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Widowhood: Feeling Our Weakest Being a widow often brings us to the weakest and most broken place we’ve ever been. Our bodies ache, our emotions unravel, and our spirits feel crushed. We’re often unreliable and forgetful, as our capacity is so low and we are lost in the brain fog of grief. We struggle in too many areas to keep track of. We both feel weak and we see ourselves as weak. And, that weakness can feel shameful when we believe that weak = bad. We want to be “strong,” to show up, to carry all the weight and hold it together. But the truth is—this journey makes us painfully aware of all the places we can’t . That’s the hard reality of widowhood: it exposes our limits in every way, when we're more limited than ever. But what if our weakness and even failure were broken places that His light could shine through, for His glory? Christ’s Power Is Made Perfect in Our Weakness Widowhood can be the time when the words of Paul become most true for us: “...I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness .’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me . That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong .” —2 Corinthians 12:8–10 Becoming a widow, in all its raw grief, and losing our human strength and independence, is not the end of our story or of His story! Widowhood is not an end in itself, but a means to the end that is His being glorified, in and through you . This can be the very place God shows His strength through you most powerfully. What looks like your lowest season is actually a stage for His kingdom to come here on this broken earth. Paul didn’t deny his weakness—he boasted in it. Not because he enjoyed suffering, but because he knew weakness opened the door for Christ’s power to rest on him . Could it be that our widowhood weakness—our inability, our tears, our shaky step forward—is the very invitation for His Spirit to work powerfully in us? Walking in His Strength as a Widow (3 Steps for You 🤲) So how do we tap into a power beyond our own when our strength is gone? 1. Be aware of your weaknesses & lies you may believe The shift can't happen without self-reflection and awareness. Acknowledge where you are weak , incapable , or believing lies like: “I’m failing.” “I’ll never be whole again.” "Life will never be good again." “God can’t use me anymore.” Recognizing these things (instead of denying, or living in them unaware) is the first step toward making a shift and letting them be an open door for Christ to step in. Own it- while fully embraced by His grace! 2. Lean into the power of God This means: Truth-telling, transparency, and accountability: Turn to Him, and safe people, with your baggage in honesty — Don’t hide . Share where you are struggling, what lies you are believing, and what feels impossible. Confession and prayer brings healing (James 5:16). Choosing a Kingdom mindset: Accept that your natural way of seeing weakness and struggle isn’t how God sees them. Although it may seem and feel upside-down (especially in pain), commit to new, true thoughts and beliefs . -His thoughts and ways aren't ours... they are higher (Is. 55:8-9) -Paul chose to boast/delight in hardship because it reveals God’s power (2 Cor. 12:9-10) Expect and receive His strength daily: It's not about "trying harder." Here are some promises for you, widow sister, as you expect Him to meet unique sufferings with unique graces: -Jesus said "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Mt. 5:4) -Again, Paul said "I will boast... about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me " (2 Cor. 12:9) -"God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control" (2 Tim.1:7) 3. Know His presence & companionship Though we wouldn't have chosen it, our suffering can display Jesus, who Himself suffered—and who still suffers with you . He doesn't take you where He hasn't already gone, or where He won't go. "We [also share in] the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in [us] (2 Cor. 4:10) He is "...the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction..." (2 Cor. 1:3-4) You share in His sufferings, which means you are also sharing in His powerful, resurrection HOPE (Phil. 3:10) Beloved Sister: HOPE at Your Weakest I know that in great pain we often want to reject this journey altogether. It feels impossible to see widowhood as anything but crushing. But take heart: “A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.” —Isaiah 42:3 Though you may feel like a faintly burning wick, know this—all the darkness in the world cannot snuff out your flame that burns for Him. He will see to it that your light remains. When you are weak , He is strong . And He faithfully has you . With you, Rachel 🎉 PS- The HOPE Stronghold is coming!! ❤️‍🔥 This is a community of Christian widows- a brace space where we will grieve, heal, draw nearer to the Lord and rebuild together . Be in-the-know about the launch (and the bonuses for launch members) by being added to my HOPE newsletter list HERE! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Suicide Widow Stigma Each "type" of widowhood is unique. Suicide widowhood is very unique, in a terrible way. Suicide stigma refers to the negative social attitudes and beliefs attached to suicide and individuals affected by it. Although terms like "stigma," "awareness," "acceptance" and "mental health" are buzz words, many may not realize the current uphill battles and dark reality around the experience of being a suicide widow. (And may we never forget - the close survivors of those who died by suicide are at higher risk of suicide themselves. Couple that with the fact that early widowhood is also associated with higher risk, and we know that addressing this and supporting suicide widows it VITAL.) The suicide stigma (for those who passed as well as those they left behind) involves: Negative Attitudes & Beliefs : may include viewing suicidal individuals as weak, selfish, or attention-seeking, or seeing suicide as a moral failing. Survivors may feel ashamed, embarrassed, misunderstood and marginalized/isolated. They may also struggle with their own intense anger or feelings of betrayal from the loss of their loved one. Misconceptions & Misinformation : Suicide is complex and multifactorial . There may be heated, emotional, strong opinions around it- and this often decreases safety and connection. Social Disapproval and Discrimination : Those who struggle(d), those left behind, and those actively talking about it may face judgment, avoidance, rejection, or insensitive treatment. Impact on Help-Seeking : Negative stereotypes, hurtful responses lead to fear and isolation rather than reaching out for help (which is critical in suicide and suicide loss). There may be great difficulty in finding empathetic, safe support. The stigma is both real and destructive. If shame thrives in the dark and silence, healing grows in the light of being seen. What does this mean for us suicide widows? It is a need of suicide widows to have understanding and safe support where we can open up, be known, and heal through our grief. Safety, Vulnerability & Being Known Sister, I want to assure you that there are places where your secrets and struggles are welcome, and where bleeding heart wounds can close. We, as suicide widows must make it a priority to find and open up in them for deeper healing. Otherwise, the issues do not go away.... we continue to live and react out of the pain, however much we ignore the source. God designed us for compassionate connection—not to carry this weight alone. “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). Healing after suicide loss is not about pretending, or getting to “fine” as quickly as possible. It’s about healing and companionship, with forward movement in grief. It is also critical to be rooted in truth, the promises and comfort of God, and connecting to the power, strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit. It is also unfortunately true that "Christian" doesn't always mean these things. Be discerning about what is healing and what actually isn't. So how do you begin? By seeking support that is rooted in truth and specifically understands suicide loss, inviting healthy grief companions into your world, and opening up (at a pace that protects your heart). Three Practical Steps Toward True, Safe Support 1) Find Christian based & suicide‑specific supports (because they “get it”) Suicide loss has unique layers—trauma, questions, and complicated grief. Spaces created for survivors of suicide loss (especially for widows) speak your language and already understands a lot of what you're facing. Look for: Faith‑based suicide loss groups or ministries Survivor‑of‑suicide (SOS) support circles (online or local) Moderated forums where guidelines protect safety and respect Friendships with other believing widows who encourage you in the faith and what's true Why it helps: Validation reduces shame. Belonging actually helps regulate your nervous system and tells your body and soul, you’re not alone and you’re not broken. Broad, general grief groups can be helpful too—but choose companions wisely. Not every space is safe, and not every "helper" helps. Even some faith-based groups may not have experience with walking grief and lament well, either. 