How to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck in Widowhood Grief

When Grief Feels Like Quick Sand

Grief can be a beast. My husband's death by suicide was clearly devastating and life-altering, as is the tragedy every widow faces. I learned grief can be an unpredictable storm with crushing waves, and I was just trying to survive it.

I couldn't tell you the moment I became stuck in it... because it had just been so hard for so long. The first months had turned into nearly two years after my husband’s death, and I was still waking up with the weight and pain pressing on my chest. The darkness and deep loneliness still surrounded me.

The world had moved on, but I hadn’t. I functioned, I was trying to navigate, but I wasn’t truly living.

Loss can turn into that. It whispers, "It will never be good again." It convinces you that healing is betrayal to your person. It makes the future feel like an unbearable burden rather than a place with any hope.

If you’re reading this, maybe you know that feeling in your own way. Maybe you’re unsure of how to take the first step toward rebuilding a life that looks nothing like the one you wanted.

You’re not alone. Most importantly, you are not without hope for things to change.

The Path Moving Forward

The truth is, moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind, or that you have to lose yourself. It means carrying their love with you as you take small, courageous steps into your future.

In fact, life with them again is not behind you, it is only ahead of you, and they are cheering you on.

Also, if you try to tell me that hope is available for others but not for you, or that there is not a life ahead of you that you could possibly love, I'll call it out as it is- a lie. I haven't bought those stories from other widows, either.

I have worked with many, and I've seen those willing to lay that narrative down and rebuild a life they genuinely want again, and I've seen widows continue to hold those thoughts as beliefs- and stay stuck in that very reality they've created.

It is possible to live in a forward direction, into peace and abundant life, with HOPE!

But how? How do you begin again?

The key is to take intentional, small steps that create momentum toward healing. It’s about shifting your perspective from being stuck in grief to learning how to coexist with it, while making space for life to continue. Healing is not about erasing the past but about integrating love, loss, and life into a future you can embrace.

Let’s talk about three practical ways you can start this process.

3 Practical Steps to Move Forward When Grief Has You Stuck

Full disclosure: As a Christian Widow Coach, I tend to want to get at the deeper, heart level, transformative work. ❤️‍🔥 While these 3 steps are brief, get out something to write on (or use your phone) and be willing to sit a few minutes with the Action Step practices.

1) Acknowledge Where You Are—Without Shame

It’s easy to feel guilty about struggling. You might think, "I should be further along by now," or "Other widows seem to be coping better than me." But grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” (or same) timeline for healing.

Instead of shaming yourself for feeling stuck or low, acknowledge it with grace (because this is how Jesus holds you).

It's also important to recognize and name the growth you've already had! Celebrating your wins is so needed in this marathon of grief.

Action Step:

Take a few moments to journal about where you are in your grief journey (pausing to articulate through writing has been shown in research to be powerful! I strongly encourage you to write it down). Be honest with yourself.

• What’s holding you back? Are there any emotions that feel too heavy to face? Sometimes, simply naming your struggles takes away some of their power as they sit in the light.

  
  

• What thoughts/beliefs are you holding that might be keeping you stuck in what you hate? Some of them may be blatantly opposed to the promises in God's word, but others may be more nuanced. Ask Him if you aren't sure- pause to listen.

• Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding love and beauty in your life ahead? (Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart).

• Lastly, write down places you have bravely pursued healing, growing, and continuing to live. You are not the same person you were- and that does not just mean you are broken! It means you have learned, grown, and are being beautifully refined in this fire.

2) Make One Small but Monumental Shift

This one can be mistaken as insensitivity to those who are already hurting... but I hope my story helps you know I "get" widowhood pain. Please receive it from one who has been so deep in my loss that I nearly did not survive it.

One major shift to forward direction that I had to take, and that I have seen with many other widows who experience deep growth after their loss is this:

A willingness to BELIEVE a good life is still ahead of you, to WANT it, and be willing to KEEP TURNING toward/ FIGHTING for it.

This is can be hard. In the beginning as a widow, no one wants the rubble of a life they've been handed. They are devastated. They only want their old life, with their person.

But if we stay there, that is where we can find, years later, that we haven't moved, or grown, or rebuilt. We have no joy or hope, and we're trapped in the quicksand of grief, depression, or even suicidal ideation.

It might sound like this:

• "I don't want this life. I don't want to live anymore."

• "I will never love anyone again." "No one will want me." "I'll always be alone."

• "I'll just get through the rest of my days until they're over."

• "My future has been stolen from me."

• "I died when he died."

• "Hope is possible for others, but not for me."

It's normal to struggle, but we can change a mindset that is repeating and believing lies.

Finally, can you tap into the gritty part of you that wants to fight for HOPE and abundant life? The part that says, "I won’t stay here forever"? We battle our own resistance to the reality that there can be healing, goodness, and rebuilding of a beautiful life.

Action Step:

Again, write these down (even briefly!).

• Do you say or believe some of the above bullet statements/something similar? Write down the recurring thought(s) that tell your future in hopeless terms.

  
  

• Are you able to recognize these as lies, or are you willing, now, to accept that they are? If you feel resistance, where is that coming from? What are you trying to protect yourself from (hope, more disappointment, something else)?

• Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding and embracing goodness, love and beauty in your life now? Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart.

• Dig deep and try to connect with the warrior the Lord declares you to be (the widow, Ruth was called a woman of valor in scripture!). Write a declaration of your commitment to the good and abundant life the Lord still has for you.

I took mine from Psalm 118:17 "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done."

Now, you are in a better place for the last step: to begin to dream again for your future...

3) Dream, and Plan Your Future

It may seem silly in the darkness you may be feeling, but if you could sit down and start dreaming up your future, what would that include? Are there still certain hopes that you have (even if they are tucked deep or feel lost)? What good things, that you would enjoy, should be included in that picture?

Your story isn't over yet, and you can imagine, and create, a beautiful future.

While these things don't come about instantaneously, they begin as hopes, thoughts, and ideas... and can blossom into reality by taking consistent steps!

Action Step:

Last time- write a few specific ideas down!

• Get specific into what a future you would genuinely enjoy looks like. Does it include a move? Travel? Relationships of different kinds? A new purpose or career? What else? (Be in a creative space and let all the ideas flow without going into "Edit" mode as you go, which can limit the possibilities)

• Do your children (if you still have them in your care) have any ideas or dreams? Do you have a safe friend or group that you could share these writings with?

• Is there anyone who has a skillset (financial planner, realtor, trip advisor, coach, etc.) who could support your exploration of these new realms? Reach out into this new territory- you might be pleasantly surprised at the adventure that awaits you on this new journey.

Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean "Moving On"

It bears repeating:

Life with your person again is not behind you, it is only ahead of you, and they are cheering you on.

There can be so much more goodness, right here in your remaining life- in the land of the living- because the Lord offers it to you. It's a process with Him; one you can be confident of (Psalm 27:13).

You are not stuck forever. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are not alone in this journey. Don't believe the lies or self-sabotage... keeping yourself stuck in pain.

Sister, you are still alive. And as long as you are alive, HOPE is still within reach.

With you,

Rachel

PS- Ready to rebuild a life you love again? Let’s walk this road together — one step, one prayer, and one victory at a time.

Learn more about personalized 1:1 Christian Widow Coaching

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