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Losing my 30-year-old husband by suicide was unlike any other suffering or tragedy I had ever experienced. In fact, it was unimaginable, and remains unexplainable. Widows know that the only ones who could possibly "get it" are the ones who have lived it, too. It isn't a life setback or even a "thorn in the flesh." It is death... Death of your closest person. As we grapple with the finality of death in our life, one of the greatest dangers of widowhood is that we begin to receive death as a sentence over the rest of our life. Today I want to ask you to set aside resistance, and receive the blessing of truths that will change you, your widowhood, and your future as you believe and walk in them. Danger in the Trenches of Grief Before I get into the hope I know you need, I must begin at a place that is safe for you to be seen, felt and loved as you are. I know losing your husband was horrible and life-altering. No one can be pushed or pulled out of grief, and all the losses that ripple into every area of your life need validation. Being known in the messy and painful, yet still accepted is a foundation to companioning someone empathetically, and well, in grief. Finally, I want to reiterate that as much as I am able to as your widow sister, I can understand overwhelming pain, hopelessness and despair. I attempted suicide twice after my husband passed. Please know that healthy grief begins with safety and grace- and you have found it here. AND, while all of these things are true, here is what is also true. There are many grief spaces that promote only ideas such as "grieve your way," and "no one can tell you [anything, basically] about your loss." The problem is that people in dark grief can have their pain and lie-based beliefs validated (to their own detriment) at the cost of their growth and joy. Another idea, that there are "no timelines," can sometimes turn into being stuck in deep grief and pain forever. Grief without hope, and without forward movement, is not "[walking] through the valley of the shadow of death" with our Shepherd (Psalm 23:4). It is setting up camp to live there the rest of your days until you, too, pass away. The trenches of grief can be dangerous for us- body, mind and soul. There is a war going on. Consider: The Devil is the Father of lies (John 8:44)... including grief lies Our flesh in widowhood holds onto deeply held, repeated thoughts (beliefs) that we accept instead of "[taking] captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ" (2 Corinthians 10:5) The grief world will often affirm you to death, whatever your "truth" is, including destructive conclusions like "I died when he died," "This will never heal," "My good life is over," etc. The dark, hopeless and excruciating places of grief may be part of our human experience, but they are not your doomed reality for the rest of your life. They don't need to be. Widows need the light, love, and truth of Christ to shine in and illuminate the depths of widowhood. We can be honest, real, and known and move forward into our future with the Lord. Two Truths & Promises That Change Everything Ok sister, here is a little of what helped change me from a hopeless suicide widow to a Kingdom Bride who is expectant and abundant in the Lord. You must know that as we move from all the "impossibilities" we feel and believe into all the possibilities Jesus has for us, we often meet internal resistance, defensiveness, and fear of disappointment. It is normal as our brains try to "protect" us from change, and also as we battle against the world, our flesh and the enemy. Thankfully, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). 1) God has Goodness in Widowhood & Beyond, for You Yes, you! "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 27:13-14 Can you believe the audacity of David's confidence as he wrote this? Despite fleeing for his life and seeing none of what was promised come to fruition yet, he declared, believed, and trusted in goodness coming to him. What would it mean, feel like, and look like for you to be this certain of the same? That in the days you have left to live, you were going to see God's goodness coming to you, too? 2) This is Not Your End- It is Just the Beginning Sister, I know it can feel like you are so low in grief that you might be burning alive at times, and this is what the Lord says: "When you pass through the waters... they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God..." -Isaiah 43:2-3 When I believed so much that my life was over I acted to end it, the Lord gave me this battle cry: "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." -Psalm 118:17 Widowhood is not your end: you have not died, and you will not die. You will live, and live with purpose, proclaiming all that you will see Him do for you, to others! Remember the Father of grief lies? We overcome him in Christ fully! "They triumphed over him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony." -Revelation 12:11 So keep living, lean into God's redemption that will be your story, and speak it to others. Living it Out as a Kingdom Widow How do we actually walk by faith in these ways, especially when we are really struggling in widowhood? Here are a couple ideas. 1) Change Your Mind- Receive a New One Did you know that the Greek word translated “repentance” is metanoia, and the meaning is simply “a change of mind”? While we often think of repentance as an action of turning from sin, it is, at its root, first changing our mind about our way and beliefs... to agree with what God has said and go His way. Sister, are you willing to repent where your widowhood beliefs don't line up with what God says is true? To change your mind about what is keeping you stuck and disconnected from faith, trust, and Kingdom living as a widow and beyond? "Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:2 Remember again, "God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind" (2 Timothy 1:7). 2) Deepen Your Relationship With the Holy Spirit That 2 Timothy verse just above leads right into where a sound mind comes from- the Holy Spirit in us. The Holy Spirit is our helper, comforter, advocate... God indwelling us! Why do we often know so little about Him, when He is such a vital part of our journey? The Spirit is the One who empowers and enables us to walk by faith and in power. He gives us spiritual eyes and wisdom. You can begin to call the old beliefs, lies and bondage "unfamiliar," as you grow deeper into what He speaks to you and leads you in as a Kingdom widow. "[God’s wisdom is] revealed to us by his Spirit. The Spirit searches all things, even the deep things of God... no one knows the thoughts of God except the Spirit of God. What we have received is not the spirit of the world, but the Spirit who is from God, so that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, explaining spiritual realities with Spirit-taught words" -1 Corinthians 2:7, 10-13 Keep your heart soft and open toward the Spirit, beautiful sister. He is leading you toward God's best for you! The Kingdom Widow Walk of Faith There is so much more I would love to say, but a Blog is limited. There are truths and practical steps that I go much deeper into through my one-to-one support, and in my virtual Christian widow community (feel free to click the links below to learn more). I do want to leave you with this: the Kingdom Widow walk of faith isn't done alone, but in relationships. I believe widows can be connected, discipled and blessed uniquely through other faith-filled widows. Consider moving beyond the encouragement or inspiration given here and into action, and join this journey of living it out together: The HOPE Stronghold virtual Christian widow community 1:1 Coaching Support (access to The HOPE Stronghold is included!) With you, Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Christian Widows Are Different Christian widows are not the same as any other kind of widow. There, I said it. We are a different breed. 😘 If we have an identity rooted beyond the earthly here and into the eternal, then how could that not change our widowhood, too? How could it not change: How we grieve, grow, and keep living? How we view our husbands who are there? How we carry purpose in this in-between of "before" and "after" his life? Sister, I know "Club Widow" wasn't in your plans, and I have to tell you, Kingdom widows are different. Not because our pain hurts less, not because we minimize grief, but because our faith, our hope, and our identity are built on Christ. And when the storms beat down on your life and soul, Christ is the only foundation that stands. That’s what carries us, different from the world. Grieving WITHOUT Hope: Suffering & Hopelessness Without Christ, widowhood runs directly into two major problems: the problem of suffering and the problem of hopelessness. The Problem of Suffering in Widowhood When loss becomes personal, the questions become deeply personal too: Why did this happen to me/us? How could God allow this? Why are my children suffering without a father? Why was this good person taken away from us? Those are legitimate questions. When it’s your husband who has died, your empty bed at night, your children grieving... Suffering suddenly moves from being an idea, to your personal reality. Suffering has existed since the fall, since the very beginning. Human brokenness has always been here. But the problem of living through tragedy is that many of us begin feeling like God is doing this to us (or at least, "has allowed" this), and that can create a fracture in our trust and relationship with Him. Surrendering our ingrained frameworks and beliefs (such as, "parents should never outlive their children," or "this should never have happened to me/us"), is hard! But our willingness to receive His comfort, love, and goodness even as we experience pain and hardships. For example, one of my reframes from the idea "God took my husband" has been this: I don’t believe God took our husbands. I believe He welcomed them home. Scripture tells us suffering will happen, and that we share in the sufferings of Christ (Phil. 3:10, 1 Peter 4:13). It even encourages us that suffering actually leads to hope: "Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us." -Romans 5:3-5 The Problem of Hopelessness in Widowhood What a perfect transition from suffering to hope, hmm? Now I am not minimizing the pain of widowhood- let's be very honest about death. Eventually everything here on earth gets stripped away from us—every relationship, material things, even our own health—but Jesus offers us something death can never steal. Without an eternal perspective, this broken human experience is all there is. And if the people we love are gone forever, then yes, that would be hopeless. But Christian widows are not hopeless women. Our faith in Jesus changes everything. Your husband is not behind you in the past, and