Search Results

Grief Support for Widows Who Feel Like They’re (Invisibly) Drowning “No one knows you're drowning when you're a really good swimmer. In other words, no one knows you're struggling when you're really good at struggling.” -Kaydi Bolos That hits the heart hard—because widows can become "really good at struggling." At first, it’s usually obvious. You’re drowning openly, and people show up for the funeral: there’s usually support from friends, family, community. But that wave of support often falls as quickly as it rises. And then it sets in- you’re living this new life by yourself. The world keeps moving forward, and you’re just trying to stay afloat. That’s where so many widows find themselves. Becoming Really Good at Struggling Alone When you feel left behind or abandoned in grief, something shifts. You start to believe you "just have to do this alone," that you’re going to have to figure it out, and that you have to carry it all by yourself. And that mindset is dangerous. It leads to masking your pain, not reaching out for help, not healing deep wounds, and running yourself into the ground. You’re trying to carry something that’s too heavy—doing the impossible every day while operating with pain that can feel overwhelming. And then as widows, we normalize it as our new life. In my case, it looked like pouring everything out (especially for my kids) but little in. Counseling, schools, support for them—I gave everything I had. Not to mention taking over all the other things I needed to now carry. And I was utterly spent. Even knowing, as a Nurse, that you need to "put your oxygen mask on first," I didn't. I believed laying down my life for my kids came first to the point of running myself into the ground for them. But what actually happened is I became drained like a bowl with holes in it, trying to pour into my children, my life, and my future—while everything was leaking out. And when there’s nothing left, those areas still suffer anyway. It was inevitable that even my children would suffer for my lack of prioritizing myself. Your children, your future, your life—they are reaping what you are sowing. And when there’s no care for yourself, what flows out is exhaustion, distress, anxiety, and depression. You lose joy. You lose purpose. You may even feel hopeless. You might find yourself thinking, “I’m just living here until I can go be with my husband.” Being stuck is telling you something: what you are doing isn’t working. Being the Struggling, "Strong Widow" Is Optional Sister, this version of widowhood is optional. It does not have to be this way. But the problem is believing that it does. Believing that you just have to do it all, alone. That you have to suffer the way it is now. That "this is just what my life is without him." They are lies that keep you stuck. There is another path forward, and it starts with a shift—a change of mind, and the guidance and empowerment of the Holy Spirit. You don’t have to stay in the fog, lost, where you can’t see. There are people who can help guide you out. There is help available where you need it. This is where real grief support for widows begins—not by pretending you’re okay, but by choosing a different way forward. Leaning into healing, trusting in the Lord. You are not meant to do this alone. You are not meant to stay stuck. This does not have to define or shatter your life. The Lord is still writing a story of redemption, and you get to partner with a new way! How to Stop Invisibly Struggling in Widowhood 1. Be Honest About Your Grief Live in a real, honest way. Not putting on a mask, and not trying to make other people comfortable. You don’t have to have it all together to be seen. Because when you put band-aids over a deep wound, it doesn’t heal—it festers into infection. Find safe places where you can be real. Not everyone will be able to hold that space for you, and sometimes the people you hoped would be there won’t be. But that doesn’t mean you’re alone—it means you need to find the right places. And be careful, because some grief spaces keep you stuck. They repeat things that anchor you in the past and keep you cycling in hopelessness. Invest in a place where you can be honest and still be led forward in truth and hope! 2. Make Your Healing Your #1 Priority Becoming a widow is a profound loss and a deep wound, and every part of your life has been affected. Your identity, your finances, your relationships, your faith—so many areas have been touched by this loss. We can recognize that, but for some reason, we often don’t treat our healing like it matters that much: We try to avoid it We give it "more time" We resist investing money, time, effort We try to grieve alone, out of sight We try to "be strong" A wound this deep, this drastic and significant requires matching treatment! Would you go into the Emergency Room with a heart attack and then walk out without getting to the bottom of it?? Sister, you need evidence-based, deep, consistent and long-term healing and support. Not just to survive widowhood, but to rebuild. To even grow in ways you didn’t think were possible. God brings that kind of hope—beauty from ashes. So your time matters. Your resources matter. Your healing matters. You are worth it. Heal like it’s your number one job. Because it is. And it will change everything ahead for you. 3. Get Guidance From Those Who Can See the Way Forward Grief is like a fog. You can’t see clearly, and it can feel like you’re lost and wandering forever. It's also like being stuck in a deep dark pit, and it can feel like there is no way up and out. But there are people who can see. People who have climbed out. People who have gone before you. And taking their hand matters. It will save you a lot of grief (pun intended😉)! And this is also where coaching comes in. It’s why I do what I do—to come alongside you as someone who has been there, with real tools and real support to help you move forward. It's also why I built a community of Christian widow sisters. They understand what this is like in a way no one else does. You don’t have to explain yourself, and you don’t have to make them comfortable. You’re safe to be real. And with guidance and a safe community, you can walk through the fog and out of the pit, onto a path of hope. Because there is another way forward. You Don’t Have to Be "Good at Struggling" Anymore Sister, you don’t have to do this alone, carry what feels impossible every day, or silently struggle because you think this is just your lot in life now. It’s not true. You can take off the mask. You can be honest. You can be human. And you can find hope—real, gritty hope in the middle of the darkness, with real steps forward to lead you forward. May this encourage and bless you! And if you're interested in having me come alongside you and joining our community, start here: www.HopeSpeaker.com/Coaching With you, Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Suicide in Widowhood is a Risk (And It's Often Missed) Hey friend… today we are talking about something that is a very real danger for those widowed—and it's not talked about enough. Suicide in widowhood. Widows and widowers are dying by suicide at high rates. This is not rare, it’s a devastating statistical reality. Studies across countries—and here in the U.S.—are showing that losing your spouse increases your risk of dying by suicide. The Life Change Index Scale actually ranks losing a spouse as the number one life stressor... And it makes sense, because widowhood doesn’t just affect one part of your life. It impacts everything: You may suddenly become a solo parent A solo provider Your planned future is changed or lost You don’t even have an emergency contact anymore And so many other losses The ripple effects hit your mental health, your emotional state, your spiritual life, your physical health—every single area. So when we talk about depression in widowhood or the widow suicide rate, it is serious topic that requires us to look honestly at the issue, but more importantly, at ourselves. And if your spouse died by suicide, the risk is even higher. Some studies show that spouses of those who died by suicide are at three times higher risk themselves. This is something we cannot ignore. We have to see it clearly. Because prioritizing this—taking it seriously—literally makes the difference between life and death. Our life and death. A Right View of Your Life (It's Worth Saving!) Here’s where I want to speak directly to you, sister. If you are a widow… you are at higher risk. And this is not something to take lightly. I know this from experience as a suicide widow who went on to attempt twice myself. After I lost my husband, I remember saying over and over, “We would have done anything.” Anything for him to stay. We would have emptied the bank account. Used all the savings. Moved. Changed anything and everything. Nothing would have been too much. But when it came to me? That same mindset didn’t show up. Instead, the objecting thoughts sounded like this: I don’t have the money I don’t have the time I don’t have the energy, especially in grief I have kids to take care of, all by myself And those objections felt completely reasonable... But they were still barriers. And I ran myself into the ground… until my last suicide attempts as a widow became my turning point. That was when I realized—I needed to invest in my own healing. And I hear these same objections from widows all the time. So please hear me clearly: You have to see your life as valuable as you saw theirs! You are worth every resource. Because if you are struggling with suicidal thoughts after your spouse dies, this is not something to wait on. Suicide is a slippery slope. The more time you spend in it—even thinking you have control—you can slide when you’re triggered. This is how it can happen. So if you’ve had any thoughts of not wanting to live anymore? Now is the time to decide something different. Not later. Not when it gets worse. Now. What Actually Helps (Practical Steps for Support) So what does this look like… practically? If we’re going to take this seriously, we need real action... not just to read about it and carry on the same. 1. Therapy Should Not be Optional in Suicidal Ideation If you are struggling with thoughts of suicide in grief, I believe in taking action toward prevention. I highly recommend therapy. I did it weekly for five years, personally, and it is part of the reason I'm still here! Please don't roll into the objections yet! Let me offer you a resource to help you find someone that works for you. Go to: www.PsychologyToday.com At the top, click on "Find a Therapist" Enter your city or zip code Then, select the blue "All Filters" button. You can filter by: Price Insurance Location Specialty Faith You can find help in depression and suicidal thoughts in widowhood. ❤️‍🩹 2. Give Yourself Support- Beyond One Hour a Week One session a week is a blessing, but not always enough in a time of intense struggle or a devastating season. When you have only one hour of honest presence, co-regulation and encouragement, trying to “hold it together” the rest of the week on your own can be so heavy. It can even be where things break down. That is why I not only recommend, but have created Coaching support that comes alongside outside of a single session. My widow clients can reach out to me outside of our sessions, and find that I'll meet them right where they are- as someone who truly "gets it," and understands the struggles of widowhood. No judgement. I personally believe in the power of another widow sister who can come alongside you during the week—not just during a scheduled time. One that isn't just a friend, but a guiding support- a Coach. I recommend, and became a Coach, because it personally changed so much in my life, in addition to therapy. 