How the Church Should Support Widows: Empowerment

The Church - the beloved body of Christ - is a Holy Spirit-filled body of disciples. While we long to be the hands and feet of Jesus to one another and the world, we continue to have gaps in areas that we are unaware of how to, or ill-equipped to, represent Him well.

➡️Enter widows in the Church.⬅️

There is a lot we could talk about here. Having been widowed myself, and now coming alongside many Christian widows through grief and faith-centered support, I have heard a lot of things...

Like the time a youth pastor told me, very sincerely and right to my face (without intent to offend), that "Biblically speaking, widows are trouble-makers for church leadership. It's right in the New Testament." 😨🤦🏻‍♀️

I digress...

What I want to focus on here is the (mis)understandings of Biblical roles related to widows, and why it is absolutely crucial that widows are empowered, as the Lord intends the Church to do, and does Himself.

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My fellow widow sisters in Christ know the weight, burdens, loneliness, and fears. They often know many of these questions, too:

• Who am I without my husband now?

• How do I lead all of this (life, parenting, etc.) by myself?

• How am I going to provide?

• Can I fill in what is missing from their father... Am I even supposed to?

• What is my purpose now?

• Is it even possible to do this well, with all the barriers of widowhood?

• Where do I fit here in the church, now?

• Do I have anything to offer anymore?

So many fears, doubts, and insecurities about the place we find ourselves as Christian widows.

Meanwhile, the Biblical roles of men and women, fathers and mothers are preached from the pulpit, and fill marriage and parenting classes. If you are widowed, you may have ached under the teachings... that likely never even mention widows like you.

You may experience pity, or avoidance, but it's hard for them to know what to do with the messiness. (especially when the mess is primarily what they see).

Perhaps you experienced something else... I know I am (heartbreakingly) not the only one who was removed from certain "roles" or positions in the church after becoming a widow, or who had male leadership step in to tell them explicitly the things they could, and could not, do as a widow in the church, and even as a Mom in their own home, or as a woman navigating her new life by herself.

How should the Church respond to widows in the body? What does the Lord say, and show?

Here's the thing.

If leaders and the church community do not see and treat widows as equal, capable, and qualified... How are widows supposed to view themselves that way- as they are forced to step into new roles without their husband?

If the body is more focused on their solutions/directives for widows "and their problems," than hearing from them, her God-given voice is taken or lost.

God empowers widows in their widowhood. The Church needs to be a part of that work.

The Problem: Disempowered and Disadvantaged

Widows, especially younger ones, are more likely than their married counterparts to struggle with poverty, marginalization, and discrimination. It can be financial/career opportunities, social relationships, struggles with their own faith and identity... or many other issues.

Within churches there can be even more confusion for us to find our new role and place... adding to the burden.

Since Biblical roles can be interpreted and taught differently within particular denominations or churches, women's roles in relation to men before widowhood may be varied. The problem arises when the areas of submission and male authority in the church, and in the home, leave a widow at best, unprepared to lead her own life, home, and children and at worst, unallowed to.

My experience as a new widow was also being treated as one who needed close "management" from male leaders. Trying to advocate for myself and make my own decisions was viewed as unsubmissive/uncooperative.

I was told I could be relieved by friends on a weekday night to sit at a coffee shop with my Bible, but not to participate in worship practice in the same time frame (that "overflow ministry" ended for me at the death of my husband, they explained). Later, under counsel to "run, not walk" away from this church, my ability to "make that kind of decision at this time" to go to another church" was even questioned.

In widowhood, when I was already wondering, "How do I do this life without my husband? How can I...?" The answer appeared very dismal. Based on the church's authority, it seemed I wasn't capable of doing or knowing much for myself at all, and I had four children in my care.

It was a hopeless place to live in - believing I was severely lacking what was Biblically mandated in my life and family now (since my husband was dead), and looking at what I was experiencing in the church at that time as my new "covering."

Becoming a widow is when a woman needs encouragement, reassurance, strengthening and empowerment the most, to know she can carry on, and trust the LORD to lead her.

Other widows have shared their similar experiences with me. When widowed women are seen and treated as those without authority or influence, the result is:

• Feeling and staying stuck in being voiceless/powerless

• Children also experiencing the resulting limitations on their remaining parent

• The Church and world miss out on what incredible faith and Holy Spirit power widows have to offer

If we are taught that we are not sufficient, in and of ourselves as a woman, to have autonomy in our lives, to have capable leadership in our homes, and to have gifts and strengths to bring - how are we to walk those things out as we navigate life alone as a widow?

