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Hello, my beautiful sister. Let’s talk about dating as a widow—and what Christian widow dating and remarriage can look like as we navigate it by faith, with the Lord. This week I’ll be celebrating my third anniversary in my second marriage, and it felt like the right moment to speak into this topic. Even though I’ve now experienced widowhood, dating again, engagement, remarriage, and blending a family, I want to approach this conversation from a place of humility. I’m still growing and learning, and I need the Holy Spirit to lead me just as much as I needed Him every step of the way before. Thankfully, I know how faithful He is! Dating and remarriage after widowhood can come with a lot of emotions (excitement, fears, etc.) as well as trials. I have walked it, too, and you are not alone in navigating these questions. If you’re wondering whether you’re ready to date again, question if it’s even possible for you, or aren’t sure what it might look like, I’m really glad you’re here. Dating as a Widow: Can a Christian Widow Date Again? Many Christian widows quietly wrestle with this question: Is it okay to date again after losing my husband? The truth is that dating as a widow can feel emotionally complicated and spiritually sensitive, especially when grief, loyalty, and fear are all present at the same time. Scripture shows us that God cares deeply about the desires of our hearts, and love after loss can be approached with faith, wisdom, and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Dating as a Widow Is Still a Journey of Faith One thing I’ve realized as my marital status changed from married, to widowed, and back to married is that it has actually been the same journey of faith all the way through. The seasons may look different, but the lessons are often the same... surrender and learning to trust the Lord. And in widowhood—and beyond—it is incredibly easy to find ourselves operating from fear (of more disappointment, abandonment, betrayal of trust, etc.) instead of faith. When you’ve gone through deep pain and struggle, it’s natural to fear more loss and more wounds to your heart. Because of that, it's easy to move into self-protection and doubt as you try to navigate relationships again. Dating this time around often feels more complicated because life is different now. You may have children, you may be in a completely new season of life, and there are more unknowns than the first time you walked this road. Because of that, you may start hearing whispers in your heart like: What if there aren’t any good men left out there? What if I’m too broken or messy to be loved again? What godly man would want to step into all of this—into my grief, my life, and my children’s lives? And of course, there is always the deeper fear that loving someone again could end in another devastating loss. Those fears are very real. But sister, that isn’t the voice of faith, and there is no life or peace that comes from building your future on that foundation. I know that personally because I have wrestled with those fears myself. A Redemptive Path Forward There is another way to walk this journey—a redemptive path that brings glory to God in how we navigate dating, remarriage, and family life after loss. It is the path of God-glorifying faith . Faith doesn’t mean pretending the pain didn’t happen or denying the grief that is still part of your story. It means an honest and authentic relationship with the Lord as you walk through these seasons with Him. Faith is surrender. It’s yielding your heart and your story to the Lord and trusting that He sees you, that He hears you, and that He is with you in what you are walking through. And sister, faith also means remembering who God is, to you and for you. He is a good Father, caring about your desires as His daughter. The desire to love again or to experience Christian widow remarriage is not sinful. God wants to give good gifts to His children! Another important part of faith in this season is learning to discern peace. I believe peace is the language of the Holy Spirit, and as you walk in relationship with Him, He can guide you through the decisions that come with dating, choosing someone, remarriage, and blending families. These are decisions that impact your life, your children, and your future in very real ways. That’s why this journey isn’t meant to be walked alone or simply through human reasoning. The Lord invites you into a reciprocal relationship where you seek His guidance and learn to listen for His leading. Faith doesn’t require perfection, but it does show up in obedience—choosing to navigate romantic desire in ways that reflect God’s character, and honor Him as well as the other person you’re wanting to love. 4 Practical Ways to Date in Faith 1) Ask God for His Best Prayer is the first place to begin. Ask God specifically for His best for your life, because we can acknowledge that we don’t always know what that is... And because His best is amazing! This also positions your heart to trust Him with your future and to seek His guidance in the decisions ahead. Be in prayer over every part of this season—your healing, your discernment, your future relationship, the hearts of your children and other family, and the details of timing. I can tell you honestly that this is something I am still doing a lot right now, even within remarriage and family blending. It truly is the same journey of faith. 2) Have Realistic Expectations Sister, this journey of dating and remarriage as a widow can be a difficult one. I want to gently dispel a myth many of us carry in our hearts—that remarriage will somehow make things easier. I know I had that expectation (even though I thought I didn't!). Somewhere inside, I think I assumed that remarriage might bring me back to the same places of peace and joy that I had experienced in my first marriage. But the reality is that being remarried does not fix grief. The loss you’ve experienced continues to be part of your story, and when you bring another person—or even another family—into your life, there are new layers to navigate together. In many ways it can be redemptive and beautiful. In other ways it can also be more complicated and challenging, because blending families means bringing together people who have all experienced some form of loss (death, divorce, non-married parents, etc.). Loss is part of the new equation. Because of that, there needs to be a lot of grace... and when things feel difficult, it helps to remember that this is normal . The Lord will be faithful to you in dating, remarriage, and blending families the same way He is faithful to you in widowhood. 3) Walk in Obedience in Dating/Engagement Faith also shows up in how we approach relationships. As Christians, our love for the Lord should influence every part of our lives, including how we date and move toward remarriage. That means approaching relationships with honor, purity, and respect for one another rather than treating them casually or flippantly. It means not coming into relationships simply trying to fill a void in our hearts, but instead bringing life and love into them. When we walk through dating and remarriage in ways that reflect God’s character, our relationships become something that glorifies Him. And that kind of obedience ultimately brings the greatest blessing. 4) Let Faith Guide the Pace Finally, faith means allowing God to guide the pace and the process. It means not rushing forward because of loneliness, but also not holding back because of fear. Instead, we move forward prayerfully and with discernment, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our decisions and following the peace that He gives. The Story Isn't Over- We're Still Learning As I reflect on these three years of being remarried, I can see that this entire journey has continued to require the same thing it always did—surrender and trust. Blending a family of seven has brought so much goodness into my life, and it has also brought challenges that people don’t talk about very often. Many people assume that once a widow remarries, the problem is solved. They’ve seen the heartbreak and hardship and assume that meeting someone again makes (most all of) it better. But the reality is that life after loss still carries struggles, and sometimes it can be difficult to know where to share those things. That’s why we need safe places with other Christian widows who understand this journey—places where we can continue encouraging one another to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7). Sister, your story didn’t end with loss. And when you choose to walk in faith, you open the door for the good things God still desires to write in the chapters ahead. If you’re navigating dating as a widow, I want you to know that the Lord cares deeply about your heart, desires and about the story He is still writing in your life. With you, Rachel PS- If you are navigating dating as a Christian widow and would love faith-centered support from other Jesus-loving widow sisters who truly get it, I invite you to explore the The HOPE Stronghold virtual widow community , where we walk through these seasons together.👭 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood & Grief: Is Something Missing? We have all experienced how disorienting, and confusing, grief healing can be. While there are various ways widows can feel stuck, or like there are gaps in healing, today we're getting specific. Sister, have you struggled with either of these issues in your widowhood grief journey? Recurring thoughts and questions that bring up pain for you... that you can't seem to escape? Episodes of anxiety or fear that you experience, but can't seem to control? You may have tried different things, and they likely helped- in ways. But if you still feel like something is missing, you’re not where you want to be yet. Today I want to talk to you about the importance of top-down and bottom-up processing — and why you can’t have just one without the other if you are going to bring grief healing to the two different parts of your brain that are impacted. The Problem: Gaps in Widowhood & Grief Healing Let’s talk about what it looks like when there are holes in your healing these two different areas of your brain. 1) When Top-Down Processing Is Missing Top-down processing and healing is mindset work. It takes place in the pre-frontal cortex, or the thinking and logic control center. If this is missing, you can find yourself stuck in patterns of thinking... that are creating patterns of being stuck in pain. The questions (whys, hows, what-ifs, etc.), beliefs that your life is over, the goodness is all gone, and other faulty ways of thinking. It’s like walking down a sidewalk in grief, where you keep falling in the same hole. They’re repeated patterns, loops, things you can’t seem to resolve... the painful memories and thoughts. Your mind can’t find answers and doesn’t know how to reframe what happened. When everything is through the lens of loss, our connection to your person becomes tied to pain. When this happens repeatedly, it becomes a downward spiral, where deeper trenches are dug. And it gets easier to just fall right back down every time you journey down the grief sidewalk. 