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When a woman loses her husband, she (and everyone else) thinks mostly about grief, sadness, and loneliness. Unfortunately, those things (while very present) aren't the only things she gets to focus on. There is a list of end of life decisions and to-dos, and widows are in a state of shock and fog trying to navigate it all. Then, comes the roles we must take over in their absence, and the practical help we need with house, car(s), and perhaps children. Finally, there are the deeply emotional items, like what to do with their belongings and who will companion us in the longer journey of grief. If you are a new(er) widow navigating any of these things, this is for you. High Volumes of Desperate Online Searches Can you believe approximately 2,800 new widows are made daily in the United States alone? When a woman enters "club widowhood," they almost always scramble to find the resources they need in a tragic time. In the midst of their pain, they go to the only places they know to try to find answers- Reddit/other forums, Facebook groups, and of course, Google. They start searching (these are all real, high volume searches): "what to do when your spouse dies" "what to do when your husband dies?" "what to do after death of a spouse" Or, just looking for the answer to their need, straight and simple: "what to do when a spouse dies checklist pdf" Whether you are in total numbing shock, a fog of grief, or the wailing throes of being bereft, you suddenly must manage a major list of to-dos.... without even knowing what should be on the list. It can be a nightmare. And it's why we either stumble along with even higher grief and stress, or we go desperately searching for the resources, grieving tips, financial advice, and other support in our widowhood. Unfortunately, I "Get it," Sister When my husband died at 30 yrs old, I was totally lost in so many ways. Married when we were both 19, we had basically grown up together. There were specific things we each took responsibility for, and regrettably, I didn't know much about many of the financial, maintenance and other tasks that I had just become solely responsible for. As I tried to figure it out, I missed cues that his identity was stolen, landing me 12+ hours over the next few months in the police station and filling out papers and online forms to protect myself and my children from the mounting charges in his name. I also did not realize there was an order to follow in going about switching financial things over, and I made the mistake of reporting his death to one of our main credit cards before I had taken certain steps... and the card was immediately shut down. I had no access to it or the history (even with my name on it as a surviving spouse). This meant auto pay on critical bills stopped, and I didn't even know what they were! All of our passwords were conveniently organized in a file that was safely password protected. And by safe, I mean real safe. It was so safe, even I didn't know what it was (or had forgotten). In any case, I never figured it out, and never gained access to the much needed information. I remember sobbing in my late husband's home office on the floor, surrounded with envelopes that I didn't even understand (except the parts where things were threatened to be shut off). This is the reason I didn't want other widows to struggle as I did. Let's set you up to navigate your journey differently. The Checklist for the New(er) Widows When I started Hope Speaker to help those impacted by widowhood, I knew one of the first resources I needed to create was a checklist for after your husband has died. When your husband passes away, you don't need more adding to your pain, distress, and grief. So from my own personal experience, research, and from the input of financial advisors, I created what I feel is the BEST FREE resource I could: The Newly Widowed Checklist It is a simple pdf download that is a streamlined guide through: Preventing/Dealing with Identity Theft Obtaining Needed Documents Considering the Order of Tasks to Prevent Problems Taking Over Management of Responsibilities As well as the important heart-level areas of: Sorting Through their Belongings Getting Basic/Essential Support from Others Being Gentle with Yourself in it All It is available for free, here: The Newly Widowed Checklist And whomever obtains it will also be added to the Hope Speaker newsletter for other free resources and inspiration in their journey toward HOPE. If you have lost your husband, I am so incredibly sorry to welcome you to these trenches, but I want you to know that you are not, and will never be, alone. If you know someone who has lost their spouse, please share the above link to support them in navigating these waters. It is the checklist they need, and will likely be searching for. Hope Speaker is here in the pain: "...so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." -2 Corinthians 1:4 With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood can feel like being lost at sea after the ship of your old life went down. You went through a devastating loss, but you can still feel.... lost. Some widows may try to adapt to surviving out in the open sea, living in survival mode so long that it becomes "normal." And though you hate it, you can become trapped in patterns that keep you stuck... and you may not realize that you can change it. Other widows recognize they need to get to shore to truly rebuild something stable. But it is an intentional process that is still not easy to navigate... and it still involves crashing grief waves. Whether you are exhausted from surviving, or have been trying to get back to land, it may be time to look up and realize there are lifelines not just to live through pain—but also to move beyond it. Lost at Sea - Navigating Widowhood When your old life sank, and you found yourself on a life raft, you do what you can to survive. But we do have choices (believe it or not!). We can resign to life at sea, or we can get back to shore. Neither are easy, but one has the promise of a real future. 1) Life at Sea Survival mode is a God-given response designed to help you endure the unthinkable. It shields you in the short-term. But living there ongoing becomes a prison: You constantly brace for the next problem You expect, watch for, and speak pain over your life You stay isolated because healing feels too far out of reach & don't have safe people You repeat unhealthy ways of coping (which ironically keep you barely hanging on) Sister, survival mode may have saved you—but staying in it will prevent you from rebuilding. 2) Get to Shore Although you may find yourself in "maintenance mode"—doing what needs to be done, avoiding triggers, going numb just to get through the day—I want to tell you that you are capable of getting your feet back to solid ground, and rebuilding. The lonely, hard, unhappy reality you are living right now is not the life you are "doomed to" because your husband died. I want you to know it's possible, with guided steps and the right support, to rebuild a beautiful life that you can love again. I have lived it as a suicide widow. But if you don't believe me, hear the promise the Lord gives you: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living." -Psalm 27:13 It is possible to head in a new direction- one full of HOPE! Survival Mode Isn’t Home - Stability & Rebuilding Are Survival mode is the mental, emotional, and spiritual life raft that keeps us afloat after loss. In the beginning, it serves a sacred purpose: it keeps us alive in the chaos. But survival mode is a raft you don't want to call home. Sister, if you are hating your new life on the raft, hear me: God calls widows to life—and life abundantly , and the invitation is always open: To grieve, yes—but also to heal . To remember—but also to rebuild . To feel the real sorrow of death—but also live in resurrection . What about the widows who want to get to shore, have been trying different ways or healing and getting support, and still can't seem to get their feet on land and create a life they actually want again? First, I am so proud of you for fighting, and I can relate. After weekly counseling for 5 years, books, podcasts, grief groups, conferences, and more, I still felt stuck. Through my fight to abundant hope and rebuilding a beautiful life, I found pillars that really bring deeper healing and transformation, and they now anchor the work I do with widows. Sister, lifelines—real, practical and truth-rooted tools—help pull you back to shore. Let's take hold. Two Lifelines to Move You Forward in HOPE While we could address many things, here are two ways to begin identifying and moving forward from the limitations keeping you stuck where you don't want to be: 1) Possibilities & the Pivotal Point of Deciding There is a point of decision that is a critical reframe for every suffering human that can change them (and their future) entirely. In widowhood, it is a tipping point from powerless to empowered, and from hopeless to hope. It restores you even when so much has been taken from you. It is this: I may not have control of what happened/happens to me, but I can choose what I do with it. You may have heard it like this: "Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it." Because while no one can control the ups and downs of life, how you choose to respond is everything . This mindset shift is on the path from barely surviving to actively rebuilding. It’s the bridge from pain to purpose. When you choose to take ownership of your thoughts—without dismissing your grief—you move from being stuck to being free. You get to say: “I can’t change my losses. But I can partner with God in resurrection life again and again.” We are transformed through the renewing of our mind with truth. 