Lifelines in Widowhood to Move Forward From Survival to Stability

Widowhood can feel like being lost at sea after the ship of your old life went down. You went through a devastating loss, but you can still feel.... lost.

Some widows may try to adapt to surviving out in the open sea, living in survival mode so long that it becomes "normal." And though you hate it, you can become trapped in patterns that keep you stuck... and you may not realize that you can change it.

Other widows recognize they need to get to shore to truly rebuild something stable. But it is an intentional process that is still not easy to navigate... and it still involves crashing grief waves.

Whether you are exhausted from surviving, or have been trying to get back to land, it may be time to look up and realize there are lifelines not just to live through pain—but also to move beyond it.

---

Lost at Sea - Navigating Widowhood

When your old life sank, and you found yourself on a life raft, you do what you can to survive. But we do have choices (believe it or not!). We can resign to life at sea, or we can get back to shore. Neither are easy, but one has the promise of a real future.

1) Life at Sea

Survival mode is a God-given response designed to help you endure the unthinkable. It shields you in the short-term. But living there ongoing becomes a prison:

• You constantly brace for the next problem

• You expect, watch for, and speak pain over your life

• You stay isolated because healing feels too far out of reach & don't have safe people

• You repeat unhealthy ways of coping (which ironically keep you barely hanging on)

Sister, survival mode may have saved you—but staying in it will prevent you from rebuilding.

2) Get to Shore

Although you may find yourself in "maintenance mode"—doing what needs to be done, avoiding triggers, going numb just to get through the day—I want to tell you that you are capable of getting your feet back to solid ground, and rebuilding.

The lonely, hard, unhappy reality you are living right now is not the life you are "doomed to" because your husband died. I want you to know it's possible, with guided steps and the right support, to rebuild a beautiful life that you can love again.

I have lived it as a suicide widow. But if you don't believe me, hear the promise the Lord gives you:

"I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." -Psalm 27:13

It is possible to head in a new direction- one full of HOPE!

Survival Mode Isn’t Home - Stability & Rebuilding Are

Survival mode is the mental, emotional, and spiritual life raft that keeps us afloat after loss. In the beginning, it serves a sacred purpose: it keeps us alive in the chaos.

But survival mode is a raft you don't want to call home.

Sister, if you are hating your new life on the raft, hear me: God calls widows to life—and life abundantly, and the invitation is always open:

To grieve, yes—but also to heal.

To remember—but also to rebuild.

To feel the real sorrow of death—but also live in resurrection.

What about the widows who want to get to shore, have been trying different ways or healing and getting support, and still can't seem to get their feet on land and create a life they actually want again?

First, I am so proud of you for fighting, and I can relate. After weekly counseling for 5 years, books, podcasts, grief groups, conferences, and more, I still felt stuck.

Through my fight to abundant hope and rebuilding a beautiful life, I found pillars that really bring deeper healing and transformation, and they now anchor the work I do with widows.

Sister, lifelines—real, practical and truth-rooted tools—help pull you back to shore. Let's take hold.

Two Lifelines to Move You Forward in HOPE

While we could address many things, here are two ways to begin identifying and moving forward from the limitations keeping you stuck where you don't want to be:

1) Possibilities & the Pivotal Point of Deciding

There is a point of decision that is a critical reframe for every suffering human that can change them (and their future) entirely. In widowhood, it is a tipping point from powerless to empowered, and from hopeless to hope. It restores you even when so much has been taken from you.

It is this:

I may not have control of what happened/happens to me, but I can choose what I do with it.

You may have heard it like this:

"Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it."

Because while no one can control the ups and downs of life, how you choose to respond is everything.

This mindset shift is on the path from barely surviving to actively rebuilding. It’s the bridge from pain to purpose. When you choose to take ownership of your thoughts—without dismissing your grief—you move from being stuck to being free.

You get to say:

“I can’t change my losses. But I can partner with God in resurrection life again and again.”

We are transformed through the renewing of our mind with truth.

2) The Power of Reframing

Here is another practice that highlights that thoughts are not your enemy—but they often need management and redirection. One of the most healing tools I’ve learned is reframing: looking at the same reality through a new perspective.

Identify thoughts that are painful and distressing, or that impact you in a negative way, and then challenge/dispute them. This reinterpretation is incredibly powerful... if we are willing to let go of old thoughts and feelings that "seem" and "feel" so true in and of themselves.

While it can be used in a variety of ways, here's just a few examples that I personally used.

• That lonely night? Instead of hating and dreading it, view it as a time to invite God into the silence. You can create healing, connecting rituals with the Lord in this time.

• That trigger-heavy location? Instead of avoiding it forever, you might consider reframing it as a space for sacred remembering and eventual release. I did this with a healing visit to the site of my late husband's death with my new husband, and I no longer dreaded driving in the area.

• Those thoughts of how life is bereft of goodness? Instead of repeating them, consider, "Who would I be without this thought? What would my life feel like?" Did you know you can choose new thoughts and beliefs, and therefore change the associated feelings/experiences?

While these examples won't be fitting for everyone, know that reframing helps shift survival mode into resilience mode. It doesn’t erase your grief—it gives you authority over it (instead of victimization).

A Hope-filled Resource for You

If you are a widow who wants to move forward with purpose into more peace and joy, I offer you free access to Lifelines for Widows Workshop where I lay out lifelines from the ship's sinking to getting your feet back on land.

It's an easy listen that will give you HOPE and tangible steps as well! Put it on and listen while you walk, drive, or sit and engage with the workshop as if you were live with me.

👉 Access Lifelines for Widows FREE in the HOPE Library

You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s do it together—with Jesus at the center and real HOPE lighting the way forward.

With you,

Rachel

🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post,

or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top)

to be in-the-know when a new post drops!