100 Weeks: Abundant Reasons to Keep Hoping in Widowhood
If you're a Christian widow looking for encouragement as you navigate grief and wonder what comes next, you're in the right place. 💗
The Hope Speaker Blog has been pouring into Christian widows for 100 weeks now.
We're celebrating one hundred weeks of writing about grief, faith, loneliness, identity, healing, relationships, purpose, rebuilding, and joy.
And after all of those weeks, I don't have 100 easy answers for widowhood's pain and devastation... But I do have abundant reasons to keep hoping.
I can't promise you exactly how this will turn out for your story. But sister, I can promise that if you keep going, and keep healing, you are going to make it.
This is a season, and today's reality isn't your forever reality. This is not all there is for you.
So wherever you may be right now with your grief, exhaustion, loneliness, and confusion, here are seven quick areas I want to give you HOPE in, today.
1) Will this pain ever end?
Whether you are a new widow or struggling at any amount of time after losing him, this can be something we wrestle with.
Now, I am all about boldly sharing hope, but never in a way that minimizes or invalidates grief. So I'm going to be honest and give the bad news first.
Many widows think the question, "Will this pain ever end?" is the same as asking:
Will I ever stop missing him?
Will I always have his absence in my life?
Will I ever stop grieving?
Will my life ever go back to the way it was?
I have found that the answer to these questions, I say gently, is "No." This is because he is not coming back in this lifetime, and grief is navigating your life with him gone.
AND (there is a lot of healing that occurs in this "and" place in grief where we can hold two things at the same time) I have also found that the answer to the question of "Will this pain ever end?" is "No, it doesn't have to keep hurting like this."
The way you approach grief, and what you believe about and in it, can change everything. I believe most of life is not what happens to us, and I believe we are not victims. I believe most of our life is created in what we choose to do with all of it... including the pain.
Life can be good again. Not the same good, but yes, good again.
The ache of his loss in your life may not go completely away, but it doesn't need to consume and hinder you from purpose, joy and growth.
Losing him has changed you, and that can mean expansion, not that you "died when he died."
This healing "and" place in grief allows the reality of earthly brokenness without also losing the goodness that is still here and ahead also. It also allows you to stay connected to him through a relationship of love, instead of pain.
Here are a couple of additional Blogs on related topics that might bless you:
Sister, you don't have to rush your grief. And, you also don't have to believe that this level of pain is all your future holds.
There can be healing; it is something you get to decide.
2) What do I do with this loneliness?
Loneliness is one of the most frequently named struggles of widowhood, because when you lose your person, you lose companionship, intimacy, and being deeply known by him.
And it can be so hard to be living in the struggle of loneliness that the people around you don't understand. Because you may have family, friends, church community, and people who genuinely love you... But still feel like nobody really gets it.
There are things about widowhood that are difficult to explain to someone who hasn't lived them:
The empty space beside you
The decisions you suddenly have to make alone
The friendships that change
The people who don't know what to say
The people who stop interacting
The strange experience of watching everyone else's life continue while yours feels like it has been frozen in a nightmare
And sometimes, as Christian women, we make this even harder on ourselves. We think, "I have Jesus. I shouldn't need people this much."
But sister, needing people doesn't mean your faith is weak. It makes you human. You were created for relationship.
You can trust God deeply and still need other humans... God is actually the one who said so.
Here are a couple other related Blogs that might help:
You need safe grief companions, and you need somewhere you can be known. These people and places exist.👭
3) Where is God in widowhood?
Most of us wrestle in some way with questions on suffering and His sovereignty when we become widows:
Where was God when he passed?
Where are you now?
Why didn't you stop this?
Why do you feel so close sometimes and so far at other times (or only feel far)?
How am I supposed to trust you—why did you allow this?
You might even be hesitant or afraid to admit some of those questions, or to really voice the anger, betrayal or confusion you might feel with the Lord. Or, you might be screaming it at Him!
We don't have to pretend or be composed with God. I believe our relationship with Him is so real, and so safe, that He is the one who invites us to bring all of it to Him (yes in a raw way).
You can love Jesus and still be devastated.
You can have faith and still have questions.
You can trust God and still say, "I don't understand."
You can be angry, confused, disappointed, exhausted, and still reach for Him.
Faith in widowhood isn't pretending everything makes sense, or pretending that you are fine.
Lived faith in the middle of grief is more than simply repeating Christian answers or truths. It is turning to Him, coming to Him, trusting Him in the midst of all of it... again and again and again.
If you're wrestling with what God says about you, your loss, and your future, Christian Truths for Widows: Comfort and Promises is another Blog that may bless you.