2) The Power of Reframing Here is another practice that highlights that thoughts are not your enemy—but they often need management and redirection. One of the most healing tools I’ve learned is reframing: looking at the same reality through a new perspective. Identify thoughts that are painful and distressing, or that impact you in a negative way, and then challenge/dispute them. This reinterpretation is incredibly powerful... if we are willing to let go of old thoughts and feelings that "seem" and "feel" so true in and of themselves. While it can be used in a variety of ways, here's just a few examples that I personally used. That lonely night? Instead of hating and dreading it, view it as a time to invite God into the silence. You can create healing, connecting rituals with the Lord in this time. That trigger-heavy location? Instead of avoiding it forever, you might consider reframing it as a space for sacred remembering and eventual release. I did this with a healing visit to the site of my late husband's death with my new husband, and I no longer dreaded driving in the area. Those thoughts of how life is bereft of goodness? Instead of repeating them, consider, "Who would I be without this thought? What would my life feel like?" Did you know you can choose new thoughts and beliefs, and therefore change the associated feelings/experiences? While these examples won't be fitting for everyone, know that reframing helps shift survival mode into resilience mode. It doesn’t erase your grief—it gives you authority over it (instead of victimization). A Hope-filled Resource for You If you are a widow who wants to move forward with purpose into more peace and joy, I offer you free access to Lifelines for Widows Workshop where I lay out lifelines from the ship's sinking to getting your feet back on land. It's an easy listen that will give you HOPE and tangible steps as well! Put it on and listen while you walk, drive, or sit and engage with the workshop as if you were live with me. 👉 Access Lifelines for Widows FREE in the HOPE Library You don’t have to figure this out alone. Let’s do it together—with Jesus at the center and real HOPE lighting the way forward. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Navigating life as a new widow can feel like trying to find your way in a foggy maze. You feel shocked, confused, and lost. I have been through this journey, and I have come from hopeless (and even suicidal), to deeper healing and creating a life that I genuinely love again. It is my joy to get to help other widows do the same. I'm going to dive into five powerful areas I've found crucial for widows to find deeper support and healing (PS- Don't miss the last three- they are my favorite). 1. Empathy Why is empathy - the ability to feel with others and connect with their emotions - so important to us widows? It's because authentically joining and companioning us in our pain (without judgement and an agenda), can be one of the most safe, healing, and helpful things anyone could do! As we suffer and struggle, we will feel less alone, more able to be honest, and will find more comfort with those who can truly connect with our grief and loss. Expecting it from those who are not able to support us in this way (or trying to change them) brings more heartache. Find the "faithful few," as I like to call them, to journey with you toward healing in widowhood. Often it's other safe widows who get it, or people who have suffered other ways- and have also been intentional with their own healing journeys. Finally, empathy is key because we also will need growth, accountability and even correction at times... and we will struggle to receive any of it from someone who hasn't been a safe person to grieve with. 2. Stability Finding tangible support when grieving the death of our husband is vital for widows. When your world crumbles, and you are trying to put the pieces back together, you can go into survival mode in a variety of areas: physically, financially, emotionally, relationally, and spiritually. Survival mode has its purpose in the short-term, but actually harms us in the long-term... and the reality is that widowhood is a long-term experience. This is why it's critical to find and invest in that which stabilizes and helps you recover. Here are some tips to help you establish stability in widowhood: Find Safe People At a very vulnerable time, you need to make sure your help comes from those whom you can trust. Listen to wisdom and your intuition when making decisions in who to delegate tasks to/receive help from, and who enters your inner world. This is also a caution to watch for scammers and those who would take advantage of your vulnerability . There are many who try to establish romantic or other types of connection/trust to use widows. If you don't have safe people, you may find them through a local church, grief support groups, or maybe in your family. If you are in need of a safe community, I offer our Christian Widow Community or individual support with me as options. Ask for Assistance With Practical Tasks Don't be afraid to tell people what you need (especially in the beginning, when people are around and offering). You can even ask them to help you find other well-equipped people to delegate specific tasks to. This is such a critical area of overwhelm for widows, who are often trying to figure out both what responsibilities their husband had that they need to take over and how to do them all. On top of the grief they are already experiencing, they may be managing a house, car(s), and children and more. Additionally, they are vulnerable to being victims of their late husband's identity theft (which is, terribly, common). These struggles are why the first resource I created was for those who are newer widows- to have a checklist to walk them through the necessary steps when their spouse has died... because they don't need any more weight to carry in their grief. Find it here: Newly Widowed Checklist 🌻 Support Your Mental, Physical, & Spiritual Health The last part of stability that is critical to name is our own health. Our very brains, bodies and souls have taken a major hit with trauma and the losses of death. However our own needs are often the first things to "go" when we are trying to support grieving children, navigate widowhood finances, or trying to "plug all the holes." If there is a time to believe that our hearts and healing are worth every resource needed - time, money, effort, etc. - it is NOW . Because not investing in yourself as you navigate widowhood will come at an even higher cost. It is hard not to let fear and pain be driving decisions right now, but the question to ask is, "What is my life and future rebuilding worth?" I think the answer is everything . We want to walk with widowhood journey well, in a way that glorifies God and finds purpose beyond pain. That's why self-care and personal healing and development are not luxuries in this season- they are necessities. I am not talking about addictions or other unhealthy or destructive ways of coping. I am talking about caring for ourselves holistically in the wake of destruction. There are various resources for mental, physical and spiritual health support. They can include therapy, groups, diet/exercise/sleep habits, and connecting deeper with Jesus. Again, I can offer my Christian Widow Community and Coaching as options where all these areas are prioritized! 3. Empowerment The empowerment of widows is absolutely vital! Why? Because if you do not find our voice, power and confidence to direct your own life, you will never be able to rebuild them in an authentic way with joy, peace and purpose. Widowhood is a vulnerable time for a woman, yet a time where what is required of you includes leadership and decision-making, for your own life and perhaps your whole family. It is a time where we need to have a voice, direction, and confidence in our ability to navigate the world. Yet so much feels uncertain, scary, and few women have experienced true empowerment in their life experience, including biblical empowerment that is given them by God. This is why I am so passionate for my widow sisters to know the identity the Lord gives them beyond just "widow," how He walks faithfully alongside, and how we can deepen our walk to hear back from Him (rather than one-way prayer). These are crucial in my widow community and the coaching I do with clients. God hears you, sees you, is happy to be with you in this and can do something about where you are. He is strong where you are weak (Corinthians 12:10), and equips you to be capable of what He is walking you into, in this new season and role. And as for other people? Those who are truly safe and who are for you will support and empower you to persevere, heal and grow on this journey. Where they cannot, rest assured that you can still move forward with Christ who fills you with His power. 💗 4. Grace When your world has blown up, when you are in excruciating pain, and when you are walking through a valley you have never been through before, you're going to mess up... a lot . Probably much more than you already did when your life was "normal" and "stable." You may feel the farthest you ever have from "having it all together." But here's the gospel truth, sister: where our sins are many, His mercy is more. We cannot out-fail His grace. Praise God! Where we experience the most terrible of human pain and suffering, there is an entirely different level of refinement, and it is a gift. I would never know His lovingkindness the way I do after I lost pride in my performance. I am not excusing sin, but all the mess, failure and weakness is where He delights to meet and strengthen us. He does amazing things in the impossible, and that is exactly what we need. So in your widowhood and your grieving... welcome to grace ! It is right here in abundance , and this is an opportunity to learn to give it to yourself as you are coping with your losses. It is through grace that we are made new and transformed. 