2) When Bottom-Up Processing Is Missing Bottom-up processing calms the limbic system (near the brain stem) by using sensations from the body and sensory input to signal safety to this area of the brain. This part of the brain is more like your emotional command center. The problem is, the thinking command center isn't online when you are in this fear response, so you cannot "talk yourself out of it." If bottom-up processing is missing, grief can feel excruciating or overwhelming in lived, physical ways that you feel in your body. It could be flashbacks, painful memories, a racing heart, chest pain, tightness in your throat, headaches, and many other symptoms that keep coming up. It’s your body feeling unsafe — and you don’t know how to regulate it. But it doesn’t have to stay either of these ways, sister. We are integrated beings — mind, body, and soul. With the right tools for both top-down and bottom-up processing, our minds and bodies. Top-Down & Bottom-Up Grief Healing Top-down processing is related to mindset work. It can come through things like therapy and coaching. From a Biblical point of view, we are transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). The Word also tells us the importance of our beliefs- we are often choosing between truth and lies. What feels true ( really true in grief) is not always what is actually true. And what you believe is shaping the life and future you are walking into. Your thoughts and feelings impact each other. Your feelings impact your choices. Your repeated choices become habits. And those habits create the life you are living daily in widowhood and grief. Mindset work is powerful. It is grabbing hold of truth, taking thoughts captive, and being renewed and transformed. It can change so much of us, our widowhood experience, and even our future. And here is what is equally important: As mentioned earlier, when you are in deep painful experiences like grief, the thinking part of your brain is not always online. The front part of your brain — logic and planning — is only available when you are regulated. So when you are in trauma or deep pain, the back part of your brain is running the show. This is why Scripture, truth and mindset tools can sometimes feel like they fall short. Not because they aren’t true, but because the thinking part of your brain literally isn’t online. They cannot talk to each other. We need to stop shaming ourselves for not being able to - or to “just hold onto Scripture” and be fixed. The good news is we can meet our body in that place, from the bottom up. Practices like vagus nerve regulation use the sensations in your body to send signals upward to this part of your brain. They help bring you back into regulation, your window of tolerance, and a felt experience of safety. And when you are regulated, the thinking part of your brain comes back online. Now truth can land. Now renewal can happen. Now grief healing can integrate. That is mind and body healing together! The Right Healing Support for Mind & Body Sister, if you have been feeling stuck in repeated thought spirals, the right mindset tools can help you make life-changing shifts. If your body feels overwhelmed, unsafe, or reactive, body regulation practices (breathing, grounding, or calming touch tools) can bring the comfort and soothing that is needed. Which methods to use depends on the nature of the dysregulation (hyper or hypoarousal). Both top-down and bottom-up processing are needed, are available, and are proven effective. This is a core part of what we practice inside my Coaching and inside our Christian widow community, The HOPE Stronghold . We use both modalities regularly: • Renewing the mind with truth • Practicing regulation in the body • Integrating grief instead of pushing through it Because grief is not metabolized by gritting your teeth. Not by trying harder. Not by numbing or shutting parts of yourself off. It is metabolized by bringing gentleness, love, and truth to the way God created and wired you. If you are ready for deeper widowhood and grief healing — support that addresses both your mind and body — I am here to guide you. You don’t have to keep falling into the same holes. Please consider where you may need to fill in holes in your grief support. Both your mind and your body will thank you for the right care. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Why Christian Widowhood Support? Ok, let's be real sisters... And I know we can be with one another as widows. When your person - who has always been there, and whom you may have discussed heaven and death with - actually crosses over, you become acquainted with mortality (and immortality) in a different way. You just do. It's no longer just sermons, verses in your journal or a Bible study discussion. The reality of death, of resurrection, of faith, and of gradually losing people until we, too, pass away has become much more front-of-mind. It's a gift, actually. Numbering our days and considering (or trying to find) the meaning and purpose we have now, in this season and going forward. That's why the words "Christian" and "widow" hold so much weight in the support we need as we navigate our grief, healing, and life still ahead. If we don't stay connected to the eternal truths and redemption of our faith in widowhood, we risk missing what actually comforts, what actually heals, what actually transforms us in the suffering. We risk missing it all. Unfortunately, what we find in "Christian" spaces as far as grief support can be seriously lacking in other areas, and sometimes even harmful to our process. It is so important to tap into support that specifically serves our unique needs and struggles- spiritually and tangibly. Support That Misses It - Two Extremes When you get thrown into the trenches of widowhood, you are often grasping for hand-holds of any kind. With time, the resources you discovered or connected with still may not be holistic, effective, or the best. There are a couple of ways the grief support pendulum can swing for widows, and we want to avoid being stuck on either end. The first is support that is clinical, but disconnected from faith . You may find grief education… but without the Spirit. Coping strategies… but no identity renewal in Christ. Support groups… but no anchoring in Biblical truth. While these can be helpful, they aren't the full picture. They also can't offer HOPE into the deepest and darkest places. By itself, these tools can't help you truly transform through a resurrecting, renewing power that we find in Christ. However, the other side of the pendulum is over-spiritualizing grief . Religious grief spaces can sometimes breed harmful religious platitudes like: “Just pray more.” “God is enough.” “You’ll see him again someday.” "Have faith." Another concern in accessing only faith based support is giving no credit or space in grief healing to other effective and researched methods. It can miss: The nervous system impact of trauma The need for structured grief recovery Christian widows need a balance, so that they have more than only heavenly knowledge or only earthly help. You need a path forward that includes both, and actually works. Christian widow support should be that. Here are a couple quick gems to look for (or add) in your existing widow support.💎 4 Things Christian Widow Support Should Include 1) A Safe Place to Be Honest (Known) Being known in your honest feelings in grief is necessary for processing, bringing emotions to completion, and ultimately, recovery. You cannot deeply heal without connecting to your wounds, and research even shows that empathetic witnesses to your pain bring deeper healing than you can achieve alone, outside relationships. How profound! Here's the thing, though. You also have to be safe to be truly known. Those empathetic grief companions must be healthy people for those deep, transformative healing experiences to occur You need space to be real, raw, and say aloud what feels really true (rather than only repeating the "truth" you "should" know is true). You aren't in grief spaces to meet expectations, please others or go through the motions. Do you have a place like this? Without someone correcting you too quickly? To be accepted and loved in the struggle? Where you can be fully transparent? Support must allow honesty before healing can take place. 2) A Proven Path Through Grief Seems silly to say, but if it doesn't work , it's not going to help . And contrary to the idea that grief is a place you may get lost in forever, there are proven paths forward in hope through the journey. While grief is an individual experience, there are also evidence-based tools (like The Grief Recovery Method, and vagus nerve regulation practices). And they matter enough to be an important part of your widowhood support as a Christian. The Lord has made our bodies, brains, the natural laws... and working with them helps us heal holistically. We also don't want to be derailed by grief myths or empty spiritualizing without tangible love and help. As believers, we want excellence and to honor God in our walk, and I believe Christian widows should want, and do deserve, these in their grief support. 3) Identity Renewal in Christ Widowhood can quietly become your primary, and limiting, identity. Not because you want it to, but because the pain can be scarring. Christian widow support should help you understand you are more than just a widow! Biblically, speaking, we are warrior brides of the King. While I can't unpack it in full here, I want to share with you that this is what the Lord says of His widows (yes, widows!). Widows are Khayil women of Valor. The Word also says we absolutely have a Husband - the LORD Himself. When we lost our earthly husband, we lost our reflection of our Husband the King. We lost the shadow... The LORD as our Husband is not a "shadow we're left with." There are eternal realities that are true right now, and one of them is that you are a bride! 4) Community That Truly Gets It There is something sacred about sitting with others who don’t need you to make it understandable to them. You don’t have to edit your grief. You don’t have to minimize your faith. You don’t have to explain the ache. The place I have found it most deeply is with other Christian widows, because they "get it," in a way no one else can. Here, we don't have to explain the unexplainable. They just know . And that is an incredibly powerful, comforting gift in widowhood support. How is Your Christian Widow Support? I hope this sheds some light and insight into what your support and healing might be missing- spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally. Are you deeply known and connected to safe, empathetic grief companions (especially other Christian widows)? Are you in need of real progress in grief, through proven tools? Have you resigned to being "just a widow" or to something else that shuts out hope, possibilities, and transformation? Is the Holy Spirit a powerful part of your walk? From one widow to another, I didn't rebuild my life from hopeless widow to the life I love now by accident. These intentional invested steps changed not just my future, but who I am. The Lord is doing it in you as well, sister! I am cheering you on. With you, Rachel PS- If you are looking for a place that incorporates all these aspects of Christian widow support, I invite you to join The HOPE Stronghold — my Christian widow support group rooted in Scripture, community, and a clear path forward. Inside, you’ll find: -Weekly live support -Other Christian widows who truly get it -Faith-centered guidance -Practical, proven steps forward -A place where you can be honest and still move toward HOPE If your heart is longing for the best Christian widow support — not surface-level encouragement, but real rebuilding — I would be honored to walk with you. You don’t have to widow alone anymore, sister. