particularly, and we can learn a lot about integrating grief, healing trauma and metabolizing pain. That’s why we need both “top-down” support (shifting thought patterns, rooted in truth of God) as well as “bottom-up” support (body-based processing like vagus nerve regulation, in places the "thinking" brain isn't online).

Consistency: Not just a one-time event, an occasional relief, and not snuffed out by the same objections every person's brain gives: "I don't have the time/money/effort to put toward my healing" (consider the cost of continuing your current trajectory, sister).

Widowhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Grief is unpredictable and overwhelming, so support needs to be both available and prioritized for change to happen.

Steps for widows to heal: faith-based grief support, safe companions, and evidence-based guidance

3 Steps Toward Successful Widow Support

If you’re tracking with me but wondering where to start, here are three steps I offer you:

1. Find Safe Grief Companions- Who Don’t Keep You Stuck

Not every widow group or companion is healthy, and it can be hard to find health and balance in grieving and having forward movement. Look for authentic, safe grievers who:

Don’t shame you, invalidate pain or bring more harm
Don’t continually “circle the drain” of hopelessness, self-pity or being victims in loss
Don’t become angry defenders of pain, leaving little room for an abundant future that includes peace and joy

Safe companions are those who can sit with you in the hard, while also encouraging hope and healing.

2. Get Support—Consistently

One struggle can be finding the right help (keep reading for more specifics), but another common issue is the unwillingness to invest in the intentional healing that can be life-changing. Ask yourself honestly:

What would it be worth to navigate grief with hope and peace, and rebuild my identity and future?

If life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do with it... what is the refinement and empowerment of myself (the 90%) worth? (My answer: EVERYTHING!)

3. Seek Knowledgeable, Trauma-Informed, Faith-Based Guidance

Not all support is created equal. For brand-new trauma survivors who haven’t processed their loss at all, counseling may be the best first step. I screen for these things in all of my coaching consults, to see if a therapy referral is more appropriate for acute situations.

But for widows who are surviving, maintaining, but feel stuck looking back, wanting real change in their feelings and life going forward— coaching (in community or 1:1) is a powerful next step.

I firmly believe also that there is transformation that can come only by the power and work of Holy Spirit, who is more than willing and capable of transforming us and bringing redemption and resurrection life from the death we have experienced. Connecting to God and being rooted in His truth is a non-negotiable for me, and it's a hallmark of the work we do at Hope Speaker.

It’s where grief is processed, God’s truth is applied, and forward momentum is finally possible.

HOPE Stronghold Christian widow community – grieving, healing, and rebuilding life together with God

Where You Can Start Today

That’s exactly why I created two ways to walk this out with you:

💜 The HOPE Stronghold – a Christ-centered widow community where you don’t have to do this alone. Together, we seek the Lord, grieve honestly, heal deeply, and rebuild lives filled with peace and joy. With consistent support, guidance, and a safe circle of women who “get it,” you don’t have to keep searching and patching together your own help.

The Hope Stronghold is launching soon! If you are interested in being a founding member to the community, you can be added to our email list HERE to get in.

🤲 1:1 Widow Coaching – for personal, focused support to move through the places where you feel most stuck. With biblical truth, trauma-informed strategies, and real accountability, coaching helps you take tangible steps toward healing and rebuilding.