Love Note to a Christian Suicide Widow | Hope Speaker

It Wasn't Your Decision

My beautiful Christian suicide widow sister,

I grieve with you as I welcome you to this subgroup of Club Widow.

I know being here is unreal. Losing him is unbelievable. “Shock” doesn’t begin to describe it.

It’s not fair how your old life shattered because of those actions. And it’s even more confusing that the actions were his.

It wasn’t your decision.

I know this widowhood grief has a different flavor. You may feel like you don’t fit even in widow circles (but you do). There are also more of us than you know, and walking it together will help you in this journey.

I know you have so many questions. So many regrets. So many unknowns.

I know the burning desire to do it over. To go back and make it different.

I know you see things now that you didn’t realize at the time.

Sister, I need to remind you, in the swirling storm of your heart and mind:

It wasn’t your decision.

Embrace this truth, and come back and repeat it as you rest in grace.

Reject Accusation and Receive Grace

Accusation comes from the enemy, who only comes to steal, kill and destroy further. You will never find answers, peace, or life in guilt and condemnation.

It can come in so many forms:

• The enemy and the flesh in your own thoughts

• The blaming words or actions of others

• The things your late husband may have done or said

It is so important that you identify and reject accusations immediately. While it is a normal part of suicide loss, it's also a poisonous part. Don't receive it. Don't let it sink in and spread.

"There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." -Romans 8:1

When I felt tempted to embrace accusation, blame, hate or anger from my late husband in his decline toward me before he passed, the Lord told me this:

"Do not empathize with the demons who tormented Andre."

That is not love, sister. It doesn't mean you are loving him to agree with the dark things that contributed to this loss.

You will find freedom in:

1) Rebuking lies- send them far from you

2) Surrender-release what you did not have control over

3) Receive grace-that covers him, you, and everyone else

Resist Enshrinement and Bedevilment

Enshrinement and/or bedevilment of your late husband may be tempting.

Resist these.

Enshrinement is when you remember him or your relationship with him as perfect. You may hide the bad memories, and you may never speak the truth about the hard things, because you want to make him look like a saint. You equate this to "honoring" him.

Honoring our person and their memory is an important part of remembering and of connecting to purpose in grief. But enshrinement is not the same, and ultimately keeps you stuck.

Bedevilment is when you focus only on the negative, hurtful parts of the relationship. You only remember the wrongs, the fights, and the pain.

While anger and regret are part of normal grief, we can get stuck there, too (this could also be anger at God or people other than your late husband).

Healthy grief is honest about both the good and bad. Processing both allows you to bring healing to all the different wounds that need it, rather than avoiding by trying to make them "all bad" or "all good" now that they have passed.

I know that sometimes, depending on the memory, you may feel like you are grieving two different people. This, too, is a confusing part of widowhood grief.

This brings me to another gem I want to share with you as my Christian suicide widow sister...

Your Husband Is More Than How He Died

Your husband is now his true self in the Spirit.

Your heart, body, mind and soul will be blessed by keeping this truth close to your heart, and it gives you perspective in losing him.

As you heal through all that has happened with your late husband:

• He and his life are more than how he died

• All the wounds and pain that came from him are held to account by God

• You can find freedom and peace now and going forward

All that he has ever said and done in the flesh and in sin is not who he is now, as his true self in Christ.

He no longer holds falsehood, confusion or lies over himself, the Lord, or you. He can now see the truth very clearly, is completely forgiven and at peace, and he holds a deep and pure love for you.

You can hold this space as well. This brings so much hope to your widowhood grief, and also to your rebuilding of a beautiful life.

He is not that darkness or pain. He is not "back there." He is ahead of you in heaven, cheering you on!

From his end of this now eternal relationship, all is well. You only have your own healing to focus on. And from the Lord and from your late person, you are supported in it.

Moving forward into life, into joy (and even into love again if you so decide) is not betrayal. You are not hurting his feelings. You are living, and your relationship with him has changed into an eternal one. Nothing can thwart or diminish that.

Also, I want to say clearly (while I am not able to unpack it all here): Yes, Christians can die by suicide, and it is NOT an unforgivable sin.

There is devastation from all sin, but those in Christ are covered in love and grace.

Be not afraid.

You Don't Have to Walk Suicide Widowhood Alone

You don't need to do this alone, sister.

I have lived this journey. As a young suicide widow, I felt so alone and devastated, and I ran myself into the ground caring for my four children. I thought the terrible suffering was just how my life was, now... And I crumbled into attempting to leave this earth twice myself.

Then I committed to a new path of widowhood with Jesus- deeper healing and community. It changed everything, and I rebuilt a beautiful life I truly love again. My life's work is now helping other Christian widows walk the same road.

I would love to journey together with you. Here are a couple of ways we can:

1) The HOPE Stronghold virtual Christian widow community

This is a growing, intentional space where I pour into my sisters. You will meet other widows who love Jesus and are navigating this together (and even having some fun doing it).

Join us HERE

2) One-to-one coaching support

With weekly, personalized guidance and high-connection support, I can help you in relieving pain and healing deeper and more quickly. It has been life-changing (and life-saving!) for my beautiful widow clients.

(Plus, you get access to The HOPE Stronghold community free as a coaching client)

Find out more HERE

Sweet sister, as a Christian suicide widow, you do not have to wander through this alone.

I want you to know that although we may not have met yet, I am already praying for you as you have joined this Club and are on this new journey.

There is still so much HOPE and goodness ahead of you in the Lord. I promise.

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living."

-Psalm 27:13

You can find identity, healing, purpose, and with Holy Spirit power- keep living a beautiful life.

With you,

Rachel

🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post,

or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top)

to be in-the-know when a new post drops!