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widow Grief & Widow Guilt After Death Do you ever feel like you're stuck living in the past as a widow? You may have guilt or shame related to what happened before, or when, he passed away: Things that should (or shouldn't) have been said Things that were (or weren't) done Whether by you or by him... how it could have been different Or maybe you spend a lot of time thinking about the past and what you had... with the loss feeling like a heavy, painful weight. These things have a way of pulling you backward. You can get stuck in anger. In replaying. In trying to fix something that cannot be fixed. And when your connection to your husband is built on shame, pain, and fear., you can't be fully alive where you are, or move forward with purpose. I struggled with this after my late husband passed by suicide. I spent a lot of time in fantasy, trying to rewrite the story, and trying to come up with a different ending. It was my attempt to control something I desperately wanted to be different. I also was crushed by guilt and pain. We all know it's hard trying to navigate this loss. But often, we’re looking at our life through a rearview mirror. And if you stay emotionally anchored in painful memories, then joy, hope, and peace can feel out of reach... or lost forever. That is when we can know we've become stuck. Living in the Past Isn't Honoring Him Love does not mean staying stuck in grief, and honoring your husband does not equal living in the past. We honor our husbands through a connection of love, forgiveness, hope, and we take them and their memory forward with us as we keep living. Because heaven — and your late husband — are ahead of you! Not behind you. Sister, life is not found in the rearview mirror. Your connection to him is not built through guilt after death, but through eternal hope. How We See in Healthy Grief - Spiritual Eyes Through the Holy Spirit and God's word, we can see the past, present, and future rightly through biblical truth. Not through the stories we create in our heads. Not through the cycling thoughts that keep us circling the drain of dark grief. And not through the enemy's lies. Psalm 90:12 says: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Let's gain some wisdom that helps us to widow well, and love our late husbands, with spiritual eyes. Widow Grief & Our Past, Present & Future 1) The Past — Choosing Freedom What ways do you look back and feel stuck in heavy, dark grief? Pain? Guilt? Shame? The past is real, and so very valid. It also cannot be changed. Despite all our internal wrestling, we cannot "fix" what happened. Here is the gospel truth about all the wrongs, the failures, and mistakes (on his part, yours, and anyone else's): They are all covered by the blood of Jesus. There is forgiveness. When we look back and the struggle or temptation toward guilt arises, we look to the cross. Yes — we can remember the past, and we can choose which memories we dwell on . We can choose the ones that fill us with hope, joy, life, and peace. And the ones that are shaming, dark, or fear-filled? We make a conscious decision not to play on the enemy’s playground. We rebuke lies. We rebuke shame. We rebuke fear. They are not how you stay connected to him. Widow guilt does not have to define your relationship to your late husband any longer. 2) The Present — God WITH You, Here Right now, we walk by faith and not by sight (darn it!). The present is the only place you can live; it's all we truly have. Trying to live anywhere else is an illusion, actually. The Lord walks with us right here in earthy time. Immanuel — God with us — now . You can shift your awareness from regret to the present, and His presence here. Sister, look for His goodness today, trust Him in the ordinary parts of your life, and choose fellowship with the Holy Spirit dwelling in you. "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living ." -Psalm 27:13 That means your life here, now. Even in widow grief. 3) The Future — Your Husband Is Ahead of You One day, we will walk by sight... It will be a glorious day! All things will be made new. We will be with the Lord in true form, and with our late husbands as well. Widow sister, remember this: Your husband is ahead of you. Not behind you. When you are worshiping — when your eyes are fixed on Jesus — that is when you are most connected to those who have gone before you. They are doing the same. We are knitted together in the Spirit. Jeremiah 29:11 says the Lord has a hope and a future for you, even if widowhood feels like exile. There is a hope and a future given to you! Tap into your kingdom purpose that cannot be taken. You are not just counting down your days until you go to heaven. So live forward . Fight the good fight. Finish the race. Keep the faith. [2 Timothy 4:7, paraphrased] You Are Allowed to Move Forward Sister, the Lord has offered you a beautiful rebuilding. Now it's time to give yourself permission to keep living, with HOPE, joy and love. Anything that keeps you questioning whether it’s okay to move forward is keeping you stuck in the past. It is not healthy grief; it is your brokenness, and enemy leveraging it. Love is present with you now — and in your future. ahead. You aren't doing this alone. With you, Rachel If you are longing for faith-centered widow grief support and a place to process this with other Christian sisters who understand, we would love to walk with you inside The HOPE Stronghold community . It is a space built for exactly this — to help you live forward in truth and hope. See you there! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Church - the beloved body of Christ - is a Holy Spirit-filled body of disciples. While we long to be the hands and feet of Jesus to one another and the world, we continue to have gaps in areas that we are unaware of how to, or ill-equipped to, represent Him well. ➡️ Enter widows in the Church. ⬅️ There is a lot we could talk about here. Having been widowed myself, and now coming alongside many Christian widows through grief and faith-centered support, I have heard a lot of things... Like the time a youth pastor told me, very sincerely and right to my face (without intent to offend), that "Biblically speaking, widows are trouble-makers for church leadership. It's right in the New Testament." 😨🤦🏻‍♀️ I digress... What I want to focus on here is the (mis)understandings of Biblical roles related to widows, and why it is absolutely crucial that widows are empowered, as the Lord intends the Church to do, and does Himself. My fellow widow sisters in Christ know the weight, burdens, loneliness, and fears. They often know many of these questions, too: Who am I without my husband now? How do I lead all of this (life, parenting, etc.) by myself? How am I going to provide? Can I fill in what is missing from their father... Am I even supposed to? What is my purpose now? Is it even possible to do this well, with all the barriers of widowhood? Where do I fit here in the church, now? Do I have anything to offer anymore? So many fears, doubts, and insecurities about the place we find ourselves as Christian widows. Meanwhile, the Biblical roles of men and women, fathers and mothers are preached from the pulpit, and fill marriage and parenting classes. If you are widowed, you may have ached under the teachings... that likely never even mention widows like you. You may experience pity, or avoidance, but it's hard for them to know what to do with the messiness. (especially when the mess is primarily what they see). Perhaps you experienced something else... I know I am (heartbreakingly) not the only one who was removed from certain "roles" or positions in the church after becoming a widow, or who had male leadership step in to tell them explicitly the things they could, and could not, do as a widow in the church, and even as a Mom in their own home, or as a woman navigating her new life by herself. How should the Church respond to widows in the body? What does the Lord say, and show? Here's the thing. If leaders and the church community do not see and treat widows as equal, capable, and qualified... How are widows supposed to view themselves that way- as they are forced to step into new roles without their husband? If the body is more focused on their solutions/directives for widows "and their problems," than hearing from them, her God-given voice is taken or lost. God empowers widows in their widowhood. The Church needs to be a part of that work. The Problem: Disempowered and Disadvantaged Widows, especially younger ones, are more likely than their married counterparts to struggle with poverty, marginalization, and discrimination. It can be financial/career opportunities, social relationships, struggles with their own faith and identity... or many other issues. Within churches there can be even more confusion for us to find our new role and place... adding to the burden. Since Biblical roles can be interpreted and taught differently within particular denominations or churches, women's roles in relation to men before widowhood may be varied. The problem arises when the areas of submission and male authority in the church, and in the home, leave a widow at best, unprepared to lead her own life, home, and children and at worst, unallowed to. My experience as a new widow was also being treated as one who needed close "management" from male leaders. Trying to advocate for myself and make my own decisions was viewed as unsubmissive/uncooperative. I was told I could be relieved by friends on a weekday night to sit at a coffee shop with my Bible, but not to participate in worship practice in the same time frame (that "overflow ministry" ended for me at the death of my husband, they explained). Later, under counsel to "run, not walk" away from this church, my ability to "make that kind of decision at this time" to go to another church" was even questioned. In widowhood, when I was already wondering, "How do I do this life without my husband? How can I...?" The answer appeared very dismal. Based on the church's authority, it seemed I wasn't capable of doing or knowing much for myself at all, and I had four children in my care. It was a hopeless place to live in - believing I was severely lacking what was Biblically mandated in my life and family now (since my husband was dead), and looking at what I was experiencing in the church at that time as my new "covering." Becoming a widow is when a woman needs encouragement, reassurance, strengthening and empowerment the most, to know she can carry on, and trust the LORD to lead her. Other widows have shared their similar experiences with me. When widowed women are seen and treated as those without authority or influence, the result is: Feeling and staying