2) Look for healthy grief companions (green flags to trust) Here are four traits—drawn from Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s Companioning Model—that signal safe people to walk with in grief. Consider these green flags when deciding who to open up to: Presence Over Fixing They don’t rush you or “Bible‑verse” you out of pain. They’ll sit with you—quietly if needed—and pray with you, rather than trying to "fix" or "change" it to make it more comfortable for themselves. You Are the Expert of Your Story They honor your way of loving and remembering your person. They don’t drag or push you; they follow your pace and ask, “What do you need right now?” Witness Without Judgment They can handle the mess—tears, anger, questions—without minimizing, shaming, or spiritualizing your pain away. Genuineness & Warmth The connection feels safe and human. Their empathy is steady, honest, and consistent. (Trust your gut; your body often knows when a space is safe.) Once you identify safe people and places, the next step is the bravest one—letting them in. 3) Be willing to open up—slowly—as trust proves safe Vulnerability after suicide trauma is scary. You’ve been through more than most will ever understand. It's ok to start small. Let trust build over time. As you experience nonjudgmental presence, your body, mind and spirit learn: It’s okay to be held here. Healing multiplies in a safe community. Stigma tells you to hide. Love invites you to be known in a gracious place. Choose love. Beloved Sister- No More Hiding Sister, the label “suicide widow” may describe part of your story, but it does not define your worth or your future. You are a cherished daughter of God. He is near to the brokenhearted, and you can find the right people around you for this road. (Hope Speaker is a great place to start!) Here are some free, hopeful resources for Christian suicide widows: The HOPE Library You don’t have to do this alone. In the company of safe, faith‑rooted support, shame loosens, courage rises, and hope returns. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Grief Hits Harder Than You Think—Even in Your Body Widowhood changes everything—not just your heart, but your health. The research is clear: Higher cardiovascular risk — Studies show widows have a greater chance of heart attacks or strokes in the months after loss. Weakened immune system — Stress hormones can leave you more vulnerable to illness. Sleep disruption — Insomnia, restlessness, and early waking can linger for months or years. Fatigue, brain fog, and weight changes — Often caused by the toll grief takes on your nervous system and metabolism. This isn’t weakness, and it’s not “all in your head.” Grief floods your body with stress hormones, drains your energy reserves, and disrupts the systems God designed to keep you well. But here’s where many Christian widows get stuck: thinking their physical health is “less important” during grief, or believing it is a vanity issue... and they’ll tend to it later. The truth? If we neglect the body in this season, we risk prolonging our emotional and spiritual and physical pain. Take it from me; as an RN of 14 years and a suicide widow, there are still things I wish I would have known that could have helped. Now, I can pass things on to you. Reframing Physical Care as Spiritual Love & Stewardship Your body is not an afterthought in grief recovery—it’s the place where your healing begins. It's also the only place you have to live. Scripture calls your body a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). This means that nourishing, moving, and resting your body is not selfish—it’s an act of love and worship. When you care for your body: Your mind thinks more clearly. Your emotions are steadier, and your mood is elevated. You decrease some of the negative health issues of widowhood. Grief recovery isn’t only about what you process emotionally—it’s also about how you support your body physically. An empowered widow becomes a proactive steward of her health, knowing that a cared-for body creates space for hope, healing, and can even aid a deeper connection with God. We are body, mind and spirit. One last, crucial word of empowerment. There isn't a one way line, starting at grief then going to the ways it influences your body. While health is affected, the impacts go both ways —how you treat your body can influence your grief journey. You can impact your experience of grief positively by loving and caring for the body you experience it in. 4 Gentle Ways to Steward Your Body in Widowhood You don’t need a military-style routine to start feeling the benefits. These small shifts can help you feel stronger, calmer, and more present with the Lord. The seeds you sow will produce fruit, sister; you can trust that. 💞 1) Gentle Movement That Lifts Your Mood Take a short daily walk in sunlight. Stretch while listening to worship music. Use light weights (or even soup cans) to start if needed. Movement helps release endorphins, reducing anxiety and supporting better sleep—both vital in grief. 2) Sleep Habits That Calm Your Nervous System Keep a consistent bedtime and wake-up time. Create a “wind-down” ritual—dim lights, avoid screens, read Scripture, or pray. Try calming aids like lavender, vetiver, or a weighted blanket. Deep sleep isn’t a luxury in grief—it’s when your brain does important emotional processing and parts of your body are healing. 3) Nutrition That Fuels Healing Choose foods that give you the nutrients and power you need, especially right now. Stay hydrated to help your body flush stress hormones. Keep simple, healthy snacks ready—nuts, boiled eggs, apple slices with nut butter. This is not dieting—it's giving your body the building blocks to repair and restore. 4) Boundaries That Protect Your Energy Say “no” to draining commitments but prioritize time with those you uplift you. Schedule important tasks for your highest-energy time of day. Follow Jesus’ example of withdrawing to rest (Mark 6:31). Boundaries help preserve your strength for the things God has truly called you to in this season. Your Body Matters to God Sister, this isn’t about vanity—it’s vital in widowhood to treat your body with love, and also to do the things that feel hard, but serve it. When you care for the temple God entrusted to you, you create the physical foundation your heart and spirit need to heal. Grief may feel like a wilderness, but tending to your body is one way to keep the ground fertile for hope. The Lord has not abandoned you here—He’s given you this body to steward, even in sorrow. Let’s be women who care for our temples so we can keep living with open hands, open hearts, and the strength to step into the future He has for us. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When God Feels Silent & Disconnected in Widowhood Sometimes, becoming a widow doesn’t just shatter your heart—it can fog your spiritual senses as well. I remember crying out to God one night after my husband died, wailing in the dark. The ache of grief pressed so heavy on my chest that I could physically feel it. I prayed, but I felt nothing; no peace, no presence. And I heard nothing but more silence. It was confusing and hurtful. This is when I needed Him the most, and I wasn't sure what to do. Though I had walked with God for many years, the tragedy and new life as a widow was a different kind of "valley" I had to walk through. Have you struggled to feel or hear Him here, too? It’s a spiritual pain many Christian widows experience—but few talk about out loud. After all, we love Him deeply, desire to honor Him, and want to walk widowhood in faith... so it's hard to find spaces to be honest about this struggle. Well sister, you've found it—let's talk about it here. Some widows stick with their spiritual disciplines, though they may seem emptier. You might read your Bible and feel nothing. Attend worship or sit in church, but want to run. Try to pray, but feel too discouraged, don't know what to say, or don't know if He's listening/will act. Others feel they can no longer read(the Word or much of anything else either), sing, pray and attend. The loneliness grows... and so does the feeling of being lost. It’s disorienting when the God who once felt near suddenly feels far or even absent. But sister, hear me: This spiritual numbness can be a fallout of trauma, and the Lord has not left you. The absence of feeling or hearing anything from God in your pain is not evidence of His silence or abandonment. It can actually be that your brain is in a state that is closed off to receiving any input: Dr. Karl Lehman coined specific brain circuits "Relational Circuits (RCs), which serve our longing and need for relationship. When these circuits are "on," we are able to experience the presence and relational connection of God and other people. When they are "off," we are often unable to relate and connect. "The activation of trauma-based feelings of being alone and in pain can turn off our RCs. The sudden blackout explains why we are sometimes unable to perceive Immanuel [God with us]." (Wilder, Kang, et al. (2020). Joyful Journey. p. 28.) One other reassurance. You need to know that although this feels new and terrible, you’re not alone in your questioning, Biblically speaking. Scripture shows us others who found themselves in similar feelings and struggles (and asked God in honesty). Here is just a couple examples: David, the “man after God’s own heart,” cried out in Psalm 13:1— How long , O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?” "I cry aloud to God... In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out... when I meditate, my spirit faints... I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago... Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time?" -Psalm 77:12, 4-5, 8 Widow sister, you aren't alone in these struggles. And that isn't just a phrase, but something you can count on. The God Who Meets You in the Silence If the Lord has indeed never left or abandoned (you or your husband), and if He is faithful to you in this suffering—how would you know in this place? As previously mentioned, there are very tangible, physical reasons for the "blackout," the disconnect we can feel relationally with God (and others) in our trauma. It's not because God isn't "big enough" or "able" to reach you through painful circumstances, but we are limited here, living in human bodies, with thoughts and ways that are not as high as His. So here are a few reminders to ground you back into truth in the painful widowhood fog: "Our hope is not found in understanding why God brings hardship into our lives. Our hope is not found in the belief that somehow we will [get] through [with Him]. Our hope is not found in [anyone/anything rescuing us]. Ultimately our hope rests in the faithful and gracious presence of the Lord with us." -Paul Tripp "Rejoice as you share in the suffering of Christ" (1 Peter 4:13) may seem like a repulsive calling in our pain, but we find that it actually means that "As our suffering joins with his, we find there is indeed nowhere we can go away from his love." -Danielle Cummings This painful and dark place that you don't want to be may be the most intimate place of Jesus' love that you will ever know, because He is so faithful to you that He is happy to be with you here. What changed everything for me was not forcing myself to “feel something,” or for it to have to look a certain way, but gently learning to stay open in a new way. Sister, your Lord is near. When grief dulls your senses, it’s not about trying harder. It’s about surrendering and trusting more deeply. And yes—there are gentle, Spirit-led ways to create space to reconnect to Him. 4 Ways to Reconnect With God When in Spiritually Numbness Let these be invitations—not obligations (remember, all things overflow from the heart, and your heart is what the Lord wants). These are small, sacred shifts to welcome His presence back into your daily life. 1) Use Sensory Cues to Set Up Connection God designed your body as a temple, and as we saw earlier, our bodily state does impact our spiritual one. Set up your environment, senses, and your physical experience to frame connection with the Lord. Use the senses He gave you to ground yourself and make your space feel safe again. Emotional responses and feelings are often processed first in the brain, meaning you feel before a you think about/can articulate a thought about an experience. This is because the limbic system, responsible for emotions, is more rapid in its processing than the prefrontal cortex, which handles conscious thought. So... before you ponder the depths of spiritual truths, allow your body to be open to connection and intimacy with your Lord. It matters to your experience of Him, especially in deep pain or trauma. Light a candle. Turn on soft worship. Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket. Get in a bubble bath. Take a barefoot walk in nature. Let your surroundings become a sanctuary. 2) Converse/Journal With These Gentle, Open-Ended Prompts Sometimes the simplest way to connect is making it easy. Ask in prayer, or write out, the Holy Spirit's prompting answers to these questions: “Jesus, where were you in my day today? Where did I see you?” (and thank Him for it- gratitude reconnects us! ) “Lord, I'm believing [ enter the lie or painful thought/belief here ]. What do you want me to know about that?” You don’t need a clear prophetic answer immediately. It’s the act of asking, waiting, and being willing to write or speak aloud what you hear (your humble attempt to hear from God) that bravely opens the relational doors. 3) Let His Words Comfort and Guide Try this: Sit with one passage, and invite the Holy Spirit to highlight one word or phrase. Or ask Him for and meditate on a specific promise(s) you need. Maybe it’s “I will never leave you.” Maybe it’s just “with you.” Or maybe He gives you a personal word. Try returning to and meditating on this promise/word for 40 days in a row—watch and feel the changes! 4) Pray Invitation-Based Prayers Sometimes “Help me, Lord,” is all you have. That’s okay. But here’s another simple prayer I will use: “Holy Spirit, I invite You into this moment. I trust You to meet me even here.” He will. Be looking for Him. Keep Listening, Keep Connecting Sister, if grief has clouded your ability to hear God, you're not broken. You're in the human experience. You’re not alone.; the Lord is still near. He hasn’t changed His mind about you or His favor toward you. Keep creating space. Keep showing up with open hands and a willing heart. He will meet you—even here. And when He does… it will be worth every quiet moment that led you to that encounter. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

While guilt after suicide loss is "common" and "expected," it is also devastating and even crippling to those left behind. If you’ve lost someone to suicide, you know the torment that follows. We look back, inspecting memories for warning signs, questioning our every word or action. We live in the "what ifs" and "if onlys," convinced that somehow, we could have/should have stopped it. We go looking for who (outside of the person) is "responsible/to blame." We might even repeatedly fantasize about things going differently, with a different scenario. I struggled with a lot of this, too. These thoughts are normal—but getting stuck in them keeps us trapped, and may even lead us to hopelessness ourselves. We become frozen in the past, reliving the trauma and pain. But guilt and shame are the Devil's playground. After the loss of my husband by suicide, I became so low that I attempted myself. And it was through my battle with the weight and darkness that I came to two critical truths—that had to become true beliefs of mine—that brought real freedom. I'll share them with you. Truth vs. Lies: The Holy, Freeing Work of Thought Work Before I share these two critical truths, I have to tell you: They won't mean anything if you don't let the lies go and make a decision to change your beliefs. Did you know you could do that? As a Coach, let me tell you, you can . And as a Christian, let me tell you, you must . Romans 12:2 says to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." You see, guilt after suicide loss centers around illusion of control. If you are stuck in guilt, you think you could have controlled it. But here's the foundation: No one could control the person who died by suicide. We first need to accept that while humans can influence and impact one another (sometimes significantly), we each have free will to make our own choices, and will stand responsible before God only for ourselves. There won't be finger-pointing before the Lord, as He will hold each person accountable for the only thing we can control: ourselves. When we can let go of control, here’s the two truths that will help set you free: 1) It was their decision Suicide, by definition, is acting to end your own life. If they passed by someone else's hands, it wouldn't be called suicide. They are an autonomous person made in the image of their Creator. Although painful, we have to accept that they chose to leave this life. Even if their mind and brain were sick, they make their own choices. **And though they made this choice, here’s another critical truth: Suicide is not an unforgivable sin. Biblically speaking, there is no such posture toward suicide. God’s grace covers their story. They're free now—no more torment, no more chains, and no accusation toward anyone else.** 2) It was not your decision It seems the same as #1, but hear it this way: You couldn't control them, and you couldn't make this choice for them. Even if there was conflict between you before they passed, if you triggered them, or even if they blatantly accused or blamed you related to their suicide, the ownership of their choice, and the responsibility for their own life, rests on them. Friend, it's not your job to carry what was never yours. As a suicide widow (and attempt survivor myself in the aftermath of losing my husband), I’ve battled this deeply. Healing began when I stopped playing on the playground of guilt and shame, and intentionally exchanged lies for truth. Let's briefly touch on some practical steps to moving forward through suicide survivor's guilt. How to Begin Moving Forward From Survivor's Guilt Here are two sacred parts of healing guilt after suicide: 1) Acceptance & Grieving Honestly True grief is critical in our journey of grief. Without honestly seeing and working through the very real heartbreak, we either get stuck in pain or try to bypass it. Neither is effective, or produces forward movement after loss. Here are some steps that are a quick read, but need depth and practice in suicide loss: Feel what you feel. Identify where it lives in your body and how you experience it. Don’t run from it. Name your thoughts. Write them. Speak them. Let them be raw.. Be honest with God. Invite Him into the mess. He already knows. Let Him love you here . Don't allow fear and shame to hide what festers in the dark. The light is where real grief begins. And with it, real healing. (You can dig into acceptance and true grief in the first post of a mini series HERE ) 2) Surrender & Release What Was Never Yours to