And Hope for Christian Widows After Loss speaks directly to that tension between devastating grief and the hope we have in Christ.
You don't have to have every question answered before you come to God. He meets you right in the middle of the struggle, to comfort and walk with you.
4) Who am I now?
Your husband's death didn't just change your marital status, it changed your life, your role... It changed you.
Maybe you don't recognize yourself anymore.
Maybe the woman you were before feels very far away.
Maybe your confidence disappeared.
Maybe the dreams you had no longer make sense.
Maybe you've spent so much time surviving that you haven't even had room to ask: What do I want now?
And maybe you've started to wonder whether being a widow is all you are. But sister, it isn't. Your husband's death did change you, but it did not erase your identity.
You are still a Kingdom woman with gifts, desires, strengths, weaknesses, a relationship with God, and a future.
You may have to rediscover, rebuild and recreate some of those things with God. But widowhood does not have to be the final definition of who you are.
Here are some other Blogs that can help:
Grief may feel like a fire that so much is being burned up in, and yet, you are being refined as gold and you are a light shining in the darkness.❤️🔥
5) Am I allowed to enjoy life again?
Have you ever had the questions like:
Is joy allowed?
Can I make new plans for myself?
If I remarry again, what does that mean about our love we shared?
Do these things mean I'm forgetting him?
What if other people think I'm not sad anymore?
There is a lot of fear here, because we want to honor him, our love, and we don't want to lose more of him.
And sister, hear me: you aren't going to lose more of him by continuing to live. You will take him and how he's changed you, with you.
Moving forward isn't unloving, forgetting, or betraying him or what you shared.
Moving forward isn't "moving on" from the love you had.
And if your future eventually includes love again, that doesn't erase the love that came before it.
The healing "AND" place of grief means you can grieve what you lost and still be grateful for something new. Both are true at the same time.
Here are a couple more Blogs that support this area:
"Am I allowed to have a good future?"
Yes, sister, you are allowed to live, to experience goodness, and to discover what your life can still become. Enjoying living again is not a betrayal of the life and person you lost.
6) Can God really use this, and use me, in the Kingdom?
Maybe you've heard people say that God can use our pain. You might even know the Bible saying God works all things for good (Romans 8:28).
But if we're being really honest, you also may have thought:
I didn't ask for this
I don't want my pain to have to mean something
I would rather have my husband!
So when I talk about purpose, I'm not saying your loss was somehow "worth it" because something good can come from it. I don't believe God weighs the loss of His children's lives on some eternal scale—as though their value can be measured against anything.
God doesn't need tragedy to accomplish something.
Also, you don't have to turn your pain into a ministry.
I'm saying something different: What happened to you is not the end of what God can do through your life.
In and beyond widowhood, there is still purpose, growth, loving relationships, joy, dreams... And things you haven't even imagined yet.
You don't have to know exactly what God will do with your story. You don't even have to feel hopeful yet. You just need to be open to the possibility that God is not finished with your story.
Here are a couple other related and encouraging Blogs:
Sister, there is still goodness here in the land of the living; in your life here and ahead!
7) How do I navigate this widowhood journey?
I have a question for you, sister: What if you don't have to figure all of this out alone?
Maybe you've been searching for someone who understands the walk of a widow who wants to glorify God, even here. Searching for something deeper than generic grief advice, for someone who is honest about how hard this is while still believing there is a HOPEful way forward.
Perhaps one of these Blog posts is exactly what you need for today. Or, you may need a lot more than that.
What if you could be supported and guided by someone to walk with you personally as you work through widowhood grief and begin your rebuilding? That's where my Christian Widow Coaching can be the next step.
Maybe what you need most isn't individualized support right now. Maybe what you've been missing is community. Women who understand, who get it without you having to explain every detail. Other widows who love Jesus and are willing to grieve honestly, heal deeply, and keep moving forward together.
That's why I created The HOPE Stronghold. It is a private Christian widow community where you can be seen, supported, encouraged, and connected with other women walking this road.
(PS- Coaching clients have free access to the community as well)
If you want to chat and figure out what you might need together, you can schedule a call on my calander here (email me at Connect@hopespeaker.com if you can't find a slot that works for you; my schedule is filling up 💜).
So, sister, if you've been praying for help and for change...
In whatever way you can be blessed by Hope Speaker, I'm just glad you're here.
I've spent 100 weeks writing because I believe you have the opportunity to heal, to deepen your relationship with God, to rediscover and rebuild your identity and purpose... To experience goodness again, and to walk forward with HOPE!
You don't have to widow alone anymore.
There is always HOPE!
With you,
Rachel
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