you need not remain trapped in dark grief to stay connected to him. He is ahead of you, cheering you forward toward heaven. Love is eternal (1 Cor. 13:8). It never dies. And that truth frees us to keep living, to keep loving, and to believe redemption is still possible. Because death was never the end of the story. The cross proved that. If the worst death in history became the doorway to resurrection and salvation, then God can also bring eternal purpose through the losses we experience here. That does not mean your husband’s death was “worth it.” I would never say that. But it is not the end of the story, and it is not the end of yours, either. Kingdom Widows Are Warrior Brides of Christ Sister, you are more than just a "widow." You are a Kingdom widow. Widows Are Warriors The Lord says something powerful about you. He calls you a woman of valor. That word in Scripture is Khayil (Hebrew: חַיִל, often spelled chayil). It is a Hebrew term signifying strength, virtue and power. It was used for mighty warriors of God's people. It was the identity the angel gave Gideon when he was approached and called a "mighty man of valor/Khayil" (Judges 6:12). This word was used also for women! While it is often translated into "noble" or "excellent" in Proverbs 31, it shouldn't lose the valor and might it is intended to carry. And the one woman the Bible names as being a woman of valor/Khayil? Ruth, the widow. Sister, you are not just grieving. You are a warrior of the Lord! Widows Are His Brides The Lord also calls you His bride, and states He is your husband: "You will forget the... reproach of your widowhood. For your Maker is your husband, the Lord of hosts is his name." -Isaiah 54:4-5 "And I will betroth you to me forever. I will betroth you to me in righteousness and in justice, in steadfast love and in mercy." -Hosea 2:19 "A Father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God..." -Psalm 68:5 And many more... When we lost our earthly husbands, we lost the shadow—not the eternal reality. God is still our faithful Husband. He still cherishes, protects, and provides for us. Because of that, Christian widowhood changes our trajectory completely. We are given resurrection hope. We are given redemption. We are given rebuilding. We are called to healing. The Lord calls us up and out of staying buried in despair. He calls us to prioritize healing in our hearts and lives, not because our grief doesn’t matter, but because pain is not our identity. Christ Gives Identity & Redeems Suffering At church we’ve been studying Joseph, and something stood out to me as incredibly applicable to widowhood. The names he gave his sons and their meaning, displayed what God is able to do with our tragedies and life-changing losses. After years of intense suffering, Joseph named his first son Manasseh, meaning, “The Lord has made me forget all my troubles.” Not because he erased the memory or because the suffering wasn’t real, but because God removed the sting. Sister, you do not have to identify with intense pain forever. Dark grief does not have to become your identity to honor your husband. The Lord can heal your heart. Joseph named his second son Ephraim: “God has made me fruitful in my suffering.” That same hope exists for you too. Romans 8:28 says God works all things for good—not as a religious cliché, but because the Lord truly meets us in suffering and transforms us there. He can bring fruit from heartbreak. He can rebuild what feels destroyed. He can make your life burn brightly again for His glory. You can decide to partner with Him in this beautiful work. Grieving Without Hope or Alone Isn't Your Healing Path Walking as a Kingdom widow changes everything, especially when we do it with other sisters in Christ. One of the ways we continue moving toward hope and healing is by walking with other Christian widows who understand both our grief and the hope we have. Women who get the hard parts. Women you can be honest with. Women who still hold onto Christ in the middle of the pain. That kind of community matters deeply. I’ve walked this road myself. After losing my husband to suicide, I became so low that I attempted suicide twice myself. But by God’s grace, He met me there. He brought deep healing, redemption, and rebuilding into my life, and now I walk alongside Christian widows to help them do the same. If this message resonated with you, I would love to stay connected. 💗 Inside The Hope Stronghold Christian widow virtual community, we meet weekly for live calls, prayer, support, and honest conversations with women who truly understand this journey. And if you want more personalized support, I also walk one-to-one alongside widows through coaching. You do not have to stay stuck in hopelessness. There is still hope. There is still healing. There is still purpose ahead! Join our virtual Christian widow community membership here Learn more about coaching support (which includes access to the community!) here With you, sister! Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

There are few widowhood topics I have seen as emotionally charged, revealing the desires and fears in the hearts of widows as love after loss! "Dating as a widow" fills a widowhood conference breakout session room to overflowing. It can also divide a widowed Facebook group into the "never!" widows and the "I want this bad!" widows. It is on our hearts as we lay awake alone at night. Today we're tackling it from a deeply Biblical, Christ-honoring perspective. I believe it may challenge you, but my prayer is that it brings the freedom, peace, and joy that true love is meant to have. Why Love After Loss Feels So Confusing & Heavy You might think that after navigating and experiencing love the first time, we might be more certain and confident about the idea and process of doing it again. But actually, the opposite is true. Love after the death of a spouse often brings more confusion than clarity. Widows have a lot of fear, questions, guilt and uncertainty (around dating and let's be honest- about ourselves). We don't know what we want, or it might change with the waves of grief. And after the heartbreak of losing our person, we are often afraid to love again; to hope and dream when it comes to romantic relationship(s) or our future in general. Fear and lie-based beliefs are commonly leading in the survival widowhood journey, and many of them show we don't understand love in a true and eternal sense. Some (very normal and common) examples of these lies for widows are: You are dishonoring or forgetting your late husband by moving forward/into a relationship with someone else Suffering proves your love, and dark/hopeless grief is how you display it Loving again is replacing him You lose part of your late husband by being with someone else On top of the internal struggle is the external one, from social pressures and the real or perceived judgements of others. This turns out to be another trap, because no matter what you do, someone thinks you’re doing it wrong. Many women navigating love after widowhood feel stuck between grief and hope. Let's get unstuck by diving into the Biblical truth about love— for our late husbands, and what/who lies ahead. What the Bible Actually Says About Love (& Why It Changes Everything) Our love, our deepest desires, will lead the overflow from our heart to our lived experience. So what is love, actually? We don’t define love by culture, opinion (ours or others), or feelings. We define love by God Himself... God Is Love: The Only Source If we want to know love (that which we shared with our late husband or to "find it again"), we must know that God embodies it, and Christ has revealed it to us. "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. Anyone who does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him." -1 John 4:7-9 We experience the true, real love we long for from and through God. This isn't just theological ideas, this is how we will find, know, give and receive love after loss: by reflecting God and his character to one another. Finding love after loss (anywhere) begins with receiving love from God first. How the Holy Spirit Leads You: Singleness, Dating, or Remarriage Let me come out and say it boldly. I strongly believe the Holy Spirit can guide Christian widows (you, sister) into truth and love! We can become confident in hearing His voice for our decisions, instead of leading from our flesh (through insecurity, loneliness, fear, wounds, people pleasing etc.). We don't have to try to find the perfect guide or Google answer, which also doesn't exist... Sorry to disappoint, my Blog is going to point you back to Him.😉 We also don't need to feel lost or abandoned. When we need or want to know what love is, we look to its embodiment in God Himself and the person of Christ. He's here with us even in all our mistakes! And it's His kindness that leads us to repentance, and to trust and obedience even where we are uncertain. Now... how do these lofty truths about love apply to us practically as widows in future relationships, dating, remarriage, etc. (or singleness)? Let's name just two powerful ways it applies. Living Freely in Love After Widowhood (2 Ways) 1) Your Foundation in All Decisions: Infinite Love Frees You Why do I highlight infinite? Because it's critical you understand the foundation upon which you are building isn't limited. That's what makes it different from our fear and lie-based beliefs. His love for you endures, it won't run out, and it can fill you to overflowing to those in your life and future. "Love never ends." -1 Corinthians 13:8 Here are some areas it applies: 1. God’s love for YOU is eternal "I have loved you with an everlasting love; therefore I have continued my faithfulness to you." -Jeremiah 31:3 2. The love you shared with your late husband transcends death It will not be diminished, stolen from, or forgotten. It will not be lost. Be at peace: it's eternal. It is not threatened if you love again. You don't have to protect or fight for it, it just is. 3. The earthly structure of marriage is just that- earthly I know this one can make some bristle, or ache, but marriage is temporary. Jesus taught that there will not be marriage in heaven in Matthew 22:30. The Bible also teaches that this means widows are free to choose in staying single, or in remarrying another Christ follower: "...if her husband dies, she is free to be married to whom she wishes, only in the Lord." -1 Corinthians 7:39 To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But...it is better to marry than to burn with passion." -1 Corinthians 7:8-9 You are free to remain single and not remarry, and that is a beautiful love story. There also should be no shaming or looking down on those who remarry as having any "lesser" love for their late husband. You are also completely free to remarry, and that doesn't diminish your love at all. Infinite love expands, and can include another person (just as we do in families when new children are born). 