In essence, if we are not taught that every person is empowered by the Holy Spirit, equipped and strengthened to walk out what He calls us to in this life, we set women up to fail even more so in every area they become disadvantaged.

The good news is that it does not have to be this way. God offers a beautiful reflection of the gospel, and His sufficiency, right here in the brokenness.

Why Empowerment?

God empowers widows - equipping them with authority and influence to lead their own lives, families, and futures. He remains the foundation for their identity and has plans to use them mightily in this world. This matters deeply for Christian widow support and how the Church walks alongside women after loss.

Let me also be clear. I am not saying it is better for a woman to be without a man, or that there are not differing, biblical roles for genders. I am also not attacking male leadership, nor promoting "self"/independence above the community of the church.

I am saying that we are often doing great damage with an extremely skewed view - where we have replaced the primary calling of men to love with the role to "lead," and the primary calling of women to love with the role to "submit." All sorts of dangerous and broken things happen.

Empowerment is a gift of God to every believer with the Holy Spirit, and it is critical to understand how this plays out for women in faith, particularly. [See previous blog posts for more on these topics]

What happens when we empower widows, and point them to their authority in Christ?

• Their identity is rooted first in Christ, not in their relationship to another person(s)

• They have security that the Lord's presence with them has not changed

• They have confidence that the Lord will provide to and through them

• They can trust that the Lord will fill in the gaps of the absence of a man

• They feel seen, validated and equipped by a supportive community

• They do not lose their calling, gifts, or abilities

• They participate in the movement and purpose of the Kingdom, just as other disadvantaged women in the Bible were chosen to do

• They grow in hearing, knowing and trusting the voice of the Holy Spirit to lead them (this is the foundation for every believer and therefore, for the Church as well)

  
  

How To Empower Widows (& What to Expect as a Widow):

1) Consider Your Lens

What you believe is biblical, and your interpretation of the role and place of women, is the lens by which you will view how the church supports you as a widow.

After sitting under leadership that I believed was doctrinally sound for over a decade, I unfortunately experienced the place to which some of the views lead... the dark corners where spiritual abuse and manipulation hid in (and what's more, the victim blaming/backlash for speaking about what happened).

If you are willing and open to digging a little deeper into the theology of the female role, I offer a few resources to listen to and read in this blog post.

What we believe will absolutely have tangible outcomes in our lives as widows. It changes how we view God and His love for us, the roles and purpose He calls us to, our ability to widow well, and so much more.

Make sure you are in a healthy faith community that supports you as a Holy Spirit-filled and empowered widow!

2) Affirm Widows God-Given Calling & Abilities

Widows need safety and support - not just to struggle, but to grow. They need encouragement (verbally and tangibly) that the Lord is with them and is giving them the power they need to walk life out in faith.

We're already doubting ourselves enough... We don't need a church family that breeds fear into our new lives as widows.

Here are a few practical ideas for churches (and again sisters what to expect):

• Include her in communication and decision-making the way you do everyone else

• Value her input and her contributions

• Treat her with respect as the head of her home

• Encourage the good and the growth in her life

• Support her goals

• Treat her as equal (not less-than)

• Listen to her voice more than you focus on telling "what to do"

• Ask her what support is most helpful (and believe her)

• Honor her boundaries

3) Get Behind What God is Doing - Let Him Lead His Widow Brides

I have previously offered this definition for Christian empowerment:

• An active, faith-driven partnership with God that embraces the autonomy and responsibility He gives every human, to walk in His purposes and power

The foundation is that God Himself empowers every one of His children with the Holy Spirit. We each can speak to Him, hear from Him, and receive authority to live in faith, full of the Spirit.

It is the essence of every believer, of the church, and of the process of making disciples. This is how we build up, in love, people who lead lives that reflect Jesus.

Widows are no exception. We are His Brides, and we are in a unique season to turn to the Lord as our Husband as well. Trust the Lord and expect Him to guide widows; His warrior Brides.

A Parting Blessing to You, Sister

Widow sister, no one disqualifies you where God has qualified you. You are not too broken. You are not left behind or unusable in His Kingdom.

If you are struggling or have left the church completely, I encourage you to believe that there are safe places with people who will empower you. They do still exist!

The Lord is giving you all the authority and power you need as a widow, in every area of your life. He is guiding your way.

With you,

Rachel

If you are longing for an empowering, faith-centered space created specifically for widows, The HOPE Stronghold virtual community was created for you! With weekly live calls, resources, connections and support, it is your place to be strengthened in your widowhood and your faith!

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