3. Find the Right Kind of Community to Surround You There are grief groups. Suicide support groups. Spouse loss groups. But not all of them are healthy! It's unfortunately common in grief to "affirm one another's devastation to our own detriment." Meaning pain becomes our identity, and being stuck in hopelessness is validated. Those grief spaces may feel "safe," when in fact they are defensive against anything besides circling the downward drain. You don’t need a space where people: Stay stuck in despair Rehearse pain without movement Believe healing is impossible Think forward movement is forgetting Hinder themselves and others from healing You need a space where you can be: Real, raw and honest Grieve with HOPE, taking forward steps I believe it so strongly I created a virtual space for Christian widows that embodies these. Both matter, because they will change your widowhood and your future. You Don’t Have to Keep Surviving Alone If you’re reading this and realizing this is what you need, please hear me cheering you on! Because there is more than just surviving. There are people who understand this, who are there (or who have been there), and who genuinely care about you. Sister, I am here for you. It's become my life's work to give my widow sisters in Christ what would have helped and supported me most, and to do it in a close-knit relational way. I work one-to-one with widows, I have a Christian widow community, and if you are struggling, I would love to connect you to both. Because this matters too much not to act on. Your life is worth everything, so please make a connection. Schedule a call with me (it's free), and let's chat about the next step—whether that’s coaching, community, or simply starting with a resource: Widow Support You are worth the investment. Your life matters. And you don’t have to do this alone. 👭💞 With you, Rachel 🌻As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Have You Felt It, Too? The fear of forgetting , or losing any of your late husband as you move forward in widowhood can be so heavy that it keeps you stuck right where you are. Before you think, "That's not me," can I ask you something? Have you ever felt guilty during your grief for: Laughing or being playful? Feeling joy again? The lighter days? Desiring a new love after your loss? Dreaming or planning for your future? Or, have you found yourself: Wondering or worrying what other people think (E.g. If they believe you’ve “moved on”)? Feeling afraid of doing better, or growing into someone new? Concerned that healing somehow minimizes your loss? Because this is how widowhood can be, when we believe there are "scales" in grief that weigh the negative against the positive, our old life vs. our new one, our late husband against someone else, etc. It strongly (and negatively) impacts our grief journey... Guilt & Fear in Grief Keeps You Stuck The last thing we want is our late husband forgotten, dishonored, or the love we shared to seem smaller. When grief becomes something we measure— when we’re afraid of “tipping the scales” by experiencing too much goodness— we start to believe things like: If life feels good now, it takes away from what we had before If I'm not visibly broken, maybe I'm not grieving “right” If I'm not in deep pain, maybe he didn’t mean that much And none of that is true. But it feels real. So what happens? We stay connected to them through pain. This keeps us stuck in darkness, and it keeps us from healing! Because our relationship with them is tied to guilt, fear, and shame, and we become anchored to them through suffering— instead of something deeper, and more true. Healing Doesn’t Minimize Love Sister, it doesn’t have to be this way. Here’s what’s true: There are no "scales" in grief that you have to balance. The worth, value, and meaning of your husband, of your love and of your life cannot be measured, reduced, outweighed, or stolen from. And, neither can your grief. Different seasons of your life are not in competition. You don’t have to choose between: Honoring the past or Living in the present You can hold both . Widowhood is full of “ and ." You can miss him… and still experience joy. You can grieve deeply… and still live fully. And your grief is not something others can measure anyway. People don’t see the full picture, and they can’t tally your pain or your healing. They don’t understand, and they can’t define your journey. And part of growth in widowhood grief is releasing the weight of their opinions, which frees you from fear. Another part is releasing yourself from the weight of your own guilt and fears. Healing Is Not Forgetting When you heal, you aren't minimizing or leaving any of your late husband behind. You are taking everything— his love, your memories, the goodness you shared— and carrying it forward with you. It’s remembering him through love instead of through pain. Because we don’t want pain to define: Your relationship with him Your memories of him Your widowhood We want love to do that. Both your love for him, and his love that still exists for you—now perfected. The beautiful thing is that when you heal, grow, and choose to keep living with HOPE… You are not dishonoring him. You are loving him. And you are loving God. 💗 What This Looks Like (3 Tangible Steps) Here are a few ways we can do this. 1. Focus on Love Let love be your anchor, sister. Not pain, fear, or guilt. But love. Scripture reminds us in 1 Corinthians 13 that: “Love is patient and kind… it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things... Love never ends.” This is the love that still exists . This is what defines your connection with him now. And nothing, and no one, can take that from you. 2. Understand the Boundaries of Earthly Marriage Now, while we just established that love never ends, it's important to acknowledge that according to the Bible, marriage is temporary, as an earthly reflection of a heavenly reality. It's hard to accept that our earthly marriage has ended... in fact, that is one of the losses as a widow we process. Jesus said in Matthew 22:30 that in the resurrection life after death, people will not be married. 1 Corinthians 7:39 also tells us that a woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives—but after, she is free to remarry. Now, this doesn't mean it is necessary or required. Choosing to remain single or unmarried is a beautiful love story, too. I don't want any widow to feel pressure toward another romantic relationship. But this verse above does mean we are free to marry again if we so desire. Where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom (2 Corinthians 3:17), and we are not bound by law. And our freedom to marry again does not take away from the love we share with our late spouse. There are no comparisons. There are no scales. Love is valid in your late marriage, and in anything God may have ahead. 3. Live Forward with Safety, Honesty, & Love Moving forward matters. How you go about it matters, too. You need safe places where: You can be honest about your grief You can be fully seen without judgment You are not being “fixed” And also places where: Hope is present Healing is encouraged Forward movement is supported Because staying in spaces that only reinforce “life is over” or “I will always be broken”— is not healthy grief. It's a downward spiral. You are still here. Your story is not over. And the Lord is calling you forward— not to forget… But to truly live. You’re Not Forgetting Him Sister, your healing can carry love forward with you... and honor your late husband, yourself, and the Lord! There is still goodness ahead. There is still purpose in these new chapters of your life. And , you don’t have to walk this alone. If this resonated with you… I would love to walk alongside you and/or welcome you into my Christian widow community. [You can discover more HERE ] Because you are not meant to stay stuck in pain. Release the guilt and fear, and receive the freedom and grace offered you in this widowhood journey. The Lord bless you and keep you! With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Christian Widowhood: Is God "Enough"? I heard it the first time from another believer, early in widowhood. I was crying over the loss of my husband, and the loss of other relationships after. “You will rely on God.” Now, this friend wasn't wrong, and I know her intention was to encourage me in the Lord... But we need to address an idea we face in the Christian widowhood space - a truth - which can become twisted into something harmful to widows as we navigate relational loss and healing. It is the idea that spiritually, to just "have more faith," "trust God more," or that "God is enough" means we don't desperately need other relationships in widowhood. If you know me, you know that deep fellowship with the Lord is a passion of mine to bring to widows! I believe He is our heavenly Husband, and pressing deeply into Him is incredibly healing and fulfilling. However this is not a pendulum that is ever meant to swing to the extent that in our loneliness and need in widowhood (or even our humanity in general) God alone replaces the need for other people. If you think it's heretical to say we need more than God alone, I'll prove it to you, Biblically. And I'll do it to break off shame from my widow sisters, and gently guide them into healthy living that involves close relationships