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"I honestly don't know what to do, or how to navigate this..." "I feel stuck in grief..." When we become widows, we can feel lost in a new life we never wanted. While all of us will experience grief in our own way, healthy grieving, healing, and rebuilding our lives anew isn't something every widow ends up doing, unfortunately. Grief is not a linear process, but the journey does have common pitfalls, and common steps (yes I said the "s" word). Don't let the word "steps" in the grief process turn you away; your widowhood loss and journey are still very much unique, and this isn't about packaging things into a black and white box. But breaking down our journey into "steps" of grieving, healing, and rebuilding gives us a framework to talk about safe, healthy grief that has forward movement and doesn't circle the drain of darkness. This three week series is designed to help you along the way. Let's go, sister. 💔❤️‍🩹❤️ I thought I was grieving "normally" after losing my husband (if there was such a thing). I cried. I wailed. I stared off in numb disbelief. I checked the boxes that I had to: do the funeral, get the death certificate, keep getting out of bed for my kids. But when I became so low that I attempted suicide myself, I began to realize I had fallen into a dark hole in my grief journey, somewhere. Maybe this level of devastation wasn't "normal," or at least, certainly wasn't healthy. I didn't know what healthy grieving actually looked like. In my survival, it turned out I was stuck in a dark place from early in the process. Hopelessness isn't the only way we can get derailed- it can look like other things, too. And we're digging into it this week as Part 1 of our grief process: Accepting our new reality, and truly grieving in a healthy way. It's so important because it can change the course of our journey! Let's briefly chat about what that means. Grief Pitfalls: Getting Stuck & Bypassing I know it seems so obvious that it's almost laughable, but if the first step in the grief journey is acceptance and actually grieving our losses, the truth is... We're terrible at doing it! Real, healthy grief is something many try to skip altogether, or get stuck in. Both of these have massive impacts on and implications for our grief journey, and our future. 1) Getting Stuck in the Pain This is what I did in my early grief experience. Sometimes widows feel trapped in grief and loss because we set up camp in the valley of the shadow of death... and live there instead of walking through it with the Lord. We can feel so overwhelmed with despair that we make pain our home, and don't realize there is a better journey of grief available to us. We believe that we died when they died, and when we hold to this, we don't just experience death—we embody it. The result of this pitfall is living a life that feels pretty much over, done, and miserable. It is devoid of hope, abundance or future dreams. It comes out in how we speak and how we feel in our widowhood days. Even though we hate it, we may not realize what we're doing, or don't know how to get out. Sometimes it's because we think that staying in pain honors who and what we've lost. But it actually robs you of the healing and rebuilding God has for you (the next steps in this blog series-stay tuned!). While authentic grief is valuable, so is its forward movement . In healthy grief, we have both. 2) Bypassing Our Losses Another pitfall is when we rush past grief because it's, obviously, painful. The losses feel too great to face. Perhaps, our underlying beliefs ("I am abandoned/unworthy" or "Life is now purposeless/hopeless," etc.) are too much to connect with. We may try to numb or distract ourselves from it—maybe with alcohol, drugs, shopping, food, a relationship(s), sex, or just keeping too busy to feel. Numerous addictions and dysfunctions can surface in widowhood as we attempt to find comfort and relief. Another way we bypass or avoid the grief process is by denial, or dissociating from it entirely. In this case, a person avoids feeling, thinking, or talking about their loss(es) altogether. Perhaps we bypass just because we're trying to survive, keep our kids afloat, or not upset others with our grief process. As I talk to other widows, I hear these common themes: “I have to be strong.” "I can't go there." “I don’t want to burden others.” "Being sad won't change it anyway." In a variety of ways, we give no notice, attention, or time to our bleeding hearts. But by skipping the first step in the journey through grief, we don't actually "jump" to the other side like we may think. Limits in grief are good, but trying to bypass the pain of widowhood will only get you trapped in grief. 2) Doing Both Oftentimes we vacillate in our widowhood grief and do a bit of both- bypassing and getting stuck (I did). It's part of our human nature to try to escape, and comfort ourselves with the wrong things, and it's the tendency of some to become ensnared in overwhelming pain and loss. And sister, if you’re feeling hopeless, lost, or think you "got over it" without feeling anything—if either of these pitfalls rings true for you—you might be stuck in this very first step. Here’s what you need to know: You can’t move forward into your life and healing if you haven’t truly felt and accepted your losses. True, Healthy Grieving Now that we know how we avoid it, let's briefly talk about what it means to actually grieve in a healthy way . Authentic grief is not finding the fastest, easiest way through. It’s also not "getting over it." It’s looking at the reality of what you’ve lost—and letting it break your heart . Yes, it hurts, takes time, and is terrifying. AND, it’s the bravest thing you’ll ever do. Because an open, broken heart can be healed (festering wounds cannot). Until you face your new reality—both inwardly (what your heart actually feels) and outwardly (what your life now looks like)—you can’t step into healing or rebuilding. When I say, "let it break your heart," it isn’t about wallowing and getting stuck, remember. It's about genuinely acknowledging and feeling the loss of your husband. Because even if you can't sense it, the reality you are accepting does contain HOPE! This is about telling yourself the truth so God can begin to do something with it. Grief doesn’t mean you’re broken. It means you loved and lost. And the only way out… is through. Healthy, Authentic Grief How do you genuinely acknowledge and feel your grief experiences as a widow? Just start with one honest moment... then string more of them together. It may seem trite, but it's a healthy way of experiencing it, and bringing the Lord into it with you! Here’s how it can look in a wave of grief: Feel what you feel. Where is it in your body, and how would you describe it, physically? Allow yourself to sit and feel it (know it's going to come and go, it will pass). Now, what would you call it? Anger? Numbness? Jealousy? Relief? Sadness? Associate the bodily feeling to the emotion you've chosen. All of them (there's more than one) are ok, and all of them belong. Name what you’re thinking. This can be hard, but try to hold open space for the raw thoughts your brain is offering you. What are you honestly believing? Say them out loud or write them down in a journal. “I don’t know who I am anymore.” “I don't know how to do this life without them.” “I feel like I’m going crazy.” Be honest with God, and invite Him into it with you. He can handle you unfiltered. He already knows and loves you, so include Him into the process. Ask Him to show you where He is with you, and allow the Spirit in you to humble receive what He has to give you, show you or tell you. It will feel messy and hard—that’s where healing begins. We’ll talk about the next steps, healing and rebuilding, in the next two weeks, but for now: Just be here. You and the Lord. Opening your honest, broken heart to Him is the first, holy step. The Bravery of Authentic Grief... & Authentic Hope There was a moment, deep in my grief, when I realized I wasn’t just "still very sad"—I was stuck. Despair had settled in so deeply, I didn’t even know how to part from it. One night, sitting in the silence after my kids were in bed, I whispered a truth I’d been too afraid to admit: “God, I still want a beautiful life.” It was an honest cry. I didn’t want to stay in the darkness forever. I wanted to laugh again, love again, dream again. And in that moment, I sensed His presence and invitation to move toward it together. I was open to change. That was a beginning for me... trusting that great beauty and joy could still grow from broken places. It can for you, too. With you, Rachel "...Sisters [in Christ]... you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope." -1 Thess. 4:13 Christian widows grieve differently- we grieve with HOPE ! If you are wondering what difference it makes to walk widowhood together with other widows who love Jesus, I will tell you it makes all the difference in the world, because His HOPE gives us an entirely different identity and trajectory! If you are ready to find a community of Christian widows to walk that out with you, you've found a safe space. We truly get it, and are connecting, encouraging and praying together as we move forward in HOPE. Join us in The HOPE Stronghold . You don't need to do this alone anymore. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops and for weekly encouragement!

