How to Move Forward When You Feel Stuck in Grief

When Grief Feels Like Quick Sand

Grief can be a beast. The tragedy of my husband's death by suicide was clearly devastating, life-altering, and excruciating. In a way... tragedy is supposed to be, for a time. I learned that grief can be an unpredictable storm with crushing waves, and I was just trying to navigate it.

However, I couldn't quite tell when it had simply taken over everything, and I was trapped in it. It had been months—to years—since my husband’s death, and I was still waking up with the same weight pressing on my chest. The world had moved on, but I hadn’t. I functioned, I was trying to survive, but I wasn’t truly living.

Loss can turn into that. It whispers, "You’ll never feel normal again... it will never be good again." It convinces you that healing is betrayal. It makes the future feel like an unbearable burden rather than a place with any hope.

If you’re reading this, maybe you know that feeling, too. Maybe you’re paralyzed, unsure of how to take the first step toward rebuilding a life that looks nothing like the one you had planned. You’re not alone (I, in fact, still navigate this storm at times). Most importantly, you are not without hope.

The Path to Moving Forward

The truth is, moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind, or that you have to lose yourself. It means carrying their love with you as you take small, courageous steps into your future. And... it is possible to live in a forward direction, with hope.

But how? How do you begin again when the weight of loss makes every step feel impossible?

The key is to take intentional, small steps that create momentum toward healing. It’s about shifting your perspective from being stuck in grief to learning how to coexist with it, while making space for life to continue. Healing is not about erasing the past but about integrating love, loss, and life into a future you can embrace.

Let’s talk about three practical ways you can start this process.

3 Practical Steps to Move Forward When Grief Has You Stuck

1) Acknowledge Where You Are—Without Shame

It’s easy to feel guilty about struggling. You might think, "I should be further along by now," or "Everyone else seems to be coping better than me." But grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” timeline for healing.

Instead of shaming yourself for feeling stuck or low, acknowledge it with grace. Say it out loud or write it down: "I feel paralyzed by grief right now, but I won’t stay here forever."

It's also important to recognize and name the growth you've already had! Celebrating your wins is so needed, too.

Action Step:

Take a few moments to journal about where you are in your grief journey. Be honest with yourself. What’s holding you back? What emotions feel too heavy to face? Sometimes, simply naming your struggles takes away some of their power.

Then, write down places you have bravely pursued healing, growing, and continuing to live. You are not the same person you were- and that does not just mean you are broken! It means you have learned and are being beautifully refined in this fire.

2) Make One Small but Monumental Shift

I approach this one with a bit of fear and trembling, because it can be so easily mistaken as insensitivity to those who are already hurting... However, I have found it to be key.

If you are fresh to your loss, this may be very hard to hear (in fact, it may not be time, yet!). But if you can receive it, please hear from one who has been so deep in my loss that I nearly did not survive it.

One major shift that I had to take, and that I have seen in my relationships with many other widows and grievers who become resilient and experience deep growth after their loss is this:

A willingness to WANT a good life still ahead of you, and be willing to KEEP TURNING toward it.

This is so hard. Again, in the beginning, no one wants the rubble of a life they've been handed. They are devastated. They only want their old life, with their person. And believe me, I get it.

But if we stay there, that is where we can find, years later, that we haven't moved, or grown, or rebuilt. We have no joy or hope, and we're trapped in the quicksand of grief, depression, and perhaps like I was, suicidal ideation.

It might sound like this:

• "I don't want this life. I don't want to live anymore."

• "I will never love anyone again." "No one will want me." "I'll always be alone."

• "I'll just get through the rest of my days until they're over."

• "My future has been stolen from me."

To be clear: these words aren't 100% indicative of being stuck, but I am trying to give a picture of a mindset. It is normal to wrestle and struggle, to hate the push to "move on," and to be hurt by platitudes and lack of empathy. That's not what I'm addressing.

What I am talking about is a willingness to shift - from where we resist and don't want the reality that there can be healing, goodness, and rebuilding of a beautiful life - to a place where we can start to dream again.

Action Step:

If you struggle with being trapped in grief and hopelessness, consider if you have ever said or believe some of the above bullet statements, or others you have that are similar. How do you feel about the truth that you did not fully die when they did? If you feel resistance, where is that coming from?

Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding and embracing goodness, love and beauty in your life now? Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart.

3) Dream, and Plan Your Future

It may seem silly in the darkness you may be feeling, but if you could sit down and start dreaming up your future, what would that include? Are there still certain hopes that you have? What good things, that you would enjoy, should be included in that picture?

Your story isn't over yet, and you can imagine a beautiful future. Get specific into what that would look like. Does it include a move? Travel? Relationships? A new purpose or career?

While these things don't typically come about instantaneously, they start with ideas and hopes, and can blossom into reality by taking small steps.

Action Step:

Can you write a few of these specific ideas down? Do your children have any ideas? Do you have a safe friend or group that you could share these writings with?

Is there anyone who has a skillset (financial planner, realtor, trip advisor, business coach, etc.) who could support your exploration of these new realms? Reach out into this new territory- you might be pleasantly surprised at the adventure that awaits.

Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean Moving On

Here’s the most important thing I want you to know: Moving forward doesn’t have to mean more loss (who you were, your loved one, your old life). It means learning how to carry these things with you, in love, with you as you step into your future.

You are not stuck forever. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are not alone in this journey. Don't believe the lies or self-sabotage... keeping yourself stuck in pain.

Friend, you are still alive. And as long as you are alive, hope is still within reach.

With you,

Rachel

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