🤲 5. Hope Last (but not least!) I am a firm believer that we cannot live well, or even live long, without HOPE. Hope is the confident expectation in the waiting, and in the hurting, that the goodness of God will come to us, here in the land of the living (Psalm 27:13). It is an anchor for our soul because we can trust Him. That takes time, healing, and it is a battle. Post-traumatic growth, emotional resilience, and the increase of our faith do not simply happen on their own. I believe we are transformed as we suffer, and grieve with HOPE . We need hope desperately, and to keep believing the truth that it will not always be the way it is right now . We often need reminders and encouragement; it is typically not something you obtain once and never struggle with again. We also need to be open to all the possibilities that are still ahead of us in this life we have left to live. If we are closed off to them, we "circle the drain" of grief without HOPE for change or future... and we get sucked into a downward spiral. Many grief "support" groups look like this, with defensiveness and anger added in, along with resistance to the ideas of peace, joy, and HOPE. This is why having a grief space anchored in our redemptive and life-giving relationship with Jesus is so necessary. When He speaks truth to our souls and meets us, it is the most powerful support of all. And again, you need safe and empathetic grief companions who are both validating of pain but also desiring forward movement into recreating a life they genuinely love again. These valuable sources of HOPE are pillars in shaping our Widow Community and Coaching . Please connect with us if you are in need of this kind of support! May these five Healing Essentials be a guide as you find a way forward in widowhood that brings you HOPE! Save this post to return to, or share it with those who need it. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Tragedy that Changes Everything : Death For me, it all started the day Andre died. Now, that may seem laughably obvious, but it still feels absurd in a way when I write it. It's still unbelievable to me, even six years later. It is for a lot of us, because it can seem like our very tangible, living, breathing husband, was just here. Then, he... wasn't. It's not just a shock, it's a daily reality- a fact that you can't grasp (but have to, over and over). In fact, brain research shows that the more time overlap and life integration you have with someone, the longer it can take for new neural pathways ("knowing their absence") to be laid. This means widows are grappling with trying to accept a new reality, and new life, on a cellular level... for a long time. We need grace, and the right support. It is awful, horrific, and tragic... not just to us, but to our Lord who loves, grieves with, and comforts us. But here's another vital truth of widowhood: There is so much HOPE ahead! Without invalidating your loss, I assure you that the new life you have ahead can still be beautiful, the body and brain can recover, the broken heart can heal by God's grace, and there are so many possibilities ahead. If you struggle to believe me, may this Word anchor you deeper: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living . Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." -Psalm 17:13-14 We may be widows, but there is more to our identity than just that, and the Lord can lead us into it... Identity in Widowhood: Who Am I? Becoming a widow isn't just a marital status check box change. It involves an "identity crisis," of sorts; a transition process that is both legitimate and very painful. When we marry, Genesis 2:24 says we are "united... and [we] become one flesh." It also says that when one spouse dies, the other is released from the earthly, lawful marriage (1 Corinthians 7:39). While this doesn't dismiss or diminish the bond of love, it does give clarity as to why this is so hard! We were once "one flesh," united physically, emotionally, even spiritually... and have now come back to being just one as a widow. It is an abrupt change, and we cannot take a break or find relief from it. It's a new, unwanted, identity. And it involves so much more than just the loss of our person. Here is a great visual of the other losses of widowhood created by the Modern Widows Club: While there is one "loss of identity" bubble, I would argue that all of these losses include parts of our identity. Add in the loneliness of lacking support from the primary person we would receive it from, and you have painted a picture of widowhood. Grief poet, Sara Rian, says it powerfully: "Where do we go to grieve when it's our safe place who died?" We are not only trying to figure out who we are now, but to whom we intimately run to with these things. As Christians we have a miraculous answer for both of those questions: Christ, and Christ in me . He can go into every intimate and broken place with us as widows. Here are some truths and promises that can anchor us in our "identity crisis" and time of transition in widowhood: 1) The Lord Can Become Husband in Deeper Ways For You “For your Maker is your husband.” -Isaiah 54:5 "A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling." -Psalm 68:5 2) God Loves Widows, Calling for their Protection & Provision Deut. 10:18, James 1:27, 1 Timothy 5:3-16 3) The Lord gives you an Identity Beyond "Widow" Who you are in Christ spans the whole Bible. Here are a few identity-filled truths. Ruth, a widow, was called "a woman of khayil" (Ruth 3:11) This word doesn't just mean "noble character" or "virtuous," as it's often translated. It means a warrior. Valor. The same word is used in Judges 6:12 to tell Gideon he was a "mighty man of valor ( khayil )." You are not "just a widow." You are a seen, known, heard, loved, warrior bride of God, with a future ahead of you! Find Your Companions in the Trenches Have you ever seen the acronym, "IYKYK"? It stands for "If You Know, You Know." Well, others who have been widowed, just... know . Even though we are all different, and don't agree on everything in the grief journey, we get: The anniversaries The daily struggles (many of them) The inconsiderate things people say The losses (remember the diagram above?) And the truth is, just as the Lord says we can't do this life alone (not well, anyway!), we also can't widow well alone, either. Although it can feel hard to find those who are safe and healing people for us in widowhood, they do exist! Those who are able to connect with and work to bring healing to their own pain and losses can meet others in theirs. They aren't afraid of the mess. And here's the thing: if you find other widow sisters who love Jesus, and who want to fight for HOPE, healing, and finding purpose through their pain, their friendship can help you on the same trajectory! This is why I created a community of such women . Rooted in faith, intentional about investing in their healing, and want to walk this widowhood thing for the glory of God. They believe deeper healing is possible, and that they can create a life that is beautiful again. Beauty from ashes. Restoring the years the locust has eaten. Open to the possibilities of the good things that are now springing up... the goodness of the Lord right here in the land of the living. If this describes you, or the kind of woman you want to be, I would like to extend a personal invitation to you to be part of our Christian Widow Community- The HOPE Stronghold. We are moving forward into peace, joy, and HOPE, together. You don't need to do this alone anymore. Will you join us? 👉 www.HopeStronghold.com 👈 With you on the journey, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

To my beautiful, shattered, widow sister, Welcome to the family. I know you hate the very sentiment. You want to wake up from this nightmare, are looking for a way out, and have only joined us screaming and wailing (most likely, literally). It's ok. That's how we all came. I know that all you want is to have him back. We aren't offended that you didn't want to join this club. We will still stand with you, arms opened wide... because when you are ready, you will likely start asking, "How can I meet other widows? How can I connect with someone who gets it ?" Because the loneliness can be suffocating. The cold, empty bed at night. The silence when you call their name out loud. The empty seat at the table. I'm so sorry. We all hate it. But this place of forced stillness? It also can be a place where you may hear the Lord clearer than you ever have. Where you experience Him holding you in comfort in ways you have never known before. Where your gifts and light are going to shine bright; where we shine brighter together. I promise you, He faithfully has you here. Welcome to growth. The kind no one chooses. The kind where you will become a completely different person; one you never knew before... a person you are going to be so proud of and thankful for. He is proud of you, too. Widowhood is its own kind of place. It's a place where religious duty dies and reverence is born. It's where you pray in primal cries and find your truest of friends. It's a place of wrestling, where you refuse to quit unless God blesses you... And you will be strengthened, and begin to transform. Welcome to resilience & grace. You are going to face the monster of grief every day and, somehow , get through the day. You will quit a hundred million times and say "I can't do this," and yet, you keep winning... because you are alive the next day, still doing