The Weight of Widowhood Loneliness Loneliness after losing your husband is more than just an empty house or quiet nights—it’s the aching feeling that you are now living in a world void of your person, that no one truly sees you, or that you're lost in a world that keeps moving on without you. The silence can be deafening, making you wonder, "Is this just how life will be now?" Death is an enemy, and navigating after this kind of loss feels lonely because, well, they are gone ... And we hate that they aren't coming back. There are also the critical elements of lost companionship, intimacy, and being deeply known. Where you once had someone who knew your mind from a look across the room, there is now emptiness. There are no texts, no one to talk about your heart to... and the person you need comfort from the most is the one you're grieving. This is likely why, in recent responses from 100 widows, "loneliness" came out on top as one of the leading challenges/frustrations. But what if our experience of loneliness did not have to translate into "I Am Alone," now or for the rest of our life? I want to give you hope (learned from my own widowhood walk with Jesus): this season of solitude can become a doorway into renewed identity and purpose, as well as intimacy with Christ. Lonely vs. Alone: Understanding the Difference Feeling lonely after loss can make you believe you are trapped in aloneness, but understanding the difference can equip you to rebuild a meaningful, hope-filled life with confidence, purpose, and yes, deep connection(s). Being utterly alone is a "fact" statement- a belief of what is true . Namely, that " I am alone ." Intense feelings of loneliness, on the other hand, are about what feels true : " I feel so alone . The difference is key, because something may feel so incredibly real and true... but it doesn't mean it is truth. We know from the Bible that believing truth vs. lies is even a spiritual issue. And psychology shows the impact that our thoughts (beliefs) have on us- they tie right into the feelings we feel. And here's the kicker: our thoughts and feelings create our actions (habits) which create the reality, the life, we're living. Can you see the implication for widowhood? It means that as long as we hold to the thought/belief of "I am alone" (even though it is not true), we feed more into the experience of being alone . Now, we must validate our painful experience of loneliness in widowhood, which is very real and very raw. Losing our companion, of being misunderstood in our grief by others, and of having to endure our days without them - in a way no one else comprehends - can be devastating. This unwelcomed solitude of being lonely is a circumstantial and emotional burden that we are forced to navigate in our widowhood grief. It is a heavy feeling, and a painful one. In contrast, the deep belief (and identity shift) of "I am Alone" is different from felt loneliness. It is a dark lie that sinks like an arrow into the heart, and can be very difficult to remove the longer we nurse its poisonous message. It works its way out through our actions and choices (through withdrawing, isolating, fearing connection, etc.) and becomes the life we create for ourselves going forward. Recognizing this difference is crucial . Many of us have been surrounded by people and have still felt lonely. Conversely, there are moments when we’re physically alone but at peace, being deeply connected to ourselves and to the Lord. The shift begins with how we see and what we believe about ourselves - our own identity. And this reality opens a door of hope for widows to move from "I Am Alone" to the more bearable and formable, "I feel so lonely right now." We may begin to grasp that how it is right now is not our forever reality. Your identity was never solely in being the wife of your husband. While deeply meaningful, it was never the sum of who you are. The truth is, your value and purpose were never dependent on another person being in your life, or on receiving it from them, specifically. You are still alive, still a treasure... and you have so much capacity for love (not just romantically, but it could be that), connection, healing and purpose! And though it may not feel like it right now, you have the strength and the power to rebuild a richly meaningful future as you engage the deep mind, heart and soul work of managing your thoughts and beliefs. Let's talk about 3 ways to step into that change... 3 Key Steps to Freedom from "I am Alone" 1) Rebuke Lies Jesus said in John 8:44 that "When [the devil] lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies." On the contrary, Jesus said, “I am... the truth” (John 14:6), and the Holy Spirit is named “the Spirit of truth” (John 14:17). Hebrews 6:18, says that “it is impossible for God to lie.” Our feelings of loneliness can be met with compassion and comfort, but the lie of "I am alone" needs to be rebuked. In scripture, God himself responds this way. Renouncing a lie is declaring it to be false and breaking up with it, and it's hold over you. Do not coddle or hold "I am alone" as a weighted blanket you pull over yourself in the fetal position of hopelessness. Reject it. I encourage you to do so out loud: "I rebuke and renounce the lie of 'I am alone,' and I call it unfamiliar to me. I will not allow its hold over my mind, heart and soul any longer, in the name and by the blood of Jesus." You have never been alone, before or in widowhood. God has been with you in every tear, every question, every moment of doubt. And no matter who passes on before you, you are not lost or separated from God. Hope is not lost. You are empowered to move forward, not because you have to “get over” your grief or because your pain is invalidated, but because you were created for more than just surviving in the burden and blindness of lies. 2) Sink Your Roots Deeper Into Your True Identity Speaking Biblically, we are not often called only to "say no" to things (in this instance, believing lies) only. We are given deeper, richer and more fulfilling things to hold onto and take its place instead (in this case, glorious truth!) . So we don't stop at rebuking the lie, we are to go deeper into the richness of the truth of our true identity. Grief has a way of shaking who we are and everything we thought we knew. When your world is shattered by loss, you may feel like a part of you died with your loved one. But as we mentioned, your identity has never been defined by another human being. That means that you, your life and your hope, have not died or been lost. The most freeing (although incredibly difficult) realization you can embrace as a widow is that no one—apart from Jesus—is coming to “save” you. Though it sounds terrible, it's not a bad thing; it’s actually liberating. It's you and Jesus, primarily. It always has been, and always will be, because He cannot be taken from you, you cannot be taken from Him, and you are never alone. When you begin to find yourself as wholly in and with Christ (on an experiential level), rather than permanently alone without your spouse, the fear of loneliness lessens its grip. Here are just a couple truths to renew your widow identity as "One Who is Never Alone": "And be sure of this: I am with you always ..." -Mt. 28:20 "For your Maker is your husband , The LORD of hosts is His name..." -Is. 54:5 " the LORD will hold me close ." -Ps. 27:10 We receive them with a "Yes" and "Amen!" 3) Cultivate Connections with Purpose Loneliness often convinces us that no one understands (and unless you have close widow friends, there aren't often those around us who do). But believing the lie that we are all alone (and often the resulting isolation and withdrawal on our part) deepens our pain. Connection and relationship, however, can be a lifeline—especially when it’s rooted in shared experience and purpose. It is critical that they are safe, empathetic relationships with those able to companion us in our grief (so we can be real), and also ones that help us on the trajectory of hope and forward movement in our grief. Here are some ways to cultivate these meaningful relationships: Join a local grief support group or a widow’s group if possible (Christian connections will be rooted in your shared values and Holy Spirit power!) Volunteer to support others who are also grieving—sometimes, purpose is found in serving Schedule regular check-ins with trusted friends who uplift and encourage you Hold on to the faithful few who are empathetic and consistently walking with you Be open to growing your confidence in making new connections and relationships. You are a powerful widow who can rebuild beautiful things in a new life, not a victim! PS- If you are ready to go deeper in building these meaningful relationships, I want to offer you an invitation to my most precious widow community. The HOPE Stronghold is a private virtual group of Christian widows to deepen their faith and relationships with other widows who love Jesus.👭 If you want to connect, pray and grow with widow sisters who "get it," we are on the journey to grieve, heal and rebuild with HOPE! 💞 You can join us HERE. You Are Not Trapped In "I Am Alone"—You Are Free Sister, as I end, let me gently remind you: The loneliness you feel right now is not a life sentence. It is a season (albeit one that feels awful!), and seasons change. The pain of loss will always be a part of your story, but it does not have to define your identity and your future . You have the power to build a life that feels full and meaningful—not because you forget who you lost, but because you remember who you are. You are loved. You are seen. And you are never, ever alone. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

I am in gratitude to Dr. Betsy Guerra for her wisdom and insights included into this week's blog.❤️‍🔥 The Search for Happiness... We all have hunger in our souls... for joy , peace , and hope . And, when we are suffering, for relief of pain . In every season of life, we search for the experiential answers: “When will I find happiness that lasts?” “When will I have peace and rest?” “When will my life just be... good (or good again)?” We work, we wait, we strive—believing that when we finally achieve that goal, find/fix that relationship, or escape this season of suffering, we’ll have what we’re longing for. While we may have seasons where we can take hold of these things, they don't last forever. Perhaps we are hit with tragedy. Our person dies. Suicide becomes a real struggle. We are spiritually (or otherwise) abused. Our dreams shatter. Life doesn’t unfold how we thought it would. And then, hope begins to feel impossible, peace seems out of reach, and joy feels like a cruel joke. The struggles continue, and we need relief... again. Because the problem is, we are all on the search to find fulfillment from circumstances outside of us... and that is why it is an endless search. When we believe that happiness, security, etc. can only come from something or someone outside of us, we will live in constant lack. We have created our own ball and chain of dependence on a source that will always fail us or that we will end up losing. And here's an important side note for my fellow grievers and sufferers: this is no minimization or shaming of pain! Of course your wounds and losses are devastating- and should be! There is heartache in the human experience. But… What if we could have hope, joy, peace and relief in the life we're living—right now? It is still what our (broken) hearts long for, isn't it? Drawing From the Source: Abundance If we are dependent on HAVING [fill in the blank] before we can BE [peaceful, joyful, filled with hope, in less pain], then we are setting ourselves up for endless lack. The irony is that it’s the other way around: We must BE before we will ever truly HAVE. And the astounding truth? You already are! Because in Christ, we have full oneness with God Himself, and access to His abundance in the Holy Spirit. The hope, joy, and peace you’re searching for are not found in solving any of the circumstantial problems (of which there are many). We don’t need more achievements, possessions, or even people to be whole. They’re found in connection—your connection to God, the true source of all you need. Our only true problem? We’ve lost our way home. Disconnection from the source appears in our life as all of the other "problems" we are trying to solve. What we need is to return to the One who makes us whole. Our only true solution is simply to come home- to return to Him, our abundance. From this place of being—of reconnecting with God— we can actually enjoy life’s blessings without being dependent on them for meaning and happiness . It is also a place from where we can find a real way forward into deeper healing and growth from our grief and loss. So how do we do that? How do we shift from chasing peace to living in it? Let’s talk about some practical steps. Living (and Healing) from Abundance 1. Come Back Home to God Your truest home is oneness with God. And the good news? You are never far from Him. So "coming back" simply involves the turning of our heart (not a list of things to do). In Christ, you are already in perfect standing with God. There is no striving, no groveling, no proving yourself worthy of His love. He is always waiting with open arms. Take a moment to pause. Is anything in the way of going even deeper and nearer? Ask the Holy Spirit to reveal anything you need to release—pain, unforgiveness, false beliefs, or wounds that need healing from Him. And please know: there is no shame here (shame is not from God). This is not about “clawing your way back” to God. It’s about surrender—laying your burdens down and resting in His presence. You are warmly welcomed into this starting place of healing. 