Control It bears repeating: Guilt after suicide loss centers around illusion of control. If you are stuck in guilt, you think you could have controlled it. The foundation is that no one could control the person who died by suicide. These bullet points, again, are an easy read, but a repeated practice: Name their autonomy as you grieve their pain: "I am so sorry for your suffering, and I'm sad you made this choice." Surrender control of your person and the number of their days. Somehow, the Lord knew and is still sovereign over the redemption and resurrection that will come through (even this) death. Forgive the person: It hurt, even though it wasn't about you. The Lord's grace covers them fully. Forgive yourself: NOT because it was your fault, because you were never meant to be their Savior. But in any and every way you fell short of perfect love... and you know what? Perfect grace has you, too. Forward Into Freedom Sister, the weight of guilt, of “what if” and "if only" can never rewrite the story. The good news is you can lay it down. Forward movement happens when you stop grasping for control over the past and start surrendering their story back to the only One big enough to hold it: God. Yes, they made a tragic choice, and it changed everything for you, too. I am so sorry. But it was not your choice. And it was never your fault. Let that truth crack open your deeper healing, because God is not finished writing the story. He still brings beauty from ashes, and resurrection life from death. Your story isn't over yet. It can be one of deep-rooted confidence, Spirit-led healing, and a future built in freedom. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Nighttime Loneliness - An Intimate Struggle There’s something about the night in widowhood that can make it extra hard. When the house quiets, the world dims, and the noise of the day or children fades, the silence can roar with everything we’re carrying. The ache. The memories. The weight of another day without him... When we finally stop, we often feel more discomfort. I remember my second night of widowhood. I laid down, and found myself saying aloud (like I had so many nights), "Andre, would you cuddle me?" Only this time, there was no response... Just silence in a cold bed. Nights are brutal for many widows—not just emotionally, but spiritually . And if you’ve found yourself wondering if God hears you, if He’s near at all in your loneliness, you’re not alone in the struggle. But here’s what I learned, experientially, through my years of being a widow: Night, and bedtime, doesn’t have to be a hopeless hour for you. This space can still be sacred and intimate - in a new way - with the Lord. Widowhood Nights As Holy Space Although we prefer to be sleeping and have a break from the feelings of grief, we see throughout Scripture that God shows up powerfully in the night for His people: Jacob wrestled with the Lord through the night and was transformed- even renamed. Paul and Silas worshipped in prison at midnight, and chains literally broke. Jesus cried out to the Father in the Garden in the dark hours before the cross. In fact, God may even draw closer and seek connection in the quiet of the night, and our hearts can do the same: God personally called Samuel's name three times in the night, and when Samuel finally replied with, "Speak, for your servant is listening," the Lord did . (1 Samuel 3) "I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I will sing for joy." -Psalm 63:6-7 This can be our posture as well. When you grieve, struggle to sleep or you feel like the only one awake in the world, that sacred space may actually become your place of deepest encounter. That isn’t just spiritual sentiment. It’s a divine, relational reality. And there are practical, Spirit-filled ways to experience God as a widow (yes, at bedtime/in the night!) and deepen your connection with Him. What to Do With the Silence & Loneliness Here are four simple (but powerful when implemented) ways to begin reclaiming the night as a space of peace and presence: 1. Establish a Peace-Giving Evening Ritual Bedtime routines have been shown to reduce stress and benefit sleep through regulation of our circadian rhythm. Here are a few tips: Keep your bedtime consistent, limit screens and caffeine hours before, light a candle, dim the lights, and take a warm bath. In addition to considering your physical state, care for your spiritual state as well: Put on gentle worship or instrumental music. Create a small sanctuary in your space—a cue to your Spirit that the Lord is near, and rest is coming. 2. Breathe— with Intention and Scripture Yes, we're going to hit on breathing specifically (don't eye roll me😉). The impact of breath work has been proven in a variety of areas, from coping with trauma and vagus nerve regulation to Olympic athletics... don't underestimate its power to change your state of body and mind! If you struggle to sleep, you can even purchase a dodow device, which uses breath work to help you fall asleep faster (it has helped me). When your mind is struggling too, meditation on truth/praying something simple while also breathing slowly can be highly effective. Do it on repeat: Breathe in: "You are with me." Breathe out: "I will not fear." Or even: Breathe in: "Je-" Breathe out: "-sus" Remember, these are practices... which take time and, well, practice. ❤️ 3. Reflect on God in Your Day/Present Moment Answer these questions thoughtfully, giving thanks for the answers: “Where did I see You today?” "What do you want to give me, show me, or tell me right now?" 4. Have Others Pray Over You This one can be so powerful and helpful, but challenging at night time. We often don't want to disturb others at these hours, or they aren't available even if we reach out. However, it has been my experience that Holy Spirit-led prayer impacted my nights profoundly . And I've created a resource just for this reason, to be available to my widow sisters at any nighttime moment they need it: Prayers for Widows: Hope for Lonely, Hard Nights. I have provided both short written prayers, as well as three audio prayers for comfort, sleep and HOPE . The Lord led me to record these for you during my own time of fasting and prayer. You can even listen while lying in bed. No striving. Just receiving. (Step 4 is an easy one, isn't it!?) It's free and created with Spirit-filled love: PrayersForWidows.com Relational Hope Sister, I know the night can feel like the loneliest place in the world. But this space can be reframed, so that you experience that you are not alone . “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” —Psalm 34:18 Although my late husband couldn't respond to my request to be held, I later had encounters with the Lord where He cuddled me in my bed. I never knew that was possible until my widowhood. Let tonight be the start of something new, for you: Not just surviving another long night… but opening your hands to receive the God who meets you there. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood feels like being sentenced to a life void of goodness... But what you believe about it is everything . There were days I looked around my life—his empty seat at the table, the mounting bills, four kids without a father, the silence in the night—and thought, “This is it now. This is my life.” Pain had become the new normal. Grief filled every corner. And I didn’t dare dream of joy or purpose again—because honestly, I didn’t think those things belonged to me anymore. I mean, I was a widow now. Maybe you’re there too. You're surviving, going through the motions. And part of you is wondering if this season will ever feel like anything more than survival. Or perhaps you've gained some traction and are in "life maintenance mode." Here’s the truth that changed so much for me: Widowhood may be a wilderness—but it’s not a wasteland. It’s holy ground for the Lord to do a mighty work in and through you. Reframing Widowhood: A Sacred Wilderness, Not Wreckage Widowhood feels like being lost, with no map and no companion. But throughout Scripture, God has always used wilderness seasons to form, reveal. and even bless . 🔸 Joseph — Betrayed, enslaved. He spent many years suffering and in prison, with no rescue in sight. Yet he was never forgotten by God, who remained with Him and used that time to prepare him for a position of influence that would save nations. “But the Lord was with Joseph and showed him steadfast love...” – Genesis 39:21 Do you feel forgotten by God or like losing your husband was a mistake on God's end? Might you be open to His faithful care and plan for you in this, as He had for Joseph? 🔸 David — Anointed, waited... then ran for his life. Do you know what happened after the Prophet Samuel anointed David (as a boy) in front of his family as the future king?! He got sent back out to tend sheep... for many years . Talk about anti-climatic. And still before David ever wore a crown, he hid in caves, running from enemies, questioning his future. Yet those were the years God used to shape and refine his heart for leadership. 