stuck in being voiceless/powerless Children also experiencing the resulting limitations on their remaining parent The Church and world miss out on what incredible faith and Holy Spirit power widows have to offer If we are taught that we are not sufficient, in and of ourselves as a woman, to have autonomy in our lives, to have capable leadership in our homes, and to have gifts and strengths to bring - how are we to walk those things out as we navigate life alone as a widow? In essence, if we are not taught that every person is empowered by the Holy Spirit , equipped and strengthened to walk out what He calls us to in this life, we set women up to fail even more so in every area they become disadvantaged. The good news is that it does not have to be this way. God offers a beautiful reflection of the gospel, and His sufficiency, right here in the brokenness. Why Empowerment? God empowers widows - equipping them with authority and influence to lead their own lives, families, and futures. He remains the foundation for their identity and has plans to use them mightily in this world. This matters deeply for Christian widow support and how the Church walks alongside women after loss. Let me also be clear. I am not saying it is better for a woman to be without a man, or that there are not differing, biblical roles for genders. I am also not attacking male leadership, nor promoting "self"/independence above the community of the church. I am saying that we are often doing great damage with an extremely skewed view - where we have replaced the primary calling of men to love with the role to "lead," and the primary calling of women to love with the role to "submit." All sorts of dangerous and broken things happen. Empowerment is a gift of God to every believer with the Holy Spirit , and it is critical to understand how this plays out for women in faith, particularly. [ See previous blog posts for more on these topics ] What happens when we empower widows, and point them to their authority in Christ? Their identity is rooted first in Christ, not in their relationship to another person(s) They have security that the Lord's presence with them has not changed They have confidence that the Lord will provide to and through them They can trust that the Lord will fill in the gaps of the absence of a man They feel seen, validated and equipped by a supportive community They do not lose their calling, gifts, or abilities They participate in the movement and purpose of the Kingdom, just as other disadvantaged women in the Bible were chosen to do They grow in hearing, knowing and trusting the voice of the Holy Spirit to lead them (this is the foundation for every believer and therefore, for the Church as well) How To Empower Widows (& What to Expect as a Widow): 1) Consider Your Lens What you believe is biblical, and your interpretation of the role and place of women, is the lens by which you will view how the church supports you as a widow. After sitting under leadership that I believed was doctrinally sound for over a decade, I unfortunately experienced the place to which some of the views lead... the dark corners where spiritual abuse and manipulation hid in (and what's more, the victim blaming/backlash for speaking about what happened). If you are willing and open to digging a little deeper into the theology of the female role, I offer a few resources to listen to and read in this blog post. What we believe will absolutely have tangible outcomes in our lives as widows. It changes how we view God and His love for us, the roles and purpose He calls us to, our ability to widow well, and so much more. Make sure you are in a healthy faith community that supports you as a Holy Spirit-filled and empowered widow! 2) Affirm Widows God-Given Calling & Abilities Widows need safety and support - not just to struggle, but to grow . They need encouragement (verbally and tangibly) that the Lord is with them and is giving them the power they need to walk life out in faith. We're already doubting ourselves enough... We don't need a church family that breeds fear into our new lives as widows. Here are a few practical ideas for churches (and again sisters what to expect): Include her in communication and decision-making the way you do everyone else Value her input and her contributions Treat her with respect as the head of her home Encourage the good and the growth in her life Support her goals Treat her as equal (not less-than) Listen to her voice more than you focus on telling "what to do" Ask her what support is most helpful (and believe her) Honor her boundaries 3) Get Behind What God is Doing - Let Him Lead His Widow Brides I have previously offered this definition for Christian empowerment: An active, faith-driven partnership with God that embraces the autonomy and responsibility He gives every human, to walk in His purposes and power The foundation is that God Himself empowers every one of His children with the Holy Spirit. We each can speak to Him, hear from Him, and receive authority to live in faith, full of the Spirit. It is the essence of every believer, of the church, and of the process of making disciples. This is how we build up, in love, people who lead lives that reflect Jesus. Widows are no exception. We are His Brides, and we are in a unique season to turn to the Lord as our Husband as well. Trust the Lord and expect Him to guide widows; His warrior Brides. A Parting Blessing to You, Sister Widow sister, no one disqualifies you where God has qualified you. You are not too broken. You are not left behind or unusable in His Kingdom. If you are struggling or have left the church completely, I encourage you to believe that there are safe places with people who will empower you. They do still exist! The Lord is giving you all the authority and power you need as a widow, in every area of your life. He is guiding your way. With you, Rachel If you are longing for an empowering, faith-centered space created specifically for widows, The HOPE Stronghold virtual community was created for you! With weekly live calls, resources, connections and support, it is your place to be strengthened in your widowhood and your faith! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

If you’re a widow who feels stuck, like you’re surviving, or even "maintaining" and "functional" (but in a life you're not thrilled with) I want to give you this piece of empowerment: Healing is your primary work right now. Not optional. Not when things calm down. Not later. It is your first job in widowhood. I know that can feel heavy—especially when you didn’t choose this loss, this pain, or this responsibility. But healing changes your entire experience of grief, and also your entire future ahead. Why Your Brain Resists Making Healing the Priority In my own widowhood, I lived in fear and lack. I truly believed I didn’t have the resources to invest in myself. Everything felt uncertain and unstable. I didn't realize that my brain was trying to "protect me" from more harm... while keeping me trapped in what I hated. I remember being an early widow in the summer after my husband died by suicide. His identity had been stolen. I spent hours at the police station handling fraud, wearing his shirt, our rings around my neck in my deep grief. I was dangerously thin. Dehydrated. Not eating enough. I pulled into a smoothie shop that hot summer day after being at the police station for hours, again, about his identity theft, because my body needed something. But instead of giving myself nourishment, hydration, and honestly just something positive in all I was going through, I sat there crying, telling myself, “I can’t afford this anymore. I can’t.” That mindset — fear, lack, believing I couldn’t invest in myself — kept me stuck. Widows often say: “I don’t have the money.” “I don’t have the time.” “I can’t prioritize myself right now.” I said all of that too. And none of it helped me heal or move forward in HOPE. Surviving & Maintaining Are Not Healing Many widows confuse endurance or perseverance with healing. We keep going. We show up for our kids. We function. I believed pouring everything into my children was the most loving thing I could do. But the truth was unavoidable: As I crumbled physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually — that was still falling on them, and would continue to . Pain doesn’t disappear because you ignore it. It leaks into every part of your life. Grief, unfortunately, does not change with good intentions alone. It changes with intentional healing work as time passes. This is why widow grief support / widow grief counseling, and the right grief community / group.... matters! Not casually, but as an absolute priority. Deep Healing Should Not Be Optional Listen, sister. I felt the fears, heard the lies and said all the reasons I couldn't radically invest in my healing. I did it, too.... until two suicide attempts later. Here is the truth widows to face: You cannot afford not to heal. You don't need "more time." You don't need to just stay busy. You don't need to "just keep trusting God more." You don't need to "be ok with being alone." You need the right supports that have been proven to bring healing, with safe people. You need to choose to do it. Healing isn’t one area of life — it touches everything: How you feel each day How you parent How you make decisions How you move into the future When healing is delayed, everything else suffers. There is simply no getting around it. Why Healing Must Be Your #1 Job I’ve been a nurse for over 14 years, including ER, ICU and around surgery. If you don’t assess and treat the real wound, it doesn’t heal. It worsens. Grief works the same way. Ignoring it doesn’t make you strong. It deepens and spreads the damage. Healing requires: Intention Investment Proven, effective methods That’s why healing must become your primary focus — even though you didn’t choose this season. The Way Forward: Do the Work That Actually Works There are evidence-based ways to heal grief — and this is WONDERFUL NEWS! It means there are supports that actually move you forward through grief instead of staying stuck in the painful places forever. But they require this decision: 👉 My healing comes first. Not because it’s easy, or a one-time decision. But because your present life and your future depend on it, as your most important work in widowhood. A Gentle Invitation If you’re ready to get unstuck, move out of survival or "maintenance" modes, and to stop doing grief alone... here is your next step. Let's begin your healing with intention, support, and proven tools—I am here to guide you. I am also a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist, and I include this where needed in my Coaching. 👉 Learn more about one-on-one Coaching and schedule a consultation at https://hopespeaker.com/coaching ❤️You don’t have to figure this out alone anymore. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