2. Believe That You Already Have Everything You Need Your beliefs are the beginning to everything in your lived experience. Still, believing you have all you need is so hard, especially when life is the most challenging. Pain and suffering make us feel like we are victims—like we need the circumstances to change before we can be okay. Plus, we get defensive about our pain, as though someone is trying to minimize it. Your pain and your needs are valid . But here’s the challenge: Resist the urge to believe things have to “look a certain way” before you can be at peace (I’ll be honest—this is something I have to remind myself of, ongoing). This doesn't mean your desires are wrong, or that God is against your dreams. But when you live as though your peace depends on them, you’ll always feel empty. What if you could experience peace and joy right now, regardless of circumstances? That’s the freedom found in Christ. Let go of the ball and chain. Every human, in various challenges on this planet, is able to have abundant life in the Lord as they navigate the struggles of life. 3. Rebuke the Lies Keeping You Stuck This has been one of the biggest battles in my personal journey—learning to stand in my authority in Christ and reject the lies that try to pull me back into despair. As an Enneagram 4 (translation: deep feeler, very familiar with grief), I know what it’s like to sit in pain. And while self-awareness and authenticity are good, creating an identity out of pain is dangerous. For years, I let my suffering define me. It fed my despair, intensified my struggles, and nearly drowned me in hopelessness. But then I learned something life-changing: agreeing with the thoughts that weren't actually true was partnering with the enemy... and I can walk through my grief with Him, or I can repeatedly take God's hand, instead. When old, familiar lies creep in—thoughts of hopelessness, self-pity, or despair—rebuke them. Don’t coddle, entertain, or empathize with them. Don’t let them take root. And if you need permission to get aggressive here, let me say this: The enemy is the one place you can use all your bad words. Seriously. Tell him to get out. 4. Start Living Like the Person You Already Are - Abundant You already have hope, peace, and joy in Christ. You have Holy Spirit power for endurance and perseverance in suffering. You have authority to rebuke the enemy and power to rebuild a beautiful life. Can you fathom that reality? Let your life reflect it; rather than waiting to have the right circumstances before you become the person God created you to be. Let your identity—not your circumstances—determine your choices, words, and outlook. In my darkest season of widowhood, the Lord gave me the theme that has carried me for years: Acceptance-With-Joy. At first my response was, "Really?! Are you kidding me? Right HERE?!" But it became a part of my new life and new identity, despite all I've been through. Start speaking life over yourself, friend. Start making decisions from a place of abundance, not lack. Start stepping into the fullness of who God says you are. When you do this, you’ll realize something incredible: The joy, peace, and hope you were searching for were inside you all along... Come back home, to Oneness with God that is always available to you. Final Thoughts: Your Hope Starts Here You don’t have to wait for life to get “better” before you can live fully. You don’t have to chase joy, peace, or hope. You already have them in Christ. Now, it’s time to step into that reality—right here, right now. It IS possible, and I have walked through it- from suicide attempts to an abundant (not perfect) life. If this resonates with you and you’re looking for deeper support, and transformation, I’d love to walk alongside you! Become a Founding Member of The HOPE Stronghold Membership, and get connected to community and a path to success. You can get on the list by subscribing to the blog (instructions below), and I will update you when The HOPE Stronghold Membership opens! Stay tuned—hope is closer than you think. I also have openings for 1:1 Coaching to help you navigate healing and rebuilding your life, if you are ready to get out of the suffocating grasp of grief, despair and loneliness. Reach out here: Connect@hopespeaker.com With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Why Is "Being Strong" The Default When We Are Broken? Survival instincts and "survival mode," as we often call it, exist for a reason. In life, seasons of suffering - trauma, abuse, death of loved ones, diagnosis of a disease, financial hardships, ongoing stress, etc. - bring us to "just trying to make it through the day." These circumstances necessitate survival mode, both in our body's physiological changes (to perform through intense stress), as well as in all the ways we have to cope with the losses. We become battle hardened. We become fighters, soldiers... survivors. This is the conflict that those in deep pain walk out daily: How can I be the strongest I've ever been (and keep walking through this suffering) when I am the weakest I've ever been (and feel like I can't do it anymore)? Unfortunately, nearly everything else (both in and around us) feeds into this same way of thinking when we are suffering. Internal Pressures When our mental and emotional pain becomes intense and prolonged, it is often too overwhelming (and we have few resources and other people who can help us navigate this well). We protect ourselves from feeling by numbing, medicating, dissociating, or being in denial. It can lead us to seek relief by various means: addictions, hardening ourselves from feeling, isolating from others, or even by soldiering forward as "the strong one." 🙋 The problem is, pain continues to build as the wounds fester under the surface, and it drives problem behaviors and brokenness that won't heal until the hurts are faced. External Pressures The voices of culture, family, friends, and acquaintances, though well-meaning, often speak idolatrous words. Words of the supremacy of "strength over weakness," powering through, overcoming... while people also wave banners of positivity and gratitude over our bleeding hearts. Unfortunately this typically starts long before we've actually come to terms with our losses and grieved them. Few are willing to join us there. Their platitudes do not apply pressure to our wounds, but instead they cover our mouths (which are often trying to speak grief as the language that it is). These "motivational" sounds bites can be: "Everything happens for a reason." "At least......[fill in the blank]" "Suck it up and keep going. You've got this." "People die. That's life." "Isn't it time you move on?" "Be strong," were some of the only words a friend spoke to me within a matter of weeks from losing my husband by suicide. I stood dumbfounded at my door with swollen eyes, wearing one of his shirts, and with his wedding ring on a chain around my neck. I didn't invite her in to stay. Another reason we put our walls up is toxic positivity. While it's a culturally "hip" phrase that is thrown around often these days, I want to define it here: "Toxic positivity is the practice of expecting people to maintain a positive attitude or mindset regardless of their circumstances or emotions." And through a megaphone, hear me say: That is not human! Also, suffering is a key time we should NOT try to be superhuman. Unfortunately, the church is often not a safe place to hide from the pressure (er, "encouragements") to clean up our mess and stay out of the "darkness." Or, we at least only get a certain amount of time that is deemed "appropriate" to struggle in any particular way. Most common is the judgements people make as they watch.... with their hearts at a distance. We can even have opportunities taken from us that are life-giving based on the judgement of leaders or others who deem us no longer "fit" for service. This is a punishment to those suffering and exacerbates the pressure to "keep it together" to order to belong and participate in the body. Faith verbiage that misses compassion comes from those who can't grieve with you, and sounds like: "God works all things for good..." "Give thanks in all things!" "God needed another angel" "Remember, God is positive" It is not only that these things are ridiculous to say to someone carrying great pain, but they reveal the lack of empathy. The person hasn't connected at with/has forgotten what it would be like to be standing in your shoes... as evidenced by the things like these they are saying. It often reveals they way they themselves are coping with their own pain. Here's a helpful hint: sufferers are most likely to be able to hear hard/true things they may benefit from considering from those who empathize with them . If you haven't felt the pain, cried or mourned with them... it's probably not you. A Healing Reality God is a suffering God. The Bible describes Him as grieving, weeping, comforting mourners, and coming alongside sufferers - to the point of easing their burdens and experiencing suffering Himself. He doesn't put it on a timeline. He lived human struggles and He is not afraid of our mess or our journey. We are called to follow His example. Rather than pushing our own ideas, agendas, and time frames on others, may we truly contemplate being in their shoes. If we are able to authentically say, "I have no idea..." we are closer to actually getting it. Humility makes us safe companions for sufferers. The moral of the story is this: while we can be thankful for the things that help us stay alive and get through for a season, we can't take survival mode as a new way of living... which we so often do. Why We Lose The War With This Mentality While we shouldn't be hard on ourselves for the things we did we did to survive ( enter abundant grace, y'all ), it is also detrimental to our healing and growth to try to "power through" the entirety of our suffering. Impact On Our Health Our body and brain develop loops and patterned ruts that are not only harmful to our overall health, but become increasingly difficult to get out of. Constant stress leads to things like adrenal fatigue, stomach ulcers, anxiety, chronic illnesses, and more. In our attempt to soldier forward and "keep going" in unsustainable patterns, the panic grows, and ultimately, our pain increases. My Lightbulb Moment I was nearly four years into widowhood, carrying the all the needs of my struggling four children. The first few years were intensely dark; I was literally trying to keep myself and one of my children from dying by suicide ourselves. A bit farther down the road, however, I couldn't stop the "go mode" I found myself in. The weight was still so heavy, and I was overburdened but convinced that "this is just how life is now." I remember taking the children to school (my driving had long ago turned into an offensive sport, trying to get four children all the places, in not enough time, by myself), and I realized I had a couple hour window without a task on the calendar. This was extremely rare, as I had very little "free" time. I immediately pulled up my long "To-Do List." What on the list could I get done? I remember feeling panicky as I mapped out a course of stops around town and what I could try to get off my plate before the next calendar event. My second husband-to-be called me at that time (he lived in another state), and when he discovered my time window and the stressful running I was about to embark on, he asked, "Why in the world would you do that right now? You never have any time to yourself. Can you just rest? Find a peaceful place? Have time for something you would enjoy?" I'll never forget that moment. His words, "time for yourself... rest... peaceful... enjoy," seemed