4. The bottom line: LOVE is present in both, there is no fear or loss, no shame in singleness or loving again after loss 2) Dating as a Widow: How to Honor God in Relationships & Remarriage God is love, and romantic love should reflect and honor Him. Here are a couple important practical ways, and I'm coming out of the gate strong. 1. Purity and sexual integrity matter (yes, each relationship, beloved😘) Hebrews 13:4 says to keep the marriage bed holy (or undefiled sexually), honoring marriage as a sacred covenant and commitment between a man and a woman. Sex is the intimate connection of souls (you are more than just a body), and is intended solely for the marriage relationship. Biblically, there is no room for what has been called "widowhoe" era, which holds no value or worth to ourselves or to a man we partner with. These actions of sin, from desperation, or lonely wounds bring more pain, destruction and harm. They actually keep us from being ready for the godly man we are waiting for, praying for or seeking. It sets you farther back from God's best for you. Even if it's in the relationship that will become marriage, it is damaging. Research has even shown decreased sexual satisfaction and lower rates of marriages lasting longer-term with sex and cohabitation before marriage. Know that the Lord isn't holding out on you, sister. He wants to bless you with His best! 2. GRACE (The Lord also is not ashamed of you!) Please hear me say: I will be the first to admit failure and sin! The struggle is real, widow's fire is real, and our human flesh is real, especially when we are trying to survive tragedy. Sister, there is grace where you have messed up, whatever that may have looked like. We also can't continue willingly in sin. Rather, His love, grace, and kindness changes us to walk in a different way. "There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit." -Romans 8:1 I happen to know—from experience and being close to many widows—that this can be a season of struggling in ways you would never have imagined. If you are in need of safe accountability and help, I offer confidential 1:1 widow coaching to come alongside in helping you leave sin, secrets and walk in freedom! It is a safe, equipped place with someone who has walked this path ahead of you: Let's Chat: Support 2. Non-Moral Questions and Decisions If it is not sin, it's not a moral issue. So there is a LOT of freedom for personal convictions in the details of how you go about dating and remarriage. You know all the dating questions we seek the "right" answers for: Dating style and expectations (do you split the check these days or not? etc.) Timing Preferences, attraction What do you want, what will you/won't you settle for And remember, the Holy Spirit can lead you in all of this, and in your discernment, character evaluation and decision-making. You Are Free to Dream & Hope for Your Future If you’ve been wrestling with the idea of finding love after the death of a spouse… May you be blessed with truth and freedom. Real love—the kind that comes from God—is not fragile or threatened by what comes next in your life. It is secure and eternal. You don’t have to stay stuck to show your loyalty. And you don’t have to rush forward to escape the pain either. You get to be led: by truth. By the Holy Spirit. Led by a God who is not confused about your future—even if you feel like you are. Whether you remain single or one day find yourself in a new relationship… love is still the story God is writing in your life. Not a replacement story. Not a lesser story. A continued one. If you feel unsure, conflicted, or even pulled in different directions right now—guidance, support, and truth while navigating this journey can change the outcome. If you want to get clearer and more confident, and rebuild a life you can actually love again—with God at the center of it—I would be honored to guide you. You can learn about next steps: One-to-one Support Join our Christian Widow Community With you, sister, Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Grief Support for Widows Who Feel Like They’re (Invisibly) Drowning “No one knows you're drowning when you're a really good swimmer. In other words, no one knows you're struggling when you're really good at struggling.” -Kaydi Bolos That hits the heart hard—because widows can become "really good at struggling." At first, it’s usually obvious. You’re drowning openly, and people show up for the funeral: there’s usually support from friends, family, community. But that wave of support often falls as quickly as it rises. And then it sets in- you’re living this new life by yourself. The world keeps moving forward, and you’re just trying to stay afloat. That’s where so many widows find themselves. Becoming Really Good at Struggling Alone When you feel left behind or abandoned in grief, something shifts. You start to believe you "just have to do this alone," that you’re going to have to figure it out, and that you have to carry it all by yourself. And that mindset is dangerous. It leads to masking your pain, not reaching out for help, not healing deep wounds, and running yourself into the ground. You’re trying to carry something that’s too heavy—doing the impossible every day while operating with pain that can feel overwhelming. And then as widows, we normalize it as our new life. In my case, it looked like pouring everything out (especially for my kids) but little in. Counseling, schools, support for them—I gave everything I had. Not to mention taking over all the other things I needed to now carry. And I was utterly spent. Even knowing, as a Nurse, that you need to "put your oxygen mask on first," I didn't. I believed laying down my life for my kids came first to the point of running myself into the ground for them. But what actually happened is I became drained like a bowl with holes in it, trying to pour into my children, my life, and my future—while everything was leaking out. And when there’s nothing left, those areas still suffer anyway. It was inevitable that even my children would suffer for my lack of prioritizing myself. Your children, your future, your life—they are reaping what you are sowing. And when there’s no care for yourself, what flows out is exhaustion, distress, anxiety, and depression. You lose joy. You lose purpose. You may even feel hopeless. You might find yourself thinking, “I’m just living here until I can go be with my husband.” Being stuck is telling you something: what you are doing isn’t working. Being the Struggling, "Strong Widow" Is Optional Sister, this version of widowhood is optional. It does not have to be this way. But the problem is believing that it does. Believing that you just have to do it all, alone. That you have to suffer the way it is now. That "this is just what my life is without him." They are lies that keep you stuck. There is another path forward, and it starts with a shift—a change of mind, and the guidance and empowerment of the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to stay in the fog, lost, where you can’t see. There are people who can help guide you out. There is help available where you need it. This is where real grief support for widows begins—not by pretending you’re okay, but by choosing a different way forward. Leaning into healing, trusting in the Lord. You are not meant to do this alone. You are not meant to stay stuck. This does not have to define or shatter your life. The Lord is still writing a story of redemption, and you get to partner with a new way! How to Stop Invisibly Struggling in Widowhood 1. Be Honest About Your Grief Live in a real, honest way. Not putting on a mask, and not trying to make other people comfortable. You don’t have to have it all together to be seen. Because when you put band-aids over a deep wound, it doesn’t heal—it festers into infection. Find safe places where you can be real. Not everyone will be able to hold that space for you, and sometimes the people you hoped would be there won’t be. But that doesn’t mean you’re alone—it means you need to find the right places. And be careful, because some grief spaces keep you stuck. They repeat things that anchor you in the past and keep you cycling in hopelessness. Invest in a place where you can be honest and still be led forward in truth and hope! 2. Make Your Healing Your #1 Priority Becoming a widow is a profound loss and a deep wound, and every part of your life has been affected. Your identity, your finances, your relationships, your faith—so many areas have been touched by this loss. We can recognize that, but for some reason, we often don’t treat our healing like it matters that much: We try to avoid it We give it "more time" We resist investing money, time, effort We try to grieve alone, out of sight We try to "be strong" A wound this deep, this drastic and significant requires matching treatment! Would you go into the Emergency Room with a heart attack and then walk out without getting to the bottom of it?? Sister, you need evidence-based, deep, consistent and long-term healing and support. Not just to survive widowhood, but to rebuild. To even grow in ways you didn’t think were possible. God brings that kind of hope—beauty from ashes. So your time matters. Your resources matter. Your healing matters. You are worth it. Heal like it’s your number one job. Because it is. And it will change everything ahead for you. 3. Get Guidance From Those Who Can See the Way Forward Grief is like a fog. You can’t see clearly, and it can feel like you’re lost and wandering forever. It's also like being stuck in a deep dark pit, and it can feel like there is no way up and out. But there are people who can see. People who have climbed out. People who have gone before you. And taking their hand matters. It will save you a lot of grief (pun intended😉)! And this is also where coaching comes in. It’s why I do what I do—to come alongside you as someone who has been there, with real tools and real support to help you move forward. It's also why I built a community of Christian widow sisters. They understand what this is like in a way no one else does. You don’t have to explain yourself, and you don’t have to make them comfortable. You’re safe to be real. And with guidance and a safe community, you can walk through the fog and out of the pit, onto a path of hope. Because there is another way forward. You Don’t Have to Be "Good at Struggling" Anymore Sister, you don’t have to do this alone, carry what feels impossible every day, or silently struggle because you think this is just your lot in life now. It’s not true. You can take off the mask. You can be honest. You can be human. And you can find hope—real, gritty hope in the middle of the darkness, with real steps forward to lead you forward. May this encourage and bless you! And if you're interested in having me come alongside you and joining our community, start here: www.HopeSpeaker.com/Coaching With you, Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Suicide in Widowhood is a Risk (And It's Often Missed) Hey friend… today we are talking about something that is a very real danger for those widowed—and it's not talked about enough. Suicide in widowhood. Widows and widowers are dying by suicide at high rates. This is not rare, it’s a devastating statistical reality. Studies across countries—and here in the U.S.