it. You will also stumble and fall, again and again... and right there is where you will find failure is replaced with grace. Mercy. His deepest acceptance of you when you have nothing to offer. You see, winning is living. Breathing is worship. Victory and love are simply received. Where you are weakest - that's exactly where He is strong. That's how you know you're going to make it. Welcome to rebuilding. When you look around, you see rubble, loss... a graveyard. That's because your person is still missing. But even at ground zero, something beautiful can be rebuilt, because there is a HOPE that is deeper still, as your foundation. I know the future is frightening, but trust me when I say that there is more for you. More laughter, more love, more joy... more life . Though you lost a part of you when he died, you did not die. You will not die from this. Your story isn't over yet. And you are not alone. There are still so many possibilities ahead... so much goodness. They begin where you are open to them. Allow the breaking to open your heart wider, still, to receive. Welcome to intimacy. Not the kind you had before (sorry!). However, you have the opportunity to be truly known... because all your colors are going to be seen. And your Husband, the Lord, delights in all of you right here. It's ok. You are way past capacity. You are beyond "keeping it together." You are too limited to put on masks and please other people (who have no idea). You are going to fail. Widowhood can feel like falling apart. It's a gift, actually! You're going to learn mercy, grace, and love from it's truest sources- God and safe people (and widowhood is full of great company). Don't worry about how other people feel about or respond to your grief. Just find and hold on to the ones who will companion you well in the journey. Welcome to HOPE. If you can hear it from me in any capacity, please tuck this truth nugget deep, through all of the pain and anger and disbelief into your heart, where it will be waiting for you: You are going to be ok, because you are, and will be, more than just a "widow." Your identity is deeper than this. I know nothing is ok right now, sister. I know you are not ok right now. I know you cannot fathom being ok in a life where he is not living. But with Jesus, you are going to make it. And it will be good again. Not the same good... but still good again, because we can say: "I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living ." -Psalm 27:13 You can find identity, healing, purpose, and with Holy Spirit power- keep living a beautiful life. As a new widow, I am here to welcome you. Yes, into grief, and into pain, but also into family, growth, resilience and grace, rebuilding, intimacy, and HOPE. With you, Rachel P.S. Sister, I know you’re waking up to mornings that feel impossible, trying to survive days that you want to escape, and falling asleep to nights that echo with loneliness. You don't have to get stuck there forever. I've created a space for widows who love Jesus to grieve, heal and rebuild their lives together- The HOPE Stronghold. Here find the consistent community, support, tools, and Christ-centered guidance to break free from feeling stuck and begin rebuilding a future with HOPE. 👉 If you want holistic support for body, mind and Spirit, join us as we launch, as a Founding Member. It's the lowest our membership will ever be, and your voice will help shape the space we create together! Join HERE! 👭❤️‍🔥 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Trying All the Things… & Still Feeling Stuck If you’re like most widows, you probably really want healing for your broken heart and life... and have tried a lot of different things to navigate grief: Searching the internet and YouTube for help Attending grief groups (different ones or the same one... maybe multiple times) Attending a retreat, conference, or special event for widows Listening to podcasts and/or reading grief or self-help books Counseling/therapy And guess what? Those are all wonderful, helpful things ! The problem - based on what many widows have shared with me, and from my own experience - is that in their daily life they still feel alone, in pain, overwhelmed, and unsure how to take steps forward, toward creating a different life. They may not even know that it's possible. The truth is: deep healing and transformation in widowhood require more than self-help, single events or surface-level support. Because it isn’t a quick “process” we get through once; it’s a life-altering loss. And the passage of time alone doesn't necessarily make anything better. What you do in and with the passing of time can heal your grief if you are intentional with successful support. Through my own journey and guiding others, I have discovered foundational steps that bring deep healing with forward movement in widowhood grief. Transformative Support for Widows Before we jump in, allow me to briefly explain how this has become my life's work and expertise. I became a suicide widow in 2019, and was so hopeless and in such pain that I attempted twice myself. I tried all the things mentioned above to get help, and then more! If there was such a thing as winning a medal for therapy, I think I would win with weekly counseling for 4.5 yrs straight, on top of all the other things! I'm joking, but I truly believed and was prompted by the Lord that there was still goodness ahead, and I was determined to really live again, instead of resigning to merely existing. As a lover of Jesus, RN of 14 years turned speaker, author and widow coach, I have studied and integrated my Christian faith, science of the brain and nervous system in trauma and regulation, as well as coaching modalities (managing thoughts, feelings and actions) in tangible ways that brought me from despair to an abundant life again. I believe in healing connections with safe people, evidence based tools for the brain and body, all wrapped in the Holy Spirit's relational guidance and empowerment. Here are some things I have found are powerful in deep grief healing and progress : Connection with safe, healthy grief companions : We need relational connections that are healing instead of wounding in the rawness of our grief experience. Empathy is needed for vulnerable connection, and validation is needed for comfort. However, healthy companions also resist the spiral into negativity and hopelessness, and are able to bring truth- because they have been a safe place to be known and loved in our pain. Direction & guidance through grief : So often, widows feel lost, overwhelmed, and desperate for what is actually helpful and healing... even in groups with other widows. A community of widows is wonderful, but without feedback, support and clarity from someone who has been there (not just letters behind a name, but who has walked it through)... we have no real steps to bridge the gap from where we are to where we want to go. Most importantly, many widows haven't cultivated the confidence that a two-way connection with the Lord and His voice brings as they make decisions for their life and future under Him. (Did you know you can learn ways of connecting with God more intimately, shown even in brain research?) Evidence-based healing practices : Speaking of research, grief impacts our bodies and nervous system particularly, and we can learn a lot about integrating grief, healing trauma and metabolizing pain. That’s why we need both “top-down” support (shifting thought patterns, rooted in truth of God) as well as “bottom-up” support (body-based processing like vagus nerve regulation, in places the "thinking" brain isn't online). Consistency : Not just a one-time event, an occasional relief, and not snuffed out by the same objections every person's brain gives: "I don't have the time/money/effort to put toward my healing" (consider the cost of continuing your current trajectory, sister). Widowhood is a marathon, not a sprint. Grief is unpredictable and overwhelming, so support needs to be both available and prioritized for change to happen. 3 Steps Toward Successful Widow Support If you’re tracking with me but wondering where to start, here are three steps I offer you: 1. Find Safe Grief Companions- Who Don’t Keep You Stuck Not every widow group or companion is healthy, and it can be hard to find health and balance in grieving and having forward movement. Look for authentic, safe grievers who: Don’t shame you, invalidate pain or bring more harm Don’t continually “circle the drain” of hopelessness, self-pity or being victims in loss Don’t become angry defenders of pain, leaving little room for an abundant future that includes peace and joy Safe companions are those who can sit with you in the hard, while also encouraging hope and healing. 2. Get Support—Consistently One struggle can be finding the right help (keep reading for more specifics), but another common issue is the unwillingness to invest in the intentional healing that can be life-changing. Ask yourself honestly: What would it be worth to navigate grief with hope and peace, and rebuild my identity and future? If life is 10% what happens to me and 90% what I do with it... what is the refinement and empowerment of myself (the 90%) worth? (My answer: EVERYTHING!) 