to seep deeper into my bones and into my brain. I realized - quite shocked, actually - that four years of living hell later, there were ways I was still doing it in a panic where I didn't need to be . I was so used to stress and chaos and misery that I was missing where I actually could step out of it. In fact, I would be right next to some of those errands later in the week (and with a more efficient opportunity to get them done), but I was about to run the only down time I had away in a needless frenzy. My default was still to keep everyone alive; to keep it all from falling apart. You see, I was still trying to survive. And I had long since lost myself in it. As previously mentioned, we are also surrounded by voices that keep us in "moving on" mode. The bigger issue is that we don't realize there is a gentler and better way, and that we can choose not to surround ourselves with these same voices and same people. The Vicious Cycle... And It's End Point Press on. Give more. Keep going. Don't Stop Pushed past our own limitations and in overwhelm, we collapse. Then the shame hits. We are a failure. Due to the needs around us and the internal and external pressures discussed previously, we clean ourselves up as much as we can to be presentable to others. You see, without safe people and places, we can't show how broken we still are . We jump back into the cycle of trying to manage it, never really getting to the deeper healing. This cycle ultimately keeps us helpless, hopeless, and disempowered. How To Win The War The answer lies in learning to be softer with ourselves, rather than becoming bulletproof. Though we would prefer complete relief from suffering, the only way through that leads to healing is honestly naming and feeling your heartache. Safe connection/witnesses with you in your pain are also key to growing rather than becoming crippled. Can you accept your humanity? You are imperfect, and limited... especially right now in the midst of the struggle. Is that ok? It is! Actually, it must be for you to get through . Another key is to lay down the panic, the defenses, and the fears, and dare to dream . Dare to reimagine your future and find purpose in the "new" you are rebuilding . You have a lot more power to do things that bring you life, even in the midst of darkness, than you may realize. In the first (and worst) years after Andre's death, in the midst of doing nothing but surviving with the children, I would have a yearly get away to the warm ocean. I can't even describe what it did for me. I was so low that I felt cold in my soul as well as my body. Going there warmed me all over and through. It brought me hope and peace and joy I was out of touch with for so long. I had the help of people to get there. And it was SO worth it! If your life wasn't over (because it's not), what would you want it to look like? Probably less like a war zone, and more like coming home. You can create that place, and you are creating a new you. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Slide Into Crisis Everyone starts believing it will never happen to them. From childlike innocence and zest for life, to the ambitions and dreams we develop, we all start with the inability to relate to wanting life to end, let alone acting on it. But somewhere along the way, we experience things like suffering, trauma and pain. Whether it is tragedy, or just the process of aging into the overwhelm and exhaustion that life can bring, we find ourselves feeling burned out, powerless to change things in our lives, or even hopeless. It is in this place without hope that we go from a person who would "never do that," to feeling like "I just can't do this anymore"... perhaps even to battling thoughts of suicide. We know it is not only happening, but growing- everywhere. Global statistics show someone dies by suicide every 43 seconds- which is 740,000 deaths annually. And the number of attempts each year is even higher. Still, when we begin the downward spiral, it may be hard to recognize it, and it can look different on the outside (or not be outwardly shown). But inside, there may be feelings of numbness, anger, or sadness which become overwhelming. We may or may not have a diagnosis like depression or anxiety, but we still may experience them. At some point, the thoughts of ending our life can enter in. It's also hard to be honest with ourselves (we deny, minimize or ignore), and even harder to be honest with other people. The fear of judgment, the stigma, or the potential repercussions of opening up might be holding you back. You might feel that no one is safe to confide in, leaving you isolated in your pain.​ At some point, the journey of life may feel insurmountable. And we need to recognize this is actually a very common, and very dangerous, human experience. Reaching Out Before the Crisis Peaks The suicidal progression is: Thinking about it Contemplation of the idea It becomes an actual possibility It is a potential solution It is our only way out/option Entertaining suicidal thoughts may lead to either ongoing planning, or only acted on impulsively. But studies show the acute crisis period where suicide is attempted is often only minutes or hours long. While the struggle may be ongoing, few periods of acute crisis last more than a full day. In this time frame (speaking from personal experience of my own attempts), you are not in your right mind. During one of my attempts, my entire body was shaking uncontrollably, my heart was pounding (to the point of hearing it in my ears), and I was vomiting in distress at my suicide site. Although my mind was disconnected, set on what I was going to do to end my pain, it was like my body, in a very primal survival way, knew- and didn't want to die. I was out of my own mind. What we do before this intense, brief crisis is critical. Because in moments of intense suicidal distress, our ability to make clear decisions diminishes, and the risk of irreversible actions increases. It's crucial to understand that help is within your grasp, and it's best to seek it before reaching a full-blown place where suicide attempts are made. Now , before you are inches or moments from suicide, is the time to grab hold of the lifelines available to you.​ Remember, you are worth whatever it takes to stay alive: any and all time, money, effort, or other resources invested in your safety and healing. Your life is precious, and there is hope and help beyond this pain. Your Lifelines & Healing Supports Whether you are in or near crisis, or just realizing that you need to make changes in the low place you find yourself, here are some tangible, practical steps that can help: 1. Access Immediate Support If you're in crisis or need someone to talk to, immediate help is available, and it was created for you and for this moment :​ Call or Text 988: The 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline offers free, confidential support 24/7. By calling or texting 988, you'll be connected to trained counselors who can provide emotional support and resources. ​ Seek Local Crisis Services or go to In-Person Facilities: Search online for "behavioral health urgent care," "mental health crisis services," or "acute mental health services" and include "near me." You can get the help equipped to provide immediate, in-person assistance.​ [For my friends here in Colorado: contact Colorado Crisis Services at 1-844-493-8255 or text “TALK” to 38255. They offer immediate support for mental health, substance use, or emotional crises.] 2. Establish Long-Term Support Beyond immediate crisis intervention, setting up ongoing support is vital:. Remember, this is the window to prevent the slide into crisis. Find a Therapist/Counselor that it a good fit, that you can afford: Here is an easy and quick way to do it! Visit the Psychology Today website and click on "Find a Therapist." Or click HERE Enter your city / state, then use filters to narrow down options based on insurance, price, and specialties. Simply begin making calls and leave messages for those that interest you to see where you can get in. If a therapist isn't the right fit, keep searching. Your healing journey deserves your persistence! I repeat: You are worth whatever it takes to stay alive: any and all time, money, effort, or other resources invested in your safety and healing. Your life is precious, and there is hope and help beyond this pain. 3. Develop a Personalized Self-Care Plan ( this is prevention !) Self-care isn't a luxury; it's a necessity. It's about engaging in activities that uplift your spirit and nurture your well-being.​.. and ultimately make life livable, and even enjoyable. So take a couple minutes, give yourself a little thought, and write a few things down to implement. Identify Mood Elevators: Reflect on what helps uplift your mood, body, and mind. This could include prayer, journaling, walking in nature, or listening to uplifting music.​ Ask yourself: what has helped before? Include the things you love to do and the things you may not, but are a "yes" to helping you. List Safe Support Contacts: Who do you trust that can reach out to when you are very low and struggling? Someone that feels safe to you. It helps you both to tell them about some of your struggles (including any thoughts of suicide) ahead of time and get their agreement to be available. This way, when you reach out to them, they can provide you the best, informed support. Write it down: By creating this plan, it not only helps you to actually complete fully it (so it's there before you need it), it also serves as a tangible reminder of help and hope. It will also be easily accessible when things start to get dark. Final Encouragement Dear friend, your pain is valid, and your struggles are seen. In the human experience, we will navigate pain, suffering, and overwhelm. But it need not take us out. I want you to know that healing, hope and an abundant life are still possible for you (yes, you!). And you are not alone on this journey.​ Take the first step today. Reach out, seek support, and embrace the path toward healing. Your life matters, and your story isn't over yet. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Have you been on the receiving end of hurtful comments or unsolicited advice as a widow? Or have you ever been asked questions that were hurtful, angering, or that left you flustered or confused in how to respond? I vividly remember one question I received. My husband had just died by suicide, and I happen to see this come through social media: "Hey Rachel, sorry about Andre but I was curious, would you tell me more about how he killed himself?" Full stop. So many visceral feelings happened at once. I felt shocked, horrified, and angry... and I couldn't detect any true empathy. This person would not be walking alongside me to support me more deeply with that information. It felt like shameless curiosity for the horrific details. Too many widows have to navigate how to respond to insensitive questions and commentary, often when they are already foggy and struggling. They can hurt right where you are often vulnerable and unprepared. You might be tempted to get upset, react, and end up regretting it later (the Spirit is faithful to tap on our hearts). My biggest regret is actually the wasted time and energy mulling it over and being aggravated- because I've found another way to respond that keeps my peace. The truth is those questions and remarks (or dreading them) doesn't have to control you... Even in places of raw widowhood pain. Because that would be giving your power away to someone else. The Lord has given us a Spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline (2 Timothy 1:7). You can respond with peace and confidence. It's challenging, but possible. Let’s talk about how. Your Mindset Protects Your Heart, & Your Peace No matter what someone says — even if it’s completely out of line — you get to decide how to respond. You don’t have to explain yourself. You don’t have to spiral or stay stuck in pain. Believe it or not- you don’t have to get offended. You don't have to react. Instead, you can stay grounded. Calm. Peaceful. Spirit-filled. You can answer (or not answer) with confidence, because your worth, healing, and journey need not be controlled by outside forces (whether ignorant or with intention to harm). Now, let me clarify: This doesn’t mean it shouldn't hurt. It doesn't mean you are to be a doormat or to be silent. The Lord encourages boundaries, and there are ways to use your voice to protect yourself, educate ignorance, and shed light on truth... But these things done from a Holy Spirit filled place will be most life-giving and effective. Not allowing insensitive comments and questions to control you means you hold the power to manage yourself- so you are not a victim of life happening to you. It's rooted in changing beliefs about yourself and the empowerment of the Spirit through you. The shift happens when we move from reactivity to intentional ownership of your story. Doing so with the Spirit leads to confident responses, even in widowhood messiness. Three Practical Steps to Respond with Confidence 1. Decide Some Possible Replies, Now One really helpful tip is to consider some of these answers and boundaries beforehand : What are you okay sharing about your story, and what is private to you? What are some possible responses: No answer at all? "I don't feel comfortable sharing about that." "You may be trying to help, but this isn't helpful for me right now." "When people say that, here's what I'd like them to know...." "The Lord is guiding me through these decisions for myself." Can you decide now that when you encounter a hard question or comment, you will start with a deep breath as you consider what go-to reply to draw from rather than reacting? While there is no "right" way to respond to some of the input of others in our widowhood, we do know that we can respond in a wrong, flesh-filled way (especially in our pain!). When you have already decided what you do and don't want to share, and even have some possible responses, it can prevent you from losing your own peace and reacting in anger. Clarity ahead of time helps you stay anchored when words catch you off guard. As I like to say, "Predictable is preventable." 