You Don’t Have to Suffer Forever: A Widow Support Group That Helps You Heal If you’re searching for a widow support group because the passing of time hasn’t helped your grief the way you thought it would, I want you to know this first: You’re not not failing at grief- it was just a lie. If time healed grief, you wouldn’t still feel this way. Many widows go searching for a “widow support group near me” because they’re exhausted from carrying pain that hasn’t softened, alone. They’ve waited. They’ve endured. And they’re quietly wondering if this is just how life is now. Sister, it doesn’t have to be. When Widowhood Feels Like Not Really Living You may feel like you’re surviving- just barely making it. Or that you’re functioning, but not really living. You’ve learned how to live as a widow, but you’re not excited about life. Widowhood can seem like a fog you don’t know how to get out of… With the weight of grief still there. Maybe you’re struggling physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or financially—grabbing for something to hold onto. Or maybe you’re doing “okay” on the outside, but inside it feels like Groundhog Day with every day feeling the same (or harder!). Some widows start to wonder: Is this just the way life is now? Am I supposed to endure this until I die too? No. This is not how widows are doomed to live. Widows were not created just to survive. We were created to grieve, heal, and rebuild with HOPE and purpose! Why So Many Widows Feel Stuck in Grief Grief can show up in waves. It hits you out of nowhere. You cry at random moments. Or the weight is just always there. You feel knocked flat emotionally. You don’t feel like you’re showing up well—as a mom, at work, or even for yourself. Many widows have tried other solutions (that are myths): “Just give it more time” “Stay busy” “Have more faith” Some have tried therapy or other grief support for widows, but nothing seems to change in their heart and day to day life. Deep down, there’s quiet thoughts: “I still don’t want this life I have.” “I should be farther along by now.” And underneath that is the truth most widows are afraid to admit (because hope is scary): You don’t want to be this sad forever. You want a beautiful life you enjoy again. There are lies widows often believe—that grief this painful is permanent, that happiness is gone for good, or that healing means betrayal or letting go of love. None of that is true! Why Most Grief Support Doesn’t Heal the Heart Grief is emotional, not logical. And insight alone does not heal a broken heart. Here’s why many grief supports fail: They’re intellectual. Advice-based. Coping-focused. We’re taught to be strong. To move on. To not dwell on it. But grief requires more than understanding. Grief needs HOPE-filled, forward action. You don’t need more time. If time healed grief, it would have changed already. What matters is how the time passing is being used—and whether you’re intentionally investing in the healing you need and deserve. The Grief Recovery Method: A Proven Path Forward This is where the Grief Recovery Method comes in. It is the only evidence-based grief recovery program in the world , backed by research from Kent State University and peer-reviewed journals. Evidence-based means it’s not just comforting—it actually works. And that is a welcome relief in grief! This is a structured, action-based method that helps heal emotional pain by bringing things that were wounding to completion. It is not venting. It is not positive thinking. It is not suppression. Its core purpose is helping you deal with unfinished emotional business, which you are carrying like a backpack full of heavy rocks. That includes unspoken words, unmet hopes, and the future that never happened. And widows understand this deeply—because grief is layered. There’s the death. There’s your identity. Your dreams. Your sense of safety. Your future. This method is equipped to help handle all of it. What Healing Actually Looks Like for a Widow Healing does not mean forgetting. It does not mean losing love. Healing looks like: Breathing easier in your day-to-day life Thinking about your loved one without being emotionally wrecked Feeling present again Having emotional energy for life Showing up for your kids in a healthier way Feeling lighter Looking toward the future with hope again The pain is removed. The love and connection remain. A Widow Support Group That Is Structured, Safe, and Virtual As a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist, I lead virtual widow support groups that are structured, guided, confidential, and safe. This is not a drop-in group. We move through the program together weekly. You get to choose the loss or pain point you want to work on. And the process is not overwhelming or re-traumatizing. It’s steady. Supported. And intentional. If you’ve been looking for a support group for younger widows or a support group for widows nearby, but privacy, logistics, or emotional safety felt like barriers—my virtual groups allow you to heal from the comfort of your own home. What Other Grief Recovery Members Say “With the pain and sting of grief removed, breathing and living life is easier. This proven method will change your life.” -B.H. “It hit my heart. I could feel the pain release when I reached completion. I am free now.” -W.B. “After 45 years in ministry, this is the most impactful healing process I’ve ever experienced.” -T.P. *Please Note: The Grief Recovery Method (& my Grief Recovery Method groups) are for ANYONE wanting to work through the pain of grief - not just widows - & are not faith-based in content. My virtual community is for Christian widows, and my 1:1 coaching clients are most often Christian widows. If you would like my support, please reach out at the email at the bottom of the blog.* Why I Walk This With You I didn't do this just to be certified and equipped. Sister, I’ve been widowed. I’ve been so low in widowhood that I attempted suicide. I’ve gone from hopelessness to freedom and joy again. I’ve walked this road. I get it. And after years of therapy, groups, books, podcasts, retreats, and conferences, I still found that there were levels of pain this method healed that nothing else did. I have also seen it change lives. That’s why I share it with confidence. My Invitation Forward Time alone doesn’t heal grief. Talking without action (the right action) doesn’t either. Without completion, grief stays open. It stays heavy. It stays painful. This method works because it gives grief a path forward. It replaces suffering with choice. If you’re tired of widowing alone, you don’t have to anymore. If you’re lost in the struggle, there is a path forward. I invite you to join one of my virtual Grief Recovery Method groups. All that’s required is readiness—your willingness to invest and take the first step. Healing is possible, sister. You don’t have to suffer forever. And I’d be honored to walk this with you. 👉 Reach out at connect@hopespeaker.com to join an upcoming virtual group. Your story is not over. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Lies We Believe When Dating as a Widow: “No One Else Will Want Me” Here’s some raw dialog that I’ve heard many times—in my own head and from many of my widow sisters who desire to marry again someday: "I'm too old/ugly/broken/unstable now... No one will want me anymore." Every human has lie-based beliefs to battle. Widows are no exception. After a bomb has gone off in your world, your life, your children, and even in your brain—everything feels messy . You're overwhelmed with the fog of grief and all the losses. You’re trying to hold everything together while quietly wondering if you yourself are now too damaged for love. You feel broken. Inadequate. Perhaps even ruined. So when it comes to widow dating advice, one of the most common lies sounds like this: “No one else will want me.” You judge yourself as "too much." Too unstable. Not healed enough yet. And that belief—that no one else will want you—"protects" you from further hurt by cutting off hope at the root. And that belief can feel protective. If you cut off hope, you avoid the risk of rejection. But that same belief quietly shapes how you see yourself—and how you show up (or don’t) when considering dating as a Christian widow. We stop dreaming. We shrink back from connection. We stay stuck or in fear. And ultimately, these lies/myths severely limit us in co-creating our own future with the Lord. The Truth About Dating as a Widow That Will Set You Free Let's get real. "No one else will want me" is a straight-up lie from the pit of hell. How do I know? First, because the One who knows you best calls shame is a liar. Second, because many widows—including young widows dating after loss—have believed this lie and then experienced the opposite. I’ve watched widow sisters with complex, painful stories enter healthy, godly second-chapter (and even third-chapter) marriages full of life. We judge ourselves through the harshest lens—but the truth is a man of character, faith, and depth will not see you the way your self-criticism does. And what if a man does see you as your self-hating fears describe? He’s not the kind of man you want! Anyone who would catch a glimpse of the hard and run isn't the kind of man we desire, want or pray for. So, if you wouldn’t even want someone who sees you the way you harshly see yourself... So why let fear-based thoughts shape your identity or your approach to dating as a widow? We may agree intellectually that how we treat ourselves and what we believe attracts others who are aligned with the same view. However, it takes a deeper resolve to actually change something: to change our thoughts of ourselves. It is time to change your own mind , so you can live from a place of confidence, clarity, and empowerment. We want to be the women and moms who are healthy, grounded, faith-filled, and whole, so we can choose men who are the same. If your heart feels ready to believe again—even a little—here are some practical steps and tips to help you in dating as a widow from a place of hope. Shifting to Truth When Dating as a Widow 1) Name the Lies and Limiting Beliefs Holding You Back Get out paper and a pencil (I'm serious) and start by writing down the fears, the wounds, the statements that keep you stuck. Don’t filter. Let it be raw, and what you have truly thought or said. While I have already given some examples, here are a few more : "I have too much baggage; they won't want me." “No one will want to step into my children’s lives.” "My husband abandoned me—everyone else will too." (I struggled with this as a suicide widow) "All the good men are taken. I'm too late." Bring it all into the light. 2) Challenge and Replace Each One Now, tear down lies one by one. Ask: Is this actually true ? (NOT, "does this feel/seem really true to/for me?") Invite the Holy Spirit to speak. Literally ask Him: "Lord, I am believing [insert statement from #1 ]. Is this true? What do You want me to know?" Let Him speak. Don’t over-filter or rationalize. Just receive. Then write the new truth next to the lie. PS- If Scripture comes to mind, anchor yourself in it and write it down. If not, ask the Lord directly as described. Sister, revisit these and let truth and HOPE begin to rewire your thinking. 