3. Seek Knowledgeable, Trauma-Informed, Faith-Based Guidance Not all support is created equal. For brand-new trauma survivors who haven’t processed their loss at all, counseling may be the best first step. I screen for these things in all of my coaching consults, to see if a therapy referral is more appropriate for acute situations. But for widows who are surviving, maintaining, but feel stuck looking back, wanting real change in their feelings and life going forward— coaching (in community or 1:1) is a powerful next step. I firmly believe also that there is transformation that can come only by the power and work of Holy Spirit, who is more than willing and capable of transforming us and bringing redemption and resurrection life from the death we have experienced. Connecting to God and being rooted in His truth is a non-negotiable for me, and it's a hallmark of the work we do at Hope Speaker. It’s where grief is processed, God’s truth is applied, and forward momentum is finally possible. Where You Can Start Today That’s exactly why I created two ways to walk this out with you: 💜 The HOPE Stronghold – a Christ-centered widow community where you don’t have to do this alone. Together, we seek the Lord, grieve honestly, heal deeply, and rebuild lives filled with peace and joy. With consistent support, guidance, and a safe circle of women who “get it,” you don’t have to keep searching and patching together your own help. The Hope Stronghold is launching soon! If you are interested in being a founding member to the community, you can be added to our email list HERE to get in . 🤲 1:1 Widow Coaching – for personal, focused support to move through the places where you feel most stuck. With biblical truth, trauma-informed strategies, and real accountability, coaching helps you take tangible steps toward healing and rebuilding. Plus, 1:1 coaching clients have free access to The HOPE Stronghold. Learn more about coaching HERE ! You don’t have to do this by yourself. You can heal with consistent, safe, faith-based support. You can find HOPE again. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Get Me Out of Widowhood Let's be honest. None of us wanted to be here. It's common to have internal resistance to the idea of becoming gold in the refining fire of widowhood... because it feels like torture at times, and often what we want most is to just get out of the suffering. But before I go any further, I need to name this now: Your pain is valid. Your suffering is terrible. Not only do I grieve with you, but what is more — the Lord Himself does. I am not about to tell you how to make this "worth" going through. But, since we're here in the flames, and because the Lord is with us in them... I believe we can lean into what He says can take place here - the purification of our hearts into a treasure that brings Him glory. And I want that. I think you do, too. We want purpose from pain, beauty from ashes, and joy from mourning. So let's first acknowledge how brave, and hard, that decision is. Because widowhood can be so difficult that we merely want it to end... or at least to get through the "process" (whatever this "process" God is taking us through) faster! Pain makes us want to withdraw (a natural human response). But we are made for more than getting through this life as comfortably and painlessly as possible. That is not our goal. Our goal is to bring God glory through our lives—our joys as well as through our struggles. Although part of us pushes suffering away, the Spirit draws us into communion with Christ there, where He can do His work in us. In staying near God and cooperating with the Spirit, this pain of widowhood can become the place He transforms us. Into Gold: Embracing Refinement Embracing the refining process with God in suffering can be more powerful and life-altering than becoming a widow was—for our joy and His glory! Take it from a beautiful soul who was widowed twice, and still proclaimed: “Our vision is so limited we can hardly imagine a love that does not show itself in protection from suffering.... The love of God did not protect His own Son.... He will not necessarily protect us - not from anything it takes to make us like His Son. A lot of hammering and chiseling and purifying by fire will have to go into the process.” -Elisabeth Elliot And the good news is that our journey with Him isn't a math equation where more suffering equals "better" or "greater" to God. But it does mean that loving Him more than our comfort, and desiring His transformation of us more than our circumstances, leads to a purposeful life of faith . We find deeper HOPE and joy that cannot be taken from us, because they are not based on circumstances, which will change and in people/things which we will lose. Becoming like gold - or a pure diamond through refinement - isn't just a possibility. We have promises that this is the Lord's way in widowhood: He WILL purify us from the lesser things, and lead us more deeply into: fellowship with Him becoming our true selves as image-bearers sharing this comfort and connection with other sufferers ...and these are the greatest outcomes we could ever have. Because that is what we are here in this life to do. So what does that actually look like day to day? How do we orient our hearts to cooperate with God’s refining work instead of running from it? How to Walk This Refining Road (3 Offerings) 1) See Widowhood Rightly — with Spiritual Eyes Trials are normal and expected in life (even this awful one). “Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you.” — 1 Peter 4:12 Replace the stories you tell yourself (that you feel strongly/are more comfortable holding), but are not truth , such as: -“We were supposed to grow old together.” -“He should not have died.” -“This sadness is just how life is now.” These beliefs keep us victims in life instead of those who are conquerors even through death (Romans 8:37–39). Widowhood can be a Kingdom calling (and even an opportunity). Don't misunderstand me- pain isn't pleasant, and God doesn't enjoy our suffering. I am also not saying that this only makes us stronger, nor am I invalidating the cost, the losses or struggles. But if we are going to be here and go through this (which, well, we are already), let's let the Almighty do His limitless, redemptive and resurrecting work in and through us! Seeing widowhood rightly reframes your posture: from avoidance and/or resistance to surrender and acceptance . That's where the transformation happens. 2) Expect Widowhood to Change You for the Better Does this sound crazy?! I bet it did when it came out of Job's mouth. After losing his family, possessions, and health, he declared: “When he has tested me, I shall come forth as gold” (Job 23:10). James 1:2–4 invites us to consider that we can even have joy in trials, because through them, with the power of God, we can be refined in holiness. And being made like Him and being brought nearer are worth more than all the ease and comforts of life without them. Expecting His merciful and glorious work in you helps you stop fighting the refining and start yielding to it. Because you can choose the path of growth and transformation in suffering. 3) Do Not Seek Shortcuts — Press In to Him If you are only focused on trying to get out of the refining process of widowhood, you will not become purified gold. What's more, you can also get stuck deeper in pain. It's easy (and actually, common) to find comfort in sin as we try to cope with widowhood pain. It might be addictions, sinful relationships and behaviors, trying to dissociate/disconnect from reality completely, or rebelling against God instead of moving toward Him. But sister, don't shortcut yourself or your growth, power and transformation by rejecting the gold you can become here. You aren't doing it alone. Here is another encouragement from our twice-widowed sister in the faith: “The secret is Christ in me, not me in a different set of circumstances.” -Elisabeth Elliot The choice to say "yes" to Jesus in the refining fire is a brave, daily choice of surrender... One we can return to when we've failed over and over, because of His bountiful love and grace. Gold From the Fire Let me share one last secret with you: No matter what, you will not be a widow forever (whether you have another earthly relationship or not). "Widow" is not your identity. It is a (fiery) season, which is bringing you into the fullness of who you are becoming in Christ. If grief is a heat that threatens to melt everything down, remember: the refiner’s goal is not to destroy you but to remove impurities and hindrances which must go, so the gold may shine pure. This is not a promise that pain will be easy; it is the promise that purpose and glory are magnified when you keep with Jesus in faith. You’re not called to minimize the cost. You’re called to be with the One who makes all things new—who walks with you through loss and resurrects the true you in the Holy Spirit. Press in, sister. Let the Lord do His work. The road is hard, but the treasure on the other side—the deeper fellowship with Him, a more faith-filled you, and the capacity to give comfort to others—is offered to you. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Widowhood: Feeling Our Weakest Being a widow often brings us to the weakest and most broken place we’ve ever been. Our bodies ache, our emotions unravel, and our spirits feel crushed. We’re often unreliable and forgetful, as our capacity is so low and we are lost in the brain fog of grief. We struggle in too many areas to keep track of. We both feel weak and we see ourselves as weak. And, that weakness can feel shameful when we believe that weak = bad. We want to be “strong,” to show up, to carry all the weight and hold it together. But the truth is—this journey makes us painfully aware of all the places we can’t . That’s the hard reality of widowhood: it exposes our limits in every way, when we're more limited than ever. But what if our weakness and even failure were broken places that His light could shine through, for His glory? Christ’s Power Is Made Perfect in Our Weakness Widowhood can be the time when the words of Paul become most true for us: “...I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness .’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me . That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong .” —2 Corinthians 12:8–10 Becoming a widow, in all its raw grief, and losing our human strength and independence, is not the end of our story or of His story! Widowhood is not an end in itself, but a means to the end that is His being glorified, in and through you . This can be the very place God shows His strength through you most powerfully. What looks like your lowest season is actually a stage for His kingdom to come here on this broken earth. Paul didn’t deny his weakness—he boasted in it. Not because he enjoyed suffering, but because he knew weakness opened the door for Christ’s power to rest on him . Could it be that our widowhood weakness—our inability, our tears, our shaky step forward—is the very invitation for His Spirit to work powerfully in us? Walking in His Strength as a Widow (3 Steps for You 🤲) So how do we tap into a power beyond our own when our strength is gone? 1. Be aware of your weaknesses & lies you may believe The shift can't happen without self-reflection and awareness. Acknowledge where you are weak , incapable , or believing lies like: “I’m failing.” “I’ll never be whole again.” "Life will never be good again." “God can’t use me anymore.” Recognizing these things (instead of denying, or living in them unaware) is the first step toward making a shift and letting them be an open door for Christ to step in. Own it- while fully embraced by His grace! 2. Lean into the power of God This means: Truth-telling, transparency, and accountability: Turn to Him, and safe people, with your baggage in honesty — Don’t hide . Share where you are struggling, what lies you are believing, and what feels impossible. Confession and prayer brings healing (James 5:16). Choosing a Kingdom mindset: Accept that your natural way of seeing weakness and struggle isn’t how God sees them. Although it may seem and feel upside-down (especially in pain), commit to new, true thoughts and beliefs . -His thoughts and ways aren't ours... they are higher (Is. 55:8-9) -Paul chose to boast/delight in hardship because it reveals God’s power (2 Cor. 12:9-10) Expect and receive His strength daily: It's not about "trying harder." Here are some promises for you, widow sister, as you expect Him to meet unique sufferings with unique graces: -Jesus said "Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted" (Mt. 5:4) -Again, Paul said "I will boast... about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me " (2 Cor. 12:9) -"God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control" (2 Tim.1:7) 3. Know His presence & companionship Though we wouldn't have chosen it, our suffering can display Jesus, who Himself suffered—and who still suffers with you . He doesn't take you where He hasn't already gone, or where He won't go. "We [also share in] the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in [us] (2 Cor. 4:10) He is "...the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction..." (2 Cor. 1:3-4) You share in His sufferings, which means you are also sharing in His powerful, resurrection HOPE (Phil. 3:10) Beloved Sister: HOPE at Your Weakest I know that in great pain we often want to reject this journey altogether. It feels impossible to see widowhood as anything but crushing. But take heart: “A bruised reed he will not break, and a faintly burning wick he will not quench; he will faithfully bring forth justice.” —Isaiah 42:3 Though you may feel like a faintly burning wick, know this—all the darkness in the world cannot snuff out your flame that burns for Him. He will see to it that your light remains. When you are weak , He is strong . And He faithfully has you . With you, Rachel 🎉 PS- The HOPE Stronghold is coming!! ❤️‍🔥 This is a community of Christian widows- a brace space where we will grieve, heal, draw nearer to the Lord and rebuild together . Be in-the-know about the launch (and the bonuses for launch members) by being added to my HOPE newsletter list HERE! 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

The Suicide Widow Stigma Each "type" of widowhood is unique. Suicide widowhood is very unique, in a terrible way. Suicide stigma refers to the negative social attitudes and beliefs attached to suicide and individuals affected by it. Although terms like "stigma," "awareness," "acceptance" and "mental health" are buzz words, many may not realize the current uphill battles and dark reality around the experience of being a suicide widow. (And may we never forget - the close survivors of those who died by suicide are at higher risk of suicide themselves. Couple that with the fact that early widowhood is also associated with higher risk, and we know that addressing this and supporting suicide widows it VITAL.) The suicide stigma (for those who passed as well as those they left behind) involves: Negative Attitudes & Beliefs : may include viewing suicidal individuals as weak, selfish, or attention-seeking, or seeing suicide as a moral failing. Survivors may feel ashamed, embarrassed, misunderstood and marginalized/isolated. They may also struggle with their own intense anger or feelings of betrayal from the loss of their loved one. Misconceptions & Misinformation : Suicide is complex and multifactorial . There may be heated, emotional, strong opinions around it- and this often decreases safety and connection. Social Disapproval and Discrimination : Those who struggle(d), those left behind, and those actively talking about it may face judgment, avoidance, rejection, or insensitive treatment. Impact on Help-Seeking : Negative stereotypes, hurtful responses lead to fear and isolation rather than reaching out for help (which is critical in suicide and suicide loss). There may be great difficulty in finding empathetic, safe support. The stigma is both real and destructive. If shame thrives in the dark and silence, healing grows in the light of being seen. What does this mean for us suicide widows? It is a need of suicide widows to have understanding and safe support where we can open up, be known, and heal through our grief. Safety, Vulnerability & Being Known Sister, I want to assure you that there are places where your secrets and struggles are welcome, and where bleeding heart wounds can close. We, as suicide widows must make it a priority to find and open up in them for deeper healing. Otherwise, the issues do not go away.... we continue to live and react out of the pain, however much we ignore the source. God designed us for compassionate connection—not to carry this weight alone. “Two are better than one… If either of them falls down, one can help the other up” (Ecclesiastes 4:9–10). Healing after suicide loss is not about pretending, or getting to “fine” as quickly as possible. It’s about healing and companionship, with forward movement in grief. It is also critical to be rooted in truth, the promises and comfort of God, and connecting to the power, strength and guidance of the Holy Spirit. It is also unfortunately true that "Christian" doesn't always mean these things. Be discerning about what is healing and what actually isn't. So how do you begin? By seeking support that is rooted in truth and specifically understands suicide loss, inviting healthy grief companions into your world, and opening up (at a pace that protects your heart). Three Practical Steps Toward True, Safe Support 1) Find Christian based & suicide‑specific supports (because they “get it”) Suicide loss has unique layers—trauma, questions, and complicated grief. Spaces created for survivors of suicide loss (especially for widows) speak your language and already understands a lot of what you're facing. Look for: Faith‑based suicide loss groups or ministries Survivor‑of‑suicide (SOS) support circles (online or local) Moderated forums where guidelines protect safety and respect Friendships with other believing widows who encourage you in the faith and what's true Why it helps: Validation reduces shame. Belonging actually helps regulate your nervous system and tells your body and soul, you’re not alone and you’re not broken. Broad, general grief groups can be helpful too—but choose companions wisely. Not every space is safe, and not every "helper" helps. Even some faith-based groups may not have experience with walking grief and lament well, either. 2) Look for healthy grief companions (green flags to trust) Here are four traits—drawn from Dr. Alan Wolfelt’s Companioning Model—that signal safe people to walk with in grief. Consider these green flags when deciding who to open up to: Presence Over Fixing They don’t rush you or “Bible‑verse” you out of pain. They’ll sit with you—quietly if needed—and pray with you, rather than trying to "fix" or "change" it to make it more comfortable for themselves. You Are the Expert of Your Story They honor your way of loving and remembering your person. They don’t drag or push you; they follow your pace and ask, “What do you need right now?” Witness Without Judgment They can handle the mess—tears, anger, questions—without minimizing, shaming, or spiritualizing your pain away. Genuineness & Warmth The connection feels safe and human. Their empathy is steady, honest, and consistent. (Trust your gut; your body often knows when a space is safe.) Once you identify safe people and places, the next step is the bravest one—letting them in. 3) Be willing to open up—slowly—as trust proves safe Vulnerability after suicide trauma is scary. You’ve been through more than most will ever understand. It's ok to start small. Let trust build over time. As you experience nonjudgmental presence, your body, mind and spirit learn: It’s okay to be held here. Healing multiplies in a safe community. Stigma tells you to hide. Love invites you to be known in a gracious place. Choose love. Beloved Sister- No More Hiding Sister, the label “suicide widow” may describe part of your story, but it does not define your worth or your future. You are a cherished daughter of God. He is near to the brokenhearted, and you can find the right people around you for this road. (Hope Speaker is a great place to start!) Here are some free, hopeful resources for Christian suicide widows: The HOPE Library You don’t have to do this alone. In the company of safe, faith‑rooted support, shame loosens, courage rises, and hope returns. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