2. Don’t Get Stuck In Judging Motives & People Insensitive words may come from anyone: a well-meaning loved one or acquaintance, someone driven by uncomfortable curiosity, or even someone else who is grieving a loss. Sometimes, other grievers are reaching for connection or are trying to help. People may fumble with words, but genuinely care. Sometimes they are ignorant or oblivious. And sometimes, yes, it might even be meant to hurt you. While the reason behind it may or may not be clear to you, I encourage you not to get lost in evaluating or assuming motives. Remember, you don’t have to answer anything you don’t want to. But also — you don’t have to armor up in suspicion or get defensive about your grief (hint: it only causes you more distress). When you stay open (with boundaries), you create space for compassion and connection without losing yourself. This leads into the most powerful action step... 3. Stay Grounded and Unoffendable — Because You Have the Choice This is a coaching principle and mindset shift that changed my life and brought freedom. Because: You get to own your thoughts, your reactions, and your power — no matter what anyone else says or does You have power and choice over whether these interactions ruffle or rock you, or whether you let them roll off You are not a victim of their words. You are not a prisoner of their questions. You don't have to experience the feelings of offense just because someone says something out of line. Again, I want to clarify that this isn’t about denying that it hurts or may even have been wrong. It’s about holding Holy Spirit strength in the moment — choosing true thoughts and beliefs that allow you to respond from a place of empowerment, instead of being pushed out of the Spirit by other people. Coupled with forgiveness, and that is where you become unshakable. Rooted. Centered. Free. And here’s what’s beautiful: this doesn’t mean you’re perfect or unaffected. It just means you’re living from your true self — Christ and Holy Spirit-filled, connected to God the Father, and no longer tossed around by the words or actions of others. Don’t Lose Yourself in the Hurt I could be offended, but it has taken time to learn I could also be unoffendable. Somewhere along the way, I stopped letting the questions and commentary put me into defense or counterattack as a widow. I stopped giving my peace away. And as I leaned into the Lord's mercy for my failures, I could allow His forgiveness to pass through me and over their insensitivity. You have that same power. It doesn’t mean that the pain disappears in this life — but it does mean that brokenness no longer needs to take over your control center (as a powerful, Christian widow that you are!). Your grief may still be raw, and your flesh may be weak. But the Spirit is strong. You can be healing and mighty. Vulnerable and grounded. With you, Rachel Pssst! I know the implications of living unoffendable and empowered by the Holy Spirit has profound implications in all areas of life, and it is also an ongoing work. If you want to connect to grow in this area, I welcome you into our Christian widow community, The HOPE Stronghold, or to engage even deeper in this heart work, through 1:1 Coaching with me. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

From the Same Soil... When you lose your husband, there is no escaping the giant hole that is left in their absence. It is something we continue to navigate year after year. At the same time, the holidays roll in, mercilessly expecting "cheer" from you (along with some of the people around you). At times we feel the incongruence (or the inability) to be joyful in the valley of grief we may be in. It is, in fact, important to be honest in widowhood about our struggles and pain (with safe grief companions) in order to remain authentic and to have the chance at a real journey forward. Also, research has shown the power of gratitude in the brain to rewire paths for thankfulness. Gratitude has been shown to connect Relational Circuits in our brain to God and other people. And, we don't want to circle the drain of grief and get stuck in the dark places, because there IS a path forward into goodness. The truth is, there must be room for both our grief and gratitude. What if the goal was not to avoid any sadness and "just be thankful"? What if we also didn't have to be swallowed in the pain of our loss? What if gratitude and grief were equally important pieces of the landscape growing in the soil of us ... of our hearts? And both could be watered by our honest tears? We can navigate Thanksgiving's grief and gratitude with authenticity, and HOPE! The Grief My first Thanksgiving as a widow was full of grief. I do remember the grace of sharing time with people that I loved... However, I also needed to mourn. As a very deep feeler, the weight of my late husband's death by suicide hit me incredibly hard. On Thanksgiving day, I went to the place where he died, though it was cold and lonely, and I grieved for him there. I wept for the man, the love, the life that I had lost. Knees in the snow, shivering with cold, I spoke with God, raw and honest, about it all. And in my devastation, He met me. Before I left, I was able to draw a heart in the snow where I knelt. This year, I will walk through my 7th Thanksgiving without him. What I have learned is that grief cannot be completely controlled, but we can grieve, heal and rebuild with HOPE... and in this process, be equipped to handle other experiences of grief ahead of us. When we are able to feel all of the feelings (anger, sadness, pain, shame, etc.) in safe places (with the Lord and a few others), we can actually begin to metabolize the pain that our bodies, minds, and souls are carrying. This opens more space to see and receive the blessings we do have around us, with gratitude. It cannot happen, however, by simply attempting to bypass our grief in the name of "choosing joy." The platitudes (in the name of faith or in general) can never change the heart or remove the grief. The Danger of Limitless Grief A word of caution I have for other deep feelers and authentic grievers of tragedy... Grief still needs limits. The place my husband passed by suicide became a place of despair as I spent a lot of time and focus there. While it is important to walk the path of bereavement honestly, we do need to take steps when hopelessness begins to consume us. Pain, suffering and death do not have the victory nor the final word, and the Bible says we are completely different from the world, in that we can truly "grieve with HOPE" (1 Thess. 4:13). Here are a few Thanksgiving survival tips for grievers: You are not obligated to attend activities that aren't helpful, but don't isolate completely. Make a plan (for instance, RSVP "maybe") and keep it flexible for your needs. Spend the Holiday(s) with those who are safe, empathetic, and whom you truly feel supported by (don't fear asking them for connection time). Include life-giving and self-care activities in your schedule (some of mine were salt water floats, making music, time in nature and with friends). Have/make a list of the people you can reach out to if it's getting too dark (asking them ahead of time may help you both be more prepared in a time of need) Find a local grief, widow, or suicide support group with others who "get it" (Christian widows are my people!). The Gratitude Did you know the Lord led me to begin sending a family Thanksgiving card each year after my husband died? Though it wouldn't have been my idea of good timing, it ended up being a grace to me . Above is the back of our first one. Why is gratitude a critical part of our life and experience, even in grief? Focusing on what we are thankful for has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and positively impact our physical and mental health in a variety of other ways... and there's no doubt we need that in our experience of suffering. It is also a way that we heal, find purpose, and keep from becoming myopic in our pain. Because grief isn't all that is left for us in the story the Lord is writing. Gratitude can be a list of reasons to keep living, healing, or moving forward to the next step. After my husband died, my children and I began a practice of thankfulness, where on the way to school, the five of us would each take a turn listing three new things we were thankful for. I did my best to keep it fun, and the fact is though some days it felt empty, on most it would set a lighter tone, and even bring smiles and laughter. Even if gratitude feels like an internal battle, let me encourage you that it is worth fighting for! My Hope for You, Sister This Thanksgiving, may you be able to experience any grief and gratitude in an honest and healthy way. They are both part of the experiential journey. May you release those who do not understand, honor your own limits, and find ways to express both your pain and your joy. They are both there. May they be tenderly held. With you, Rachel P.S. If you are looking for safe, honest healing spaces in grief, that still have forward movement, you are in the right place, sister! Here are two powerful, proven steps to grieve, heal, and rebuild in HOPE: The HOPE Stronghold : A private, online Christian widow community to connect, pray and grow together. 1:1 Christian Widow Coaching : Individualized support rooted in faith and evidence-based practices to guide you through to the changes or transformation you are wanting. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Weight of Guilt in Suicide Grief Grief is heavy enough on its own, but when guilt creeps in and latches on after suicide loss, it can feel suffocating. You want to heal. You want to breathe again. But questions, fears and pain whisper: What if I could have done something different- would they still be here? "Why couldn't I save them?" "If I move forward, does that mean I’m leaving them behind?" In losing your husband, you may struggle with simple joys—smiling, laughing, even considering or desiring a new relationship—because it feels like betrayal. Guilt might convince you that moving forward means dishonoring their memory- that if you dare to find happiness again, it must mean you didn't/don't love them enough. But those are lies that will keep you trapped in darkness, pain and loneliness . And you may have other thoughts keeping you stuck where you won't want to be after losing him by suicide. The enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy (John 10:10), and he is the accuser. He desires to keep you from the healing and peace you were meant to have in your life going forward. God defines love for us (and He does not say guilt is proof of love). God promises goodness in the land of the living (Ps. 27:13) and even here He has plans to give you hope and a future (Jer. 29:11). So, how do you break free from these shame-based lies and our own cyclical struggles, and truly live again? Two Freeing Truths After Suicide Loss 1) You Are Only Responsible for/Can Only Choose for Your Own Life One of the hardest truths to lean into after suicide is that you are not responsible for what happened. You did not cause it (regardless of what they themselves may have said), because the decision wasn't yours. Hear it again, sister: This wasn't your decision. Their life, their pain, and the number of their days were never in your hands (release the weight to God, it isn't your burden because you could not control it). Control - outside of deciding our own internal attitudes and choices - is an illusion. None of us can predict the future or have control over anything, aside from ourselves. Another reality is although it's normal to want answers, they often would not truly soothe our loss, and no extra amount of time with them would still have been enough (we would always want more). Their loss would still be this grief we're navigating. Most importantly, you did not die when they died . Although a part of you may have in the many losses you have experienced, it is not the same as your life and your story being over. While we hate that they have died, we have to take the grave clothes off and keep living for and with Jesus. Jesus called in a loud voice, "Lazarus, come out!" And he came out, his hands and feet wrapped with strips of linen, and a cloth around his face. Jesus said to them, "Take off the grave clothes and let him go." -John 11:43-44 Take off your grave clothes, sister. You are released... God has given you more for you here, and that does not mean you are forgetting them. It means honoring both their memory and the life still ahead of you. We take them with us, and in Christ, life with them again is only ahead, not behind. They are, in fact, cheering you on. 2) Forgiveness Frees You The only true healing to guilt is full, freeing, forgiveness- that wipes every offense away. That includes any of their failures, yours, or the failures of others. Forgiveness isn’t about excusing what happened. It isn’t about pretending there was no harm or pain. It’s about releasing yourself from the prison of anger, shame and unforgiveness (the enemy's work that only cripples you ). That might mean: Forgiving yourself for things you wish you had done differently Forgiving your late husband, if their actions caused you pain Forgiving others you feel may have been at fault/contributed Forgiving others who didn’t show up for you in your grief Continuing this process of receiving and giving forgiveness But what if you don’t feel like forgiving, or doubt you can? While I believe forgiveness is not a feeling (but rather a choice to release what is "owed" to you), I also recognize it is not the simple "one and done" that the faith community sometimes pushes. I believe it can be a repeated decision (toward yourself and others) to stop replaying the past and step back into freedom. I also believe true forgiveness comes through only the Holy Spirit's power. It may take time with the Lord, but I hope you are willing to continue to engage with His freeing, unoffendable love. In Christ, you can both receive it for yourself and give it to others. And when guilt creeps back in and tries to latch on, you can rebuke it and revisit this forgiveness again. It's an ongoing journey, just like our grieving (and living!) are. Because carrying unforgiveness won’t change the past—but it will shape your future . And you deserve a future that isn’t weighed down by chains you were never meant to carry. 3 Powerful Ways to Live Again as a Suicide Widow I believe that we continue to navigate grief as it comes up, but we want to do it well , and to grieve with HOPE , as the Bible says (1 Thess. 4:13). You don’t stop loving them by living again. You don’t forget them by stepping into joy. In fact, embracing life can be one of the greatest ways to honor their memory. Love wants you to keep living a beautiful life. Here’s how you can start stepping into that freedom: 1) Rebuke Guilt with Truth Every time guilt creeps in, challenge and answer it with truth. When your mind says, "I shouldn’t be happy," remind yourself: "I call joylessness unfamiliar to me! The Lord calls me to keep living fully." When guilt whispers, "I could have done more," tell yourself: "I rebuke guilt! I did the best I could at the time, and grace covers me." When you feel like moving forward is a betrayal, say: "Love never ends. My healing means honoring [ your late husband's name ]." The enemy uses guilt like a playground of lies, but truth sets you free. You can use the above suggestions, modify them, or ask the Lord what He wants to give you, show you or tell you. Then write these truths down, speak them aloud, and revisit them. 2) Release the Weight of Regret If you’re carrying "what ifs" or shame over the past, take time to acknowledge them. Then, release them. Some ways to do this through rituals (which can help our brain process and find freedom): Write a letter to your loved one, saying all the things you never got to say, and then release it—burn it, bury it, or tuck it away as a symbol of letting go. Pray through each regret, asking God to take what you cannot carry and replace it with His peace. Physically release it—hold a rock, associate your "if only" to it, and throw it into water, as a reminder that you don’t have to hold onto it anymore. Forgiveness isn’t a one-time act—it’s a practice. But every time you choose to release guilt, you are closer to freedom. 3) Last- Take 1 Brave Step Toward HOPE Guilt wants to keep you trapped in the past. But grace invites you into the present. There is mercy to choose afresh, right now. This is where the rebuilding work begins. Consider what brings life to you? Give yourself permission to add some joy into your day. Maybe it’s listening to music again, or creating and sharing another gift or hobby you have. Maybe it’s traveling to your favorite healing place. Maybe it’s dreaming about the future and how you can shape it. ✨For those who are ready and committed to living a drastically different widowhood now, and life ahead, you can take intentional steps to invest in the deeper healing and rebuilding of a life you genuinely do want again, free from guilt, weight and shame! I want to invite you to learn more about what is changing the lives of other Christian widows: -The HOPE Stronghold private virtual Christian Widow Community -1:1 Coaching Support (which includes access to the community, too!) Here is what one widow recently shared about it: "I do grief counseling as well but I wanted to share with you: My time with you has helped me a lot more. And I have a great counselor! I am getting more support and help from my time with you. I appreciate what you offer and how you lead with the Word." -Carrie S. Sister, one step at a time, you are rebuilding a beautiful life. And one day, you’ll wake up and realize You are living again. And it’s more than just okay. It's so good . ❤️‍🔥 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

If you have had health struggles in widowhood, believe me, I get it. If you have not yet, it's vital for you to understand the risks ahead and take actions to support your holistic healing. I never expected to have six surgeries in the years following my husband’s death by suicide. But there I was—recovering from a two-in-one operation, performed by two different surgeons. I also became so low in early widowhood that I was diagnosed with "complicated grief," and ended up attempting suicide myself. Grief didn’t just break my heart; my body also took hits. And... he wasn't around to help. I knew widowhood would be emotionally devastating, but I had no idea how deeply it would impact my physical and mental health. I didn’t expect the chronic illnesses that crept in after his passing. I didn’t anticipate how my immune system would weaken or how complicated grief would weave its way into my daily life. An increase in health concerns is statistically common in widowhood. That is why I share and advocate for the health of widows. May you glean from this blog and prioritize your own health as a widow. 🤲❤️‍🩹 Widowhood & Our Body Losing a spouse isn’t just an emotional loss—it’s a physiological one. Losing a spouse is one of the most stressful life events a person can endure (according to the Life Change Index Scale), and studies show that widows are at significantly higher risk for both physical and mental health struggles. Research has linked widowhood to a weakened immune system, making widows more susceptible to illnesses and infections. Depression and anxiety are common, and some widows develop cognitive decline at a faster rate than their married counterparts. A study showed that widows have an increased risk of heart disease, with some experiencing what’s known as “broken heart syndrome”—a stress-induced condition that mimics a heart attack. The risk of early death increases for widows, particularly within the first few months and years after loss. This is from physical heath related issues, as well as the suicide risk, which is elevated in the first year of widowhood. Grief is exhausting, not just emotionally but physically. Sleep disturbances, changes in appetite, and chronic pain are all common. For many widows, existing health conditions flare up, while new ones emerge. It’s as if our bodies carry the weight of our grief in ways we never anticipated. But understanding these risks isn’t about fear—it’s about empowerment. We can make changes that make a difference no matter what stage of widowhood we are in. Awareness: Power to Protect Your Health When we recognize that grief affects both our bodies and minds, we can take steps to counteract its impact, and be proactive in our healing. Awareness gives us the ability to make informed choices, advocate for ourselves, and seek (or even insist on) the support we need. Many widows dismiss their fatigue, body aches, or brain fog as “just grief.” But knowing that these symptoms are real, measurable effects of loss helps us take them seriously. If we realize grief is suppressing our immune system, we can prioritize nutrition, rest, and gentle movement. If we know the risks of social isolation, we can intentionally build connections, even when we don’t feel like it. If we understand that prolonged stress affects heart health, we can implement stress-management techniques before issues arise. Grief may be inevitable, but the added suffering doesn’t have to be. The more we acknowledge the mind-body connection in widowhood, the better we can safeguard our long-term well-being. The key to it all is the resolve to actually take action, and make changes (because knowledge does nothing without action). Proactive Health Measures Here are some practical, tangible steps to help protect your physical and mental health after loss: Prioritize Medical Care – It’s easy to neglect doctor’s visits when you’re barely making it through the day, but regular check-ups can catch issues before they escalate. Get regular check-ups and communicate openly with your doctor about changes in your health since your loss. Support Your Immune System – Prioritize sleep, stay hydrated, and nourish your body with nutrient-dense foods. Eating well and staying hydrated may sound simple, but when grief depletes your energy, these small habits can support your body’s resilience in the long-term. Move Your Body, Even When You Don’t Feel Like It – Exercise releases endorphins, reduces stress, helps you fight depression and improves heart health. Even gentle movement, like a short walk, can help counteract the physical effects of grief. Manage Stress – Grief is already an enormous burden, but finding small ways to reduce additional stress—whether through journaling, prayer, deep breathing, or moving your body—can make a difference and help you regulate. Stay Connected – Loneliness is both an emotional and physical risk factor. Finding safe support—whether through friends, a grief group, or counseling or coaching—helps mitigate some of the negative effects of isolation (and also supports you on the journey). Listen to Your Body – Don’t dismiss symptoms as “just grief.” And don't put yourself last in the list of people and responsibilities you care for. If something feels off, get it checked out. Take Action - If we want something to change, we have to be willing to make a change. It comes from believing your health and healing through widowhood are worth every resource (time, money, effort, etc.). Hope Speaker offers the following for Christian widows: - Christian Widow Community (Private, Virtual, Intentional Healing Space) - One-to-one Widow Coaching Support (High Touch, Real Time, Personalized Results) Not Alone on the Journey On my widowhood journey, I have learned that grief can impact my body—but it doesn’t have to control it anymore. I know how to better listen, care for, and honor not just my emotions, but my my whole, physical and spiritual self. And, my friend, you deserve that same care. You are a temple of the Holy Spirit, and your body is the one place you have to live as it carries you through all of this. I know how hard it is to prioritize yourself in grief. But if widowhood has taught me anything, it’s that I need to be here—for myself, for my loved ones, and for the life still ahead of me. This week, I encourage you to take action from this blog to support your health. Schedule that check-up you’ve been putting off. Commit to a healthy practice that was listed. Join our supportive community in the journey. Widowhood may shake your foundation, but you still have power—power to nurture, to heal, and to keep moving forward. One small step at a time... and you don't have to do it alone. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Questions Widows Ask... If you've been a widow for a while, you've likely asked, heard or worried about these questions: "How do I know I'm ready to start dating again?" "Is there something I can do to prepare?" "How do I manage my kids in this?" "What if I still deeply love my late husband—am I betraying him?" "What about the guilt I sometimes feel?" "What about what everyone else is saying—that I'm moving on too fast, or wondering why I'm still alone...?" It's a lot to navigate, and it's also deeply personal. Having navigated widowhood, dating, and remarriage (and lots of questions) myself and with the widow clients I serve, I do have some helpful considerations, and an overarching truth that can bring peace to the unknowns. Let's dive in. Is There A "Right" Answer? While there are Biblical standards and wise principles (and we'll get to them below), the most important answer I could ever give is this: Seek the Lord and His direction, and grow your relationship with Him- that you can hear His response. You can then follow where He is leading with confidence. If your heart genuinely desires God's guidance, is humble before Him, and desires His way above your own, you don’t need to live in fear. You can trust that He will lead you, sister! The Bible assures us that if we are His sheep, we know His voice (John 10:27). As His daughters, we can trust in His guidance and goodness. That doesn’t mean rushing ahead with our own plans and just asking God to bless them. But it does mean that a heart that longs for His way doesn't live in lack or shame. Wise counsel is also Biblically encouraged, but this is not the same as following opinions of others out of people pleasing or your own lack of certainty. Many widows receive opposing feedback, depending on who they ask (this is an area people have strong opinions, but often little to no experience behind it for our situation). From a Holy Spirit led widow coach with some personal and professional experience, here are some helpful considerations that can guide you as you navigate the dating world as a widow. Practical Considerations Before You Start Dating Do you truly desire another relationship? Are you considering dating because it is your heart's genuine desire, or because you feel like you "should" or it's "time"? Pressure (from the outside or internally) won't lead to a real love, care, or attachment to another person. On the other side of the pendulum, neither will an attempt to medicate loneliness or just get practical help by having a man around. There is nothing wrong with longing for a companion, but numbing our pain or "solving problems" through a relationship won't be an act of love, for either of you. If your heart feels ready and open to the journey (and work!) of another relationship - both being loved and loving someone else again - rejoice that the Lord knows and honors this desire. There is no shame in it! Are you ready for dating as a widow (emotionally and as a whole)? Here is a good little "test." Ask yourself: Can I picture holding another man's hand, kissing someone else, or being intimate with another person? Do you feel both openness and peace about this? If you say no to any of those, or if those ideas bring discomfort, guilt, or resistance, it may be a sign that you need more time for healing. If you still feel too connected to your late husband in that way, if intimate thoughts of someone else feel "icky," or if you don't have openness and peace... trust your intuition. You likely aren't ready to pursue that kind of relationship yet, and forging ahead won't yield good fruit. You can work on bringing healing and grace to those areas so you are open and able to love fully and peacefully. Is there a "right" or "wrong" time to start dating after losing a spouse? The timing of dating and remarriage after widowhood are not moral decisions. Moral (right and wrong, sin or not sin) choices exist in areas of dating and remarriage, such as keeping the marriage bed pure, for instance. Other times, we try to make decisions that are actually free will choices into "moral" ones, and cause ourselves more angst. Who and when you remarry are typically not in the moral category (barring someone/thing that is sinful being a centerpiece of the decision). Don’t create a burden of morality where God has given you grace . This area should be one filled with His abundance and expectation, not overshadowed with lack or fear. What about the opinions of others on dating in widowhood? No matter what you do, people will have (and often share their) opinions. Some will think you’re moving on too fast; others will wonder why you haven’t started dating yet. And the truth? This isn't their decision. Also, their opinions will change depending on their own experiences, perspectives and priorities. No one can be the Holy Spirit for you. That said, there are things you can do to prepare and walk through it well, with wise counsel from those you trust in this vulnerable time. Those who have walked with the Lord through widowhood dating and remarriage (and navigating their children, as well as blending families) can offer invaluable insight. Most importantly, lean into the Lord's voice! Am I betraying my late husband by dating again? Biblically speaking, marriage ends when a spouse passes away. That doesn’t mean love ends— love is eternal! But you are no longer bound to an earthly covenant of marriage. You are free to marry again if you choose to, and you are free to remain single. There is no betrayal in moving forward into a new relationship. But if you can feel that your heart is not ready, that is important to listen to. Processing the trauma of losing a spouse can take time for our physical brains to "catch-up" to the reality of what has happened. Take the time you need. And I encourage every widow to do so prayerfully. LAST, but not least: Do I need to reach a certain level of healing before dating after widowhood? I love this one, because I wrestled with it so hard. Some of us can struggle with the idea that we need to be fully healed, "whole," or have all our trauma neatly wrapped... and then we'll be ready for a new relationship. I did years of weekly therapy, consumed books and podcasts, and attended support groups and conferences. I thought if I could "fix" myself enough, then I'd not just be ready - I'd finally be worthy . And there's where I caught myself (yet again) tying performance to worth. Yes, we should be aware of our struggles and do the hard heart work of healing (for God's glory, for our own well-being, and for a person we may love). But none of it changes our worth, or fixes the lies in our own minds that we are "too broken," or "no one would want me now/want all this/want me with my kids," etc. Coaching can offer significant help in this work. But again, your value to be worthy or lovable doesn't change, and you will feel so much peace living in the Lord's freedom from "standards and rules" to be a "good enough" Ruth to get a Boaz. Sister, you have never been "too broken" or "unworthy" to be loved again— not from day one of widowhood . So yes, always move toward healing, wisdom, and taking responsibility for your journey- to better love another person. And there is supportive wisdom and help to guide you in the journey ( I can help if you are interested ). But all must be rooted in grace, sister. Trusting God in Your Dating Journey If you take anything from this, let it be this: The real answer to every question is looking to the Lord for His merciful guidance- knowing both that He is able to give it, and you as His daughter are able to receive it! He is more than able to lead and guide you through every question, every doubt, every step forward (and yes, every mistake)! If you are walking in relationship with Him, He will make your path clear. You don’t have to live in fear—you can trust that He is leading you into good things. So lean into Him. Deepen your love for God. Grow your confidence in hearing His voice. And know that, whatever your journey looks like, He is walking it with you. With you, Rachel PS- If you want to go deeper in an experiential relationship with the Lord in your widowhood, and would like Biblically-based, Holy Spirit led guidance in how to deepen these (and navigate areas like dating, remarriage, and blending a family), see how I can guide you HERE . 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When Grief Feels Like Quick Sand Grief can be a beast. My husband's death by suicide was clearly devastating and life-altering, as is the tragedy every widow faces. I learned grief can be an unpredictable storm with crushing waves, and I was just trying to survive it. I couldn't tell you the moment I became stuck in it... because it had just been so hard for so long. The first months had turned into nearly two years after my husband’s death, and I was still waking up with the weight and pain pressing on my chest. The darkness and deep loneliness still surrounded me. The world had moved on, but I hadn’t. I functioned, I was trying to navigate, but I wasn’t truly living . Loss can turn into that. It whispers, "It will never be good again." It convinces you that healing is betrayal to your person. It makes the future feel like an unbearable burden rather than a place with any hope. If you’re reading this, maybe you know that feeling in your own way. Maybe you’re unsure of how to take the first step toward rebuilding a life that looks nothing like the one you wanted. You’re not alone. Most importantly, you are not without hope for things to change . The Path Moving Forward The truth is, moving forward doesn’t mean forgetting your loved one. It doesn’t mean you’re leaving them behind, or that you have to lose yourself. It means carrying their love with you as you take small, courageous steps into your future. In fact, life with them again is not behind you, it is only ahead of you, and they are cheering you on. Also, if you try to tell me that hope is available for others but not for you, or that there is not a life ahead of you that you could possibly love, I'll call it out as it is- a lie. I haven't bought those stories from other widows, either. I have worked with many, and I've seen those willing to lay that narrative down and rebuild a life they genuinely want again, and I've seen widows continue to hold those thoughts as beliefs- and stay stuck in that very reality they've created. It is possible to live in a forward direction, into peace and abundant life, with HOPE! But how? How do you begin again? The key is to take intentional, small steps that create momentum toward healing. It’s about shifting your perspective from being stuck in grief to learning how to coexist with it, while making space for life to continue. Healing is not about erasing the past but about integrating love, loss, and life into a future you can embrace. Let’s talk about three practical ways you can start this process. 3 Practical Steps to Move Forward When Grief Has You Stuck Full disclosure: As a Christian Widow Coach, I tend to want to get at the deeper, heart level, transformative work. ❤️‍🔥 While these 3 steps are brief, get out something to write on (or use your phone) and be willing to sit a few minutes with the Action Step practices. 1) Acknowledge Where You Are—Without Shame It’s easy to feel guilty about struggling. You might think, "I should be further along by now," or "Other widows seem to be coping better than me." But grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” (or same) timeline for healing. Instead of shaming yourself for feeling stuck or low, acknowledge it with grace (because this is how Jesus holds you). It's also important to recognize and name the growth you've already had! Celebrating your wins is so needed in this marathon of grief. Action Step: Take a few moments to journal about where you are in your grief journey (pausing to articulate through writing has been shown in research to be powerful! I strongly encourage you to write it down ). Be honest with yourself. What’s holding you back? Are there any emotions that feel too heavy to face? Sometimes, simply naming your struggles takes away some of their power as they sit in the light. What thoughts/beliefs are you holding that might be keeping you stuck in what you hate? Some of them may be blatantly opposed to the promises in God's word, but others may be more nuanced. Ask Him if you aren't sure- pause to listen. Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding love and beauty in your life ahead? (Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart). Lastly, write down places you have bravely pursued healing, growing, and continuing to live. You are not the same person you were- and that does not just mean you are broken! It means you have learned, grown, and are being beautifully refined in this fire. 2) Make One Small but Monumental Shift This one can be mistaken as insensitivity to those who are already hurting... but I hope my story helps you know I "get" widowhood pain. Please receive it from one who has been so deep in my loss that I nearly did not survive it. One major shift to forward direction that I had to take, and that I have seen with many other widows who experience deep growth after their loss is this: A willingness to BELIEVE a good life is still ahead of you, to WANT it, and be willing to KEEP TURNING toward/ FIGHTING for it. This is can be hard. In the beginning as a widow, no one wants the rubble of a life they've been handed. They are devastated. They only want their old life, with their person. But if we stay there, that is where we can find, years later, that we haven't moved, or grown, or rebuilt. We have no joy or hope, and we're trapped in the quicksand of grief, depression, or even suicidal ideation. It might sound like this: "I don't want this life. I don't want to live anymore." "I will never love anyone again." "No one will want me." "I'll always be alone." "I'll just get through the rest of my days until they're over." "My future has been stolen from me." "I died when he died." "Hope is possible for others, but not for me." It's normal to struggle, but we can change a mindset that is repeating and believing lies. Finally, can you tap into the gritty part of you that wants to fight for HOPE and abundant life? The part that says, "I won’t stay here forever"? We battle our own resistance to the reality that there can be healing, goodness, and rebuilding of a beautiful life. Action Step: Again, write these down (even briefly!). Do you say or believe some of the above bullet statements/something similar? Write down the recurring thought(s) that tell your future in hopeless terms. Are you able to recognize these as lies, or are you willing, now, to accept that they are? If you feel resistance, where is that coming from? What are you trying to protect yourself from (hope, more disappointment, something else)? Is holding on to the old protecting you from other losses? What other losses might you feel if you turned toward rebuilding and embracing goodness, love and beauty in your life now? Does that feel like you are betraying your person? Are you afraid people will no longer see your grief? Explore some of these places in your heart. Dig deep and try to connect with the warrior the Lord declares you to be (the widow, Ruth was called a woman of valor in scripture!). Write a declaration of your commitment to the good and abundant life the Lord still has for you. I took mine from Psalm 118:17 "I will not die but live, and will proclaim what the Lord has done." Now , you are in a better place for the last step: to begin to dream again for your future... 3) Dream, and Plan Your Future It may seem silly in the darkness you may be feeling, but if you could sit down and start dreaming up your future, what would that include? Are there still certain hopes that you have (even if they are tucked deep or feel lost)? What good things, that you would enjoy, should be included in that picture? Your story isn't over yet, and you can imagine, and create, a beautiful future. While these things don't come about instantaneously, they begin as hopes, thoughts, and ideas... and can blossom into reality by taking consistent steps! Action Step: Last time- write a few specific ideas down! Get specific into what a future you would genuinely enjoy looks like. Does it include a move? Travel? Relationships of different kinds? A new purpose or career? What else? (Be in a creative space and let all the ideas flow without going into "Edit" mode as you go, which can limit the possibilities) Do your children (if you still have them in your care) have any ideas or dreams? Do you have a safe friend or group that you could share these writings with? Is there anyone who has a skillset (financial planner, realtor, trip advisor, coach, etc.) who could support your exploration of these new realms? Reach out into this new territory- you might be pleasantly surprised at the adventure that awaits you on this new journey. Moving Forward Doesn’t Mean "Moving On" It bears repeating: Life with your person again is not behind you, it is only ahead of you , and they are cheering you on. There can be so much more goodness, right here in your remaining life- in the land of the living- because the Lord offers it to you. It's a process with Him; one you can be confident of (Psalm 27:13). You are not stuck forever. You are not broken beyond repair. And you are not alone in this journey. Don't believe the lies or self-sabotage... keeping yourself stuck in pain. Sister, you are still alive. And as long as you are alive, HOPE is still within reach. With you, Rachel PS- Ready to rebuild a life you love again? Let’s walk this road together — one step, one prayer, and one victory at a time. Learn more about personalized 1:1 Christian Widow Coaching 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post is published!

I remember standing in the middle of my new home, staring at blank walls that felt as empty as I did. The house was new, fresh, and untouched by memories of my late husband’s presence... Though I hated it, part of me knew that was what was needed. I had stayed in the home we had created together for years after he died by suicide, holding onto the precious, good memories of another lifetime. But eventually, I knew that there were other memories there keeping me stuck - keeping me from continued healing. There came a point where, for me, a change in homes, location, and scenery was part of my process to rebuild something beautiful in this new life I had been forced into. But beyond the new, blank white walls, there was work to be done. Part of my healing was creating a space that was healing for my family. In my darkest season—when the weight of grief and hopelessness made every breath feel impossible—I needed something, anything, to remind me that light still existed. That’s when I started putting up tangible reminders of truth. A verse that I could see every time I climbed into my empty, lonely bed. A note on the bathroom mirror that whispered, “You are still here.” A piece of art in the dining room created by hand; a quote from a book which reminded me I still had access to Holy Joy. These small changes didn’t erase my pain, but they did something powerful: they kept me fighting. If you’re grieving or struggling with hopelessness, your environment can either deepen the darkness or become a place of refuge. But what if your home could be more than just four walls? What if it could actually help you heal? Why Your Space Matters More Than You Realize When you’re drowning in grief or depression, your surroundings can feel like a mirror of your internal struggle—cluttered, chaotic, lifeless. Research has shown that the spaces we inhabit deeply impact our mental health. A 2016 study published in The Journal of Environmental Psychology found that clutter increases stress and anxiety, while organized, visually calming environments promote relaxation and emotional regulation. For those grieving, every object holds meaning. The unwashed coffee cup on the counter might remind you of the last morning you shared. The silence of an untouched chair may echo the absence you feel in your heart. Some things are special reminders of them that we want to keep, which is wonderful. But if we do not recognize the things that bring us sorrow rather than comfort (and exercise our power to make changes), it’s no wonder that being in our home can sometimes feel suffocating. But here’s the good news: You don’t have to stay stuck in that heaviness. You can take small, intentional steps to make your home a place that breathes life back into you. Turning Your Home into a Healing Space Your home can be a place that fosters hope, not just houses memories. Creating a healing environment isn’t about erasing the past—it’s about making space for the future. After my husband’s suicide, there came a time when I needed to move homes. It wasn’t an easy decision, but it gave me the opportunity to intentionally create a space filled with light and truth. I didn’t realize it then, but what I was doing aligned with what psychologists call environmental healing—curating surroundings that uplift rather than weigh you down. It may not be moving homes, but simply reframing old spaces to make them healing in forward movement rather than circling the drain on hopelessness. So, how do you do that? How do you transform your home into a place that helps you heal instead of pulling you deeper into pain? 3 Practical Ways to Make Your Home a Place of Healing 1) Declutter with Purpose Clearing out physical clutter can actually help clear emotional clutter. This doesn’t mean throwing away everything that reminds you of your loved one—but it does mean choosing what to keep with intention. Keep what brings comfort, not just what triggers sadness. Remember, your loved one doesn't live on through the "stuff," they live on through you . I knew my husband did not want me to be paralyzed in grief and pain, but to keep living - and that was motivation for me to keep moving forward. Action Step: Take one small area (a drawer, a shelf, a corner of a room) and remove items that don’t serve your healing. Replace them with something that sparks peace—a candle, a framed quote, or a simple plant. If it's something that does bring light and joy, then display it. 2) Surround Yourself with Hopeful Reminders When darkness creeps in, visual reminders of truth can anchor you in light. Scripture, uplifting quotes, or artwork can gently shift your focus from despair to hope. This is why I started placing messages of hope around my house—because I needed truth in front of me, constantly. Action Step: Choose one spot in your home to add a tangible reminder of hope. Whether it’s a framed verse, a print that speaks life, or even a sticky note with a simple, encouraging word—make it visible! Preferably in a place where you will see it when you need it (bathroom mirror, on your morning coffee mug, wall art in a particular location, etc.). 3) Create a Light-Filled Space Natural light has been proven to improve mood and mental clarity. Studies show that exposure to sunlight increases serotonin, which helps combat depression. Letting in light—both physically and spiritually—can be a step toward healing. Action Step: Each morning, open the curtains in your home. Let the light in. If natural light is limited, add soft, warm lighting that creates a comforting atmosphere (I did this with a special lighted tree in my bedroom that I really enjoyed). Bonus Tip : Live plants and flowers also can bring some life and goodness into your space! A Shop Built on Hope The idea behind our family's HOPE Shop was born from this very need in my own suicide widowhood—to have daily, tangible reminders of truth in front of me when the hopeless thoughts and feelings were so constant. It is part of the redemptive beauty from the ashes of our story of the loss of my husband by suicide. My daughters and I hand-design every product with the purpose of helping others hold onto hope in their darkest seasons. Whether you need a reminder for yourself or want to encourage someone else, these small tokens of hope can make all the difference. Plus they support the work we do in Hope Speaker. “Amazing designs!!! You never know who might need it and they’ll see these shirts or items and feel like God is speaking to them to keep going. They’ll see it as a sign to keep fighting, and that’s amazing.” -Kristiane G. 👉 Visit The HOPE Shop Final Encouragement Friend, I know the weight of grief. I know what it’s like to feel trapped in hopelessness. But I also know this: You are still here. And as long as you are here, hope is still within reach. Let’s fill our spaces with reminders of truth, and keep walking it out, one step at a time. 💛 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!