3) Return to the Truths Consistently Mindsets don’t change with one shift... neural pathways shift through repetition. When the lies return, ask yourself: "Who would I be without this thought?" "How would I act if I truly believed what the Lord has given me instead?" Let these truths shape your posture, presence, and decisions. Let them speak into your dating journey, how you carry yourself, and the kind of man you will welcome. Renewing Your Mind While Dating as a Widow "...be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:2 As you walk this journey, here are some truths you may choose to adopt: I am valuable, worthy, and cherished as a daughter of the High King. Widowhood doesn’t disqualify me. The right man won’t be afraid of my story. I will not settle out of fear, loneliness, or scarcity. I am divinely led. My children are a blessing, and the right man will see them as such. I will be a gift to his life, and the right man will receive me as such. I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. I am open to what that looks like. I choose a posture of surrender. I trust God to author my next chapter. Sister, You are not unwanted. You are not too much. You are not too late. You are deeply seen and deeply loved. When you live from that place, everything changes—including how dating as a widow unfolds. With you, Rachel You're invited to the sisterhood - The Christian Widow Club you DO want to join! Visit The HOPE Stronghold 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widow Support Groups: Finding Relief Without Carrying It All Alone "I made [such] a connection with [my] loss. It really hit me in the heart. I could feel the pain of the loss that was released..." -Another member of my cohort, W. B. I am so excited about this evidence-based grief healing model after experiencing it myself in a recent intensive, in which we all went through the process personally, and were also trained in facilitating it for others. The transformation in my own heart and grief was so effective, I am thrilled that I also became certified to share it with other widows. Hear me out: I’ve done a lot of work over the years (I’m a personal development person). I’ve worked on myself. I’ve worked on my healing. And still—widowhood has been so incredibly hard and painful, that there were areas of deep pain I continued to struggle with over 6 years out. This grief support group and method is changing that. If you’re here looking for widow grief support or wondering whether widow support groups can actually help, I want you to know this comes from both research and lived experience! When Widowhood Pain is Too Much I was widowed at 31 after losing my husband by suicide. In the aftermath, I became so low that I attempted twice myself. So please don’t think for a second that I’m minimizing your pain, rushing grief, or invalidating anything you’re carrying. I promise you—I am not. I know widowhood is painful, and I am not pretending that there is a way to go through it completely pain-free. I have tried many supports- groups, conferences, books, therapy, podcasts... While everything I’ve been through has mattered, and I’ve taken pieces from all of it, I need you to hear this clearly: What I’ve just experienced through this specific process brought a kind of relief I hadn’t felt before. And that’s why I’m sharing it with you! Widow Grief Support Beyond Just Surviving - Healing the Roots of Pain What I just completed is, in fact, the only evidence-based grief healing process in the world . There’s research behind it. It’s structured. It’s consistent. Because of that, this method works for those who go through it. And what stood out to me most was this truth: We do not have to hold on to the heavy pain we are carrying around. Widowhood is painful. Losing our person is devastating. There is no way around that. But often, it becomes more painful than it has to be. We stay connected to people, places, memories, and even our late husband through pain alone—and we don’t actually have to do it through that lens. We can honor them and have a relationship with them, their memories, and so many other facets of grief- without doing it through suffering. In fact, those things will actually be more meaningful when we come from a healed, lighter place. Why Unresolved Grief Weighs So Heavily One of the clearest ways I understand grief now is like this: Every painful experience—loss, tragedy, heartbreak—is like putting a rock into our backpack. Some are small pebbles. Some are rocks. Some are boulders. And we carry them through life. When we don’t resolve those painful experiences, that weight shows up everywhere: Isolation Anxiety and depression Exhaustion Chronic illness Feeling stuck Struggling spiritually Breakdown in relationships & much more... When you’re already trying to figure out life without your person, that added weight becomes an enormous burden. This is why widow grief support groups—and especially widow to widow support—matter so much. Healing doesn’t happen in isolation. Experiencing Relief Through a Structured Process During this four-day intensive, all the members in my cohort and I experienced similar and shocking transformations through this method: We felt lighter. We experienced relief. We released pain connected to specific areas of our lives. Here is what another group member of mine shared: "Following the journey using [this] tested method of grief recovery, one begins to realize that with the pain and sting of grief pain removed, the breathing and living one's life is easier. This proven method of personal life control will change your life." -Member of my grief healing cohort B.M. We weren’t stacking more insight on top of unresolved grief—we were actually unloading the backpack. That difference matters. It’s what shifted something deep inside me and made me want to share this with other widows. Why I’m Offering a Small Widow Support Group Because I’ve now gone through this process myself—and because I’m certified to guide others through it as a Specialist— I’m opening my first pilot widow grief support group. This will be a group of six. It’s intentionally small. It’s deeply guided. This pilot group will also be offered at a lower rate than future groups, simply because it’s the first time I’m leading it. The smaller group allows for a more personal experience. Healing Is Not Optional in Widowhood I need to say this plainly, because I learned it the hard way: Healing becomes your job in widowhood. The heart work must be a focus in the season of widowhood. When I didn’t prioritize my own healing, it cost me more in the long run—in my health, my relationships, and my overall well-being. This work matters! Sister, you are worth the time, the effort, and the investment it takes to stay alive, heal, and rebuild a future. Scripture reminds us that we are temples of the Holy Spirit and that God has good plans for us. Carrying unresolved grief—staying stuck in the same pain and patterns—doesn’t honor that. A Gentle Invitation Forward If you’ve been waiting for a sign, this is it. If you’re looking for widow support groups that offer real widow grief support, not just survival, I would love to walk with you through this process. This pilot group is small and intentional. Future groups will continue, but they will be larger. If this feels like the next right step for you, I encourage you to reach out and learn more. Your story isn’t over, and it can hold more than pain! There is hope. There is relief. There is a lighter way. I’m here for you. I get it—and I’ve walked this road before you. Let’s do it together! With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Hello, sisters! Today I want to talk about something that can feel a little controversial—our attitude toward grief (especially early grief). Things like the funeral, the service, and the trajectory we set for our grief right from the start. It can be hard to discuss when everyone is quick to defend their subjective and unique grief experience. While there is validity to our own journey, it can prevent us from looking at navigating grief more objectively- seeing what helps us move forward in a healthy way from evidence, rather than staying stuck. This idea was influenced by Dr. Alan Wolfelt from the Center for Loss and Life Transition. If you’re not familiar with his work, his resources are incredibly helpful. One of the things he talks about is how often we try to bypass grief, and how that can actually end up harming us. I want to talk about that in a way that respects personal convictions, because this isn’t about right or wrong. But it is also about how our bodies, our brains, and our hearts work together in widowhood grief. How We Avoid Sadness & Bypass Grief in Early Widowhood As human beings, we now know much more about how pain and grief are processed. When we don’t authentically go through grief and metabolize our pain, we don’t get rid of it—we hold on to it instead. You may be familiar with the book The Body Keeps the Score . It explains how our bodies hold onto trauma and pain we don’t address holistically. Unacknowledged grief doesn't go away. We’re often unaware of how it’s affecting us—physically, mentally, and even spiritually. And without that awareness, deep healing doesn’t happen. So let me ask you a question. When your husband died, what were your thoughts about the funeral or the service? What were the expectations for what that was supposed to look like—and what it looked like afterward? For many of us, those expectations are shaped by family, culture, and tradition. In my own family, the common approach has been a celebration of life. It's become common in western culture. But by jumping straight into celebration, we can often bypass the sad part—the crying, the mourning, the grieving... which are actually a very important part of the healing process. We move quickly from “this person is no longer in our daily life” to “we’re celebrating that they’re in heaven.” And while those things are true and they matter tremendously, they aren’t the whole picture. In fact, when we do this in early grief, we miss out on what should be most important- that which helps us process loss and heal through our grief. Who are our Funerals & Rituals in Death Are Really For? Here’s something important I want to say clearly: The funerals & traditions are not for the person who died. They're for the people left behind. That would be YOU. Yes, we honor their life. Yes, we acknowledge that they are no longer suffering. But funerals, services, and rituals exist to help us connect to the loss (and one another) as we process through it. Not closure—because we know this is really just the beginning of the grief journey—but connection. Rituals matter... Funerals. Memorials. Even continuing to acknowledge, in uplifting ways, specific dates or anniversaries linked to our late husband. These things have been shown to be healing and helpful. We see this spiritually too—Jesus taught us about communion and baptism. Rituals are not meaningless or mystical. They are grounding and healing in our human experience. They allow us to mourn together. When we skip over these things—especially in early grief—we can unintentionally set a trajectory that says: “I’m not going to feel this.” “I’m not going to cry.” “I’m not going to let this hurt much.” But the truth is, your heart is broken. The person you loved died. And that matters to your grieving and healing process. Our Christian Faith Reveals Mourning Matters Scripture tells us that death is the last enemy to be destroyed- I personally don’t see death as neutral. Yes, we have hope of heaven. Yes, we believe in eternal life. Yes we find comfort in our husband's presence