Grief Hits Harder Than You Think—Even in Your Body Widowhood changes everything—not just your heart, but your health. The research is clear: Higher cardiovascular risk — Studies show widows have a greater chance of heart attacks or strokes in the months after loss. Weakened immune system — Stress hormones can leave you more vulnerable to illness. Sleep disruption — Insomnia, restlessness, and early waking can linger for months or years. Fatigue, brain fog, and weight changes — Often caused by the toll grief takes on your nervous system and metabolism. This isn’t weakness, and it’s not “all in your head.” Grief floods your body with stress hormones, drains your energy reserves, and disrupts the systems God designed to keep you well. But here’s where many Christian widows get stuck: thinking their physical health is “less important” during grief, or believing it is a vanity issue... and they’ll tend to it later. The truth? If we neglect the body in this season, we risk prolonging our emotional and spiritual and physical pain. Take it from me; as an RN of 14 years and a suicide widow, there are still things I wish I would have known that could have helped. Now, I can pass things on to you. Reframing Physical Care as Spiritual Love & Stewardship Your body is not an afterthought in grief recovery—it’s the place where your healing begins. It's also the only place you have to live. Scripture calls your body a temple of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19–20). This means that nourishing, moving, and resting your body is not selfish—it’s an act of love and worship. When you care for your body: Your mind thinks more clearly. Your emotions are steadier, and your mood is elevated. You decrease some of the negative health issues of widowhood. Grief recovery isn’t only about what you process emotionally—it’s also about how you support your body physically. An empowered widow becomes a proactive steward of her health, knowing that a cared-for body creates space for hope, healing, and can even aid a deeper connection with God. We are body, mind and spirit. One last, crucial word of empowerment. There isn't a one way line, starting at grief then going to the ways it influences your body. While health is affected, the impacts go both ways —how you treat your body can influence your grief journey. You can impact your experience of grief positively by loving and caring for the body you experience it in. 4 Gentle Ways to Steward Your Body in Widowhood You don’t need a military-style routine to start feeling the benefits. These small shifts can help you feel stronger, calmer, and more present with the Lord. The seeds you sow will produce fruit, sister; you can trust that. 💞 1) Gentle Movement That Lifts Your Mood Take a short daily walk in sunlight. Stretch while listening to worship music. Use light weights (or even soup cans) to start if needed. Movement helps release endorphins, reducing anxiety and supporting better sleep—both vital in grief. 2) Sleep Habits That Calm Your Nervous System Keep a consistent bedtime and wake-up time. Create a “wind-down” ritual—dim lights, avoid screens, read Scripture, or pray. Try calming aids like lavender, vetiver, or a weighted blanket. Deep sleep isn’t a luxury in grief—it’s when your brain does important emotional processing and parts of your body are healing. 3) Nutrition That Fuels Healing Choose foods that give you the nutrients and power you need, especially right now. Stay hydrated to help your body flush stress hormones. Keep simple, healthy snacks ready—nuts, boiled eggs, apple slices with nut butter. This is not dieting—it's giving your body the building blocks to repair and restore. 4) Boundaries That Protect Your Energy Say “no” to draining commitments but prioritize time with those you uplift you. Schedule important tasks for your highest-energy time of day. Follow Jesus’ example of withdrawing to rest (Mark 6:31). Boundaries help preserve your strength for the things God has truly called you to in this season. Your Body Matters to God Sister, this isn’t about vanity—it’s vital in widowhood to treat your body with love, and also to do the things that feel hard, but serve it. When you care for the temple God entrusted to you, you create the physical foundation your heart and spirit need to heal. Grief may feel like a wilderness, but tending to your body is one way to keep the ground fertile for hope. The Lord has not abandoned you here—He’s given you this body to steward, even in sorrow. Let’s be women who care for our temples so we can keep living with open hands, open hearts, and the strength to step into the future He has for us. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

When God Feels Silent & Disconnected in Widowhood Sometimes, becoming a widow doesn’t just shatter your heart—it can fog your spiritual senses as well. I remember crying out to God one night after my husband died, wailing in the dark. The ache of grief pressed so heavy on my chest that I could physically feel it. I prayed, but I felt nothing; no peace, no presence. And I heard nothing but more silence. It was confusing and hurtful. This is when I needed Him the most, and I wasn't sure what to do. Though I had walked with God for many years, the tragedy and new life as a widow was a different kind of "valley" I had to walk through. Have you struggled to feel or hear Him here, too? It’s a spiritual pain many Christian widows experience—but few talk about out loud. After all, we love Him deeply, desire to honor Him, and want to walk widowhood in faith... so it's hard to find spaces to be honest about this struggle. Well sister, you've found it—let's talk about it here. Some widows stick with their spiritual disciplines, though they may seem emptier. You might read your Bible and feel nothing. Attend worship or sit in church, but want to run. Try to pray, but feel too discouraged, don't know what to say, or don't know if He's listening/will act. Others feel they can no longer read(the Word or much of anything else either), sing, pray and attend. The loneliness grows... and so does the feeling of being lost. It’s disorienting when the God who once felt near suddenly feels far or even absent. But sister, hear me: This spiritual numbness can be a fallout of trauma, and the Lord has not left you. The absence of feeling or hearing anything from God in your pain is not evidence of His silence or abandonment. It can actually be that your brain is in a state that is closed off to receiving any input: Dr. Karl Lehman coined specific brain circuits "Relational Circuits (RCs), which serve our longing and need for relationship. When these circuits are "on," we are able to experience the presence and relational connection of God and other people. When they are "off," we are often unable to relate and connect. "The activation of trauma-based feelings of being alone and in pain can turn off our RCs. The sudden blackout explains why we are sometimes unable to perceive Immanuel [God with us]." (Wilder, Kang, et al. (2020). Joyful Journey. p. 28.) One other reassurance. You need to know that although this feels new and terrible, you’re not alone in your questioning, Biblically speaking. Scripture shows us others who found themselves in similar feelings and struggles (and asked God in honesty). Here is just a couple examples: David, the “man after God’s own heart,” cried out in Psalm 13:1— How long , O Lord? Will You forget me forever? How long will You hide Your face from me?” "I cry aloud to God... In the day of my trouble I seek the Lord; in the night my hand is stretched out... when I meditate, my spirit faints... I am so troubled that I cannot speak. I consider the days of old, the years long ago... Has his steadfast love forever ceased? Are his promises at an end for all time?" -Psalm 77:12, 4-5, 8 Widow sister, you aren't alone in these struggles. And that isn't just a phrase, but something you can count on. The God Who Meets You in the Silence If the Lord has indeed never left or abandoned (you or your husband), and if He is faithful to you in this suffering—how would you know in this place? As previously mentioned, there are very tangible, physical reasons for the "blackout," the disconnect we can feel relationally with God (and others) in our trauma. It's not because God isn't "big enough" or "able" to reach you through painful circumstances, but we are limited here, living in human bodies, with thoughts and ways that are not as high as His. So here are a few reminders to ground you back into truth in the painful widowhood fog: "Our hope is not found in understanding why God brings hardship into our lives. Our hope is not found in the belief that somehow we will [get] through [with Him]. Our hope is not found in [anyone/anything rescuing us]. Ultimately our hope rests in the faithful and gracious presence of the Lord with us." -Paul Tripp "Rejoice as you share in the suffering of Christ" (1 Peter 4:13) may seem like a repulsive calling in our pain, but we find that it actually means that "As our suffering joins with his, we find there is indeed nowhere we can go away from his love." -Danielle Cummings This painful and dark place that you don't want to be may be the most intimate place of Jesus' love that you will ever know, because He is so