with both the Lord and other humans. ❤️ When “God Is Enough” Gets Misunderstood The Lord is the alpha and omega, the all-knowing, all-powerful and all-sufficient One. Of course He is "enough." Yet, things start to get off track when we translate it into these sentiments of our human experience: “I shouldn’t need people in this way ... I shouldn't be so needy." “I should be able to do this with just/only God.” The problem is that’s not actually what God modeled to us, or said about us. Let's look at Genesis. In the beginning, as the Lord was building up creation, everything He created He saw as "good" until He made Adam only. This is when we see it- God says for the first time that it is not good. “It is not good for man to be alone.” — Genesis 2:18 Then the Lord created Eve from Adam... Wait! Did you catch that?! Even when it was just the Lord and Adam together in perfect union. Even when Adam had God fully, in form there together with him. God still said it was "not good" and called Adam "alone." Alone? Not good?? But isn't God "enough"?! It wasn't enough, somehow, for Adam . It wasn't until he had created both Adam and Eve (as described in the creation account of Genesis 1) that God said it was " very good " (Gen. 1:31). So if that was true that we needed human companionships as humans then… I would argue it’s still true now. And here’s the reality in widowhood: We've lost our Adam... And most people don’t understand this kind of loss. When we over spiritualize and miss it, widowhood grief becomes something you carry, even more, by yourself. You Actually Need People in This, Sister I want to be really clear, and really gentle, with you: You need people in widowhood. You will be needy, you will need them... and that's ok! ❤️ Not instead of God. But alongside a deep intimate relationship with Him. This isn’t a lack of faith. This is part of how God designed you to live and heal. I also want to acknowledge that there is no relationship just like an intimate marriage relationship, and of course other relationships won't "make up for" or "replace" what you have lost. But my goal here is to emphasize the beauty of how human relationships can help meet your needs and support you in a time you need it most. God Designed You for Both God never asked you to choose between Him and people. He designed you for both, and that's a "very good" thing. He works through people, community, even someone sitting beside you in the pain… without trying to fix it. And in widowhood, there’s something especially powerful about being around other widows! Because they don’t need an explanation. You don't need to educate them how to come alongside. You don't have to explain the unexplainable. They just know. That’s why Christian widow support groups matter so much! Because it gives you a place where your grief is understood… and your faith is still central. And this doesn’t take anything away from your relationship with the Lord. Instead, it strengthens it! Because now you’re not carrying everything alone while trying to stay afloat spiritually; you’re being supported as you go deeper with Him. Walking This Christian Widowhood Support Out So what can this actually look like? Here are 3 ideas. 1) Change Your Mindset I trust that this Blog has already helped with this. Sister: You are not supposed to do this alone Needing support is not weakness It’s not lack of faith; it’s part of how God designed you No spiritual pretending helps; your acceptance isn't dependent on your performance anyway Let truth replace the shame or pressure you’ve been carrying to not need people, or to not have needs. 2) Find Support That Includes Both God & People Not just safe, empathetic community. Not just Christ-centered faith. Both. You need spaces where the Lord is honored and your grief is understood. Where you don’t have to choose between being spiritually supported and emotionally supported. 3) Commit to Walking This Out Long-Term Grief is a marathon, not a sprint. This isn’t just about surviving early widowhood, or just getting through a season. It is going from widowhood, to rebuilding... in all that God has ahead. It is the human journey, actually. It’s the same walk of faith the whole way through. And you were never meant to walk it alone at any stage. Faith & Human Support Go Together Since you are both Spirit and human, your faith and humanity are not in competition. They go together. You can be deeply rooted in Christ… and still need people. You can trust God fully… and still need community. That’s not a contradiction - that’s design. And if you’ve been trying to carry this alone, it makes sense that you’re tired and that it feels heavy. But it also means there’s a different way forward. You Don’t Have to Do This Alone If you’re longing for support that understands both your grief and your faith, that’s exactly why I created The HOPE Stronghold . It’s a space for Christian widows to be seen, supported, and walk this journey with others who truly get it—while keeping the Lord at the center. I pour teaching and resources into this space. ❤️ And if you’re needing deeper, more personal guidance in your healing and rebuilding, I offer 1:1 coaching for the most personalized and connected level of support. Because sister, you don’t have to widow alone, anymore. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Grief with HOPE: A Christian Widow’s Anchor “...You do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope.” — 1 Thessalonians 4:13 What does this really mean in widowhood? Because experientially, it can be hard to know if we're grieving with or without real HOPE a lot of the time. When you become a widow, everything feels shattered. Life as you knew it, and the future you thought you would have, is gone. And you’re left trying to figure out how to even take the next step. As a widow of faith, you want to be near the Lord and have probably heard the verse, too. But like me, you may have asked the same question: How do I actually grieve with hope? Missing HOPE... The problem with this beautiful idea is we often try to conjure it up as we go. Or we tear ourselves down, feeling like we lack it or can't seem to ever obtain it. If we take this gift as an expectation in our grief , we often try to figure it out on our own. Sometimes that turns into trying to look strong: Trying to hold it together for others. Trying to show faith outwardly. Trying to be okay when we’re not. Looking at others (widows, believers, etc.) and comparing. And without realizing it, grief becomes a performance, and a mask we manage… instead of something we’re allowed to actually feel and walk through honestly. This route is exhausting. It also leaves you feeling even more disconnected, even more overwhelmed, and more hopeless (oh the irony!). Or, we may go another route, and feel like failures for not feeling all the hope-filled feelings we "should" be feeling if we grieve with hope, as the verse indicates. This leads to guilt or shame in the midst of your grief: For the dark thoughts. For the moments of feeling hopeless. For the weight of it all. And you may start to wonder if that means something is wrong with your faith... or with you. If you’re a “bad” Christian, if you’re doubting, if you’re not grieving the “right” way. As if grieving with hope means you shouldn’t struggle like this... which results in hopelessness (again, the irony!). Sister, it doesn't have to be this way. There is a way through grief that is both honest and anchored. A way that doesn’t require you to perform, pretend, or suppress what is real. A way to receive this gift as it was intended. What It Means to Grieve with HOPE Let's be really clear and debunk something right away: Grieving with hope does not mean the absence of pain. It means you are able to be honest about that pain… while still standing on something steady underneath it. It means lament and faith can exist together. You can feel the waves crashing… and still have a rock under your feet. That Rock is Christ Himself! And sister, you can expect there to be waves! This is a form of suffering, and you are humanly participating in it. You won't do this perfectly- and He doesn't expect or need you to. He is delighting to be with you and love you in the midst of it all. He is the one who upholds you when everything feels unstable. He is the one doing the redemptive work in your story. Grieving with hope is the Lord displaying His faithfulness- not you trying to display yours! It's not something you manufacture, it's something you stand on. “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” — Psalm 34:18 And the foundation of that hope is this: Death is not the end. Separation is not permanent. That is where our hope comes from. “For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in Him.” — 1 Thessalonians 4:14 Walking Grief With HOPE Here are a couple of freeing steps in walking this out. 1) Grieve Honestly in Safe Places Sister, you have to be able to grieve authentically. Not covering. Not performing. Not trying to make it look different than it is. Grieving with hope includes being honest about your pain. That's Biblical- the Bible is full of honest lament! And that also means finding safe places and safe people who can sit with you in it (which is an intentional process, because there aren't many). People who won’t try to fix, analyze, judge, or push you... just being empathetically present. This is a vital part of Christian widow support, because you were never meant to carry this alone, but in genuine community. 2) Reject Despair The darkness can feel very real in raw grief. But this doesn't make it true, and we don't want it to reign over our widowhood. We have an eternal perspective that changes how we understand death. It does not remove the pain, but it anchors it in a bigger HOPE-filled reality. Let's glance back at the verse this is all about, with a little more context: "Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope." -1 Thess. 4:13 Because of Jesus, our husband's death is not permanent separation- it is temporary. That is why we can say, even through tears, that we grieve with HOPE. Not because it feels easy. But because it is true. And we walk it not by sight but by faith, with spiritual eyes and in Holy Spirit power. 