—are showing that losing your spouse increases your risk of dying by suicide. The Life Change Index Scale actually ranks losing a spouse as the number one life stressor... And it makes sense, because widowhood doesn’t just affect one part of your life. It impacts everything: You may suddenly become a solo parent A solo provider Your planned future is changed or lost You don’t even have an emergency contact anymore And so many other losses The ripple effects hit your mental health, your emotional state, your spiritual life, your physical health—every single area. So when we talk about depression in widowhood or the widow suicide rate, it is serious topic that requires us to look honestly at the issue, but more importantly, at ourselves. And if your spouse died by suicide, the risk is even higher. Some studies show that spouses of those who died by suicide are at three times higher risk themselves. This is something we cannot ignore. We have to see it clearly. Because prioritizing this—taking it seriously—literally makes the difference between life and death. Our life and death. A Right View of Your Life (It's Worth Saving!) Here’s where I want to speak directly to you, sister. If you are a widow… you are at higher risk. And this is not something to take lightly. I know this from experience as a suicide widow who went on to attempt twice myself. After I lost my husband, I remember saying over and over, “We would have done anything.” Anything for him to stay. We would have emptied the bank account. Used all the savings. Moved. Changed anything and everything. Nothing would have been too much. But when it came to me? That same mindset didn’t show up. Instead, the objecting thoughts sounded like this: I don’t have the money I don’t have the time I don’t have the energy, especially in grief I have kids to take care of, all by myself And those objections felt completely reasonable... But they were still barriers. And I ran myself into the ground… until my last suicide attempts as a widow became my turning point. That was when I realized—I needed to invest in my own healing. And I hear these same objections from widows all the time. So please hear me clearly: You have to see your life as valuable as you saw theirs! You are worth every resource. Because if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts after your spouse dies, this is not something to wait on. Suicide is a slippery slope. The more time you spend in it—even thinking you have control—you can slide when you’re triggered. This is how it can happen. So if you’ve had any thoughts of not wanting to live anymore? Now is the time to decide something different. Not later. Not when it gets worse. Now. What Actually Helps (Practical Steps for Support) So what does this look like… practically? If we’re going to take this seriously, we need real action... not just to read about it and carry on the same. 1. Therapy Should Not be Optional in Suicidal Ideation If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide in grief, I believe in taking action toward prevention. I highly recommend therapy. I did it weekly for five years, personally, and it is part of the reason I'm still here! Please don't roll into the objections yet! Let me offer you a resource to help you find someone that works for you. Go to: www.PsychologyToday.com At the top, click on "Find a Therapist" Enter your city or zip code Then, select the blue "All Filters" button. You can filter by: Price Insurance Location Specialty Faith You can find help in depression and suicidal thoughts in widowhood. ❤️‍🩹 2. Give Yourself Support- Beyond One Hour a Week One session a week is a blessing, but not always enough in a time of intense struggle or a devastating season. When you have only one hour of honest presence, co-regulation and encouragement, trying to “hold it together” the rest of the week on your own can be so heavy. It can even be where things break down. That is why I not only recommend, but have created Coaching support that comes alongside outside of a single session. My widow clients can reach out to me outside of our sessions, and find that I'll meet them right where they are- as someone who truly "gets it," and understands the struggles of widowhood. No judgement. I personally believe in the power of another widow sister who can come alongside you during the week—not just during a scheduled time. One that isn't just a friend, but a guiding support- a Coach. I recommend, and became a Coach, because it personally changed so much in my life, in addition to therapy. 3. Find the Right Kind of Community to Surround You There are grief groups. Suicide support groups. Spouse loss groups. But not all of them are healthy! It's unfortunately common in grief to "affirm one another's devastation to our own detriment." Meaning pain becomes our identity, and being stuck in hopelessness is validated. Those grief spaces may feel "safe," when in fact they are defensive against anything besides circling the downward drain. You don’t need a space where people: Stay stuck in despair Rehearse pain without movement Believe healing is impossible Think forward movement is forgetting Hinder themselves and others from healing You need a space where you can be: Real, raw and honest Grieve with HOPE, taking forward steps I believe it so strongly I created a virtual space for Christian widows that embodies these. Both matter, because they will change your widowhood and your future. You Don’t Have to Keep Surviving Alone If you’re reading this and realizing this is what you need, please hear me cheering you on! Because there is more than just surviving. There are people who understand this, who are there (or who have been there), and who genuinely care about you. Sister, I am here for you. It's become my life's work to give my widow sisters in Christ what would have helped and supported me most, and to do it in a close-knit relational way. I work one-to-one with widows, I have a Christian widow community, and if you are struggling, I would love to connect you to both. Because this matters too much not to act on. Your life is worth everything, so please make a connection. Schedule a call with me (it's free), and let's chat about the next step—whether that’s coaching, community, or simply starting with a resource: Widow Support You are worth the investment. Your life matters. And you don’t have to do this alone. 👭💞 With you, Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Have You Felt It, Too? The fear of forgetting , or losing any of your late husband as you move forward in widowhood can be so heavy that it keeps you stuck right where you are. Before you think, "That's not me," can I ask you something? Have you ever felt guilty during your grief for: Laughing or being playful? Feeling joy again? The lighter days? Desiring a new love after your loss? Dreaming or planning for your future? Or, have you found yourself: Wondering or worrying what other people think (E.g. If they believe you’ve “moved on”)? Feeling afraid of doing better, or growing into someone new? Concerned that healing somehow minimizes your loss? Because this is how widowhood can be, when we believe there are "scales" in grief that weigh the negative against the positive, our old life vs. our new one, our late husband against someone else, etc. It strongly (and negatively) impacts our grief journey... Guilt & Fear in Grief Keeps You Stuck The last thing we want is our late husband forgotten, dishonored, or the love we shared to seem smaller. When grief becomes something we measure— when we’re afraid of “tipping the scales” by experiencing too much goodness— we start to believe things like: If life feels good now, it takes away from what we had before If I'm not visibly broken, maybe I'm not grieving “right” If I'm not in deep pain, maybe he didn’t mean that much And none of that is true. But it feels real. So what happens? We stay connected to them through pain. This keeps us stuck in darkness, and it keeps us from healing! Because our relationship with them is tied to guilt, fear, and shame, and we become anchored to them through suffering— instead of something deeper, and more true. Healing Doesn’t Minimize Love Sister, it doesn’t have to be this way. Here’s what’s true: There are no "scales" in grief that you have to balance. The worth, value, and meaning of your husband, of your love and of your life cannot be measured, reduced, outweighed, or stolen from. And, neither can your grief. Different seasons of your life are not in competition. You don’t have to choose between: Honoring the past or Living in the present You can hold both . Widowhood is full of “ and ." You can miss him… and still experience joy. You can grieve deeply… and still live fully. And your grief is not something others can measure anyway. People don’t see the full picture, and they can’t tally your pain or your healing. They don’t understand, and they can’t define your journey. And part of growth in widowhood grief is releasing the weight of their opinions, which frees you from fear. Another part is releasing yourself from the weight of your own guilt and fears. Healing Is Not Forgetting When you heal, you aren't minimizing or leaving any of your late husband behind. You are taking everything— his love, your memories, the goodness you shared— and carrying it forward with you. It’s remembering him through love instead of through pain. Because we don’t want pain to define: Your relationship with him Your memories of him Your widowhood We want love to do that. Both your love for him, and his love that still exists for you—now perfected. The beautiful thing is that when you heal, grow, and choose to keep living with HOPE… You are not dishonoring him. You are loving him. And you are loving God. 💗 What This Looks Like (3 Tangible Steps) Here are a few ways we can do this. 1. Focus on Love Let love be your anchor, sister. Not pain, fear, or guilt. But love. Scripture reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13 that: “Love is patient and kind… it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... Love never ends.” This is the love that still exists . This is what defines your connection with him now. And nothing, and no one, can take that from you. 2. Understand the Boundaries of Earthly Marriage Now, while we just established that love never ends, it's important to acknowledge that according to the Bible, marriage is temporary, as an earthly reflection of a heavenly reality. It's hard to accept that our earthly marriage has ended... in fact, that is one of the losses as a widow we process. Jesus said in Matthew 22:30 that in the resurrection life after death, people will not be married. 