there! But Jesus still wept at Lazarus’s tomb. Even knowing resurrection was coming, Jesus connected with grief, sadness, and loss. Why? I believe it's because in our broken human experience here, death is significant. Loss is significant. Enough to feel it and even shed tears in our grief. So if you were pushed—by others or by yourself—to bypass grief… if you were told being sad wasn’t helpful, or felt pressure to be “further along” than you were… if you decided "being sad or hurting won't change anything, anyway..." I want to gently encourage you to revisit that, sister. Allowing Grief Instead of Avoiding It If you notice that when things get painful, you shut it down— “I don’t have time for this.” “I can’t deal with this right now.” "Crying is a waste of time." Know that it's a human temptation that we don't want to choose all the time. We might numb out, dissociate, or cope in ways that aren’t healthy—food, alcohol, substances, distractions, even relationships... because we’re trying to survive by getting around it instead of going through it.. But the only way out is through . Avoiding grief doesn’t heal it. I’ve been a nurse for 14 years, and in healthcare we (try to) focus on root causes. If you only treat symptoms, the problem doesn’t go away. Putting a bandage over a dirty wound without addressing and treating the real issue allows infection to grow. Grief is like that, too. After my husband died, I attended a suicide loss group. A young man shared that when his brother died, he decided not to feel it. Almost a decade later, he was there admitting that the grief he'd pushed away was coming out in all sorts of terrible ways—and he was struggling deeply. That moment stayed with me. Sister, bypassing grief does not get you through faster. The only way out is through. And we don’t have to fear that, because the Lord is faithful to walk it and feel it with us . There is help. There is HOPE! Feeling & Healing it Together Research repeatedly shows that we can heal deeper in safe, empathetic and hope-filled relationships. A lot of healing happens with others. If you’re struggling, please stay connected. I lead a Christian widow community where we allow space to acknowledge loss honestly and walk toward healing together—without avoiding the hard things of widowhood or getting stuck in them. Visit us HERE We grieve with HOPE (1 Thessalonians 4:13). And that changes everything. Thank you for being here! With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

We are at the end of our three week series on navigating our grief journey in a healthy and redemptive way. Part 1: How to Navigate Grief as a Widow - Healthy Grieving Part 2: How to Heal Deeper as a Widow - Tending the Real Wounds Now, in Part 3, we build on that foundation, and ask perhaps the hardest, holiest question yet: “Can I discover my new identity and fulfilling purpose after being widowed? Can I rebuild a life—full of goodness—that I love again?" It takes courage to ask that. It takes even more to believe the answer might be yes , for you . But being open to the possibilities ahead, instead of rejecting them, is the first step. When my husband passed away, I felt that my life was over, too. Deep purpose, joy, and hope were out of reach (and out of my day-to-day experience). In the early years of widowhood, I didn’t dare to truly dream again. I had accepted that my hollowed-out version of life after my husband’s suicide was all that remained for me. In an attempt to protect my heart, I actually rejected the things my soul wanted deep down: A life full of possibilities, goodness and abundance. I felt it was a betrayal of my husband/my love for him, and I self-protected from further loss and disappointment by closing off to restoration. Additionally, so many circumstances continued to be hard that I threw my hands up, pitched a tent in the valley of the shadow of death, and allowed it to be my new "home." In years of working with widows, I have found it also may look like anger or defensiveness of your pain, as though accepting grief that is less dark is always invalidation of your loss (it's not). It often looks like maintaining life in a functional sense, but having lost your own identity apart from your spouse, and deep purpose for the rest of your life. If any of that feels familiar, you’re not alone. Many widows get stuck there... which in turn shapes our continued reality, rather than the blessings and promises of God. The empowering truth is we are participating in the creation of our life as we know it now (not entirely, but in large part). And, I offer you this hope: there is more available to us, if we are willing to receive and rebuild it. The Quicksand: Limiting & Lie-Based Beliefs Although it may be easy, it's dangerous to believe that our life after the loss of our husband will never measure up to life "before." We settle into lack, accepting loneliness and pain as permanent companions. We tell ourselves we’ll never be happy again, never thrive again, never feel fully alive. Here's an incredible neurobiological reality- your own mind (through your thoughts and beliefs) is, largely, creating your experience? That by believing you’re stuck in a shadow of your former life, you’re unintentionally staying stuck in it ? What we think and believe, we act on and live out. If you’re constantly orbiting pain, loss, or disappointment, your brain will keep you in survival mode. It will resist and reject your rebuilding the abundant life Jesus still has for you. Thankfully, as humans, we have the ability to not only evaluate our own thinking, but to change it, and therefore, change our lived experience . Friend, this is not a minimization of your painful reality, nor is it a "name it and claim it," or "woo-woo" concept. It's Biblical, for one thing: "Be transformed by the renewing of your mind." -Romans 12:2 It’s also an invitation to manage your mind and reshape your life: to reclaim the promises the Lord has given you, and to rebuild what is still possible for you! You are not just meant to survive this life—you were made to co-create something beautiful again with God. You still carry His Spirit within you. That means you have power, purpose, and a new identity. We Widows Are NOT Victims While we may have earthly disadvantages in widowhood, the ideas that we are unable to change anything, have no power, agency, or control are lies . God didn’t promise us a life free of trouble. But He did promise His presence, His strength, and His HOPE through it all. I once heard that widowhood is not a curse, it's a calling. As Christian widows, we are not helpless. In fact, we’ve been entrusted with the most sacred of opportunities: the resurrection of our own lives; beauty from ashes with the help of the Holy Spirit. In Christ, we are offered: Hope that’s unshakable Joy that defies circumstances Purpose that doesn’t die when our husband did Authority to choose how we show up in our pain Power to live these as tangible realities (not only spiritual ideas) New identities as Brides of Christ (widowhood is an earthly season, NOT an identity) One of my favorite quotes of all time, from a Christian sister widowed multiples times, describes it well: "The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances." -Elisabeth Elliot The determining factor in your future is not your circumstances, but your beliefs about what’s still true and possible. Focusing on the internal shifts and growth changes everything. We don't have to accept every thought our brain offers us (especially a brain stuck in suffering). Have you ever considered: who would you be without those hopeless, stuck thoughts/beliefs? When you can change them and learn the power of also shifting your emotional state, it impacts the actions you take. Your entire life can begin to shift. These things are possible for anyone. But, how ? Let me share a couple powerful steps. 3 Steps to Rebuild with HOPE 1) Reject Lies & Open to Possibilities You may be terrified to hope again. That’s okay. Fear will show up—but it doesn’t have to be in charge. You can choose to believe that something good is still possible, and that God has abundant goodness for you (because He does , friend). Hope is not naïve. Hope is holy. When the enemy whispers, “Your dreams are lost,” reject that lie. Rebuke it! Lies give the enemy ground, and we have been given power to overcome them by the blood of Jesus. God has more for you. Let yourself imagine abundant possibilities. Allow the Holy Spirit to stir creativity, beauty and meaning back into your heart and world. This willingness and openness is the foundation to all rebuilding. Without it, you will continue on a trajectory in grief that will not bring you to God's deep joy, goodness and meaning. 2) Create a Vision for Your Future Take time to get quiet with God and ask: What do I still long to experience and do ahead in my life? (Stay in a creative mode without limiting ideas and possibilities): Is it a new mission or purpose? A new career path? A trip you've always wanted to take? A new healing home for your family? Openness to love or remarriage? New traditions or connections with your family? A way the Lord is calling you to use your pain for purpose? To help others? There are so many open doors ahead! The point to engage with your tangible future dreams. Invite the Holy Spirit in. Write it down. Speak it aloud. And begin to pray circles around these things (be a persistent widow- ask, and keep asking). 3) Surround Yourself With a Winning Team Don’t try to rebuild alone... it takes much longer and is much more painful. Just as healing requires community, growth (especially that which comes with deep healing) requires the right support. Think of it as choosing a "winning team." If you are going to embark on this endeavor, it's crucial that you invest in the things that are going to get you to success. Choose people—even a faithful few—who believe for your abundant future when you can’t for yourself Seek wise, empathetic counsel: friends who have been with you in your pain, so you can receive their challenges, too Join a group or community that "gets it," but doesn’t just orbit and defend painful grief... they move toward rebuilding . [ The HOPE Stronghold is my community I pour into, and we welcome you!] Invest in therapy, especially in instances of acute distress Consider working with a Coach to get measurable results in moving forward [Learn about my Christian widow Coaching here ] The last one - Coaching - changed everything for me (it's why I left 14 years of Nursing to become one!). I felt that I was a victim, and life just kept happening to me . Coaching helped me go from functioning (and stuck there) to confident, abundant and full of purpose! Coaching isn't just "inspiration." A good Coach can lay out a clear, achievable plan for your rebuilding, and support you along the way through the discouragements and failures, into new thoughts, new beliefs, new feelings, and recreating a life you love again! I 100% believe in it because it transformed not just my life, but many women I now guide. Whatever you do, don't give up and don't go widowing alone. Loving Life Again The life I live now isn’t the same one I had before loss (how could it be, without him?). But it is full. It is beautiful. It is mine to shape and live. And you know what? It didn’t happen by accident. I chose to dream. I created a vision. I surrounded myself with the right support. And I did the holy work of changing my mind, and changing my life. You can too. There is more ahead for you, sister. You can rebuild a life you love again . With you, Rachel PS- If that is your desire, Coaching can help you achieve it. You can set up a consultation here. You are not forgotten. You are not finished. A new chapter has begun for you. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

