How to Rebuild (Part 3/3): Confident Steps Toward a Life You Love Again

We are at the end of our three week series on navigating our grief journey in a healthy and redemptive way.

• Part 1: How to Grieve – Embracing acceptance and true grief.

• Part 2: How to Heal – Finding support and hope in the grief journey

Now, in Part 3, we build on that foundation, and ask the hardest, holiest question yet:

“Can I rebuild a life—full of goodness—that I love again?"

It takes courage to ask that. It takes even more to believe the answer might be yes, for you.

---

When my husband passed away, I felt that my life was over, too. Love, joy, and hope were out of reach (and out of my day-to-day experience). For years of my widowhood, I didn’t dare to truly dream again.

I had accepted that my hollowed-out version of life after my husband’s suicide was all that remained for me. My experience was one of suffering (pain without hope), and I actually rejected the things my soul wanted deep down: A life full of possibilities, goodness and abundance.

I felt it was a betrayal of my husband/my love for him, and I self-protected from further loss and disappointment by closing off to restoration. Additionally, so many circumstances continued to be hard that I threw my hands up, pitched a tent in the valley of the shadow of death, and received it as my new home.

If any of that feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many widows get stuck there... which in turn shapes our continued reality, rather than the blessings and promises of God.

The empowering truth is we are participating in the creation of our life as we know it now (not entirely, but in large part). And, I offer you this hope: there is more available to us, if we are willing to receive and rebuild it.

The Quicksand: Limiting & Lie-Based Beliefs

It’s easy to believe that our life "after our person" will never measure up to before. We settle into lack, accepting loneliness and pain as permanent companions. We tell ourselves we’ll never be happy again, never thrive again, never feel fully alive.

But what if I told you a neurobiological reality- that your own mind is largely creating your experience? That by believing you’re stuck in a shadow of your former life, you’re unintentionally staying stuck?

What we think and believe, we act on and live out. If you’re constantly orbiting pain, loss, or disappointment, your brain will keep you in survival mode. It will resist and reject your rebuilding the abundant life Jesus still has for you.

Thankfully, as humans, we have the ability to not only evaluate our own thinking, but to change it, and therefore, change our lived experience.

Friend, this is not a minimization of your painful reality, nor is it a "name it and claim it," or "woo-woo" concept. It’s an invitation to manage your mind and reshape your life: to rise, to reclaim, to rebuild what is still possible for you!

You are not just meant to survive this life—you were made to co-create something beautiful again with God. You still carry His Spirit within you. That means you have power. You have purpose. And you have access to a life and resources that reflect His goodness, even in the face of devastating loss.

We Widows Are Not Victims

God didn’t promise us a life free of trouble. But He did promise His presence, His power, and His purpose through it all. I once heard that widowhood is not a curse, it's a calling.

As Christian widows, we are not helpless. In fact, we’ve been entrusted with the most sacred of opportunities: the resurrection of our own lives... beauty from ashes with the help of the Holy Spirit.

In Christ, we are offered:

• Hope that’s unshakable

• Joy that defies circumstances

• Purpose that doesn’t die when our person does

• Authority to choose how we show up in our pain

• Power to live these as tangible realities (not only spiritual ideas)

The determining factor in your future is not your circumstances, but your beliefs about what’s still possible.

We don't have to accept every thought our brain offers us (especially a brain stuck in suffering). Have you ever considered: who would you be without those hopeless, stuck thoughts/beliefs?

When you can change them and learn the power of also shifting your emotional state, it impacts the actions you take. Your entire life can begin to shift.

These things are possible for anyone. But, how? Let me share what I've learned from doing it myself.

Practical Steps to Rebuild with Hope

1) Dare to Dream Again

You may be terrified to hope again. That’s okay. Fear will show up—but it doesn’t have to be in charge. You can choose to believe that something good is still possible (because it is, friend).

Hope is not naïve. Hope is holy.

When the enemy whispers, “Your dreams are lost,” reject that lie. God has more for you. Let yourself imagine abundant possibilities.

This willingness and openness is the foundation to all rebuilding. Without it, you will continue on your current path.

2) Create a Vision for Your Future

Take time to get quiet and ask: What do I want to experience in the next chapter of my life?

• Is it a new mission or purpose? A new career path?

• A trip you've always wanted to take?

• A new healing home for your family?

• Openness to love or remarriage?

• New traditions or connections with your family?

There are so many possibilities! The point to engage with your tangible future dreams.

Invite Holy Spirit in. Write it down. Speak it aloud. And begin to pray circles around these things [shameless plug for you to read the book The Circle Maker by Mark Batterson]!

3) Surround Yourself With Empowerment

Don’t try to rebuild alone. Just as healing requires community, growth (especially that which can become exponential) requires the right support.

Think of it as choosing a "winning team." If you are going to embark on this endeavor, it's crucial that you invest in the things that are going to get you to success.

• Choose people—even a faithful few—who believe for your abundant future when you can’t for yourself

• Seek wise, empathetic counsel: friends who have been with you in your pain, so you can receive their challenges, too

• Join a group or community that "gets it," but doesn’t just orbit and defend painful grief... they move toward rebuilding

• Invest in therapy if needed

• Consider working with a Coach to get measurable results

The last one that changed everything for me. I felt that I was a victim, and life just kept happening to me. Coaching helped me go from functioning (and stuck there) to confident, abundant and full of purpose!

Coaching isn't just "inspiration." A good Coach can lay out a clear, achievable plan for your rebuilding, and support you along the way through the discouragements and failures, into new thoughts, new beliefs, new feelings, and recreating a life you love again!

I 100% believe in it because it transformed not just my life, but many women I now guide.

Loving Life Again

The life I live now isn’t the same one I had before loss (how could it be, without him?).

But it is full. It is beautiful. It is mine to shape and live.

And you know what? It didn’t happen by accident. I chose to dream. I created a vision. I surrounded myself with the right support. And I did the holy work of changing my mind, then changing my life.

You can too.

There is more ahead for you, sister. You can rebuild a life you love again.

With you,

Rachel

PS- If that is your desire, Coaching can help you achieve it.

You can set up a consultation here.

You are not forgotten. You are not finished. You are just getting started.

🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post,

or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top)

to be in-the-know when a new post drops!