1 Corinthians 7:39 also tells us that a woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives—but after, she is free to remarry. Now, this doesn't mean it is necessary or required. Choosing to remain single or unmarried is a beautiful love story, too. I don't want any widow to feel pressure toward another romantic relationship. But this verse above does mean we are free to marry again if we so desire. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17), and we are not bound by law. And our freedom to marry again does not take away from the love we share with our late spouse. There are no comparisons. There are no scales. Love is valid in your late marriage, and in anything God may have ahead. 3. Live Forward with Safety, Honesty, & Love Moving forward matters. How you go about it matters, too. You need safe places where: You can be honest about your grief You can be fully seen without judgment You are not being “fixed” And also places where: Hope is present Healing is encouraged Forward movement is supported Because staying in spaces that only reinforce “life is over” or “I will always be broken”— is not healthy grief. It's a downward spiral. You are still here. Your story is not over. And the Lord is calling you forward— not to forget… But to truly live. You’re Not Forgetting Him Sister, your healing can carry love forward with you... and honor your late husband, yourself, and the Lord! There is still goodness ahead. There is still purpose in these new chapters of your life. And , you don’t have to walk this alone. If this resonated with you… I would love to walk alongside you and/or welcome you into my Christian widow community. [You can discover more HERE ] Because you are not meant to stay stuck in pain. Release the guilt and fear, and receive the freedom and grace offered you in this widowhood journey. The Lord bless you and keep you! With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Christian Widowhood: Is God "Enough"? I heard it the first time from another believer, early in widowhood. I was crying over the loss of my husband, and the loss of other relationships after. “You will rely on God.” Now, this friend wasn't wrong, and I know her intention was to encourage me in the Lord... But we need to address an idea we face in the Christian widowhood space - a truth - which can become twisted into something harmful to widows as we navigate relational loss and healing. It is the idea that spiritually, to just "have more faith," "trust God more," or that "God is enough" means we don't desperately need other relationships in widowhood. If you know me, you know that deep fellowship with the Lord is a passion of mine to bring to widows! I believe He is our heavenly Husband, and pressing deeply into Him is incredibly healing and fulfilling. However this is not a pendulum that is ever meant to swing to the extent that in our loneliness and need in widowhood (or even our humanity in general) God alone replaces the need for other people. If you think it's heretical to say we need more than God alone, I'll prove it to you, Biblically. And I'll do it to break off shame from my widow sisters, and gently guide them into healthy living that involves close relationships with both the Lord and other humans. ❤️ When “God Is Enough” Gets Misunderstood The Lord is the alpha and omega, the all-knowing, all-powerful and all-sufficient One. Of course He is "enough." Yet, things start to get off track when we translate it into these sentiments of our human experience: “I shouldn’t need people in this way ... I shouldn't be so needy." “I should be able to do this with just/only God.” The problem is that’s not actually what God modeled to us, or said about us. Let's look at Genesis. In the beginning, as the Lord was building up creation, everything He created He saw as "good" until He made Adam only. This is when we see it- God says for the first time that it is not good. “It is not good for man to be alone.” — Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord created Eve from Adam... Wait! Did you catch that?! Even when it was just the Lord and Adam together in perfect union. Even when Adam had God fully, in form there together with him. God still said it was "not good" and called Adam "alone." Alone? Not good?? But isn't God "enough"?! It wasn't enough, somehow, for Adam . It wasn't until he had created both Adam and Eve (as described in the creation account of Genesis 1) that God said it was " very good " (Gen. 1:31). So if that was true that we needed human companionships as humans then… I would argue it’s still true now. And here’s the reality in widowhood: We've lost our Adam... And most people don’t understand this kind of loss. When we over spiritualize and miss it, widowhood grief becomes something you carry, even more, by yourself. You Actually Need People in This, Sister I want to be really clear, and really gentle, with you: You need people in widowhood. You will be needy, you will need them... and that's ok! ❤️ Not instead of God. But alongside a deep intimate relationship with Him. This isn’t a lack of faith. This is part of how God designed you to live and heal. I also want to acknowledge that there is no relationship just like an intimate marriage relationship, and of course other relationships won't "make up for" or "replace" what you have lost. But my goal here is to emphasize the beauty of how human relationships can help meet your needs and support you in a time you need it most. God Designed You for Both God never asked you to choose between Him and people. He designed you for both, and that's a "very good" thing. He works through people, community, even someone sitting beside you in the pain… without trying to fix it. And in widowhood, there’s something especially powerful about being around other widows! Because they don’t need an explanation. You don't need to educate them how to come alongside. You don't have to explain the unexplainable. They just know. That’s why Christian widow support groups matter so much! Because it gives you a place where your grief is understood… and your faith is still central. And this doesn’t take anything away from your relationship with the Lord. Instead, it strengthens it! Because now you’re not carrying everything alone while trying to stay afloat spiritually; you’re being supported as you go deeper with Him. Walking This Christian Widowhood Support Out So what can this actually look like? Here are 3 ideas. 1) Change Your Mindset I trust that this Blog has already helped with this. Sister: You are not supposed to do this alone Needing support is not weakness It’s not lack of faith; it’s part of how God designed you No spiritual pretending helps; your acceptance isn't dependent on your performance anyway Let truth replace the shame or pressure you’ve been carrying to not need people, or to not have needs. 2) Find Support That Includes Both God & People Not just safe, empathetic community. Not just Christ-centered faith. Both. You need spaces where the Lord is honored and your grief is understood. Where you don’t have to choose between being spiritually supported and emotionally supported. 3) Commit to Walking This Out Long-Term Grief is a marathon, not a sprint. This isn’t just about surviving early widowhood, or just getting through a season. It is going from widowhood, to rebuilding... in all that God has ahead. It is the human journey, actually. It’s the same walk of faith the whole way through. And you were never meant to walk it alone at any stage. Faith & Human Support Go Together Since you are both Spirit and human, your faith and humanity are not in competition. They go together. You can be deeply rooted in Christ… and still need people. You can trust God fully… and still need community. That’s not a contradiction - that’s design. And if you’ve been trying to carry this alone, it makes sense that you’re tired and that it feels heavy. But it also means there’s a different way forward. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone If you’re longing for support that understands both your grief and your faith, that’s exactly why I created The HOPE Stronghold . It’s a space for Christian widows to be seen, supported, and walk this journey with others who truly get it—while keeping the Lord at the center. I pour teaching and resources into this space. ❤️ And if you’re needing deeper, more personal guidance in your healing and rebuilding, I offer 1:1 coaching for the most personalized and connected level of support. Because sister, you don’t have to widow alone, anymore. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Grief with HOPE: A Christian Widow’s Anchor “...You do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.” — 1 Thessalonians 4:13 What does this really mean in widowhood? Because experientially, it can be hard to know if we're grieving with or without real HOPE a lot of the time. When you become a widow, everything feels shattered. Life as you knew it, and the future you thought you would have, is gone. And you’re left trying to figure out how to even take the next step. As a widow of faith, you want to be near the Lord and have probably heard the verse, too. But like me, you may have asked the same question: How do I actually grieve with hope? Missing HOPE... The problem with this beautiful idea is we often try to conjure it up as we go. Or we tear ourselves down, feeling like we lack it or can't seem to ever obtain it. If we take this gift as an expectation in our grief , we often try to figure it out on our own. Sometimes that turns into trying to look strong: Trying to hold it together for others. Trying to show faith outwardly. Trying to be okay when we’re not. Looking at others (widows, believers, etc.) and comparing. And without realizing it, grief becomes a performance, and a mask we manage… instead of something we’re allowed to actually feel and walk through honestly. This route is exhausting. It also leaves you feeling even more disconnected, even more overwhelmed, and more hopeless (oh the irony!). Or, we may go another route, and feel like failures for not feeling all the hope-filled feelings we "should" be feeling if we grieve with hope, as the verse indicates. This leads to guilt or shame in the midst of your grief: For the dark thoughts. For the moments of feeling hopeless. For the weight of it all. And you may start to wonder if that means something is wrong with your faith... or with you. If you’re a “bad” Christian, if you’re doubting, if you’re not grieving the “right” way. As if grieving with hope means you shouldn’t struggle like this... which results in hopelessness (again, the irony!). Sister, it doesn't have to be this way. There is a way through grief that is both honest and anchored. A way that doesn’t require you to perform, pretend, or suppress what is real. A way to receive this gift as it was intended. What It Means to Grieve with HOPE Let's be really clear and debunk something right away: Grieving with hope does not mean the absence of pain. It means you are able to be honest about that pain… while still standing on something steady underneath it. It means lament and faith can exist together. You can feel the waves crashing… and still have a rock under your feet. That Rock is Christ Himself! And sister, you can expect there to be waves! This is a form of suffering, and you are humanly participating in it. You won't do this perfectly- and He doesn't expect or need you to. He is delighting to be with you and love you in the midst of it all. He is the one who upholds you when everything feels unstable. He is the one doing the redemptive work in your story. Grieving with hope is the Lord displaying His faithfulness- not you trying to display yours! It's not something you manufacture, it's something you stand on. