Hearing God’s Voice in Widowhood- When You Feel Spiritually Numb

When God Feels Silent & Disconnected in Widowhood

Sometimes, becoming a widow doesn’t just shatter your heart—it can fog your spiritual senses as well.

I remember crying out to God one night after my husband died, wailing in the dark. The ache of grief pressed so heavy on my chest that I could physically feel it.

I prayed, but I felt nothing; no peace, no presence. And I heard nothing but more silence. It was confusing and hurtful.

This is when I needed Him the most, and I wasn't sure what to do. Though I had walked with God for many years, the tragedy and new life as a widow was a different kind of "valley" I had to walk through.

Have you struggled to feel or hear Him here, too?

It’s a spiritual pain many Christian widows experience—but few talk about out loud. After all, we love Him deeply, desire to honor Him, and want to walk widowhood in faith... so it's hard to find spaces to be honest about this struggle.

Well sister, you've found it—let's talk about it here.

Some widows stick with their spiritual disciplines, though they may seem emptier. You might read your Bible and feel nothing. Attend worship or sit in church, but want to run. Try to pray, but feel too discouraged, don't know what to say, or don't know if He's listening/will act.

Others feel they can no longer read(the Word or much of anything else either), sing, pray and attend. The loneliness grows... and so does the feeling of being lost.

It’s disorienting when the God who once felt near suddenly feels far or even absent. But sister, hear me:

This spiritual numbness can be a fallout of trauma, and the Lord has not left you.

The absence of feeling or hearing anything from God in your pain is not evidence of His silence or abandonment. It can actually be that your brain is in a state that is closed off to receiving any input:

Dr. Karl Lehman coined specific brain circuits "Relational Circuits (RCs), which serve our longing and need for relationship. When these circuits are "on," we are able to experience the presence and relational connection of God and other people. When they are "off," we are often unable to relate and connect.

"The activation of trauma-based feelings of being alone and in pain can turn off our RCs. The sudden blackout explains why we are sometimes unable to perceive Immanuel [God with us]."

(Wilder, Kang, et al. (2020). Joyful Journey. p. 28.)

One other reassurance. You need to know that although this feels new and terrible, you’re not alone in your questioning, Biblically speaking. Scripture shows us others who found themselves in similar feelings and struggles (and asked God in honesty). Here is just a couple examples:

• David, the “man after God’s own heart,” cried out in Psalm 13:1—

  How long, O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?”

  
  

• "I cry aloud to God... In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out... when I meditate, my spirit faints... I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago... Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time?" -Psalm 77:12, 4-5, 8

Widow sister, you aren't alone in these struggles. And that isn't just a phrase, but something you can count on.

The God Who Meets You in the Silence

If the Lord has indeed never left or abandoned (you or your husband), and if He is faithful to you in this suffering—how would you know in this place?

As previously mentioned, there are very tangible, physical reasons for the "blackout," the disconnect we can feel relationally with God (and others) in our trauma.

It's not because God isn't "big enough" or "able" to reach you through painful circumstances, but we are limited here, living in human bodies, with thoughts and ways that are not as high as His. So here are a few reminders to ground you back into truth in the painful widowhood fog:

• "Our hope is not found in understanding why God brings hardship into our lives. Our hope is not found in the belief that somehow we will [get] through [with Him]. Our hope is not found in [anyone/anything rescuing us]. Ultimately our hope rests in the faithful and gracious presence of the Lord with us." -Paul Tripp

• "Rejoice as you share in the suffering of Christ" (1 Peter 4:13) may seem like a repulsive calling in our pain, but we find that it actually means that "As our suffering joins with his, we find there is indeed nowhere we can go away from his love." -Danielle Cummings

This painful and dark place that you don't want to be may be the most intimate place of Jesus' love that you will ever know, because He is so faithful to you that He is happy to be with you here.

What changed everything for me was not forcing myself to “feel something,” or for it to have to look a certain way, but gently learning to stay open in a new way.

Sister, your Lord is near. When grief dulls your senses, it’s not about trying harder. It’s about surrendering and trusting more deeply.

And yes—there are gentle, Spirit-led ways to create space to reconnect to Him.

4 Ways to Reconnect With God When in Spiritually Numbness

Let these be invitations—not obligations (remember, all things overflow from the heart, and your heart is what the Lord wants). These are small, sacred shifts to welcome His presence back into your daily life.

1) Use Sensory Cues to Set Up Connection

God designed your body as a temple, and as we saw earlier, our bodily state does impact our spiritual one. Set up your environment, senses, and your physical experience to frame connection with the Lord. Use the senses He gave you to ground yourself and make your space feel safe again.

Emotional responses and feelings are often processed first in the brain, meaning you feel before a you think about/can articulate a thought about an experience. This is because the limbic system, responsible for emotions, is more rapid in its processing than the prefrontal cortex, which handles conscious thought.

So... before you ponder the depths of spiritual truths, allow your body to be open to connection and intimacy with your Lord. It matters to your experience of Him, especially in deep pain or trauma.

Light a candle. Turn on soft worship. Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket. Get in a bubble bath. Take a barefoot walk in nature. Let your surroundings become a sanctuary.

2) Converse/Journal With These Gentle, Open-Ended Prompts

Sometimes the simplest way to connect is making it easy. Ask in prayer, or write out, the Holy Spirit's prompting answers to these questions:

• “Jesus, where were you in my day today? Where did I see you?” (and thank Him for it-gratitude reconnects us!)

  
  

• “Lord, I'm believing [enter the lie or painful thought/belief here]. What do you want me to know about that?”

You don’t need a clear prophetic answer immediately. It’s the act of asking, waiting, and being willing to write or speak aloud what you hear (your humble attempt to hear from God) that bravely opens the relational doors.

3) Let His Words Comfort and Guide

Try this: Sit with one passage, and invite the Holy Spirit to highlight one word or phrase. Or ask Him for and meditate on a specific promise(s) you need.

Maybe it’s “I will never leave you.” Maybe it’s just “with you.”

Or maybe He gives you a personal word. Try returning to and meditating on this promise/word for 40 days in a row—watch and feel the changes!

4) Pray Invitation-Based Prayers

Sometimes “Help me, Lord,” is all you have. That’s okay.

But here’s another simple prayer I will use:

“Holy Spirit, I invite You into this moment. I trust You to meet me even here.”

He will. Be looking for Him.

Keep Listening, Keep Connecting

Sister, if grief has clouded your ability to hear God, you're not broken. You're in the human experience.

You’re not alone.; the Lord is still near. He hasn’t changed His mind about you or His favor toward you.

Keep creating space. Keep showing up with open hands and a willing heart. He will meet you—even here.

And when He does… it will be worth every quiet moment that led you to that encounter.

With you,

Rachel

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