🔸 Jesus — Led into the wilderness before public ministry. Even Jesus (God in human flesh!), spent 40 days in a barren place—fasting, wrestling, preparing for ministry... and it was according to God's plan. Not because the plan got thwarted. My widow sister, you’re in good company in this wilderness! And here’s the HOPE you must hold to: This season is not a punishment. It’s preparation. It’s not a dead end. It’s a divine setup. And your widowhood is not a detour—it’s a holy assignment. Your Power Lies in What You Do With It Don't misunderstand this as invalidation or gaslighting. I’m not saying what happened was good or that the pain disappears. I’m not pretending brokenness is good or that death isn't an enemy. But I am saying this : The Lord knew this tragedy was coming, has planned to walk with you through it, and can use it for His glory and your good. You don’t have to wait for joy, purpose, or clarity to “someday” find you. You can start walking in your wilderness with power today. Let’s talk about how. 3 Steps to Walk Your Wilderness With Purpose 1. Shift the question from “Why me?” to “How/What now, Lord?” It’s normal to ask why. But staying there gets sticky. Begin asking God: “How can I get closer and deeper with you here?” “How do You want me to show up today?” “What goodness do you have for me going forward, in the land of the living?” “What do you want to give me, show me, or tell me right now?” Widowhood didn’t surprise Him. We didn't and don't want it, yes. But it’s not outside His plan, and it can't prevent the good things He has ahead for you. 2. Anchor your identity in His truth—every day. When grief is loud, the Spirit can still speak louder. Ask Him for specific declarations, promises and truths to hold onto. Put it in front of you daily. Post it on your mirror. Say it out loud. Again and again. I needed these reminders in front of me on every one of my darkest days. (PS- this is a reason one of my girls and I created our family HOPE Shop of hand-designed, tangible reminders of truth... to get other people through theirs! May they bless you or someone you love.❤️) 3. Take one faithful step forward. You don’t need a 5-year plan, friend. You need a next step. That could look like: Starting a new routine that brings a sense of peace and intention into your day Intentionally connecting instead of isolating (coffee with a loved one, joining a support group, meeting a new friend, etc.) Taking care of your physical and mental health (schedule the checkup, exercise, do something active you love) Dare to dream again (try writing what you feel called to ahead- any visions, hopes or desires to pursue) Remember, just like Joseph, David, Jesus and others... This wilderness season is only part of your story! God is still writing it. You’re Not Just Surviving. You’re Being Transformed. This wilderness you’re walking through? It’s not proof that God has left you. It’s proof that He is transforming and preparing you. “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; He will never leave you nor forsake you.” – Deuteronomy 31:8 Your story isn't sidelined—it's sacred. Your hope isn't on hold—it’s available right now. And you? You’re not powerless. You’re walking with the same Spirit that raised Jesus from the dead. That means this wilderness will not be the end of your story... And you can partner with Him to step into the good things he has planned for you—right here and ahead! Ready to Reclaim More Than Just Functioning? If this message stirred something in you—if you're ready to walk forward, not in fear, but in faith—I want to invite you to take your next steps with me. ➡️ Visit www.hopespeaker.com/coaching There, you can learn more about getting Holy Spirit-led guidance through widowhood—with clarity and support from someone who's been there—so you don’t have to walk this season alone. You were never meant to. With you in the wilderness, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Ache of Being Alone in Your Loss Loneliness is one of the primary named struggles of widowhood. And that is significant loneliness ... Considering it is an epidemic in our common human experience before being widowed. When your husband dies, you lose your partner in the areas that are most important, and the person with whom you spend most of your time. This can mean your home life, family, intimacy, travel, adventures, hobbies, sports, even your sleeping and other areas of life have all now become empty and void of their presence. Additionally, grief adds another layer to loneliness, because people often pull away from those navigating painful loss, or fail to come alongside sufferers well. Let's be honest and full of grace, as there are many reasons for this: Most people (including us) don't know exactly what to say or do when faced with tragedy It's easier to hide and pull away then show up for grievers People already feel overwhelmed with life Suffering, and facing it honestly, scares people Most would rather avoid or cling to positivity and quick fixes than experience the discomfort of sitting in the ashes with someone who’s broken/hurting But isn't it ironic that we have each felt so alone in times of our own darkness, and yet we also avoid truly coming alongside people in theirs? My beloved Christian widow sister: You aren't spiritually immature or a hopeless cause if you aren't polished, positive, and back to smiling. You don't have to fake it or clean yourself up to be accepted. And he fact is, you need people in grief who will companion you well. Let's touch on what that means, and how to identify the characteristics. Companioning in Grief Is the Way Forward We know what it feels like when someone tries to “fix” our grief, make our loss smaller or tells us to live like it's not there. But what does it look and feel like to experience a different, healthy and powerful way for someone to come alongside us? Dr. Alan Wolfelt, a leading voice in grief education, teaches something I believe every widow needs to understand as she finds and chooses those who can enter deeper into widowhood with her: Companioning is a sacred way of walking with someone in sorrow—not trying to change, push or fix them, but simply to be with them in a way that is truly connecting and helpful. People need more than a message of hope to get out of the depths. They need us to embody it with them there. This is what widows are often aching for, when the person they would go to for support is the one who died. Not advice or platitudes. But like Jesus; loving presence in our pain. Because when we feel seen, known, and our struggle is validated, we are often more open to stop defending our grief, cling to it, and can have forward movement in the journey with that safe person. What to Look For in a Grief Companion If you're walking through grief—here are 4 characteristics of an empathetic grief companion, drawn from Dr. Wolfelt’s Companioning Model. While no one will be perfect, consider these traits green flags in considering who to open up to/go deeper with on your journey of grief: 1. Presence Over Fixing They don't try to solve your grief or push you out of it They speak the Word over and to you, but they don't quote Scripture to bypass your pain They can just be with you, even in silence or with a hug 2. Understanding that the Griever Is the Expert They don't try to push or drag you to a different place, especially without mourning with you They respect your need to honor your person and your story They don't only give you advice/tell you what to do They are able to come alongside because they can experience their own grief in authentic and healthy ways 3. Bear Witness Without Judgment They can come alongside the mess without guilting, shaming, minimizing or invalidating your journey 4. Look for Genuineness and Warmth The relationship feels safe, and the connection has genuine empathy (trust your gut) They are honest and authentic, and build trust over time PS- Here's a bonus video including more on the topic of today's blog and Dr. Wolfelt's expertise: Watch: Stuck in Grief—Here’s What Most People Get Wrong Keep Your Healing Heart Open I call these types of grief companions as "the faithful few," because they are often rare gems. You cannot expect these behaviors- most people don't "get it" and their own limitations keep them from being this for you. But don't give up praying for and seeking these treasured friends. They may come out of the woodwork where you least expect them. You may find them in a grief or support group, another church or church group, through a widow's event, or even through someone else you know. Please stay open to finding a faithful friend, rather than closing off, isolating or giving up. Also, when (not if) people fail you, and you them, remember the grace that covers all, and remain rooted in the Love of Him who walks alongside you as the perfect faithful grief companion. This is a holy journey: keep your heart and eyes open to how the Lord meets you through faithful people, lots of random people and acts, and most of all through His Holy Spirit in you. And as we have opportunity, may we be brave enough to offer the same companionship we so badly needed ourselves. With you, Rachel 💛Ready for a Widowhood Grief Companion and Guide?💛 If your heart is longing for safe, faith-filled connection and support in your grief—that still has forward movement—you have found your Coach! You can heal, grow and rebuild a life you love again. And, you don’t have to do this alone anymore. Learn more about Coaching with me HERE. 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