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 And the foundation of that hope is this: Death is not the end. Separation is not permanent. That is where our hope comes from. “For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.” — 1 Thessalonians 4:14 Walking Grief With HOPE Here are a couple of freeing steps in walking this out. 1) Grieve Honestly in Safe Places Sister, you have to be able to grieve authentically. Not covering. Not performing. Not trying to make it look different than it is. Grieving with hope includes being honest about your pain. That's Biblical- the Bible is full of honest lament! And that also means finding safe places and safe people who can sit with you in it (which is an intentional process, because there aren't many). People who won’t try to fix, analyze, judge, or push you... just being empathetically present. This is a vital part of Christian widow support, because you were never meant to carry this alone, but in genuine community. 2) Reject Despair The darkness can feel very real in raw grief. But this doesn't make it true, and we don't want it to reign over our widowhood. We have an eternal perspective that changes how we understand death. It does not remove the pain, but it anchors it in a bigger HOPE-filled reality. Let's glance back at the verse this is all about, with a little more context: "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope." -1 Thess. 4:13 Because of Jesus, our husband's death is not permanent separation- it is temporary. That is why we can say, even through tears, that we grieve with HOPE. Not because it feels easy. But because it is true. And we walk it not by sight but by faith, with spiritual eyes and in Holy Spirit power. 3) Keep Living With Kingdom Purpose Grieving with hope also means choosing to keep living as we are offered it- fully! You did not die when he died… even if part of you feels like it did in your loss. Your story is not over, and it is one with unchanged purpose. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I will fear no evil, for you are with me. ” — Psalm 23:4 Did you catch that? We walk through this valley, we don’t set up camp there to stay or to live. And we do the journey with Him beside us. Take the Lord’s hand and keep moving forward, even if it’s one small step at a time. You are travelling to a new destination… even if you can’t see it yet. Hope is Here, For YOU Sister, there is more ahead than what you have known so far. Life can hold both grief and goodness. Dreams can be rebuilt with redemption. And this is the truth we come back to again and again: We do not grieve as the rest of the world does. We grieve with HOPE. With you, Rachel ✝️If you are walking this road and longing for a place of faith to grieve with hope, I want to invite you into The HOPE Stronghold . It’s a space for Christian widows to be supported, understood, and encouraged as you navigate this journey with the Lord and with other women who truly get it. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.👭 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Hello, my beautiful sister. Let’s talk about dating as a widow—and what Christian widow dating and remarriage can look like as we navigate it by faith, with the Lord. This week I’ll be celebrating my third anniversary in my second marriage, and it felt like the right moment to speak into this topic. Even though I’ve now experienced widowhood, dating again, engagement, remarriage, and blending a family, I want to approach this conversation from a place of humility. I’m still growing and learning, and I need the Holy Spirit to lead me just as much as I needed Him every step of the way before. Thankfully, I know how faithful He is! Dating and remarriage after widowhood can come with a lot of emotions (excitement, fears, etc.) as well as trials. I have walked it, too, and you are not alone in navigating these questions. If you’re wondering whether you’re ready to date again, question if it’s even possible for you, or aren’t sure what it might look like, I’m really glad you’re here. Dating as a Widow: Can a Christian Widow Date Again? Many Christian widows quietly wrestle with this question: Is it okay to date again after losing my husband? The truth is that dating as a widow can feel emotionally complicated and spiritually sensitive, especially when grief, loyalty, and fear are all present at the same time. Scripture shows us that God cares deeply about the desires of our hearts, and love after loss can be approached with faith, wisdom, and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Dating as a Widow Is Still a Journey of Faith One thing I’ve realized as my marital status changed from married, to widowed, and back to married is that it has actually been the same journey of faith all the way through. The seasons may look different, but the lessons are often the same... surrender and learning to trust the Lord. And in widowhood—and beyond—it is incredibly easy to find ourselves operating from fear (of more disappointment, abandonment, betrayal of trust, etc.) instead of faith. When you’ve gone through deep pain and struggle, it’s natural to fear more loss and more wounds to your heart. Because of that, it's easy to move into self-protection and doubt as you try to navigate relationships again. Dating this time around often feels more complicated because life is different now. You may have children, you may be in a completely new season of life, and there are more unknowns than the first time you walked this road. Because of that, you may start hearing whispers in your heart like: What if there aren’t any good men left out there? What if I’m too broken or messy to be loved again? What godly man would want to step into all of this—into my grief, my life, and my children’s lives? And of course, there is always the deeper fear that loving someone again could end in another devastating loss. Those fears are very real. But sister, that isn’t the voice of faith, and there is no life or peace that comes from building your future on that foundation. I know that personally because I have wrestled with those fears myself. A Redemptive Path Forward There is another way to walk this journey—a redemptive path that brings glory to God in how we navigate dating, remarriage, and family life after loss. It is the path of God-glorifying faith . Faith doesn’t mean pretending the pain didn’t happen or denying the grief that is still part of your story. It means an honest and authentic relationship with the Lord as you walk through these seasons with Him. Faith is surrender. It’s yielding your heart and your story to the Lord and trusting that He sees you, that He hears you, and that He is with you in what you are walking through. And sister, faith also means remembering who God is, to you and for you. He is a good Father, caring about your desires as His daughter. The desire to love again or to experience Christian widow remarriage is not sinful. God wants to give good gifts to His children! Another important part of faith in this season is learning to discern peace. I believe peace is the language of the Holy Spirit, and as you walk in relationship with Him, He can guide you through the decisions that come with dating, choosing someone, remarriage, and blending families. These are decisions that impact your life, your children, and your future in very real ways. That’s why this journey isn’t meant to be walked alone or simply through human reasoning. The Lord invites you into a reciprocal relationship where you seek His guidance and learn to listen for His leading. Faith doesn’t require perfection, but it does show up in obedience—choosing to navigate romantic desire in ways that reflect God’s character, and honor Him as well as the other person you’re wanting to love. 4 Practical Ways to Date in Faith 1) Ask God for His Best Prayer is the first place to begin. Ask God specifically for His best for your life, because we can acknowledge that we don’t always know what that is... And because His best is amazing! This also positions your heart to trust Him with your future and to seek His guidance in the decisions ahead. Be in prayer over every part of this season—your healing, your discernment, your future relationship, the hearts of your children and other family, and the details of timing. I can tell you honestly that this is something I am still doing a lot right now, even within remarriage and family blending. It truly is the same journey of faith. 2) Have Realistic Expectations Sister, this journey of dating and remarriage as a widow can be a difficult one. I want to gently dispel a myth many of us carry in our hearts—that remarriage will somehow make things easier. I know I had that expectation (even though I thought I didn't!). Somewhere inside, I think I assumed that remarriage might bring me back to the same places of peace and joy that I had experienced in my first marriage. But the reality is that being remarried does not fix grief. The loss you’ve experienced continues to be part of your story, and when you bring another person—or even another family—into your life, there are new layers to navigate together. In many ways it can be redemptive and beautiful. In other ways it can also be more complicated and challenging, because blending families means bringing together people who have all experienced some form of loss (death, divorce, non-married parents, etc.). Loss is part of the new equation. Because of that, there needs to be a lot of grace... and when things feel difficult, it helps to remember that this is normal . The Lord will be faithful to you in dating, remarriage, and blending families the same way He is faithful to you in widowhood. 