3) Keep Living With Kingdom Purpose Grieving with hope also means choosing to keep living as we are offered it- fully! You did not die when he died… even if part of you feels like it did in your loss. Your story is not over, and it is one with unchanged purpose. “Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death , I will fear no evil, for you are with me. ” — Psalm 23:4 Did you catch that? We walk through this valley, we don’t set up camp there to stay or to live. And we do the journey with Him beside us. Take the Lord’s hand and keep moving forward, even if it’s one small step at a time. You are travelling to a new destination… even if you can’t see it yet. Hope is Here, For YOU Sister, there is more ahead than what you have known so far. Life can hold both grief and goodness. Dreams can be rebuilt with redemption. And this is the truth we come back to again and again: We do not grieve as the rest of the world does. We grieve with HOPE. With you, Rachel ✝️If you are walking this road and longing for a place of faith to grieve with hope, I want to invite you into The HOPE Stronghold . It’s a space for Christian widows to be supported, understood, and encouraged as you navigate this journey with the Lord and with other women who truly get it. You don’t have to do this alone anymore.👭 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Hello, my beautiful sister. Let’s talk about dating as a widow—and what Christian widow dating and remarriage can look like as we navigate it by faith, with the Lord. This week I’ll be celebrating my third anniversary in my second marriage, and it felt like the right moment to speak into this topic. Even though I’ve now experienced widowhood, dating again, engagement, remarriage, and blending a family, I want to approach this conversation from a place of humility. I’m still growing and learning, and I need the Holy Spirit to lead me just as much as I needed Him every step of the way before. Thankfully, I know how faithful He is! Dating and remarriage after widowhood can come with a lot of emotions (excitement, fears, etc.) as well as trials. I have walked it, too, and you are not alone in navigating these questions. If you’re wondering whether you’re ready to date again, question if it’s even possible for you, or aren’t sure what it might look like, I’m really glad you’re here. Dating as a Widow: Can a Christian Widow Date Again? Many Christian widows quietly wrestle with this question: Is it okay to date again after losing my husband? The truth is that dating as a widow can feel emotionally complicated and spiritually sensitive, especially when grief, loyalty, and fear are all present at the same time. Scripture shows us that God cares deeply about the desires of our hearts, and love after loss can be approached with faith, wisdom, and guidance from the Holy Spirit. Dating as a Widow Is Still a Journey of Faith One thing I’ve realized as my marital status changed from married, to widowed, and back to married is that it has actually been the same journey of faith all the way through. The seasons may look different, but the lessons are often the same... surrender and learning to trust the Lord. And in widowhood—and beyond—it is incredibly easy to find ourselves operating from fear (of more disappointment, abandonment, betrayal of trust, etc.) instead of faith. When you’ve gone through deep pain and struggle, it’s natural to fear more loss and more wounds to your heart. Because of that, it's easy to move into self-protection and doubt as you try to navigate relationships again. Dating this time around often feels more complicated because life is different now. You may have children, you may be in a completely new season of life, and there are more unknowns than the first time you walked this road. Because of that, you may start hearing whispers in your heart like: What if there aren’t any good men left out there? What if I’m too broken or messy to be loved again? What godly man would want to step into all of this—into my grief, my life, and my children’s lives? And of course, there is always the deeper fear that loving someone again could end in another devastating loss. Those fears are very real. But sister, that isn’t the voice of faith, and there is no life or peace that comes from building your future on that foundation. I know that personally because I have wrestled with those fears myself. A Redemptive Path Forward There is another way to walk this journey—a redemptive path that brings glory to God in how we navigate dating, remarriage, and family life after loss. It is the path of God-glorifying faith . Faith doesn’t mean pretending the pain didn’t happen or denying the grief that is still part of your story. It means an honest and authentic relationship with the Lord as you walk through these seasons with Him. Faith is surrender. It’s yielding your heart and your story to the Lord and trusting that He sees you, that He hears you, and that He is with you in what you are walking through. And sister, faith also means remembering who God is, to you and for you. He is a good Father, caring about your desires as His daughter. The desire to love again or to experience Christian widow remarriage is not sinful. God wants to give good gifts to His children! Another important part of faith in this season is learning to discern peace. I believe peace is the language of the Holy Spirit, and as you walk in relationship with Him, He can guide you through the decisions that come with dating, choosing someone, remarriage, and blending families. These are decisions that impact your life, your children, and your future in very real ways. That’s why this journey isn’t meant to be walked alone or simply through human reasoning. The Lord invites you into a reciprocal relationship where you seek His guidance and learn to listen for His leading. Faith doesn’t require perfection, but it does show up in obedience—choosing to navigate romantic desire in ways that reflect God’s character, and honor Him as well as the other person you’re wanting to love. 4 Practical Ways to Date in Faith 1) Ask God for His Best Prayer is the first place to begin. Ask God specifically for His best for your life, because we can acknowledge that we don’t always know what that is... And because His best is amazing! This also positions your heart to trust Him with your future and to seek His guidance in the decisions ahead. Be in prayer over every part of this season—your healing, your discernment, your future relationship, the hearts of your children and other family, and the details of timing. I can tell you honestly that this is something I am still doing a lot right now, even within remarriage and family blending. It truly is the same journey of faith. 2) Have Realistic Expectations Sister, this journey of dating and remarriage as a widow can be a difficult one. I want to gently dispel a myth many of us carry in our hearts—that remarriage will somehow make things easier. I know I had that expectation (even though I thought I didn't!). Somewhere inside, I think I assumed that remarriage might bring me back to the same places of peace and joy that I had experienced in my first marriage. But the reality is that being remarried does not fix grief. The loss you’ve experienced continues to be part of your story, and when you bring another person—or even another family—into your life, there are new layers to navigate together. In many ways it can be redemptive and beautiful. In other ways it can also be more complicated and challenging, because blending families means bringing together people who have all experienced some form of loss (death, divorce, non-married parents, etc.). Loss is part of the new equation. Because of that, there needs to be a lot of grace... and when things feel difficult, it helps to remember that this is normal . The Lord will be faithful to you in dating, remarriage, and blending families the same way He is faithful to you in widowhood. 3) Walk in Obedience in Dating/Engagement Faith also shows up in how we approach relationships. As Christians, our love for the Lord should influence every part of our lives, including how we date and move toward remarriage. That means approaching relationships with honor, purity, and respect for one another rather than treating them casually or flippantly. It means not coming into relationships simply trying to fill a void in our hearts, but instead bringing life and love into them. When we walk through dating and remarriage in ways that reflect God’s character, our relationships become something that glorifies Him. And that kind of obedience ultimately brings the greatest blessing. 4) Let Faith Guide the Pace Finally, faith means allowing God to guide the pace and the process. It means not rushing forward because of loneliness, but also not holding back because of fear. Instead, we move forward prayerfully and with discernment, allowing the Holy Spirit to guide our decisions and following the peace that He gives. The Story Isn't Over- We're Still Learning As I reflect on these three years of being remarried, I can see that this entire journey has continued to require the same thing it always did—surrender and trust. Blending a family of seven has brought so much goodness into my life, and it has also brought challenges that people don’t talk about very often. Many people assume that once a widow remarries, the problem is solved. They’ve seen the heartbreak and hardship and assume that meeting someone again makes (most all of) it better. But the reality is that life after loss still carries struggles, and sometimes it can be difficult to know where to share those things. That’s why we need safe places with other Christian widows who understand this journey—places where we can continue encouraging one another to fight the good fight, finish the race, and keep the faith (2 Timothy 4:7). Sister, your story didn’t end with loss. And when you choose to walk in faith, you open the door for the good things God still desires to write in the chapters ahead. If you’re navigating dating as a widow, I want you to know that the Lord cares deeply about your heart, desires and about the story He is still writing in your life. With you, Rachel PS- If you are navigating dating as a Christian widow and would love faith-centered support from other Jesus-loving widow sisters who truly get it, I invite you to explore the The HOPE Stronghold virtual widow community , where we walk through these seasons together.