5 Healing Essentials for a New (& Seasoned) Widows

Navigating life as a new widow can feel like trying to find your way in a foggy maze. You feel shocked, confused, and lost.

I have been through this journey, and I have come from hopeless (and even suicidal), to deeper healing and creating a life that I genuinely love again. It is my joy to get to help other widows do the same.

I'm going to dive into five powerful areas I've found crucial for widows to find deeper support and healing (PS- Don't miss the last three- they are my favorite).

1. Empathy

Why is empathy - the ability to feel with others and connect with their emotions - so important to us widows? It's because authentically joining and companioning us in our pain (without judgement and an agenda), can be one of the most safe, healing, and helpful things anyone could do!

As we suffer and struggle, we will feel less alone, more able to be honest, and will find more comfort with those who can truly connect with our grief and loss. Expecting it from those who are not able to support us in this way (or trying to change them) brings more heartache.

Find the "faithful few," as I like to call them, to journey with you toward healing in widowhood. Often it's other safe widows who get it, or people who have suffered other ways- and have also been intentional with their own healing journeys.

Finally, empathy is key because we also will need growth, accountability and even correction at times... and we will struggle to receive any of it from someone who hasn't been a safe person to grieve with.

2. Stability

Finding tangible support when grieving the death of our husband is vital for widows. When your world crumbles, and you are trying to put the pieces back together, you can go into survival mode in a variety of areas: physically, financially, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

Survival mode has its purpose in the short-term, but actually harms us in the long-term... and the reality is that widowhood is a long-term experience.

This is why it's critical to find and invest in that which stabilizes and helps you recover.

Here are some tips to help you establish stability in widowhood:

• Find Safe People

At a very vulnerable time, you need to make sure your help comes from those whom you can trust. Listen to wisdom and your intuition when making decisions in who to delegate tasks to/receive help from, and who enters your inner world.

This is also a caution to watch for scammers and those who would take advantage of your vulnerability. There are many who try to establish romantic or other types of connection/trust to use widows.

If you don't have safe people, you may find them through a local church, grief support groups, or maybe in your family. If you are in need of a safe community, I offer our Christian Widow Community or individual support with me as options.

• Ask for Assistance With Practical Tasks

Don't be afraid to tell people what you need (especially in the beginning, when people are around and offering). You can even ask them to help you find other well-equipped people to delegate specific tasks to.

This is such a critical area of overwhelm for widows, who are often trying to figure out both what responsibilities their husband had that they need to take over and how to do them all.

On top of the grief they are already experiencing, they may be managing a house, car(s), and children and more. Additionally, they are vulnerable to being victims of their late husband's identity theft (which is, terribly, common).

These struggles are why the first resource I created was for those who are newer widows- to have a checklist to walk them through the necessary steps when their spouse has died... because they don't need any more weight to carry in their grief. Find it here:

Newly Widowed Checklist 🌻

• Support Your Mental, Physical, & Spiritual Health

The last part of stability that is critical to name is our own health. Our very brains, bodies and souls have taken a major hit with trauma and the losses of death. However our own needs are often the first things to "go" when we are trying to support grieving children, navigate widowhood finances, or trying to "plug all the holes."

If there is a time to believe that our hearts and healing are worth every resource needed - time, money, effort, etc. - it is NOW. Because not investing in yourself as you navigate widowhood will come at an even higher cost.

It is hard not to let fear and pain be driving decisions right now, but the question to ask is, "What is my life and future rebuilding worth?" I think the answer is everything. We want to walk with widowhood journey well, in a way that glorifies God and finds purpose beyond pain.

That's why self-care and personal healing and development are not luxuries in this season- they are necessities. I am not talking about addictions or other unhealthy or destructive ways of coping. I am talking about caring for ourselves holistically in the wake of destruction.

There are various resources for mental, physical and spiritual health support. They can include therapy, groups, diet/exercise/sleep habits, and connecting deeper with Jesus. Again, I can offer my Christian Widow Community and Coaching as options where all these areas are prioritized!

3. Empowerment

The empowerment of widows is absolutely vital! Why?

Because if you do not find our voice, power and confidence to direct your own life, you will never be able to rebuild them in an authentic way with joy, peace and purpose.

Widowhood is a vulnerable time for a woman, yet a time where what is required of you includes leadership and decision-making, for your own life and perhaps your whole family. It is a time where we need to have a voice, direction, and confidence in our ability to navigate the world.

Yet so much feels uncertain, scary, and few women have experienced true empowerment in their life experience, including biblical empowerment that is given them by God.

This is why I am so passionate for my widow sisters to know the identity the Lord gives them beyond just "widow," how He walks faithfully alongside, and how we can deepen our walk to hear back from Him (rather than one-way prayer). These are crucial in my widow community and the coaching I do with clients.

God hears you, sees you, is happy to be with you in this and can do something about where you are. He is strong where you are weak (Corinthians 12:10), and equips you to be capable of what He is walking you into, in this new season and role.

And as for other people? Those who are truly safe and who are for you will support and empower you to persevere, heal and grow on this journey. Where they cannot, rest assured that you can still move forward with Christ who fills you with His power. 💗

4. Grace

When your world has blown up, when you are in excruciating pain, and when you are walking through a valley you have never been through before, you're going to mess up... a lot. Probably much more than you already did when your life was "normal" and "stable." You may feel the farthest you ever have from "having it all together."

But here's the gospel truth, sister: where our sins are many, His mercy is more. We cannot out-fail His grace. Praise God!

Where we experience the most terrible of human pain and suffering, there is an entirely different level of refinement, and it is a gift. I would never know His lovingkindness the way I do after I lost pride in my performance.

I am not excusing sin, but all the mess, failure and weakness is where He delights to meet and strengthen us. He does amazing things in the impossible, and that is exactly what we need.

So in your widowhood and your grieving... welcome to grace! It is right here in abundance, and this is an opportunity to learn to give it to yourself as you are coping with your losses. It is through grace that we are made new and transformed. 🤲

5. Hope

Last (but not least!) I am a firm believer that we cannot live well, or even live long, without HOPE.

Hope is the confident expectation in the waiting, and in the hurting, that the goodness of God will come to us, here in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). It is an anchor for our soul because we can trust Him.

That takes time, healing, and it is a battle. Post-traumatic growth, emotional resilience, and the increase of our faith do not simply happen on their own. I believe we are transformed as we suffer, and grieve with HOPE.

We need hope desperately, and to keep believing the truth that it will not always be the way it is right now. We often need reminders and encouragement; it is typically not something you obtain once and never struggle with again.

We also need to be open to all the possibilities that are still ahead of us in this life we have left to live. If we are closed off to them, we "circle the drain" of grief without HOPE for change or future... and we get sucked into a downward spiral.

Many grief "support" groups look like this, with defensiveness and anger added in, along with resistance to the ideas of peace, joy, and HOPE.

This is why having a grief space anchored in our redemptive and life-giving relationship with Jesus is so necessary. When He speaks truth to our souls and meets us, it is the most powerful support of all. And again, you need safe and empathetic grief companions who are both validating of pain but also desiring forward movement into recreating a life they genuinely love again.

These valuable sources of HOPE are pillars in shaping our Widow Community and Coaching. Please connect with us if you are in need of this kind of support!

May these five Healing Essentials be a guide as you find a way forward in widowhood that brings you HOPE! Save this post to return to, or share it with those who need it.

With you,

Rachel

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