🥀 Widowhood Is Savage Let's just be real about it. In one sense, widowhood has the potential to bring out the very worst in you. When you have lost your husband, you instantly lose so much more in regards to your needs... leaving a gaping hole in relationship, sex, parenting, finances, future, protection and so much more. You are left with chaos, pain, and instability in all kinds of ways. When you are already so lonely, and with such low bandwidth and capacity (plus a heavier load to bear alone), you are even more likely to lose willpower battles, feel weak, or give up. It is an extremely vulnerable time. As a widow tries to cope, she may find herself struggling in behaviors and survival tactics she never imagined, or doing things - wrong things - she never thought she would do. Addictions. Unhealthy patterns. Wrong relationship(s). Destructive coping. Sin. Isolation. Secrets. Failure to get out. Shame. That's a downward spiral. While we certainly all have challenges in our widowhood, we need to be really honest. If you know it’s wrong—or if you’ve tried to stop and can’t—you’re not just hurting. You’re stuck. And maybe you've been stuck for a long time. But here’s what I need you to know: Grace, mercy, and change can still meet you here . Yes, in the mess of widowhood. Because by doing whatever it takes to find freedom on the other side of the struggle, widowhood has the potential to bring out the very best in you, too. 🌹 Stuck in the Shame Spiral Do you have any secrets or dark struggles in your widowhood? Secret behaviors? A secret or illicit relationship? Secret coping mechanisms that are destructive to you? Here’s the truth that's hard to acknowledge: Anything that’s hidden grows in the dark. But when you're grieving and struggling to find safe, healthy relationships in your journey—you're already isolated without support. Because almost nobody outside the trenches truly "gets it" when it comes to widowhood. And because you don't feel like there's anyone—or any place—safe enough to bring it into the light. "Who could I tell, and talk to?" "Who will understand and not judge further?" "Who would know my worst and now add to my pain and shame?" So you keep it quiet. Keep it secret. Try to pray and read and fight it on your own. But you haven't gotten free. You're still stuck. And it's taking the life, joy, and peace you desperately need to heal and rebuild in your widowhood. THIS is your sign, sister. You have found a safe place, and your secret struggle needs to be told and shed. Bring It to Light, Seek Support & Let God Begin the Work Perhaps you have a struggle that isn't morally wrong, but is unhealthy, destructive or something painful you can't seem to get out of. It affects your grief journey, darkens your lens on life and breeds hopelessness. It may be emotional eating, or neglecting your body, causing health decline. Or perhaps sleeping to cope with it all, to the detriment of your home or your kids. Maybe you feel a crisis of faith in your relationship with God that is causing you distress in your grief as it is not addressed. Or perhaps it is sin. An addiction you use to cope with your daily life (sexual relationship(s), substances, p0rnography, gambling, and more). Perhaps it involves your anger or rage. As a woman of faith, I know that we are all sinners, and that Christ's mercy is far deeper than our worst failure. We also must own our own life. This quote from Dietrich Bonhoeffer is revealing: "The more isolated a person is, the more destructive will be the power of sin over him, and the more deeply he becomes involved in it, the more disastrous is his isolation. Sin wants to remain unknown. It shuns the light. In the darkness of the unexpressed it poisons the whole being of a person." This isn't about shame or making everything into sin, but it is about healing and recovery. Whatever battle you are in, you don’t have to fight alone anymore, sister. In fact, you were never meant to. Healing doesn’t come through hiding—it comes through being known  in a sacred, judgment-free space and letting God begin to unravel the chains. And you are worthy of every resource (time, money, effort, etc.) to find freedom and forward movement... instead of the road you've been on. And listen, sister—your secrets may feel like they define you. But they don’t. They’re just the battlefield. Freedom is still possible. Five Questions in the Path to Break the Cycle If something in your spirit is stirring right now, stop scrolling. Let's dig a little deeper. Take out your journal—or open a blank note—and answer these four questions with brutal honesty : 1) Where am I stuck in secrets or unhealthy behaviors in my widowhood? This might be physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual. Say it plain. You are shedding light to name it honestly. What are you struggling with? What do you need to stop or change? 2) What have I tried to do to end the cycle or get unstuck? And, why do I think it hasn’t worked? This is where we stop the surface-level solutions and dig deep. Name your attempts at change, and why you honestly believe they failed. 3) What am I believing this destructive action gives me? What does it give me (temporarily)? It has become your solution for a reason. Does it give you: Comfort? Escape? Control? Companionship? If it's hard to find an answer, you can also ask: What is my resistance to letting it go? 4) What is the cost of this? Time for more brutal honesty. Is it truly helping—or costing you even more? What is at stake for you, your children, for others, if you continue? 5) Am I willing to make it known, get help, and pursue freedom in this area? Gently, I tell you- if you don't care and don't want to change, it will never happen. Everything really culminates to this: Am I willing to do whatever it takes to heal and rebuild in hope and joy? If the answer is yes, even if you feel feeble or unsure... you’re ready. I hold so much belief for you and with you. There are different paths you can take, but here is my offering to you: If you are willing to get real and start, I’ll walk with you the rest of the way to breaking chains and rebuilding a life you want again. You can learn more about Coaching with me here . Your secret doesn't define you. But your next step might just set you free. Even this has the potential to bring out the best in you, sister. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When my husband died, I knew my world was forever changed. I expected grief and sadness. But I didn’t expect the changes in dynamics and relational pain with family and in-laws. When things already felt fragile, I also needed to navigate differing expectations, roles and have conversations I never imagined having without him by my side. I had to face indirect and direct blame for his suicide, and the family situations I knew forever changed. If you’re a widow who has had family relationships strained in hurtful ways—you are not alone in these losses. Sometimes Losing Your Husband Means Losing Family, Too At least, losing the way family used to be... which can be excruciating. One of the most painful realities of widowhood is that your entire relational world changes. Not just internally—how you see yourself, how you operate without your spouse—but externally, in the way others now interact with you. I have connected with enough widows to know how common it is, although the losses can come in many forms. The in-laws who once felt like parents and considered you a daughter might become distant, absent—or perhaps invasive or angry. Sibling relationships are strained. Your role in family traditions gets questioned—or erased. When you get cut out, you must acknowledge the reality that the family "bonds" were conditional, limited, or weren't based in a relationship with you . And sometimes, even your own family starts to feel unfamiliar. Your husband may have had an important role in your interactions with your biological family that have now shifted. And sometimes, it's those closest to you that bring the most harm in widowhood. Or perhaps it's you who has changed, and people expect you to stay the same through tragedy. The fact is that everyone has lost an important person, and may cope with it differently. In the case of suicide (even though it may be acknowledged that the person made their own choice to end their life), there can also be underlying or blatant blame to the spouse for their "contribution." Finding the "guilty one" in suicide loss is the Devil's playground- and it's excruciatingly common for suicide widows to encounter. The emotional mess of grief has a way of colliding with everyone else’s expectations, coping mechanisms, and unresolved pain. And rejection/mistreatment from family hits widows HARD. Widowhood often exposes the fragility of human relationships. And that can feel like another loss entirely. Thankfully, we have ground and HOPE to stand on that is rock solid. You Can Stay Grounded and Empowered—No Matter What Others Choose Here’s the shift that changed everything for me (when it went from intellectual knowledge to practice that is!): My stability doesn’t depend on other people’s behavior or acceptance of me. It depends on my true identity, and how I manage myself. We may not get to control the way others grieve, respond, or treat us—but we do have the authority, through Christ, to stay grounded, set boundaries, and seek support in healthy ways. Your role in your family, and/or with your in-law family may have changed, but your eternal relationship and calling haven’t been canceled—they can actually be clarified. Listen to these truths and let them soak deep. People's inability to embody or reflect the love of God does not diminish how the Lord offers it to you. "So then you are no longer strangers, but... members of the household of God... In him you also are being built together into a dwelling place for God by the Spirit." -Ephesians 2:19, 22 "See what kind of love the Father has given to us, that we should be called children of God; and so we are!" -1 John 3:1 Finally, in Romans 11:17, Paul explains that those who were previously not "in" as a part of God's family have been grafted in, with the same rights, inheritance, and relationship as His chosen people. SO. HAVE. WE! Even if you have experienced the opposite in your widowhood, or lack a healthy and safe family to call "home," you are invited, chosen, and included with the Lord. It is from this place that we must root ourselves as we look at practical steps to navigating family challenges in widowhood. How to Stay Grounded When Family Dynamics Get Complicated 1. Communicate About Hard Things (Even When It's Messy) Conflict is inevitable in grief, when everyone’s hurting. Instead of trying to judge motivations or change others, focus on managing your own thoughts, feelings, and actions. Have the hard conversations. Be honest, but clear and kind. Initiate discussions, not to fix people, but to express needs and values. What happens (or doesn't happen) from there isn't on you. Self Reflection: What’s one family situation where communication could bring clarity or peace? 