👭 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood & Grief: Is Something Missing? We have all experienced how disorienting, and confusing, grief healing can be. While there are various ways widows can feel stuck, or like there are gaps in healing, today we're getting specific. Sister, have you struggled with either of these issues in your widowhood grief journey? Recurring thoughts and questions that bring up pain for you... that you can't seem to escape? Episodes of anxiety or fear that you experience, but can't seem to control? You may have tried different things, and they likely helped- in ways. But if you still feel like something is missing, you’re not where you want to be yet. Today I want to talk to you about the importance of top-down and bottom-up processing — and why you can’t have just one without the other if you are going to bring grief healing to the two different parts of your brain that are impacted. The Problem: Gaps in Widowhood & Grief Healing Let’s talk about what it looks like when there are holes in your healing these two different areas of your brain. 1) When Top-Down Processing Is Missing Top-down processing and healing is mindset work. It takes place in the pre-frontal cortex, or the thinking and logic control center. If this is missing, you can find yourself stuck in patterns of thinking... that are creating patterns of being stuck in pain. The questions (whys, hows, what-ifs, etc.), beliefs that your life is over, the goodness is all gone, and other faulty ways of thinking. It’s like walking down a sidewalk in grief, where you keep falling in the same hole. They’re repeated patterns, loops, things you can’t seem to resolve... the painful memories and thoughts. Your mind can’t find answers and doesn’t know how to reframe what happened. When everything is through the lens of loss, our connection to your person becomes tied to pain. When this happens repeatedly, it becomes a downward spiral, where deeper trenches are dug. And it gets easier to just fall right back down every time you journey down the grief sidewalk. 2) When Bottom-Up Processing Is Missing Bottom-up processing calms the limbic system (near the brain stem) by using sensations from the body and sensory input to signal safety to this area of the brain. This part of the brain is more like your emotional command center. The problem is, the thinking command center isn't online when you are in this fear response, so you cannot "talk yourself out of it." If bottom-up processing is missing, grief can feel excruciating or overwhelming in lived, physical ways that you feel in your body. It could be flashbacks, painful memories, a racing heart, chest pain, tightness in your throat, headaches, and many other symptoms that keep coming up. It’s your body feeling unsafe — and you don’t know how to regulate it. But it doesn’t have to stay either of these ways, sister. We are integrated beings — mind, body, and soul. With the right tools for both top-down and bottom-up processing, our minds and bodies. Top-Down & Bottom-Up Grief Healing Top-down processing is related to mindset work. It can come through things like therapy and coaching. From a Biblical point of view, we are transformed by the renewing of our mind (Romans 12:2). The Word also tells us the importance of our beliefs- we are often choosing between truth and lies. What feels true ( really true in grief) is not always what is actually true. And what you believe is shaping the life and future you are walking into. Your thoughts and feelings impact each other. Your feelings impact your choices. Your repeated choices become habits. And those habits create the life you are living daily in widowhood and grief. Mindset work is powerful. It is grabbing hold of truth, taking thoughts captive, and being renewed and transformed. It can change so much of us, our widowhood experience, and even our future. And here is what is equally important: As mentioned earlier, when you are in deep painful experiences like grief, the thinking part of your brain is not always online. The front part of your brain — logic and planning — is only available when you are regulated. So when you are in trauma or deep pain, the back part of your brain is running the show. This is why Scripture, truth and mindset tools can sometimes feel like they fall short. Not because they aren’t true, but because the thinking part of your brain literally isn’t online. They cannot talk to each other. We need to stop shaming ourselves for not being able to - or to “just hold onto Scripture” and be fixed. The good news is we can meet our body in that place, from the bottom up. Practices like vagus nerve regulation use the sensations in your body to send signals upward to this part of your brain. They help bring you back into regulation, your window of tolerance, and a felt experience of safety. And when you are regulated, the thinking part of your brain comes back online. Now truth can land. Now renewal can happen. Now grief healing can integrate. That is mind and body healing together! The Right Healing Support for Mind & Body Sister, if you have been feeling stuck in repeated thought spirals, the right mindset tools can help you make life-changing shifts. If your body feels overwhelmed, unsafe, or reactive, body regulation practices (breathing, grounding, or calming touch tools) can bring the comfort and soothing that is needed. Which methods to use depends on the nature of the dysregulation (hyper or hypoarousal). Both top-down and bottom-up processing are needed, are available, and are proven effective. This is a core part of what we practice inside my Coaching and inside our Christian widow community, The HOPE Stronghold . We use both modalities regularly: • Renewing the mind with truth • Practicing regulation in the body • Integrating grief instead of pushing through it Because grief is not metabolized by gritting your teeth. Not by trying harder. Not by numbing or shutting parts of yourself off. It is metabolized by bringing gentleness, love, and truth to the way God created and wired you. If you are ready for deeper widowhood and grief healing — support that addresses both your mind and body — I am here to guide you. You don’t have to keep falling into the same holes. Please consider where you may need to fill in holes in your grief support. Both your mind and your body will thank you for the right care. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Why Christian Widowhood Support? Ok, let's be real sisters... And I know we can be with one another as widows. When your person - who has always been there, and whom you may have discussed heaven and death with - actually crosses over, you become acquainted with mortality (and immortality) in a different way. You just do. It's no longer just sermons, verses in your journal or a Bible study discussion. The reality of death, of resurrection, of faith, and of gradually losing people until we, too, pass away has become much more front-of-mind. It's a gift, actually. Numbering our days and considering (or trying to find) the meaning and purpose we have now, in this season and going forward. That's why the words "Christian" and "widow" hold so much weight in the support we need as we navigate our grief, healing, and life still ahead. If we don't stay connected to the eternal truths and redemption of our faith in widowhood, we risk missing what actually comforts, what actually heals, what actually transforms us in the suffering. We risk missing it all. Unfortunately, what we find in "Christian" spaces as far as grief support can be seriously lacking in other areas, and sometimes even harmful to our process. It is so important to tap into support that specifically serves our unique needs and struggles- spiritually and tangibly. Support That Misses It - Two Extremes When you get thrown into the trenches of widowhood, you are often grasping for hand-holds of any kind. With time, the resources you discovered or connected with still may not be holistic, effective, or the best. There are a couple of ways the grief support pendulum can swing for widows, and we want to avoid being stuck on either end. The first is support that is clinical, but disconnected from faith . You may find grief education… but without the Spirit. Coping strategies… but no identity renewal in Christ. Support groups… but no anchoring in Biblical truth. While these can be helpful, they aren't the full picture. They also can't offer HOPE into the deepest and darkest places. By itself, these tools can't help you truly transform through a resurrecting, renewing power that we find in Christ. However, the other side of the pendulum is over-spiritualizing grief . Religious grief spaces can sometimes breed harmful religious platitudes like: “Just pray more.” “God is enough.” “You’ll see him again someday.” "Have faith." Another concern in accessing only faith based support is giving no credit or space in grief healing to other effective and researched methods. It can miss: The nervous system impact of trauma The need for structured grief recovery Christian widows need a balance, so that they have more than only heavenly knowledge or only earthly help. You need a path forward that includes both, and actually works. Christian widow support should be that. Here are a couple quick gems to look for (or add) in your existing widow support.💎 4 Things Christian Widow Support Should Include 1) A Safe Place to Be Honest (Known) Being known in your honest feelings in grief is necessary for processing, bringing emotions to completion, and ultimately, recovery. You cannot deeply heal without connecting to your wounds, and research even shows that empathetic witnesses to your pain bring deeper healing than you can achieve alone, outside relationships. How profound! Here's the thing, though. You also have to be safe to be truly known. Those empathetic grief companions must be healthy people for those deep, transformative healing experiences to occur You need space to be real, raw, and say aloud what feels really true (rather than only repeating the "truth" you "should" know is true). You aren't in grief spaces to meet expectations, please others or go through the motions. Do you have a place like this? Without someone correcting you too quickly? To be accepted and loved in the struggle? Where you can be fully transparent? Support must allow honesty before healing can take place. 2) A Proven Path Through Grief Seems silly to say, but if it doesn't work , it's not going to help . And contrary to the idea that grief is a place you may get lost in forever, there are proven paths forward in hope through the journey. While grief is an individual experience, there are also evidence-based tools (like The Grief Recovery Method, and vagus nerve regulation practices). And they matter enough to be an important part of your widowhood support as a Christian. The Lord has made our bodies, brains, the natural laws... and working with them helps us heal holistically. We also don't want to be derailed by grief myths or empty spiritualizing without tangible love and help. As believers, we want excellence and to honor God in our walk, and I believe Christian widows should want, and do deserve, these in their grief support. 