faithful to you that He is happy to be with you here. What changed everything for me was not forcing myself to “feel something,” or for it to have to look a certain way, but gently learning to stay open in a new way. Sister, your Lord is near. When grief dulls your senses, it’s not about trying harder. It’s about surrendering and trusting more deeply. And yes—there are gentle, Spirit-led ways to create space to reconnect to Him. 4 Ways to Reconnect With God When in Spiritually Numbness Let these be invitations—not obligations (remember, all things overflow from the heart, and your heart is what the Lord wants). These are small, sacred shifts to welcome His presence back into your daily life. 1) Use Sensory Cues to Set Up Connection God designed your body as a temple, and as we saw earlier, our bodily state does impact our spiritual one. Set up your environment, senses, and your physical experience to frame connection with the Lord. Use the senses He gave you to ground yourself and make your space feel safe again. Emotional responses and feelings are often processed first in the brain, meaning you feel before a you think about/can articulate a thought about an experience. This is because the limbic system, responsible for emotions, is more rapid in its processing than the prefrontal cortex, which handles conscious thought. So... before you ponder the depths of spiritual truths, allow your body to be open to connection and intimacy with your Lord. It matters to your experience of Him, especially in deep pain or trauma. Light a candle. Turn on soft worship. Wrap yourself in a cozy blanket. Get in a bubble bath. Take a barefoot walk in nature. Let your surroundings become a sanctuary. 2) Converse/Journal With These Gentle, Open-Ended Prompts Sometimes the simplest way to connect is making it easy. Ask in prayer, or write out, the Holy Spirit's prompting answers to these questions: “Jesus, where were you in my day today? Where did I see you?” (and thank Him for it- gratitude reconnects us! ) “Lord, I'm believing [ enter the lie or painful thought/belief here ]. What do you want me to know about that?” You don’t need a clear prophetic answer immediately. It’s the act of asking, waiting, and being willing to write or speak aloud what you hear (your humble attempt to hear from God) that bravely opens the relational doors. 3) Let His Words Comfort and Guide Try this: Sit with one passage, and invite the Holy Spirit to highlight one word or phrase. Or ask Him for and meditate on a specific promise(s) you need. Maybe it’s “I will never leave you.” Maybe it’s just “with you.” Or maybe He gives you a personal word. Try returning to and meditating on this promise/word for 40 days in a row—watch and feel the changes! 4) Pray Invitation-Based Prayers Sometimes “Help me, Lord,” is all you have. That’s okay. But here’s another simple prayer I will use: “Holy Spirit, I invite You into this moment. I trust You to meet me even here.” He will. Be looking for Him. Keep Listening, Keep Connecting Sister, if grief has clouded your ability to hear God, you're not broken. You're in the human experience. You’re not alone.; the Lord is still near. He hasn’t changed His mind about you or His favor toward you. Keep creating space. Keep showing up with open hands and a willing heart. He will meet you—even here. And when He does… it will be worth every quiet moment that led you to that encounter. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!

While guilt after suicide loss is "common" and "expected," it is also devastating and even crippling to those left behind. If you’ve lost someone to suicide, you know the torment that follows. We look back, inspecting memories for warning signs, questioning our every word or action. We live in the "what ifs" and "if onlys," convinced that somehow, we could have/should have stopped it. We go looking for who (outside of the person) is "responsible/to blame." We might even repeatedly fantasize about things going differently, with a different scenario. I struggled with a lot of this, too. These thoughts are normal—but getting stuck in them keeps us trapped, and may even lead us to hopelessness ourselves. We become frozen in the past, reliving the trauma and pain. But guilt and shame are the Devil's playground. After the loss of my husband by suicide, I became so low that I attempted myself. And it was through my battle with the weight and darkness that I came to two critical truths—that had to become true beliefs of mine—that brought real freedom. I'll share them with you. Truth vs. Lies: The Holy, Freeing Work of Thought Work Before I share these two critical truths, I have to tell you: They won't mean anything if you don't let the lies go and make a decision to change your beliefs. Did you know you could do that? As a Coach, let me tell you, you can . And as a Christian, let me tell you, you must . Romans 12:2 says to "be transformed by the renewing of your mind." You see, guilt after suicide loss centers around illusion of control. If you are stuck in guilt, you think you could have controlled it. But here's the foundation: No one could control the person who died by suicide. We first need to accept that while humans can influence and impact one another (sometimes significantly), we each have free will to make our own choices, and will stand responsible before God only for ourselves. There won't be finger-pointing before the Lord, as He will hold each person accountable for the only thing we can control: ourselves. When we can let go of control, here’s the two truths that will help set you free: 1) It was their decision Suicide, by definition, is acting to end your own life. If they passed by someone else's hands, it wouldn't be called suicide. They are an autonomous person made in the image of their Creator. Although painful, we have to accept that they chose to leave this life. Even if their mind and brain were sick, they make their own choices. **And though they made this choice, here’s another critical truth: Suicide is not an unforgivable sin. Biblically speaking, there is no such posture toward suicide. God’s grace covers their story. They're free now—no more torment, no more chains, and no accusation toward anyone else.** 2) It was not your decision It seems the same as #1, but hear it this way: You couldn't control them, and you couldn't make this choice for them. Even if there was conflict between you before they passed, if you triggered them, or even if they blatantly accused or blamed you related to their suicide, the ownership of their choice, and the responsibility for their own life, rests on them. Friend, it's not your job to carry what was never yours. As a suicide widow (and attempt survivor myself in the aftermath of losing my husband), I’ve battled this deeply. Healing began when I stopped playing on the playground of guilt and shame, and intentionally exchanged lies for truth. Let's briefly touch on some practical steps to moving forward through suicide survivor's guilt. How to Begin Moving Forward From Survivor's Guilt Here are two sacred parts of healing guilt after suicide: 1) Acceptance & Grieving Honestly True grief is critical in our journey of grief. Without honestly seeing and working through the very real heartbreak, we either get stuck in pain or try to bypass it. Neither is effective, or produces forward movement after loss. Here are some steps that are a quick read, but need depth and practice in suicide loss: Feel what you feel. Identify where it lives in your body and how you experience it. Don’t run from it. Name your thoughts. Write them. Speak them. Let them be raw.. Be honest with God. Invite Him into the mess. He already knows. Let Him love you here . Don't allow fear and shame to hide what festers in the dark. The light is where real grief begins. And with it, real healing. (You can dig into acceptance and true grief in the first post of a mini series HERE ) 2) Surrender & Release What Was Never Yours to Control It bears repeating: Guilt after suicide loss centers around illusion of control. If you are stuck in guilt, you think you could have controlled it. The foundation is that no one could control the person who died by suicide. These bullet points, again, are an easy read, but a repeated practice: Name their autonomy as you grieve their pain: "I am so sorry for your suffering, and I'm sad you made this choice." Surrender control of your person and the number of their days. Somehow, the Lord knew and is still sovereign over the redemption and resurrection that will come through (even this) death. Forgive the person: It hurt, even though it wasn't about you. The Lord's grace covers them fully. Forgive yourself: NOT because it was your fault, because you were never meant to be their Savior. But in any and every way you fell short of perfect love... and you know what? Perfect grace has you, too. Forward Into Freedom Sister, the weight of guilt, of “what if” and "if only" can never rewrite the story. The good news is you can lay it down. Forward movement happens when you stop grasping for control over the past and start surrendering their story back to the only One big enough to hold it: God. Yes, they made a tragic choice, and it changed everything for you, too. I am so sorry. But it was not your choice. And it was never your fault. Let that truth crack open your deeper healing, because God is not finished writing the story. He still brings beauty from ashes, and resurrection life from death. Your story isn't over yet. It can be one of deep-rooted confidence, Spirit-led healing, and a future built in freedom. With you, Rachel 🌻 As always, hit one of the buttons below 👇 to be able to share this post, or hit back to return to the main blog page & subscribe (at the top) to be in-the-know when a new post drops!