3) Walk in Obedience in Dating/Engagement Faith also shows up in how we approach relationships. As Christians, our love for the Lord should influence every part of our lives, including how we date and move toward remarriage. That means approaching relationships with honor, purity, and respect for one another rather than treating them casually or flippantly. It means not coming into relationships simply trying to fill a void in our hearts, but instead bringing life and love into them. When we walk through dating and remarriage in ways that reflect God’s character, our relationships become something that glorifies Him. And that kind of obedience ultimately brings the greatest blessing. 4) Let Faith Guide the Pace Finally, faith means allowing God to guide the pace and the process. It means not rushing forward because of loneliness, but also not holding back because of fear. Instead, we move forward prayerfully and with discernment, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our decisions and following the peace that He gives. The Story Isn't Over- We're Still Learning As I reflect on these three years of being remarried, I can see that this entire journey has continued to require the same thing it always did—surrender and trust. Blending a family of seven has brought so much goodness into my life, and it has also brought challenges that people don’t talk about very often. Many people assume that once a widow remarries, the problem is solved. They’ve seen the heartbreak and hardship and assume that meeting someone again makes (most all of) it better. But the reality is that life after loss still carries struggles, and sometimes it can be difficult to know where to share those things. That’s why we need safe places with other Christian widows who understand this journey—places where we can continue encouraging one another to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7). Sister, your story didn’t end with loss. And when you choose to walk in faith, you open the door for the good things God still desires to write in the chapters ahead. If you’re navigating dating as a widow, I want you to know that the Lord cares deeply about your heart, desires and about the story He is still writing in your life. With you, Rachel PS- If you are navigating dating as a Christian widow and would love faith-centered support from other Jesus-loving widow sisters who truly get it, I invite you to explore the The HOPE Stronghold virtual widow community , where we walk through these seasons together.👭 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood & Grief: Is Something Missing? We have all experienced how disorienting, and confusing, grief healing can be. While there are various ways widows can feel stuck, or like there are gaps in healing, today we're getting specific. Sister, have you struggled with either of these issues in your widowhood grief journey? Recurring thoughts and questions that bring up pain for you... that you can't seem to escape? Episodes of anxiety or fear that you experience, but can't seem to control? You may have tried different things, and they likely helped- in ways. But if you still feel like something is missing, you’re not where you want to be yet. Today I want to talk to you about the importance of top-down and bottom-up processing — and why you can’t have just one without the other if you are going to bring grief healing to the two different parts of your brain that are impacted. The Problem: Gaps in Widowhood & Grief Healing Let’s talk about what it looks like when there are holes in your healing these two different areas of your brain. 1) When Top-Down Processing Is Missing Top-down processing and healing is mindset work. It takes place in the pre-frontal cortex, or the thinking and logic control center. If this is missing, you can find yourself stuck in patterns of thinking... that are creating patterns of being stuck in pain. The questions (whys, hows, what-ifs, etc.), beliefs that your life is over, the goodness is all gone, and other faulty ways of thinking. It’s like walking down a sidewalk in grief, where you keep falling in the same hole. They’re repeated patterns, loops, things you can’t seem to resolve... the painful memories and thoughts. Your mind can’t find answers and doesn’t know how to reframe what happened. When everything is through the lens of loss, our connection to your person becomes tied to pain. When this happens repeatedly, it becomes a downward spiral, where deeper trenches are dug. And it gets easier to just fall right back down every time you journey down the grief sidewalk. 2) When Bottom-Up Processing Is Missing Bottom-up processing calms the limbic system (near the brain stem) by using sensations from the body and sensory input to signal safety to this area of the brain. This part of the brain is more like your emotional command center. The problem is, the thinking command center isn't online when you are in this fear response, so you cannot "talk yourself out of it." If bottom-up processing is missing, grief can feel excruciating or overwhelming in lived, physical ways that you feel in your body. It could be flashbacks, painful memories, a racing heart, chest pain, tightness in your throat, headaches, and many other symptoms that keep coming up. It’s your body feeling unsafe — and you don’t know how to regulate it. But it doesn’t have to stay either of these ways, sister. We are integrated beings — mind, body, and soul. With the right tools for both top-down and bottom-up processing, our minds and bodies. Top-Down & Bottom-Up Grief Healing Top-down processing is related to mindset work. It can come through things like therapy and coaching. From a Biblical point of view, we are transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). The Word also tells us the importance of our beliefs- we are often choosing between truth and lies. What feels true ( really true in grief) is not always what is actually true. And what you believe is shaping the life and future you are walking into. Your thoughts and feelings impact each other. Your feelings impact your choices. Your repeated choices become habits. And those habits create the life you are living daily in widowhood and grief. Mindset work is powerful. It is grabbing hold of truth, taking thoughts captive, and being renewed and transformed. It can change so much of us, our widowhood experience, and even our future. And here is what is equally important: As mentioned earlier, when you are in deep painful experiences like grief, the thinking part of your brain is not always online. The front part of your brain — logic and planning — is only available when you are regulated. So when you are in trauma or deep pain, the back part of your brain is running the show. This is why Scripture, truth and mindset tools can sometimes feel like they fall short. Not because they aren’t true, but because the thinking part of your brain literally isn’t online. They cannot talk to each other. We need to stop shaming ourselves for not being able to - or to “just hold onto Scripture” and be fixed. The good news is we can meet our body in that place, from the bottom up. Practices like vagus nerve regulation use the sensations in your body to send signals upward to this part of your brain. They help bring you back into regulation, your window of tolerance, and a felt experience of safety. And when you are regulated, the thinking part of your brain comes back online. Now truth can land. Now renewal can happen. Now grief healing can integrate. That is mind and body healing together! The Right Healing Support for Mind & Body Sister, if you have been feeling stuck in repeated thought spirals, the right mindset tools can help you make life-changing shifts. If your body feels overwhelmed, unsafe, or reactive, body regulation practices (breathing, grounding, or calming touch tools) can bring the comfort and soothing that is needed. Which methods to use depends on the nature of the dysregulation (hyper or hypoarousal). Both top-down and bottom-up processing are needed, are available, and are proven effective. This is a core part of what we practice inside my Coaching and inside our Christian widow community, The HOPE Stronghold . We use both modalities regularly: • Renewing the mind with truth • Practicing regulation in the body • Integrating grief instead of pushing through it Because grief is not metabolized by gritting your teeth. Not by trying harder. Not by numbing or shutting parts of yourself off. It is metabolized by bringing gentleness, love, and truth to the way God created and wired you. If you are ready for deeper widowhood and grief healing — support that addresses both your mind and body — I am here to guide you. You don’t have to keep falling into the same holes. Please consider where you may need to fill in holes in your grief support. Both your mind and your body will thank you for the right care. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Why Christian Widowhood Support? Ok, let's be real sisters... And I know we can be with one another as widows. When your person - who has always been there, and whom you may have discussed heaven and death with - actually crosses over, you become acquainted with mortality (and immortality) in a different way. You just do. It's no longer just sermons, verses in your journal or a Bible study discussion. The reality of death, of resurrection, of faith, and of gradually losing people until we, too, pass away has become much more front-of-mind. It's a gift, actually. Numbering our days and considering (or trying to find) the meaning and purpose we have now, in this season and going forward. That's why the words "Christian" and "widow" hold so much weight in the support we need as we navigate our grief, healing, and life still ahead. If we don't stay connected to the eternal truths and redemption of our faith in widowhood, we risk missing what actually comforts, what actually heals, what actually transforms us in the suffering. We risk missing it all. Unfortunately, what we find in "Christian" spaces as far as grief support can be seriously lacking in other areas, and sometimes even harmful to our process. It is so important to tap into support that specifically serves our unique needs and struggles- spiritually and tangibly. Support That Misses It - Two Extremes When you get thrown into the trenches of widowhood, you are often grasping for hand-holds of any kind. With time, the resources you discovered or connected with still may not be holistic, effective, or the best. There are a couple of ways the grief support pendulum can swing for widows, and we want to avoid being stuck on either end. The first is support that is clinical, but disconnected from faith . You may find grief education… but without the Spirit. Coping strategies… but no identity renewal in Christ. Support groups… but no anchoring in Biblical truth. While these can be helpful, they aren't the full picture. They also can't offer HOPE into the deepest and darkest places. By itself, these tools can't help you truly transform through a resurrecting, renewing power that we find in Christ. However, the other side of the pendulum is over-spiritualizing grief . Religious grief spaces can sometimes breed harmful religious platitudes like: “Just pray more.” “God is enough.” “You’ll see him again someday.” "Have faith." Another concern in accessing only faith based support is giving no credit or space in grief healing to other effective and researched methods. It can miss: The nervous system impact of trauma The need for structured grief recovery Christian widows need a balance, so that they have more than only heavenly knowledge or only earthly help. You need a path forward that includes both, and actually works. Christian widow support should be that. Here are a couple quick gems to look for (or add) in your existing widow support.