3) Identity Renewal in Christ Widowhood can quietly become your primary, and limiting, identity. Not because you want it to, but because the pain can be scarring. Christian widow support should help you understand you are more than just a widow! Biblically, speaking, we are warrior brides of the King. While I can't unpack it in full here, I want to share with you that this is what the Lord says of His widows (yes, widows!). Widows are Khayil women of Valor. The Word also says we absolutely have a Husband - the LORD Himself. When we lost our earthly husband, we lost our reflection of our Husband the King. We lost the shadow... The LORD as our Husband is not a "shadow we're left with." There are eternal realities that are true right now, and one of them is that you are a bride! 4) Community That Truly Gets It There is something sacred about sitting with others who don’t need you to make it understandable to them. You don’t have to edit your grief. You don’t have to minimize your faith. You don’t have to explain the ache. The place I have found it most deeply is with other Christian widows, because they "get it," in a way no one else can. Here, we don't have to explain the unexplainable. They just know . And that is an incredibly powerful, comforting gift in widowhood support. How is Your Christian Widow Support? I hope this sheds some light and insight into what your support and healing might be missing- spiritually, physically, mentally, emotionally, and relationally. Are you deeply known and connected to safe, empathetic grief companions (especially other Christian widows)? Are you in need of real progress in grief, through proven tools? Have you resigned to being "just a widow" or to something else that shuts out hope, possibilities, and transformation? Is the Holy Spirit a powerful part of your walk? From one widow to another, I didn't rebuild my life from hopeless widow to the life I love now by accident. These intentional invested steps changed not just my future, but who I am. The Lord is doing it in you as well, sister! I am cheering you on. With you, Rachel PS- If you are looking for a place that incorporates all these aspects of Christian widow support, I invite you to join The HOPE Stronghold — my Christian widow support group rooted in Scripture, community, and a clear path forward. Inside, you’ll find: -Weekly live support -Other Christian widows who truly get it -Faith-centered guidance -Practical, proven steps forward -A place where you can be honest and still move toward HOPE If your heart is longing for the best Christian widow support — not surface-level encouragement, but real rebuilding — I would be honored to walk with you. You don’t have to widow alone anymore, sister. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widow Grief & Widow Guilt After Death Do you ever feel like you're stuck living in the past as a widow? You may have guilt or shame related to what happened before, or when, he passed away: Things that should (or shouldn't) have been said Things that were (or weren't) done Whether by you or by him... how it could have been different Or maybe you spend a lot of time thinking about the past and what you had... with the loss feeling like a heavy, painful weight. These things have a way of pulling you backward. You can get stuck in anger. In replaying. In trying to fix something that cannot be fixed. And when your connection to your husband is built on shame, pain, and fear., you can't be fully alive where you are, or move forward with purpose. I struggled with this after my late husband passed by suicide. I spent a lot of time in fantasy, trying to rewrite the story, and trying to come up with a different ending. It was my attempt to control something I desperately wanted to be different. I also was crushed by guilt and pain. We all know it's hard trying to navigate this loss. But often, we’re looking at our life through a rearview mirror. And if you stay emotionally anchored in painful memories, then joy, hope, and peace can feel out of reach... or lost forever. That is when we can know we've become stuck. Living in the Past Isn't Honoring Him Love does not mean staying stuck in grief, and honoring your husband does not equal living in the past. We honor our husbands through a connection of love, forgiveness, hope, and we take them and their memory forward with us as we keep living. Because heaven — and your late husband — are ahead of you! Not behind you. Sister, life is not found in the rearview mirror. Your connection to him is not built through guilt after death, but through eternal hope. How We See in Healthy Grief - Spiritual Eyes Through the Holy Spirit and God's word, we can see the past, present, and future rightly through biblical truth. Not through the stories we create in our heads. Not through the cycling thoughts that keep us circling the drain of dark grief. And not through the enemy's lies. Psalm 90:12 says: “Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom.” Let's gain some wisdom that helps us to widow well, and love our late husbands, with spiritual eyes. Widow Grief & Our Past, Present & Future 1) The Past — Choosing Freedom What ways do you look back and feel stuck in heavy, dark grief? Pain? Guilt? Shame? The past is real, and so very valid. It also cannot be changed. Despite all our internal wrestling, we cannot "fix" what happened. Here is the gospel truth about all the wrongs, the failures, and mistakes (on his part, yours, and anyone else's): They are all covered by the blood of Jesus. There is forgiveness. When we look back and the struggle or temptation toward guilt arises, we look to the cross. Yes — we can remember the past, and we can choose which memories we dwell on . We can choose the ones that fill us with hope, joy, life, and peace. And the ones that are shaming, dark, or fear-filled? We make a conscious decision not to play on the enemy’s playground. We rebuke lies. We rebuke shame. We rebuke fear. They are not how you stay connected to him. Widow guilt does not have to define your relationship to your late husband any longer. 2) The Present — God WITH You, Here Right now, we walk by faith and not by sight (darn it!). The present is the only place you can live; it's all we truly have. Trying to live anywhere else is an illusion, actually. The Lord walks with us right here in earthy time. Immanuel — God with us — now . You can shift your awareness from regret to the present, and His presence here. Sister, look for His goodness today, trust Him in the ordinary parts of your life, and choose fellowship with the Holy Spirit dwelling in you. "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the LORD in the land of the living ." -Psalm 27:13 That means your life here, now. Even in widow grief. 3) The Future — Your Husband Is Ahead of You One day, we will walk by sight... It will be a glorious day! All things will be made new. We will be with the Lord in true form, and with our late husbands as well. Widow sister, remember this: Your husband is ahead of you. Not behind you. When you are worshiping — when your eyes are fixed on Jesus — that is when you are most connected to those who have gone before you. They are doing the same. We are knitted together in the Spirit. Jeremiah 29:11 says the Lord has a hope and a future for you, even if widowhood feels like exile. There is a hope and a future given to you! Tap into your kingdom purpose that cannot be taken. You are not just counting down your days until you go to heaven. So live forward . Fight the good fight. Finish the race. Keep the faith. [2 Timothy 4:7, paraphrased] You Are Allowed to Move Forward Sister, the Lord has offered you a beautiful rebuilding. Now it's time to give yourself permission to keep living, with HOPE, joy and love. Anything that keeps you questioning whether it’s okay to move forward is keeping you stuck in the past. It is not healthy grief; it is your brokenness, and enemy leveraging it. Love is present with you now — and in your future. ahead. You aren't doing this alone. With you, Rachel If you are longing for faith-centered widow grief support and a place to process this with other Christian sisters who understand, we would love to walk with you inside The HOPE Stronghold community . It is a space built for exactly this — to help you live forward in truth and hope. See you there! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Church - the beloved body of Christ - is a Holy Spirit-filled body of disciples. While we long to be the hands and feet of Jesus to one another and the world, we continue to have gaps in areas that we are unaware of how to, or ill-equipped to, represent Him well. ➡️ Enter widows in the Church. ⬅️ There is a lot we could talk about here. Having been widowed myself, and now coming alongside many Christian widows through grief and faith-centered support, I have heard a lot of things... Like the time a youth pastor told me, very sincerely and right to my face (without intent to offend), that "Biblically speaking, widows are trouble-makers for church leadership. It's right in the New Testament." 