How do you navigate the grief, healing and rebuilding journey as a widow? We are in a 3 Part series looking at these steps in a healthy process (and common pitfalls). Breaking down our journey into "steps" gives us a framework to talk about navigating widowhood loss and pain that still has forward movement and doesn't circle the drain of darkness. Last week, we talked about Part 1, where the journey after loss begins: healthy grief that is based in true acceptance and includes HOPE (1 Thess. 4:13). Check it out here if you have not already, because we're building on it today.💗 This week, we move forward to step 2 - deeper healing! Because our widowhood wounds, and broken heart, need the right care and treatment to mend.❤️‍🩹 As I navigated my early widowhood grief, I grew in identifying and ending unhealthy strategies, such as bypassing, numbing, and coping in survival mode (again, see Part 1 ). Despite my growth, I also discovered I continued to struggle in pain, with a bleak outlook on my life- that burdened my mind, body and spirit. I still didn't know how to heal deeply from these things. I was told (have you heard these, too?) that "time heals all wounds," or that I just needed to "keep being strong." I was functioning in "maintenance mode" as I call it— taking care of children and trying to do what I needed to everyday as a widow. But I wasn't deeply healing or transforming. I didn't realize that functioning + the passing of time did NOT = deep healing ! Deep healing is much more personal and intentional than that. Your deep heart wounds are worth the investment of resources (time, money, effort, etc.) needed for recovery after the devastating, life-changing loss of being widowed. Time passed and though I did try many things, I still felt devastated and without peace- until I found the right support to "treat" my specific wounds. The right support for you is key to your process, and the Lord will be faithful to lead, provide for, and walk with you on the journey! For some widows, it's hard to imagine how we could "come back" from our shattered life, or live without ongoing pain. Or perhaps things like "post traumatic growth," or living in a beautiful future can feel out of reach. Yet I have not only experienced this transformation personally, but work with many widows who do, too! I know that it's an available possibility for every widow (you can disagree with me, but it won't stop me from believing it for you , because I know it's true). I went from a hopeless widow who attempted suicide myself- to deeper healing and joy than I could have imagined were possible. Sister, the Lord has not allowed you to be broken beyond what He can heal. There is a way forward. If you have felt like you're still broken and in need of deeper healing (or don't know how), I want to give you some tangible hand holds to grab onto today. Let's go! 💗 Healing Comes When We Tend the Real Wounds- 3 Steps Toward Deep Healing In case you haven't already experienced it, trying to ignore our deep grief wounds doesn't work. In fact, carrying all that we often have to solo while bearing grief, perhaps trauma, and spiritual heartbreak can actually deepen that pain. I want you to think of your pain like the dashboard light on your car.🚨 The light itself (while irritating) is not the problem or an enemy; it's an indicator of an underlying problem. Your pain reveals that you need time, effort and attention for your wounds to heal, and for you to recover. We need to pay attention to it. Deep healing means intentionally investing in : 1) Identifying your real wounds 2) Committing to finding & getting the right treatment for you 3) Engaging relationship (with God and others) in the process This is so valuable, so let's look at them! 1) Identifying Your Real Wounds 💔 Addressing your wounds involves examining your pain points and your needs in a very honest way . Seems simple, right? Unfortunately... not. ➡️Recognizing them can be hindered by: Your fear/resistance to looking deep into your broken places and feeling them (it might seem too deep/overwhelming). Your concern for the thoughts, opinions or judgements of other people if you're honest about your brokenness and how you need more support. Lack of knowing what you need in order to make progress- you may just feel clueless on what you need to do. ➡️In identifying your specific wounds/needs, you may need to consider: Are there wounds from the past you have never sought healing for, that may be contributing to your present views and pain? What ways have you been harmed? Specific forms of abuse, loss, trauma, etc. may require their own methods of healing (example: EMDR is generally considered a gold standard treatment for PTSD). How can you approach healing holistically (which is necessary for deeper healing)? Your physical body, your mind, and your spirit are all connected and impacting one another. You will likely need outside assistance in discovering where you need help. God is the Knower and Healer of all, and can guide His sheep by His voice (John 10:27). Keep seeking and asking Him in prayer, and know that the language of the Holy Spirit's leading is peace. You may also need the help of professionals/specialists to assist you. Doctors, therapists/counselors, grief coaches and others are equipped to serve you in your healing, in various ways! (More on bringing others into your healing in step 3) Identifying your wounds in a real and honest way also means taking ownership of how you may be participating in the current painful experience you find your life to be (which is good news, because you can change it! More on this next week❤️‍🔥). 2) Committing to Finding & Getting the Right Treatment For You ❤️‍🩹 When you discover, through healthy and honest evaluation, what you really need, you must be willing to make it a priority. Because just knowing more "shoulds" don't do you any good. You have to connect with why this matters and is worth pursuing . If you know actions to take for your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual healing, I encourage you to value your life, your healing and your future enough to follow through on them. It bears repeating: Deep healing is much more personal and intentional than [the passing of time alone]. Your deep heart wounds are worth the investment of resources (time, money, effort, etc.) needed for recovery after the devastating, life-changing loss of being widowed. Your deep healing can change everything about how you experience both your current days, as well as your future! Ok, I have tried to motivate you to love and value yourself as the Lord loves and values you, His beloved daughter, Bride, and temple of the Holy Spirit. Now let's look at a few specifics. ➡️Here’s what "wound treatment" options might look like in widowhood (this is not exhaustive by any means): Involving our physical bodies and mental health in our healing with healthy food/fuel, exercise/movement, routine check ups and care, getting enough sleep, etc. Failing to take care of the only place you have to live (your body) can hinder your grief journey more than you may realize. Healthy processing tools (proven in psychology) like journaling and gratitude methods, or somatic body work (such as vagus nerve healing) to help metabolize your pain in healing ways. Therapy or trauma-informed counseling to address emotional wounds and gently work through the hard layers of pain. Therapy is a great tool to help take you from non-functional/crisis states to functioning. Personalized Coaching that helps you identify where you’re stuck and equips you with tools to take confident steps in the "what now" areas. Coaching is often from struggling (but functioning) to HOPE-filled, forward movement! Rebuilding spiritual connection with God—through your own individual time with Him in the Word, through meditation, in nature, as well as part of the body of Christ through a safe, supportive and Spirit-filled church (they do exist!). Including these things into your life is possible, and it is worth the investment into yourself. You don’t have to figure this all out today; just take a couple brave steps toward healing. 3) Engaging Relationships (with God & Others) in the Process 💕 Ok, seriously? Why is healing in relationship a critical step in deep healing as a WIDOW? How does that make sense? Aren't we figuring out how to do this all on our own, now? I sure hope not. Loneliness is one of the top struggles for widows. What is more, research has shown (credit to Dr. Curt Thompson) that so much of how we are wounded in relationships and in shame can be healed best within safe, trusted relationships! Miraculously, new neural networks within the brain (a new mind) even occur through these relational interactions (body to body healing)! There are so many reasons, from a holistic standpoint, to involve relationships in our deep widowhood healing. Humans need safe people who can witness and tend to our pain and needs. ➡️Here are a few ways integrating these kinds of relationships into your own deeper healing: Grief/widow support groups and other forms of community with those who truly “get it,” so you don’t feel so alone. (I personally feel I have the most incredible Christian widow community, and you are welcome to join us! ) As described in more detail in Step 2, therapy and coaching are both relational supports to help you heal and grow in widowhood, and beyond! I did 5 years of weekly therapy in widowhood, but finding coaching changed my life so drastically I left Nursing and became a Christian Widow Coach myself ( feel free to learn more about my support here ). Honest, two-way conversations with God that open your heart to comfort. (I highly recommend the book Joyful Journey: Listening to Immanuel for some practices on hearing from the Lord). We utilize this in my widow community and Coaching. Learning to ask and also to receive—from people, from God, and even from your own self-compassion. In Closing: The Pain Is Real—But So Is the Healing I remember when I finally decided living the same life I currently had- the pain and struggles I was experiencing as a widow- wasn't what I was going to accept for my future. It wasn’t a moment of weakness, but of strength and wisdom. It was the beginning of deep healing for me. The pain didn’t vanish, but I finally had next steps into a doable path forward. And so can you. You’re not failing. You’re not broken beyond repair. You’re simply wounded. And wounds can and do heal—when tended rightly, with care. You’re not alone, sweet sister, and you weren't made to carry this in isolation. You can find change if you see yourself worthy of making changes. Healing your heart will change the rest of your life. Let’s walk it together. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!