2. Set Boundaries That Honor God and Protect Your Peace Boundaries aren’t about control or punishment. They’re about protection—creating space for you to remain safe, stable, and obedient to what God’s asking of you. A boundary is not about their response; it’s about your responsibility. You get to choose how and where you will show up in the relationship... in a place and way that glorifies God. Self Reflection: Is there a boundary you need to set—or reinforce—with someone? Or perhaps, is there a boundary of someone else's that you need to honor? 3. Seek Support (Even If It Doesn’t Come from Family) As much as it sucks, the support and help you need as a woman without a husband may not come from the family you have remaining. Despite culture, past experience or your expectations... "family" may no longer look the way you hoped. Or worse, it may not be what is healing or helpful to you/your children. It’s okay to have needs!! And it’s okay to get them met in places outside of your original circle. Just because support doesn’t come from those related to you doesn’t mean it can’t be found. Keep seeking. Keep asking. I have found the church and faithful friends have been more consistent than family. There are also community organizations that can help fill the gap. Reflect: What are 2–3 practical needs you have right now—and who could you ask for help? Heart Note - Forward Movement in the Lord I used to believe that if the people closest to me wouldn't show up, I must be asking too much (even if I was drowning). But the truth is, God often brings new people into our lives to meet the needs that old relationships no longer can. And that doesn’t make you disloyal. It makes you discerning. You are not left behind, sister. You are called forward. You don’t have to be defined by other people’s limitations or dysfunction—you can be defined by God’s direction. Keep taking steps forward. With you, Rachel 🙏 Want help navigating the emotions and practical steps of all the struggles of widowhood? Access free resources here , or schedule a coaching consult ation with me to learn how together, we can help you reclaim HOPE & confidently rebuild a life you can love again! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

I remember sitting on the floor in a tiny room outside of a small counseling office, flustered and exhausted, trying to keep 3 of my children quiet while the 4th had a therapy session on the other side of the door. I had just picked them all up from school, and we had another therapy session for another child after the one we were all at. I was trying so hard to get everyone what they needed after their Daddy/ Uncle Daddy, had died by suicide. But it would be some time before I realized that the burdened and compacted lifestyle of constant hole-plugging (I was trying to keep the family "ship" afloat, alright?) was actually having negative effects. I had thought that the impossible load was just how life was now. Me doing life alone, trying to carry all these children on my back... trying to keep everyone alive. But that was just it. Survival mode can't be the new, forever normal. And it became glaringly obvious after my first attempt to end my own life in the wake of his death. Widowhood isn’t just losing your spouse—it’s parenting in the aftermath of that loss as well. And it is so important that we keep wisdom and balance as we walk it out, recognizing that our own health is the foundation to it all in these discussions. There's a lot of value in today's post. Let's dig in, sister! Grieving as a Widow and  a Mom Let's be honest. It's tough when you're both the one who's lost and the one the little people around you look to. Here are a few ways that it's messy: You’re in the thick of your own pain—yet still need to show up for your children and their needs. Your kids may express grief in ways that confuse or hurt you (acting out, shutting down, emotional regression) and your bandwidth already feels low. You feel guilty when you’re not “strong,” or when you miss signs of their grief. You fear that your grief might burden them… but hiding it doesn’t feel honest, either. You may wonder: How can I help them process their pain when I don’t know what to do with my own? The burden isn’t just grief—it’s the pressure to guide someone else through it while feeling lost yourself. While nothing erases the weight of this dual journey, there are lifelines that can help you support your children while tending to your own healing. You Don’t Have to Choose Between Their Healing and Yours In fact, you can't. Because you (your well-being) are the foundation to both. It's just like the instruction before takeoff from the flight attendants: "Put your oxygen mask on first, then assist your children to put on theirs." I mean, I'm a Nurse! I should have known better, right?! But everything in me defaulted to becoming a sacrifice on their behalf, which seemed loving... until there was nothing left of me. And at the end of me, there was no helping them. So, in this challenging dynamic, cover yourself and your children with grace, and keep in mind: Healing is not either them or you. It’s both/and. While very hard to accept: Widowed Mama, your healing must come first. This is how you give them the best (safety, emotional stability, and spiritually availability, etc.). If you ignore your own pain, your children will inevitably feel the weight of it/its consequences—even if they can’t name it. You set the emotional tone of the home. If you’re shut down, maxed out, or constantly running on empty, it’s not sustainable—for you or them. Show them what faith-filled healing looks like (let your honesty open doors for theirs). You can’t pour from an empty cup—but when your cup is being refilled by God’s grace, your children get to drink from it, too. You don’t need to have it all figured out—you just need to be willing to take steps with Holy Spirit. Now let’s look at some practical, research-based, age-appropriate ways to care for your child’s grief—and your own. How to Support You, & Your Grieving Child (at Every Stage) 1. Invest in Support for Yourself First You cannot walk your child through grief well if you’re buried under it. Whether it’s therapy, support groups, coaching, self-help books, or other options—your healing is foundational to theirs. I always remind people that they are worth whatever resources needed (time, money, effort, resources) to stay alive, to heal, and to rebuild . Believe it! If you are providing support to children but it all feels overwhelming (like my story at the start of this blog), check in with Holy Spirit for guidance about saying "no." Support shouldn't be running you into the ground. Remember, your kids don’t need a perfect mom. They need a healing one who invites them to heal too. 2. Communicate Openly and Age-Appropriately When my husband passed by suicide, there were people very close to me who told me I shouldn't share how he passed with my kids. While I believe the decision belongs to each widow, I am grateful that I didn't choose out of fear. My gut told me that honesty was important for trust in this grief journey with my children, and I knew if they didn't hear it from me, they would eventually... from someone else. Later, the input from a children's grief specialist affirmed my decision. But how do we have these hard conversations with our kids (suicide or not)? Here's a couple tips: Keep the conversation door open. They may not want to go deep when you plan to. They may also bring it up out of the blue. Be ready and open when they are. Avoid vague language with young children such as “he went to sleep”—they often have black-and-white thinking, and may interpret this literally. I told my children, "Daddy died by suicide. He did something to his body that caused him to die." Be ready to revisit and repeat. Grief matures as your child does, so they may revisit the death over time with new questions or emotions. You may be surprised at how much you will need to repeat (they are in a fog, too). Not every question they have needs an answer right now, if not age appropriate. While I want the door to communication open, I have also not gone into horrific details with young ones, even when they have asked for specifics. But I do let them know we will return to it and talk together when they are older. 