😨🤦🏻‍♀️ I digress... What I want to focus on here is the (mis)understandings of Biblical roles related to widows, and why it is absolutely crucial that widows are empowered, as the Lord intends the Church to do, and does Himself. My fellow widow sisters in Christ know the weight, burdens, loneliness, and fears. They often know many of these questions, too: Who am I without my husband now? How do I lead all of this (life, parenting, etc.) by myself? How am I going to provide? Can I fill in what is missing from their father... Am I even supposed to? What is my purpose now? Is it even possible to do this well, with all the barriers of widowhood? Where do I fit here in the church, now? Do I have anything to offer anymore? So many fears, doubts, and insecurities about the place we find ourselves as Christian widows. Meanwhile, the Biblical roles of men and women, fathers and mothers are preached from the pulpit, and fill marriage and parenting classes. If you are widowed, you may have ached under the teachings... that likely never even mention widows like you. You may experience pity, or avoidance, but it's hard for them to know what to do with the messiness. (especially when the mess is primarily what they see). Perhaps you experienced something else... I know I am (heartbreakingly) not the only one who was removed from certain "roles" or positions in the church after becoming a widow, or who had male leadership step in to tell them explicitly the things they could, and could not, do as a widow in the church, and even as a Mom in their own home, or as a woman navigating her new life by herself. How should the Church respond to widows in the body? What does the Lord say, and show? Here's the thing. If leaders and the church community do not see and treat widows as equal, capable, and qualified... How are widows supposed to view themselves that way- as they are forced to step into new roles without their husband? If the body is more focused on their solutions/directives for widows "and their problems," than hearing from them, her God-given voice is taken or lost. God empowers widows in their widowhood. The Church needs to be a part of that work. The Problem: Disempowered and Disadvantaged Widows, especially younger ones, are more likely than their married counterparts to struggle with poverty, marginalization, and discrimination. It can be financial/career opportunities, social relationships, struggles with their own faith and identity... or many other issues. Within churches there can be even more confusion for us to find our new role and place... adding to the burden. Since Biblical roles can be interpreted and taught differently within particular denominations or churches, women's roles in relation to men before widowhood may be varied. The problem arises when the areas of submission and male authority in the church, and in the home, leave a widow at best, unprepared to lead her own life, home, and children and at worst, unallowed to. My experience as a new widow was also being treated as one who needed close "management" from male leaders. Trying to advocate for myself and make my own decisions was viewed as unsubmissive/uncooperative. I was told I could be relieved by friends on a weekday night to sit at a coffee shop with my Bible, but not to participate in worship practice in the same time frame (that "overflow ministry" ended for me at the death of my husband, they explained). Later, under counsel to "run, not walk" away from this church, my ability to "make that kind of decision at this time" to go to another church" was even questioned. In widowhood, when I was already wondering, "How do I do this life without my husband? How can I...?" The answer appeared very dismal. Based on the church's authority, it seemed I wasn't capable of doing or knowing much for myself at all, and I had four children in my care. It was a hopeless place to live in - believing I was severely lacking what was Biblically mandated in my life and family now (since my husband was dead), and looking at what I was experiencing in the church at that time as my new "covering." Becoming a widow is when a woman needs encouragement, reassurance, strengthening and empowerment the most, to know she can carry on, and trust the LORD to lead her. Other widows have shared their similar experiences with me. When widowed women are seen and treated as those without authority or influence, the result is: Feeling and staying stuck in being voiceless/powerless Children also experiencing the resulting limitations on their remaining parent The Church and world miss out on what incredible faith and Holy Spirit power widows have to offer If we are taught that we are not sufficient, in and of ourselves as a woman, to have autonomy in our lives, to have capable leadership in our homes, and to have gifts and strengths to bring - how are we to walk those things out as we navigate life alone as a widow? In essence, if we are not taught that every person is empowered by the Holy Spirit , equipped and strengthened to walk out what He calls us to in this life, we set women up to fail even more so in every area they become disadvantaged. The good news is that it does not have to be this way. God offers a beautiful reflection of the gospel, and His sufficiency, right here in the brokenness. Why Empowerment? God empowers widows - equipping them with authority and influence to lead their own lives, families, and futures. He remains the foundation for their identity and has plans to use them mightily in this world. This matters deeply for Christian widow support and how the Church walks alongside women after loss. Let me also be clear. I am not saying it is better for a woman to be without a man, or that there are not differing, biblical roles for genders. I am also not attacking male leadership, nor promoting "self"/independence above the community of the church. I am saying that we are often doing great damage with an extremely skewed view - where we have replaced the primary calling of men to love with the role to "lead," and the primary calling of women to love with the role to "submit." All sorts of dangerous and broken things happen. Empowerment is a gift of God to every believer with the Holy Spirit , and it is critical to understand how this plays out for women in faith, particularly. [ See previous blog posts for more on these topics ] What happens when we empower widows, and point them to their authority in Christ? Their identity is rooted first in Christ, not in their relationship to another person(s) They have security that the Lord's presence with them has not changed They have confidence that the Lord will provide to and through them They can trust that the Lord will fill in the gaps of the absence of a man They feel seen, validated and equipped by a supportive community They do not lose their calling, gifts, or abilities They participate in the movement and purpose of the Kingdom, just as other disadvantaged women in the Bible were chosen to do They grow in hearing, knowing and trusting the voice of the Holy Spirit to lead them (this is the foundation for every believer and therefore, for the Church as well) How To Empower Widows (& What to Expect as a Widow): 1) Consider Your Lens What you believe is biblical, and your interpretation of the role and place of women, is the lens by which you will view how the church supports you as a widow. After sitting under leadership that I believed was doctrinally sound for over a decade, I unfortunately experienced the place to which some of the views lead... the dark corners where spiritual abuse and manipulation hid in (and what's more, the victim blaming/backlash for speaking about what happened). If you are willing and open to digging a little deeper into the theology of the female role, I offer a few resources to listen to and read in this blog post. What we believe will absolutely have tangible outcomes in our lives as widows. It changes how we view God and His love for us, the roles and purpose He calls us to, our ability to widow well, and so much more. Make sure you are in a healthy faith community that supports you as a Holy Spirit-filled and empowered widow! 2) Affirm Widows God-Given Calling & Abilities Widows need safety and support - not just to struggle, but to grow . They need encouragement (verbally and tangibly) that the Lord is with them and is giving them the power they need to walk life out in faith. We're already doubting ourselves enough... We don't need a church family that breeds fear into our new lives as widows. Here are a few practical ideas for churches (and again sisters what to expect): Include her in communication and decision-making the way you do everyone else Value her input and her contributions Treat her with respect as the head of her home Encourage the good and the growth in her life Support her goals Treat her as equal (not less-than) Listen to her voice more than you focus on telling "what to do" Ask her what support is most helpful (and believe her) Honor her boundaries 3) Get Behind What God is Doing - Let Him Lead His Widow Brides I have previously offered this definition for Christian empowerment: An active, faith-driven partnership with God that embraces the autonomy and responsibility He gives every human, to walk in His purposes and power The foundation is that God Himself empowers every one of His children with the Holy Spirit. We each can speak to Him, hear from Him, and receive authority to live in faith, full of the Spirit. It is the essence of every believer, of the church, and of the process of making disciples. This is how we build up, in love, people who lead lives that reflect Jesus. Widows are no exception. We are His Brides, and we are in a unique season to turn to the Lord as our Husband as well. Trust the Lord and expect Him to guide widows; His warrior Brides. A Parting Blessing to You, Sister Widow sister, no one disqualifies you where God has qualified you. You are not too broken. You are not left behind or unusable in His Kingdom. If you are struggling or have left the church completely, I encourage you to believe that there are safe places with people who will empower you. They do still exist! The Lord is giving you all the authority and power you need as a widow, in every area of your life. He is guiding your way. With you, Rachel If you are longing for an empowering, faith-centered space created specifically for widows, The HOPE Stronghold virtual community was created for you! With weekly live calls, resources, connections and support, it is your place to be strengthened in your widowhood and your faith! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