💎 4 Things Christian Widow Support Should Include 1) A Safe Place to Be Honest (Known) Being known in your honest feelings in grief is necessary for processing, bringing emotions to completion, and ultimately, recovery. You cannot deeply heal without connecting to your wounds, and research even shows that empathetic witnesses to your pain bring deeper healing than you can achieve alone, outside relationships. How profound! Here's the thing, though. You also have to be safe to be truly known. Those empathetic grief companions must be healthy people for those deep, transformative healing experiences to occur You need space to be real, raw, and say aloud what feels really true (rather than only repeating the "truth" you "should" know is true). You aren't in grief spaces to meet expectations, please others or go through the motions. Do you have a place like this? Without someone correcting you too quickly? To be accepted and loved in the struggle? Where you can be fully transparent? Support must allow honesty before healing can take place. 2) A Proven Path Through Grief Seems silly to say, but if it doesn't work , it's not going to help . And contrary to the idea that grief is a place you may get lost in forever, there are proven paths forward in hope through the journey. While grief is an individual experience, there are also evidence-based tools (like The Grief Recovery Method, and vagus nerve regulation practices). And they matter enough to be an important part of your widowhood support as a Christian. The Lord has made our bodies, brains, the natural laws... and working with them helps us heal holistically. We also don't want to be derailed by grief myths or empty spiritualizing without tangible love and help. As believers, we want excellence and to honor God in our walk, and I believe Christian widows should want, and do deserve, these in their grief support. 3) Identity Renewal in Christ Widowhood can quietly become your primary, and limiting, identity. Not because you want it to, but because the pain can be scarring. Christian widow support should help you understand you are more than just a widow! Biblically, speaking, we are warrior brides of the King. While I can't unpack it in full here, I want to share with you that this is what the Lord says of His widows (yes, widows!). Widows are Khayil women of Valor. The Word also says we absolutely have a Husband - the LORD Himself. When we lost our earthly husband, we lost our reflection of our Husband the King. We lost the shadow... The LORD as our Husband is not a "shadow we're left with." There are eternal realities that are true right now, and one of them is that you are a bride! 4) Community That Truly Gets It There is something sacred about sitting with others who don’t need you to make it understandable to them. You don’t have to edit your grief. You don’t have to minimize your faith. You don’t have to explain the ache. The place I have found it most deeply is with other Christian widows, because they "get it," in a way no one else can. Here, we don't have to explain the unexplainable. They just know . And that is an incredibly powerful, comforting gift in widowhood support. How is Your Christian Widow Support? I hope this sheds some light and insight into what your support and healing might be missing- spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally. Are you deeply known and connected to safe, empathetic grief companions (especially other Christian widows)? Are you in need of real progress in grief, through proven tools? Have you resigned to being "just a widow" or to something else that shuts out hope, possibilities, and transformation? Is the Holy Spirit a powerful part of your walk? From one widow to another, I didn't rebuild my life from hopeless widow to the life I love now by accident. These intentional invested steps changed not just my future, but who I am. The Lord is doing it in you as well, sister! I am cheering you on. With you, Rachel PS- If you are looking for a place that incorporates all these aspects of Christian widow support, I invite you to join The HOPE Stronghold — my Christian widow support group rooted in Scripture, community, and a clear path forward. Inside, you’ll find: -Weekly live support -Other Christian widows who truly get it -Faith-centered guidance -Practical, proven steps forward -A place where you can be honest and still move toward HOPE If your heart is longing for the best Christian widow support — not surface-level encouragement, but real rebuilding — I would be honored to walk with you. You don’t have to widow alone anymore, sister. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widow Grief & Widow Guilt After Death Do you ever feel like you're stuck living in the past as a widow? You may have guilt or shame related to what happened before, or when, he passed away: Things that should (or shouldn't) have been said Things that were (or weren't) done Whether by you or by him... how it could have been different Or maybe you spend a lot of time thinking about the past and what you had... with the loss feeling like a heavy, painful weight. These things have a way of pulling you backward. You can get stuck in anger. In replaying. In trying to fix something that cannot be fixed. And when your connection to your husband is built on shame, pain, and fear., you can't be fully alive where you are, or move forward with purpose. I struggled with this after my late husband passed by suicide. I spent a lot of time in fantasy, trying to rewrite the story, and trying to come up with a different ending. It was my attempt to control something I desperately wanted to be different. I also was crushed by guilt and pain. We all know it's hard trying to navigate this loss. But often, we’re looking at our life through a rearview mirror. And if you stay emotionally anchored in painful memories, then joy, hope, and peace can feel out of reach... or lost forever. That is when we can know we've become stuck. Living in the Past Isn't Honoring Him Love does not mean staying stuck in grief, and honoring your husband does not equal living in the past. We honor our husbands through a connection of love, forgiveness, hope, and we take them and their memory forward with us as we keep living. Because heaven — and your late husband — are ahead of you! Not behind you. Sister, life is not found in the rearview mirror. Your connection to him is not built through guilt after death, but through eternal hope. How We See in Healthy Grief - Spiritual Eyes Through the Holy Spirit and God's word, we can see the past, present, and future rightly through biblical truth. Not through the stories we create in our heads. Not through the cycling thoughts that keep us circling the drain of dark grief. And not through the enemy's lies. Psalm 90:12 says: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Let's gain some wisdom that helps us to widow well, and love our late husbands, with spiritual eyes. Widow Grief & Our Past, Present & Future 1) The Past — Choosing Freedom What ways do you look back and feel stuck in heavy, dark grief? Pain? Guilt? Shame? The past is real, and so very valid. It also cannot be changed. Despite all our internal wrestling, we cannot "fix" what happened. Here is the gospel truth about all the wrongs, the failures, and mistakes (on his part, yours, and anyone else's): They are all covered by the blood of Jesus. There is forgiveness. When we look back and the struggle or temptation toward guilt arises, we look to the cross. Yes — we can remember the past, and we can choose which memories we dwell on . We can choose the ones that fill us with hope, joy, life, and peace. And the ones that are shaming, dark, or fear-filled? We make a conscious decision not to play on the enemy’s playground. We rebuke lies. We rebuke shame. We rebuke fear. They are not how you stay connected to him. Widow guilt does not have to define your relationship to your late husband any longer. 2) The Present — God WITH You, Here Right now, we walk by faith and not by sight (darn it!). The present is the only place you can live; it's all we truly have. Trying to live anywhere else is an illusion, actually. The Lord walks with us right here in earthy time. Immanuel — God with us — now . You can shift your awareness from regret to the present, and His presence here. Sister, look for His goodness today, trust Him in the ordinary parts of your life, and choose fellowship with the Holy Spirit dwelling in you. "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living ." -Psalm 27:13 That means your life here, now. Even in widow grief. 3) The Future — Your Husband Is Ahead of You One day, we will walk by sight... It will be a glorious day! All things will be made new. We will be with the Lord in true form, and with our late husbands as well. Widow sister, remember this: Your husband is ahead of you. Not behind you. When you are worshiping — when your eyes are fixed on Jesus — that is when you are most connected to those who have gone before you. They are doing the same. We are knitted together in the Spirit. Jeremiah 29:11 says the Lord has a hope and a future for you, even if widowhood feels like exile. There is a hope and a future given to you! Tap into your kingdom purpose that cannot be taken. You are not just counting down your days until you go to heaven. So live forward . Fight the good fight. Finish the race. Keep the faith. [2 Timothy 4:7, paraphrased] You Are Allowed to Move Forward Sister, the Lord has offered you a beautiful rebuilding. Now it's time to give yourself permission to keep living, with HOPE, joy and love. Anything that keeps you questioning whether it’s okay to move forward is keeping you stuck in the past. It is not healthy grief; it is your brokenness, and enemy leveraging it. Love is present with you now — and in your future. ahead. You aren't doing this alone. With you, Rachel If you are longing for faith-centered widow grief support and a place to process this with other Christian sisters who understand, we would love to walk with you inside The HOPE Stronghold community . It is a space built for exactly this — to help you live forward in truth and hope. See you there! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!