3. Understand What Grief Looks Like at Different Ages This chart give some helpful insight into grief at different childhood stages: Age Range Common Grief Behaviors Ages 3–5 Regressed behavior, confusion about death permanence, clinginess, magical thinking Ages 6–9 Fears of abandonment, somatic (bodily) symptoms, acting out, constant questions Ages 10–13 Isolation, defiance, sadness, identity confusion Teens Withdrawal, anger at God or parent, rebellion, risky behavior, deep internalization 4. Create Structure and Stability Routine helps anchor children when everything else feels chaotic... and it can be regulating for us, too! Although it's a hard time and discipline of any kind may seem too harsh, remember: Boundaries still matter—structure is an act of love and safety for both of you. 5. Use Tools for Emotional Expression Art, journaling, grief books, music, talking, role play with dolls/stuffed animals, physical movement. If your child is struggling, investigate art therapy, play therapy, occupational therapy... There are many resources available that might fit just what they need. Create "grief rituals" they can turn to when missing Dad (light a candle, prayer time, memory box, etc.). 6. Model and Invite Honest Faith Let them see you be human, cry, and also lean on Jesus. Pray aloud when you’re hurting, and let them see you model running to the Lord in your need. “Jesus, we need You. We’re so sad. Please help us today.” Don’t default to spiritualizing grief by jumping over feelings/ the process and telling them why it's all ok. Instead, make space for their honest feelings, struggles, and questions about God. In It Together Widowed mothering isn't like anything else. And you know what? We're not only in the trenches together, but we are equipped and upheld by One who sees all, knows all, and is so eager to walk this with you. Friend, you’re walking your kiddos through the valley of the shadow of death with courage. You are still here. Still showing up. Still loving them deeply. And that is everything. With you, Rachel If you’re a widowed mom and feel hopeless, helpless or lonely... I am here to support you in healing and taking confident steps toward a brighter future. My 1:1 widow coaching is built for this sacred space. Book a free consult and let’s talk. You’re not alone in this. Coaching Consultation 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When we are in the wake of tragedy, and all we see is loss, it’s hard to believe anything good could ever come for us again. I know the weight of hopelessness—to the point of attempting suicide after my husband died by the same. I understand what it feels like to have your life stolen from you in a way that seems unrecoverable. And while true grief- acknowledging our very valid pain and losses- is a vital step in our grief journey, it's not the final destination . Healthy grief actually does have a forward movement, where you incorporate loss into your life but you don't stop living it . When grief becomes a whirlpool of pain we circle that keeps leading to rock bottom, we're in a bad cycle. We often get stuck repeatedly looking back and only wanting/trying to live the old life we had. But here’s the truth that isn't named enough (because if we're honest, we grievers don't want to hear it): You won’t recover the same life. How could you, when he will never again be in it? However, that doesn’t mean your life is over. If we still want hope, joy, and a life we can love again, we must be willing to shift our gaze and look ahead to the possibilities of our future. Sister, there is a ground underneath you that does not shake. It is the promise of resurrection—not of what was, but of a new thing the Lord will do in, through, and for you. Doing CPR on a Life That No Longer Exists After loss—especially the traumatic, gutting kind that comes with widowhood or suicide loss—so many of us get stuck in grief. It impacts who we become, and the entire rest of our lives. We’re not trying to rebuild; we’re often busy performing CPR on our former life. Forgive the metaphor if it is triggering to you, but I find it not only fitting in widowhood, but relatable as a former RN (including ER and ICU Nursing). CPR is performed for resuscitation- trying to revive someone that is unconscious or dead. As widows, we know what it's like to walk in the valley of the shadow of death. Our losses aren't imagined; we feel the realities every day. We grieve our person, the future we planned... The version of life that held our past joy, security, and identity. And so, naturally, we fight to bring that same version back. Both our subconscious and conscious mind wrestle, doing CPR. "What if.....? Would he still be here? If only...." The memories of life with our person we sit with at the bottom of the whirlpool Being in denial, pain, and closed off to future hope Being stuck in anger and defense of our grief But the CPR on our old life doesn't work; unfortunately it can never come back. The problem is when we try to permanently survive in the ruins instead of rising from them. We believe the lie that we’re stuck here forever. That this is all that’s left. That resurrection isn’t possible. But God doesn't ask you to live in the ashes. He invites you to trade them for beauty... God Is Doing a New Thing Here’s what I want you to know, sister: In Christ, death is not the end- resurrection follows. I want you to know that it is coming, for you. It may not look like the life you had before, but it will be life . It will be good . There is a new chapter being written. As painful as it may be to hear: you were never meant to recover what was— you are meant to receive what’s ahead. This isn’t about minimizing your pain or pretending your loss doesn’t matter. It’s about holding the truth that while life as you knew it may be over, your story is not, because it is still being written! HOPE is available to you. Trust/fall back on the coming resurrection of your hope, joy, & future dreams. Death is not the end. It precedes a resurrection that is coming—with certainty. Even if you can’t see it or feel it yet. Even if it feels impossible. We can’t always trust what our dark perceptions are telling us. But we can trust the God who speaks light into darkness. How to Step Into Resurrection Living If you're open to stopping CPR on your old life, and instead taking the loss and growth with you into your new life, here are a few places to start: 1) Name the Deaths You’re Still Grieving Not just your husband, but the dreams, the identity, the future you pictured. Say them out loud. Write them down. Acknowledge what has been lost. We can't skip the early steps of grief. Validating and empathizing with the pain is a place we begin. But it's not the only step... 2) Ask: What If God Wants to Rebuild Something Beautiful? What if your future isn’t a consolation prize (given to last place)—but a new, divinely-authored chapter that could hold as much love, purpose, and joy as the first? What might some of your future hopes and dreams be? A large part of rebuilding starts HERE: Your openness and willingness to receive the future possibilities. If you close off or reject them, you can be certain you will not experience them. 3) Speak Resurrection Truth Over Yourself When hopelessness hits, declare what's real. Here are some powerful Biblical truths for widows: "See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland." -Isaiah 43:19 "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." -Psalm 27:13 "So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten... And it shall come to pass afterward that... I will pour out My Spirit in those days." -Joel 2:25, 28-29 "For the trumpet will sound, and the dead will be raised imperishable, and we shall be changed. For this perishable body must put on the imperishable, and this mortal body must put on immortality." -1 Cor. 15:52-53 "But we do not want you to be uninformed about those who [have passed away], that you may not grieve as others do who have no hope." -1 Thess. 4:13 4) Take a Step What would taking a step toward embracing hope look like for you? Maybe it means allowing yourself to get excited about future desires. Maybe it means taking a first step toward a new dream. Maybe that means investing in yourself through coaching with me or another widow coach. Maybe it just means getting super honest in prayer. But take one small step forward. Time to Shift The repeated moments I stopped trying to live in my old life and finally allowed myself to open to what might still be ahead, changed everything. It was not in denial. Not in forgetting. But in faith. And something shifted. Sure, it was scary! And it didn’t make the pain disappear. But it made space for the possibility of joy, peace, and HOPE. Friend, there is more ahead for you. It will not always be the way it is right now. He is faithful to you. And your story isn’t over yet. With you, Rachel Our Family HOPE Shop *In case you didn't know* One of my girls and I hand-design tangible reminders of hope... because we needed to see them in every one of our darkest days after losing Andre. The HOPE Shop exists to help other people in their dark days. Whether for you or as a gift, our items made with love (tote bags, mugs, shirts, hats, stickers and more) are a reminder of truth and HOPE. Plus, every purchase supports the work we do for widows and suicide prevention. It doesn't get better than that! Start shopping and Join the Movement of HOPE! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!