If you’re a widow who feels stuck, like you’re surviving, or even "maintaining" and "functional" (but in a life you're not thrilled with) I want to give you this piece of empowerment: Healing is your primary work right now. Not optional. Not when things calm down. Not later. It is your first job in widowhood. I know that can feel heavy—especially when you didn’t choose this loss, this pain, or this responsibility. But healing changes your entire experience of grief, and also your entire future ahead. Why Your Brain Resists Making Healing the Priority In my own widowhood, I lived in fear and lack. I truly believed I didn’t have the resources to invest in myself. Everything felt uncertain and unstable. I didn't realize that my brain was trying to "protect me" from more harm... while keeping me trapped in what I hated. I remember being an early widow in the summer after my husband died by suicide. His identity had been stolen. I spent hours at the police station handling fraud, wearing his shirt, our rings around my neck in my deep grief. I was dangerously thin. Dehydrated. Not eating enough. I pulled into a smoothie shop that hot summer day after being at the police station for hours, again, about his identity theft, because my body needed something. But instead of giving myself nourishment, hydration, and honestly just something positive in all I was going through, I sat there crying, telling myself, “I can’t afford this anymore. I can’t.” That mindset — fear, lack, believing I couldn’t invest in myself — kept me stuck. Widows often say: “I don’t have the money.” “I don’t have the time.” “I can’t prioritize myself right now.” I said all of that too. And none of it helped me heal or move forward in HOPE. Surviving & Maintaining Are Not Healing Many widows confuse endurance or perseverance with healing. We keep going. We show up for our kids. We function. I believed pouring everything into my children was the most loving thing I could do. But the truth was unavoidable: As I crumbled physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually — that was still falling on them, and would continue to . Pain doesn’t disappear because you ignore it. It leaks into every part of your life. Grief, unfortunately, does not change with good intentions alone. It changes with intentional healing work as time passes. This is why widow grief support / widow grief counseling, and the right grief community / group.... matters! Not casually, but as an absolute priority. Deep Healing Should Not Be Optional Listen, sister. I felt the fears, heard the lies and said all the reasons I couldn't radically invest in my healing. I did it, too.... until two suicide attempts later. Here is the truth widows to face: You cannot afford not to heal. You don't need "more time." You don't need to just stay busy. You don't need to "just keep trusting God more." You don't need to "be ok with being alone." You need the right supports that have been proven to bring healing, with safe people. You need to choose to do it. Healing isn’t one area of life — it touches everything: How you feel each day How you parent How you make decisions How you move into the future When healing is delayed, everything else suffers. There is simply no getting around it. Why Healing Must Be Your #1 Job I’ve been a nurse for over 14 years, including ER, ICU and around surgery. If you don’t assess and treat the real wound, it doesn’t heal. It worsens. Grief works the same way. Ignoring it doesn’t make you strong. It deepens and spreads the damage. Healing requires: Intention Investment Proven, effective methods That’s why healing must become your primary focus — even though you didn’t choose this season. The Way Forward: Do the Work That Actually Works There are evidence-based ways to heal grief — and this is WONDERFUL NEWS! It means there are supports that actually move you forward through grief instead of staying stuck in the painful places forever. But they require this decision: 👉 My healing comes first. Not because it’s easy, or a one-time decision. But because your present life and your future depend on it, as your most important work in widowhood. A Gentle Invitation If you’re ready to get unstuck, move out of survival or "maintenance" modes, and to stop doing grief alone... here is your next step. Let's begin your healing with intention, support, and proven tools—I am here to guide you. I am also a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist, and I include this where needed in my Coaching. 👉 Learn more about one-on-one Coaching and schedule a consultation at https://hopespeaker.com/coaching ❤️You don’t have to figure this out alone anymore. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

You Don’t Have to Suffer Forever: A Widow Support Group That Helps You Heal If you’re searching for a widow support group because the passing of time hasn’t helped your grief the way you thought it would, I want you to know this first: You’re not not failing at grief- it was just a lie. If time healed grief, you wouldn’t still feel this way. Many widows go searching for a “widow support group near me” because they’re exhausted from carrying pain that hasn’t softened, alone. They’ve waited. They’ve endured. And they’re quietly wondering if this is just how life is now. Sister, it doesn’t have to be. When Widowhood Feels Like Not Really Living You may feel like you’re surviving- just barely making it. Or that you’re functioning, but not really living. You’ve learned how to live as a widow, but you’re not excited about life. Widowhood can seem like a fog you don’t know how to get out of… With the weight of grief still there. Maybe you’re struggling physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or financially—grabbing for something to hold onto. Or maybe you’re doing “okay” on the outside, but inside it feels like Groundhog Day with every day feeling the same (or harder!). Some widows start to wonder: Is this just the way life is now? Am I supposed to endure this until I die too? No. This is not how widows are doomed to live. Widows were not created just to survive. We were created to grieve, heal, and rebuild with HOPE and purpose! Why So Many Widows Feel Stuck in Grief Grief can show up in waves. It hits you out of nowhere. You cry at random moments. Or the weight is just always there. You feel knocked flat emotionally. You don’t feel like you’re showing up well—as a mom, at work, or even for yourself. Many widows have tried other solutions (that are myths): “Just give it more time” “Stay busy” “Have more faith” Some have tried therapy or other grief support for widows, but nothing seems to change in their heart and day to day life. Deep down, there’s quiet thoughts: “I still don’t want this life I have.” “I should be farther along by now.” And underneath that is the truth most widows are afraid to admit (because hope is scary): You don’t want to be this sad forever. You want a beautiful life you enjoy again. There are lies widows often believe—that grief this painful is permanent, that happiness is gone for good, or that healing means betrayal or letting go of love. None of that is true! Why Most Grief Support Doesn’t Heal the Heart Grief is emotional, not logical. And insight alone does not heal a broken heart. Here’s why many grief supports fail: They’re intellectual. Advice-based. Coping-focused. We’re taught to be strong. To move on. To not dwell on it. But grief requires more than understanding. Grief needs HOPE-filled, forward action. You don’t need more time. If time healed grief, it would have changed already. What matters is how the time passing is being used—and whether you’re intentionally investing in the healing you need and deserve. The Grief Recovery Method: A Proven Path Forward This is where the Grief Recovery Method comes in. It is the only evidence-based grief recovery program in the world , backed by research from Kent State University and peer-reviewed journals. Evidence-based means it’s not just comforting—it actually works. And that is a welcome relief in grief! This is a structured, action-based method that helps heal emotional pain by bringing things that were wounding to completion. It is not venting. It is not positive thinking. It is not suppression. Its core purpose is helping you deal with unfinished emotional business, which you are carrying like a backpack full of heavy rocks. That includes unspoken words, unmet hopes, and the future that never happened. And widows understand this deeply—because grief is layered. There’s the death. There’s your identity. Your dreams. Your sense of safety. Your future. This method is equipped to help handle all of it. What Healing Actually Looks Like for a Widow Healing does not mean forgetting. It does not mean losing love. Healing looks like: Breathing easier in your day-to-day life Thinking about your loved one without being emotionally wrecked Feeling present again Having emotional energy for life Showing up for your kids in a healthier way Feeling lighter Looking toward the future with hope again The pain is removed. The love and connection remain. A Widow Support Group That Is Structured, Safe, and Virtual As a Certified Grief Recovery Method Specialist, I lead virtual widow support groups that are structured, guided, confidential, and safe. This is not a drop-in group. We move through the program together weekly. You get to choose the loss or pain point you want to work on. And the process is not overwhelming or re-traumatizing. It’s steady. Supported. And intentional. If you’ve been looking for a support group for younger widows or a support group for widows nearby, but privacy, logistics, or emotional safety felt like barriers—my virtual groups allow you to heal from the comfort of your own home. What Other Grief Recovery Members Say “With the pain and sting of grief removed, breathing and living life is easier. This proven method will change your life.” -B.H. “It hit my heart. I could feel the pain release when I reached completion. I am free now.” -W.B. “After 45 years in ministry, this is the most impactful healing process I’ve ever experienced.” -T.P. *Please Note: The Grief Recovery Method (& my Grief Recovery Method groups) are for ANYONE wanting to work through the pain of grief - not just widows - & are not faith-based in content. My virtual community is for Christian widows, and my 1:1 coaching clients are most often Christian widows. If you would like my support, please reach out at the email at the bottom of the blog.* Why I Walk This With You I didn't do this just to be certified and equipped. Sister, I’ve been widowed. I’ve been so low in widowhood that I attempted suicide. I’ve gone from hopelessness to freedom and joy again. I’ve walked this road. I get it. And after years of therapy, groups, books, podcasts, retreats, and conferences, I still found that there were levels of pain this method healed that nothing else did. I have also seen it change lives. That’s why I share it with confidence. My Invitation Forward Time alone doesn’t heal grief. Talking without action (the right action) doesn’t either. Without completion, grief stays open. It stays heavy. It stays painful. This method works because it gives grief a path forward. It replaces suffering with choice. If you’re tired of widowing alone, you don’t have to anymore. If you’re lost in the struggle, there is a path forward. I invite you to join one of my virtual Grief Recovery Method groups. All that’s required is readiness—your willingness to invest and take the first step. Healing is possible, sister. You don’t have to suffer forever. And I’d be honored to walk this with you. 👉 Reach out at connect@hopespeaker.com to join an upcoming virtual group. Your story is not over. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!