The Hope You Need When Suffering Seems Endless

Rachel Powell
Jan 29
6 min read

"Wait, my daughter, and see what happens..." -Ruth 3:18

The verse had been beautifully burned onto a piece of wood (at my request) as a reminder, and I had put it up in my bedroom, so that every night when I climbed into bed, I would be looking straight at it.

This night, however, I glared in its direction with disbelief and in anger, sitting alone in what felt like unbearable pain. It had been somewhere short of 1,000 days since my life started its downward spiral. Hundreds and hundreds of days and nights, suffering.

My incredible husband becoming addicted, angry, abusive, and dying by suicide
The loss of trust in my church that told me to "submit" to it, then questioned nearly everything about my character and motives in the aftermath
Feeling personal and outside guilt for my husband's death
The loss of our financial stability
Navigating COVID as a new widow with 4 children
Losing relationships
Being taken advantage of in a variety of ways
Living every day carrying an impossible load

Saying it was all "too much" is an understatement. The intense pain and struggle would continue for years to come... and in addition to struggling intensely with suicide, I would actually end up attempting myself, twice.

Hopelessness kills people. Everyday.

So what do we do when the suffering truly seems endless? When we feel we are way past our capacity and limits, with no end to the pain in sight?

We must come to some, very real hope, if we are going to make it through the dark night of the soul alive (physically, as well as staying present to our lives).

The Reality of Suffering

Research in neuroscience, general and mental health, relationships, family structures, socioeconomics and beyond show that there are massive (and long-term) implications of ongoing pain. This is true for pain of all kinds- physical, mental, emotional, spiritual, etc.

We are well past the time of hiding behind ignorance and downplaying suffering. Our refusal to deal with our own wounds (and those of others) has predictable, tangible, and destructive implications.

And yet, we also know that it is through the experiences of suffering that some of the most resilient and transformative changes can come. "Post traumatic growth" has been used to describe “positive psychological changes experienced as a result of the struggle with trauma or highly challenging situations."

However, it is so important that this narrative not be laid over every person's suffering, with the expectation to find the silver lining in loss... which often leads those suffering into greater distress.

How can we look honestly at suffering, and still find real hope to hold on to?

Why Our Pain Problem is the Foundation to HOPE

Humans have a capacity problem. The fact is, we are very limited.

Our nervous systems have a "window of tolerance" (heck, even our tempers do). We are restricted in our physical health, constrained by financial and tangible resources, and have (truly) little control over pretty much all of the external factors in our lives.

Although our attempts to create and build purposeful contributions in our lives and world are good, we all experience pain. Eventually, most of us face significant losses and must come to terms with the fact that many of them may be people and things we will never again have in this lifetime.

Where is hope when our loved one has died, and will never be coming back? How do we find enjoyment in a life where we may have permanent losses to our body and health?

These paths of suffering are excruciating, because we cannot change them. And it is often the feeling and belief of being trapped or stuck in the pain that causes people to lose hope, check out on their life, and perhaps even end it.

I am going to share something with you I have been transformed by in my own journey of post traumatic growth. I share this from a posture that does NOT take your suffering lightly. I ask that you do not take mine lightly, either, but rather hear me out:

It is in coming to the end of putting our hopes in what we can lose that we find where its true and lasting source lies.

What if all the circumstances of your life are only a small fraction of what it actually turns out to be? The vast majority of your life, and you who are, is decided by what you will choose to do with that small fraction of events.

And the even better news is that it doesn't entirely depend on us! We are not the answer in and of ourselves. While we can choose much of who we are to become, we are very limited, remember?

Our true HOPE comes from partnering with the One who has no limits, and can bring us a beautiful and resilient life through, in and after our greatest losses, suffering and pain.

Two Truths- The Good News We Need To Endure

1) The Pain Will End

When we are going through the worst pain we have ever experienced, and it isn't stopping, we need to know that it will end. The belief that "life will always be this way" can lead us to hopelessness and despair.

Let me encourage you that things will NOT always be the way they are now.

This is not a platitude, it is a guaranteed reality in two ways:

External Circumstances
Most of the struggles we face in life are ever-changing. Although they weigh us down, they can, and do, change! Our financial situations, relationships, families, life opportunities, and many of the losses we face are things that can be renewed and rebuilt.

You are not locked into this situation being your forever reality; it's an impossibility for it to always be this way. So hold on to the hope that this is going to look different for you in the next season. It may not be all at once, but you are NOT trapped here and it will NOT always be the way it is now.

Internal States
Where you are at in your physical and mental health, as well as your beliefs/frame of mind are also not static. Again, it is a physiological impossibility for you to remain in a state where you always feel this way, or think this way. Your body (brain neurotransmitters, hormones, etc.) are always changing and trying to move toward homeostasis (balance).

This is critical, because although you may feel so strongly that it is hopeless, you will not always feel this way and see it as such; and you do not want to make a decision (such as ending your life) from a basis of what is false.

While suicidal struggles can be ongoing, the suicidal crisis "stage," when people complete typically lasts only minutes to hours. We need to use that fact to get us through those minutes, hours... days and years.

It will not always be this way!

2) His Faithfulness Will Carry You Until the Pain Ends

What about the losses that are irreversible in our lives, such as the death of a loved one or a permanent disability or loss?

Although it may not seem helpful right now, I pray this reality helps you hold on to hope:

Even our entire lifetime here is temporary; it is still true that it will not always be this way.

This truth, rightly held, actually keeps us from unaliving ourselves here to get there quicker. It strengthens us to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith (2 Tim 4:7) until the real end of the race (our lifetime).

What keeps us from quitting when we truly experience the end of ourselves? When we are past capacity and at the end of our limits? It's that the Lord has none, and can strengthen and carry us, with unyielding faithfulness, through that which we could not endure very well. In Him, we can do it gloriously; the impossible is possible.

At times, I have still had suicidal thoughts/struggles. When I hear the same old song/cry in my depths saying, "I can't do this anymore!" (keep living), I rebuke it.

I remind myself that He never quits, and is holding me fast, in a grip that never lets go. I cannot cry out, "YOU can't do this anymore!" to God and believe it. I know He is capable, and that is where I go when I am at my end.

In this way, I see that I can, and will, survive. Anything.

In Him, you can, too.